Do
you struggle with anxiety? If so, my heart goes out to you. But you are not
alone! Did you know that…
- General anxiety
affects 6.8 million adults, or 3.1%
of the U.S. population.
- Women are twice as likely to be affected as men.
- Anxiety disorders
are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40
million adults in the United States age 18 and older, or 18% of the population.
(Source: National Institute of Mental
Health).
- According to a
2007 ADAA survey, 36% of people with social anxiety disorder report
experiencing symptoms for 10 or more
years before seeking help.
- Anxiety disorders
are highly treatable, yet only about
one-third of those suffering receive treatment.
In addition to
those statistics, I have also struggled with it. It can be
debilitating. I know. Even when it’s not to that extreme, it can still be
frustrating and exhausting. But I have learned some things that have
really helped me to keep it in check. I’d like to share them with you. (As well
as make myself a good list to check in with, if I have a flare up.)
First let me tell
you about two of the most significant periods that I’ve experienced it. The
first was in high school. It was a season that I was also suicidal and diagnosed as
borderline bipolar. Paxil, Trazodone, Depakote were several of the pills that
were prescribed for depression and insomnia. I struggled with full out panic
attacks. I could be walking down the hallway with a bunch of friends, laughing
and having a great time, then BAM. I would suddenly start to hyperventilate and
the tears would come uncontrollably out of nowhere.
The
second was actually in the last year as I sorted out some personal changes. Other
than that, I occasionally struggle with more of a general or social anxiety.
These two scenarios are just the most severe and the notes below are what I’ve
learned through those experiences. Clearly you may have different triggers but
hopefully at least one of the things below will speak to you.
1. Boundaries
In
the first scenario, when anxiety was at it’s height, I was paralyzed. Honestly,
I didn’t know why at the time. –Because I thought I was ‘fine’ and dealing with
everything okay. But there were some situations in my life that brought me a
great deal of stress. Being a minor limited how I was able to deal with
it. Counseling helped but removing myself from the situation, even only
temporarily, brought me the most immediate relief.
In
the second scenario, there were some things that were out of balance. –And with
the best of intentions and a good heart, I allowed them to get that way. –And it
wasn’t until I felt like I no longer recognized myself that I realized that I had
let it go too far. Only then was I able
to see how, by not having good boundaries, I was carried away. By this time, even
the smaller flares of anxiety were more frequent.
In
both cases I was just too close to the situation to be objective or to
recognize where things were fuzzy.
If you’re experiencing a burden, is it possible that you can step away [from
it] to take a better look? If you’re flying solo most of the time, you might also
actually need the perspectives of some good, strong, positive, God fearing
peers.
When
it comes to boundaries, the best verse that I can give you here, is what I
consider to be my life verse. “Above all
else, guard your heart for all you do flows from it.” - Proverbs 4:23
God made each of us with a special purpose and individual dream(s),
gifts, responsibilities, etc. As stewards of the measure that He has given to each
of us; not having appropriate boundaries can result in misuse, disobedience or
sin on our end.
And if you’re feel too muddled up to know where to put a boundary, start
by considering what your values are. What relationships you want to have in
your life and what you want them to look like. Then identify what you know that
you don’t want. Even if it’s in accomplishing tasks, setting big rocks vs little rocks,
I have found it particularly useful to identify where I am willing to “fail” in
addition to where I want success. Because let's face it, we really aren't able to do it all! This way, you can come up with the best plan
and when it doesn’t go quite right, you already have an idea of what needs to
get bagged. –In the heat of the moment that’s a lot harder to discern.
Whether you are starting with values and God’s will for you life or
if you’re ready to focus on the boundaries. Here are some resources below that
can help you get started.
- [Podcast] “Guardrails”, Andy Stanley | If you download the “Your
Move” Ap the segments are
free.
- [Book] “Discovering God’s Will”, Andy Stanley – This is particularly useful,
if you lost touch with your values. It helps you paint the initial picture,
then you can start establishing the guard rails.
- [Books] “Boundaries”, Henry Cloud | Test
2. Rest
Hebrews 4:1-13 is a great passage to read about the
Sabbath Rest for the People of God. I encourage you to read it for yourself but
let me share with you some points that stick out from it. The first is that
verse 2 of “the message” translation states “We received the same promises as
those people in the wilderness, but the promises didn’t do them a bit of good
because they didn’t receive the promises with faith.” My commentary on this area says that “When we trust our own
efforts instead of Christ’s power, we too are in danger of turning back. Our
own efforts are never adequate; only Christ can see us through.”
I
don’t know how it is for you but as for me I find that I always have one more thing to do. Whether it’s a
committee that I can be on or a class that I can take. Even when I try to leave
from work for the day or when I am home on Saturday in my sweat pants. There
is always one.more.thing. that can be done. It competes with the time that I spend with
my husband and our kids. It competes with my time outdoors enjoying nature. It
competes with sitting still and doing nothing!
But
isn’t my answer to the call of the ‘To do list’ because I trust that I can get it all done. Even when I am
worn down, growing irritable and out of my love walk [the second greatest commandment], I am still trying to
complete the list. But for what? In the end, I don't want to be known as the "master list checker-offer." Yet is it
pride that would allow me to look at that list and say “I’ve made this happen.” or “I’ve
completed that list...” Trusting in self…? uh-oh…
Start
small and find a way to work into your schedule small increments of “sit and do nothing” time. Whether
it’s a few minutes a day, a whole day of the week or some other format. If
we’re too busy to focus on our love walk and even resting [in our Father’s
love], then we’re flat out too busy.
I heard a great quote at church last Saturday night that I believe applies here. “You
will never have dominion over any appetite
of your body until you make fasting a regular part of your diet.” - Fred Michaux, Pastor of City Life.
Consider your “to do” an appetite. Then fast from feeding it, even if it’s only
in the smallest of ways.
Lastly, if we
skip down in our same chapter, verse 7 reads “Those earlier ones never did get to the place of
rest because they were disobedient. God keeps renewing the promise and setting
the date as today” skip another line “…TODAY,
please listen, don’t turn a deaf ear…”
3. Take Thoughts Captive
This
item and the one after might seem like contradictions and so I will do the best
that I can to separate them. THINK about
what you’re thinking about! I read a book over the summer called “Change Your Questions, Change Your Life” by Marilee Adams.
It was interesting to see how she identified that our responses to situations lead
back to thoughts that start from one of 2 places.
The
first is, by judging situations. In her example, the main character often wound
up angry or frustrated because of judgments made in his own thought process
early on. The second is by taking a learner approach where again, the main
characters were more accepting and
willing to move forward with something all by changing a few words in the initial questions that they asked while
assessing situations.
I
found the same to be true with my own thoughts. I am more critical of my
children and others, when I judge what they’re doing instead of trying to
understand what they are trying to accomplish or where they are coming from. I
am more self deprecating when I judge my actions, instead of embracing the
learning curve of figuring things out. Situations frustrate me more when I
judge them instead of looking for way that I can change them or their impact.
I
have also noticed a similar “pattern” with all of my feelings too. -Particularly
around fear, anxiety or depression. Many times those responses also seem to
lead back to the order of my thoughts. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says to take EVERY thought captive. Just
because a thought comes into our minds, it does not mean that we have to think
it. If it doesn’t line up with the mind of Christ, STOP thinking it. Would
Christ be anxious? Would Christ worry? Would Christ be stressing over x, y, or
z? Would Christ stew in regret? No. In fact, even if it was the last option, He’d
right the circumstance and have peace, or He would say “My Father rights me”
and well… He’d have peace! I firmly believe that you and I are to take
the same approach.
I
used to think that we should combat those those ‘bad thoughts’ by trying to
rehearse scripture back to the devil about who we are in Christ. But to tell
you the truth, I felt a little nutty doing that and it seemed
to wind me up all the more. I now believe that we shouldn’t even give the
devil the time of day. When that misaligned thought comes up, switch the subject! -Sing a song, phone a friend, or do
something/anything other than think it! -Heck bust out in some praise to God. After all, worship is a
weapon! Maybe also keep a journal and when you are anxious, FIRST ask
yourself what you are thinking about. Did
your location, a person or event trigger a change in your thoughts? Jot
your answers down.
–THEN switch the subject and do one of those
other things!
4. Listen To Your Body
This
is where I said it can get a little tricky. If you’re wigged out from all the
thoughts you’ve had, it could be really easy to just ride the wave of how we’re
feeling or if those feelings are only a reaction to trash that you’ve been
thinking, well… that’s a problem. You don’t want to go that way. That’s why I
put the thought thing first.
I
get the pleasure of working with a lady named Donna
Highfill.
Before she came to the bank she was a personal coach and public speaker. She once
said something to the affect of your brain can’t tell the difference in real fear or fake fear. If
you are in a situation where you are afraid for your life, afraid of spiders,
afraid of small spaces, etc. or if you’re just thinking about the thing that
you’re afraid of, your brain is already responding. It’s releasing chemicals
and your muscles are contracting, your heart rate or breath is responding in
accordance to your brain activity. Your brain doesn’t know that you don’t need
to be afraid.
I bet that’s probably why Philippians 4:8-9 says “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble,
whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is
admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it
into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” To remind us of the
importance of keeping those -thoughts- in check.
BUT
What
about those other feelings that you have when your body is trying to tell you
something else? Like, the gut feeling that you have when you know that it’s
time to go or that you shouldn’t be somewhere and yet you stay. Or the
resistance you feel when you are spent but you are still trying to push it or
yourself to the limit. Or when you’re so stressed that you have wake up in the
middle of the night to run off the tension. -But you don’t consider waking up in
the middle of the night to run, a problem. Even the little ways, like feeling
full but continuing to eat, needing to cry but holding it in are ways that our
body speaks to us that we ignore. Heck, are you covered in hives, struggling
with ulcers or migraines? Nearly every physical ailment can be linked back to
stress or diet. It’s not always the root but are we even listening to our body?
What
about dreams? I am not really a dreamer. Once in a blue moon, I have one.
Unless I am in a situation that needs attention. When that happens, there are
many dreams that reoccur or really stand out. For example, in high school [same
season] I had dreams about being in car wrecks, which I believe was because
“the path that I was on, was out of [my] control” Later, I had dreams about my
teeth falling out, which I believe is because there was something happening
that I “couldn’t sink my teeth into”. I know that sounds ridiculous or a little
too cliché, except that those calculations really were accurate for the time
period and I only had those dreams then. They didn't make sense to me at first but the dreams queued me in and when I
resolved the issues, the dreams stopped.
There
are definitely times when our lives demand attention and a response from us and
our bodies can give a variety of responses to help you tune in. And sometimes a
Pastor, a good Christian friend or Counselor can help you navigate the right questions
to ask yourself in determining if it’s your thoughts or something else.
But YOUR POWER lies in your ability to decide. Is ‘x’ okay or right for you? What are you going to do about it? YOU can do
something about it!
Unfortunately,
sometimes we do have to face and persevere through situations that cause those
responses. Experiencing loss, lay offs, sickness and significant life changes certainly
happen to us with or without our permission. Exercise can help you combat the physical
responses that may occur while you’re going through it. Yes, even if it's running in the middle of the night. Also, referring to the items on this list
can help you navigate this season.
And Finally,
I don’t believe that feelings are bad. In fact, many of those feelings can be
great indicators that we’ve got a situation that needs to be put in the proper
place. It’s how we respond that makes the difference.
I know you’ll
also expect me to tell you that prayer and time in the Bible will help. I’m
glad to oblige but more so, I want you to know that reading my bible, spending
time in prayer, attending church and developing my own faith and personal walk
with the Lord has helped me overcome more
than any other thing that I could do
on my own. So, I am not just telling you to do that. I mean it with my whole
heart. Having his spirit within me, is like an internal compass that helps me
know when and where it is best for me
to navigate. -But then we have to follow that direction.
Don’t
be like those guys in the wilderness. Receive his promise and do it today.
After all, he gave you TODAY again!
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