Exchange with the Lord

Sitting here reading verses about the House of the Lord this morning (Psalm 84, 2 Samuel 7, Haggai 1-2). It’s funny how many times we get hung up on the details, the songs, the food, the people, the things...  Heck, even verses 5 & 6 (of Haggai 1) speak to that-

“Consider your ways! You get ‘x’ and it’s never right/enough.” 

But really- at the end of the day, it’s the LORD’S house. The Lord’s earth (ps24:1). The Lord’s day (ps118:24).

--

Throughout the rest of Haggai (2 chapters), he reminds us that “‘The Lord is still with us.’ –and says ‘Continue the work for the Lord. Do not fear.’

For some of us that ‘work’ might simply be attending church for the first time again after many years. It might actually be a service of some sort or even something else like forgiveness.

But whatever it is, let’s continue it.

His spirit remains among us (Haggai 2:5).

Let’s not get distracted by the details, our personal desires, internal dialogs, or even the quantity/quality of what we receive from anything AROUND Him. Let our decisions be based on our exchanges with the Lord alone.

BLESSED are those who keep their eyes on Him. (Jer 17:7-8)

One | An Easter Story

The night before last the kids and I lie in bed. They still curl up with me on weekends, holidays... here and there. We lie in the dark and Jackson says "I want to pray". He also says that we need to hold hands. We form a circle, in hands, in the dark but still lying side by side. He talks about Mary & Joseph and the Passover. When he stopped talking, we each continued to hold the moment; absorbing the stillness of one body.

We wake up early to attend sunrise service. It's something I've never done before. I know better than to attempt a structure when none of us know this routine. I tell the kids to get their warmest pants & shirts, knowing that they are jammies. I make hot cocoa to go and don't even attempt to fix my bed head. We bolt out the door to find the location of the service.

Then my sister-in-law and I snuggle with the kids, on a hill, wrapped in blankets, overlooking the water, while listening to the service. Luke 24:5 Why do you look for the living among the dead? Several local churches have come together, just to celebrate God as one. One God. One Body. One church. I can't think of a better way to start a morning. The verse finds a place to rest on my heart.

I can't help but notice the birds bathing, dipping and flying. For some strange reason groups of 5 keep flying into view. I am mesmerized by their closeness. 2 of them are so close that they only look like 4 birds flying. Each time that they pass by. I am reminded that we are 5 and even though my husband isn't here. We are one in spirit. He is with us on this hill.

We get up to leave and some of my friends come over to talk. -Friends that have just returned from a mission trip to Cuba. Two of them are married. They teasingly said that they were tapping into my vibe while they were there. They were so overcome with tears that they couldn't speak. One time in particular they were both crying and looked at each other and said my name, shaking heads and laughing. I can't help but wonder if it was during a time that I might've been praying for them. Although I know it was the same Holy Spirit flowing and nothing to do with me. But there is a oneness nonetheless, like a current. We get it!

I think of the verse again. Why do we look for the living among the dead? A spark that will ignite in an argument. A sign from God in our dead ends. Something that moves us in the bottom of a wine glass or a song or a purchase. I don't really have a particular personal analogy from today to represent this but each of us have a similar dead thing. Sometimes it changes daily. -A something that either God has never been a part of or has moved on from and yet we cling to. -Demanding that he come be a part of our thing instead of us going to be a part of his. We still want to prove our rightness. Yet the one who rights us has moved on. Follow me.

Later in the evening, I answer some questions about my own past to a friend who is struggling. I feel almost as if I have betrayed what's been overcome by bringing it into the light again. I feel like I've defeated all of the hard work that was put into leaving it behind. Mostly because others were involved. I don't want to betray who, they too, have become. I am thankful to have left a dead place. To have been able to lay down my anger while it may have been justifiable and to lay down my questions even though they were unanswered. So, I could follow the way, the truth and the life. It is our choice to turn away and he will show you the next step, uncover the next truth and show us true life. As one, he can do all three.

We don't learn a new routine until you follow something different, like planning for sunrise service. Then do it again, still without rules, and learn a new familiar. I can't help but find the ironies in the things that we want most, like our rightness, which is only found in him yet we resist so stubbornly. Also how there are so many facets of him that we think we'll recognize although we can't afford the time to learn what he might look like. But when God when? Sometimes we are the deadest/deadliest thing in our lot and we carry us [our motives and desires and our rules] everywhere. When he doesn't fit, he must not apply. Then we hold us up against others.

But we can study, like watching the movement of 4 birds. Wondering why one might look a little different. Only to discover that there is more. Somehow the practice of looking at something else helps us not look at ourselves. If we're not careful, we might forget. A little more each time. A current seals up gaps in space, in time, in memory. A new helps settle the old. A knowing that the current that works in me, works also in those I am connected to simply by letting it flow through. Eventually we learn to hold something intangible like stillness or a light in the dark.


I thank you Father for all that you have overcome and that we get to be a part of it!

Another Valentine

Lately I've been writing about storms with some guidance on how to get through them. This morning I decided to read a few examples from the Bible to see what others learned about God while also in a storm. [See: Matthew 14:23-31, Mark 4:35-41. Psalm 107:23-32, Luke 8:22-25]

Fast Forward...

The kids started waking and I eventually make it to the kitchen to start breakfast. I am frustrated because we have such big plans for the day and the kids won't stop bickering about chores. It feels like we're never going to get the house clean. I ask myself if maybe we waited too long to eat and now we're all just too hungry to focus.

So, I pray for a change of heart and call everyone into the living room to read a devotion & to regroup. I don't want the day to continue with this tone. The devotion happens to be about patience. -How instead of being impulsive and reacting with our emotions we need to stop and take a moment and ask for help. In our discussion, we use our real life examples from only moments before and the current example of what we've switched to.

We bow our heads to pray and my youngest son begs to be the one to say it. I agree with a tired smirk and hope I am being filled with patience in this moment. I wonder if at all [in all of his two year old wisdom] he comprehends what he is doing. I am speechless when out of his broken sentences, I hear Jackson talking about God... being on the water... in a boat...

You may not think that there is a significance to his timing but I never told him what I was reading. Take a look for yourself in those verses noted above. And while my son has recently started asking to say grace; he always repeats the same two or three lines from a blessing that he remembers. 

And just last weekend I was at a retreat where there was an at length discussion about praying God's word. Could somehow this be a similar prayer in spirit through my son [to me]?

I can't help but feel a sudden nearness and being used when we both break from our routines to find him. 

Today also happens to be Valentines Day. There is another love that often goes over looked. Take a moment and allow your heart to connect to him so that he might also purify what we give to our earthly loves. 

The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. - Zephaniah 3:17

Photo credit - http://heartwisdomccc.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/boat-on-water.jpg

I Gave Facebook The Boot!

So Sunday, I finally deactivated my Facebook account. No warning. No shout out. I've had enough. Click, click, Kick! Whew!

I haven't missed it.

Of course the first thing that I wanted to do when I deactivated it, was post about FINALLY doing it! I let that confirm my decision.

I wish that I had of done it sooner!

When my sister in law first asked me to set up a Facebook account a few years ago, I thought she was crazy. I thought Facebookers were crazy. What on earth is the point of the program? I gave it a good go and then deactivated my account finding it pretty useless.

Until I remembered that there was someone that I was trying to find. That story is for another day but I thought maybe he would be looking for me too. So, I reactivated it. (Yes, you can do that.)

Then somehow I seemed to get the hang of it. Maybe it was by practice...?!  **insert gasp**

If I bought tomatoes you knew about it. You were able to witness [in.real.time] just how cute my kids are because I was always posting pictures. Before I knew it, I couldn't put it down.

Even though I thought it was ridiculous.

Last year, I deleted the app on my phone so that I wasn't tempted to press the button. -Not that I needed Facebook that badly but it was a mindless activity. My thumb was clicking the button when I wasn't even trying to read it. I would go to look up a contact and find myself on Facebook anyway. grrrr.

So the app went.

I thought again about ditching Facebook altogether but by this point, I was helping out with our church page(s). I've also started leading some studies on my own. How else would I get the word out? After all, wasn't this important? **insert light-hearted sarcasm here**

So, I made myself some rules, like "I will only do this once a day" or "only on this day of the week". I even scheduled posts so that I wouldn't have to log on but then something would have to get cancelled or suddenly posted and the ball was back in my court. -Of course it wasn't in my "allowed time".

[Brief insert with regard to scheduling: This reminds me of the verse: Matthew 6:34  "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Isn't that the truth?!]

Anyway, I became pretty good at not reading the news feeds and not commenting or liking everything that I saw but then a little voice started pestering me. "You know your friends think you're stuck up because you don't comment on their posts or like their things..." Seriously???

Seriously.

Or when I did post; I felt like I couldn't articulate what should've been a quick reply. I either spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to put it out there or I was irritated by what I should've said instead. For me, is just became the Devil's Playground. If I wasn't frustrated by something related to Facebook, I was wasting completely perfect, coveted time to be living instead.

Then I started noticing that on the days that I didn't have Facebook, there was a greater sense of peace. At night, I didn't feel as tired or agitated.

[Another Insert: This also makes me think about studies that talk about the different nutritional values in food. Now forgive me but I am terrible with remembering cites and it's been a while since I've heard it but- Maybe it was Jamie Oliver, Joyce Meyer or Lysa Terkeurst or someone else altogether that said when we rush through eating we aren't satisfied because there is more to eating than just filling our bellies. AND that when we eat "junk" instead of real food we're also unsatisfied. 

Fast Food, Junk Food, Man Made food are all substitutes with little or no nutritional value. So, we're still left craving the real thing. Our obesity stems from not satisfying what we really desire so we continue to consume... if we continue to fill the void with junk, we just get bigger and hungrier. Not satisfied. 

Just pause and let that sink in for a moment.

I just can't help but think that the same thing applies to Facebook (Social Media) and relationships. It seems mindless. Harmless. Fast. I think it was designed as a message tool. -A way to get to know and reach out or reconnect. Yet it is quickly becoming a substitute for the actual connection instead of just a means to establish it. Social Media is man made collection of relationships. Godly relationships have so much more to offer and there is so much more to friendship than only seeing what people share and commenting on it. But this is taking the tangent in another direction and so I will wrap up this bunny trail by saying next-

I have simply found myself craving tangible instead of visible. Real Books and handwritten letters. -Picked flowers and not pictures of them. A real kiss and a hug not my usual xoxo. I will no longer take a substitute!]

So, I started thinking about deactivating again and how that might hinder my methods to share anything. Facebook clearly has value there but when we become ruled by "our" plans and agendas or the means to obtain them; aren't we also taking back control and/or saying that God isn't capable?

BAM!-That is when I decided it was over.

Ironically, no matter how hard it was to follow my rules or schedules. Simply turning it off was SO much easier to manage. Just like when I quit smoking! I tried the patches and pills and lozenges. Yes, I even tried rules because for some strange reason I seem to like them. -But none of the modifications worked. I finally quit smoking when I went cold turkey over 5 years ago. I just had to cut it off. The same was true with Facebook.

It's just like the verse states in Matthew 5:30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away.  It is easier to cut it off and throw it away than it is to try to ignore the Band-Aid. You'll just keep picking at it.

Please do not interpret this as saying that Facebook is a sin. This post is about how it caused me to stumble. I was always stooping to it. I needed to cut it off. You can replace the word "Facebook" with any habit that you or I have.

I didn't give a warning. I just followed the instructions. I did happen to have a lot of alternate contact information for my friends. You might want to collect some of it first if you're also considering the boot. 

It has only been a week but I am SO relieved! At first my thumb tried to wander into email or safari but when there was nothing there we moved on. Now even my thumb seems to be happily adjusting. 

After I deactivated the account, I saw two other comments on similar stories that I also wanted to include. 

The first was a reference to an old saying in this blog. "If Satan can’t make you bad, he’ll make you busy." I'd like to add that if you're not busy doing the devil will keep you so distracted with something that you're not listening to God or yourself or the peace and quiet.

The second comment was from this post. "The internet age may try to sell you something different, but don’t ever forget that viral is closely associated with sickness — and focusing on numbers can make you nauseated." WOW! What a great statement! What numbers have you been watching? 

And with that, I will end with a scripture! Psalm 34:14 says Seek Peace and Pursue it! Sometimes the decisions that we make aren't about "Good" or "Bad". It's about whether or not you have peace or is it bearing fruit?  You and I can do hard things and have peace so don't confuse "easy" with peaceful. There is a difference. Pursue peace in whatever form that comes! For me, I seldom had peace with this subject. It always bothered me. Maybe it was simply my motives in approaching it...?

If you disagree and think that I should've continued sharing my posts, I do thank you. Let me suggest instead that maybe you'll be the one to share them? -Or even better, maybe this is an opportunity for you to share how God is working in your own life. I'm certain that he will bless you for it. :)

Many Blessings to you and yours!

P.S. The original picture was borrowed from: http://getkickinlife.blogspot.com/ and then tweaked a little.


**Update 12/5/15 - I made it a year and a half and ended up reactivating it so that I could use the groups in study. haha.

O' to be in love...

I will never forget the day that I saw Colin for the first time.  I was 14 and I was in my freshman year of High School. After school, many of our friends would go to various locations to play football. I would ride along. While they played, I sat on the sidelines and held keys, wallets, hats, etc. -Occasionally cheering, but mostly yelling smart comments and talking to the other girls that might be sitting with me.

Then one January day at Peasley Middle School, I noticed someone that I hadn't seen before. He caught my breath and I remember watching him walk, almost in slow motion, back to position for the next play. I leaned over and asked my friend Vicky who he was. She told me his name was Colin, to which I replied "I'm going to marry that boy some day!"

Over the next few months, no matter how hard I tried, I never ran into him at school. I attended many games and occasionally caught a glimpse of mister aloof. Eventually, I did run in to him again at one. I talked him into letting me hold his glasses. At some point I hijacked a necklace and it just went on from there. By April I was completely, obnoxiously, squealy-school-girlishly, in love.

Don't you remember young love? Oh, how it makes me embarrassed and glad all over again, to think of it. I'd doodle his name over and over. Then change it to variations of mine and his together. I memorized his birthday and favorite colors, favorite bands and past times. I schooled myself in "the ways of Colin" and even tried to be more like him myself. It was easy to learn about his interests and even adopt some of them because of how much I loved and enjoyed being with him.

It didn't matter what I was supposed to be doing, if he called, I was hurting myself to get to the phone. It didn't matter if I'd get in trouble over not doing my chores instead. It never occurred to me to care what my friends or other people thought because I knew in my heart that ... HE was it.

We've been married 13 years now. The places that I grew confidence in him, were not in the things that I memorized; but in things that became known by spending time with him. I've come to trust him in ways where I didn't even know that I was SO untrusting. It is those revelations that have convicted and stirred something deeper inside of me. Not only in my own heart as I challenge myself to offer more, but also in what I expect to receive as we allow our lives to further intertwine.

The NIV translation of Isaiah 62:3-5 says:

You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord’s hand,

a royal diadem in the hand of your God.

No longer will they call you Deserted,

or name your land Desolate.

But you will be called Hephzibah,

and your land Beulah;

for the Lord will take delight in you,

and your land will be married.

As a young man marries a young woman,

so will your Builder marry you;

as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,

so will your God rejoice over you.

"So will your builder marry you..." I think about that verse and I find so many convictions. Not only in how much my relationship with Colin shows me what I still withhold when I profess that same "love" to God. Do I offer even a fraction of the same consideration or attention?

Wasn't I committed to finding Colin when I chased that boy around? How much effort have I spent chasing God? Even in my dress and what people see- Are they things that I am willing to change in order to draw closer? Do I desire to know as much about God because HE IS IT? Does he have my heart? Likewise, the more I learn about God, the more I discover the flaws in my own offerings to my husband and to others. Does my love, really match up to his definition?

While some of those questions might seem absurd, particularly referring to an "eye in the sky" God- I think of that one line again. So will your builder marry you... How much more intimately can someone be known than as the builder would know his creation? -The hidden secrets or thoughts. Understanding my hows and whys... And what more personal relationship can you have, than marriage?

I have discovered that God is far more personal than I was ever interested in being. Keeping him at a distance, made it easier to not know what might be revealed ...or expected or even what I was capable of through him.

No matter how many times I thought about moving closer, I just somehow kept dancing around it. -Getting deeper was such a mysterious, intriguing... o b s t a c l e. It's funny how even that sounds like the first few years of my marriage to Colin... But "No longer will they call you Deserted".  You will no longer be an island to yourself. You will be married and become one. -To know and be known.

Just like those revelations and my untrusting bit; faith is also a confidence. In fact the very definition of trust says that it's a "reliance on the strength, ability, surety, etc. of person or thing; confidence." But in order to trust, you must give something of yourself first. Only then will you find out if something is worthy of that trust.

When we finally allow ourselves to go beyond our fear, our anger, our way or only what we know to be true; do we change... It is in reaching beyond our comfort zone, that we finally move closer. The growth comes in the defeat and conquer of ourselves as we learn to give up control. It is in offering our weakness and not only our strength that we become one.  In fact, I'd say it's in the very weakness, where the joint lies that we connect.

Isn't it work sloughing off all of that hard exterior in order to get to the center of our hearts? You have to develop new skills in order to learn what does and doesn't work. But if we hang in there, in time we will gain knowledge. Isn't it easier to rely on something when you know what it is and what it does? And when you have that knowledge it is so much easier to appreciate what it is before you. 

Agape... -Growing from immaturity to maturity with our beloved...

Just as verse 1 John 3:18 says that we are NOT to love with words but with actions;  Romans 12:9 says that love must be sincere. Isn't it so much easier to do anything when you have a real love for it?  When you want the 'it' more than you want things to stay the same. It is our commitment that will bond or break us. Our commitment is what will prove just how deep our love for 'it' is.

If we are not committed in the beginning, we never get past the superficial "fluff" of love. Somewhere in the middle, if we don't remind ourselves again of our commitment and the prize, we often don't have the encouragement we need to go into the next level.  But man if you can make it to the other side... there are no words for what you will find.

Challenge yourself today to be in love! -To go deeper! -Even past the point of being uncomfortable. Are you really in love enough with someone else to see beyond... and maybe even move?

Love --> Commit --> Skills --> Knowledge --> Trust --> Connect --> Appreciate --> Love
--> Repeat the above and go deeper!

***

Mark 12:30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. 

John 13:34-35 Love one another as I have loved you.

A Quiver Of Arrows | Part 2

I sit in a hospital waiting room while my mother is having shoulder surgery. I watch a woman take a picture of herself eating a sub so that she can send it to her brother. They usually eat subs together while their parents are having surgery. Today it is her husband that is having a procedure. Her heart wishes her brother was there.

I see a father come in the room bringing a birthday gift for his daughter, an OR nurse. I am caught more by the way that he beams than I am by his thought or gift. What a blessing it is to be loved. To have someone to love. ... and to miss.

I laugh about the morning. I sat by my mother's bed after she had received a nerve block. She could not feel her entire arm. I take advantage of the situation and use her arm to wave at people in the hallway, then to scratch herself maybe even to flick me off and pick her nose. For a combination of reasons, she is defenseless and can't jerk away from my attacks. I am tickled. She is too, even if she is annoyed. I do the little piggies on her fingers.  I repeat another version that I've heard from my husband's great aunt. I know that this is becoming another story that will be retold.

...heritage.

I think of my last post about arrows. -About children. I've edited it a dozen times since it's been published. At first because I only spoke of wrongs I do as a mother. You may not know that I laughed as I wrote about the early years of parenting. I should have included my usual "haha" at the end of each paragraph. Then you'd know I wasn't taking myself too seriously. I've practically been obsessed with what I might need to do to fix the story. Something just felt off. ...it had such potential to be beautiful.

This morning I realize that it's not what I need to go back and correct. Mistakes are part of parenthood. It's the addition that still awaits us. There is more to say.

The first two lines of my verse (Psalm 127:3-5) are: Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.

The generations of lives, I've watched touch each other in the hospital just this morning, reflect family, lineage, ...heritage. Coming from somewhere and belonging to someone. A knowing that no matter what two are better than one. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

How much my children make my heart burst open to the realization that I can love MORE. It outgrows my heart and becomes a giving of the soul and spirit. Not just at birth. Not just in a sleepy-eyed snuggle in the morning. Not just in witnessing them in their rarest and purest form(s). I love them more than I ever thought that I could love anyone or anything. But not just that-

Charles Dickens said “It is no small thing, when they, who are so fresh from God, love us. ”

Because they are fresh from God, they are not yet polluted with smut of the world, or stale words or false intentions. It's always sincere. Pure. Unconditional. Hopeful. Not waiting for an answer. Seeing their love reminds me of how much we (adults) confuse and misshape the gifts that we give others.  Their simplicity makes me realize that I can love others more and differently as well. Not only in my future path but those I am alongside or have left behind.

They a curious about life. Honest about what they see and still able to dream without hindrance. They forgive easily because they desire us more than the grudge or any thing.

They truly are a reward. Not because we deserve it, earned it or won it. Not even because we are (what you and I might deem) "worth it". They each are a blessing and a gift. ...because he first loved us. (1 John 4:19)

Click here to read Part 1

A Quiver Of Arrows | Part 1

My sister in law is expecting her first child soon. At her shower there was a neat activity using round gift tags (the kind with ribbons attached). Each person at the party would write a message on a tag (string side down). Then you arrange and mount each to the same piece of paper so that it looks like a bouquet of balloons. Of course, I wrote several of them. What kind of aunt would I be to only write one???  On one, I referenced the scripture Psalm 127: 3-5.

³ Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,

    the fruit of the womb a reward.

⁴ Like arrows in the hand of a warrior

    are the children of one’s youth.

⁵ Blessed is the man

who fills his quiver with them!

He shall not be put to shame

when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

When I was asked about the verse, I read it. I wish that I could’ve been able to explain what that verse has come to mean to me on such a tiny little card.  Even when prompted, I couldn’t seem to muster up the words.

I will never forget coming home from the hospital with Ethan. I would just hold him and stare at him and cry. I was so moved just by looking at such a tiny and perfect incredible little being. I had never felt anything else in my life that could compare to that “gush of wonderfulness”.

Before birth, I was the one who wanted a child although I was afraid that I would have no idea what to do with a baby once ‘it’ got here. How much my position changed after his arrival! It wasn’t about me ‘getting’ a child. It was the humble and honorable experience of being ‘given’ a child. How or why would God give me such and incredible gift? How could he know that I would be so trustworthy? What had I ever done with my life to deserve that? …Tears and tears for this sweet, sweet little blessing.

Of course I felt that way again, when his sister and brother were born. –But as the first, he has been such a pioneer in his role as a child. Bless his heart for how much work he has to do and how much Ethan has had to suffer while shaping me into a parent. 

Like with the fact that he had acid reflux for the first year of his life and I simply didn’t know until his sister arrived and received her own diagnosis.  Of course, he was over it by then but he just had to tough the whole thing out. Then he had to wait for me to learn things like; which diaper rash creams burn the worst, when not to make a child ‘cry it out’ at bedtime and that after a long day with someone else, even an infant sometimes needs an hour to unwind when arriving home.

Hopefully, his role as a child hasn’t just made me a better parent but also a better woman. It wasn’t until he arrived that I committed to church because I didn’t know how I could help him love God and church, if we weren’t in it together.

It’s wasn’t until he was much older when some of his worst flares of temper and displays of attitude, reflected what he had seen from me. How quickly, I was convicted of my own behavior. How they speak so many layers to us when we open up our hearts to God and allow children to teach us.

It amazes me how much each of them reflect so many different things about me. Not just in temperament but in goofiness, in love, in sense of humor, etc. What a gauge to have in your presence every day! Yet, they are so much their own person and because of their differences, they have taught me different perspectives that I might not have ever considered without them. Oh, how I marvel at what they continue to add to my life!

This weekend I was with a sweet friend and in discussion about them, I had two little revelations about myself. One is that I have discovered since children that I am much more sensitive than I thought that I was.  I just didn't know how to navigate that very well and so I usually avoided it.  However, because they are so sensitive, I have found myself practicing sensitivity more often.

The other is that 3 kids equal a lot of chaos. There is a lot of dirt and there is always 3 different skill levels, 3 different pitch levels, 3 different directions, etc.  Having them together sometimes completely overwhelms my senses. For a while, I felt like there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t master having them all together. Maybe it was my guilt for working and being away from them so much, but in trying to make the most of our time together, I think that I was trying to make something else happen instead.

I do "one on one" really well though. Now, instead of just making plans for the regular one on one time, I’m trying to create the habit of making the most of every opportunity when it presents itself. Whereas before when we were all free, I tried to squish us altogether.

Now, when Ethan runs to a friend’s house, I throw down the dishes and go find Sophie. If I head out to the store, I try to only take one child. When everyone except Ethan is asleep on Friday night, I go find him and we stay up late and snuggle. Jackson, being a baby, gets his time in. There have become many other little examples of this togetherness. Somehow those successes and making so many more of them, make any group defeat not quite so discouraging and even seeming to happen less often.

Of course that second bit was worded a little differently to my friend but as I said it that same verse that I’ve been thinking about all year, seemed to finally come together in my heart. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior. Children really are like arrows...

Many of you might not know that my husband likes to hunt.  Bow hunting has become a particular area of interest to him. So many times, I have watched him shave and mount the feathers on each arrow to adjust the way that they fly.  Then when he is finished, he spends time not only learning how to hold the arrow but also how to hold himself and the instruments that he is using between the two. You could imagine the success of him or the arrow, if he tried to shoot the whole quiver at one time. Instead, he picks up each arrow one by one.

Just like I said earlier that each child reflects characteristics and direction of myself; each arrow reflects the influence of the Archer. It’s not having a quiver of arrows that makes him a warrior. It’s the practice and the skill that is learned from being with each one, over and over again.

In haste we can send them in the wrong direction. With misuse we can make them dull or waste their strength. With neglect, they can become damaged or endanger someone else. Yet, for as small and fragile as they may be, it only takes one (that is properly released) to take the prize or defeat an army. I’m sure that the similarities go on and on…

Allowing God to use them to convict me, shapes me into someone that I was not before them. Parenting is not only about who we get to send off into the world, it’s also about who we can learn to become. …Warriors.

With each child, there is a new perspective, a new challenge, a new relationship, a new lesson and new love. I think to myself how “blessed” would I be had I allowed God to fill my quiver full of children, instead of trying to limit that number to only 3. That isn’t said to make anyone uncomfortable. It is just a thought that floats through me occasionally and this verse carries it back to the surface. Learning how to embrace each one has shaped (and is shaping) me so much. How much more would God be able to teach me, so that I could teach them.

Maybe it’s my Indian heritage or my simple love for the culture but when I think of the word “warrior” I always imagine a Chief with the full head dress. -The Leader. The Fighter. –Not only the wisdom, and vigor and courage that the position represents but the respect that it commands. If you are a warrior, even your enemies will respect and/or admire what you represent, even when you disagree. When something is done well, people will come out to see how it is that you do what you do. If we take time with our children, "He shall not be put to shame..."

For the first time ever, I almost feel glory in the scattered dishes and laundry and dirt that am letting linger longer than I used to. As I am starting to spend more time with them in the moment, the other things just fall aside. The once "messy house" represents my new "battlefield". The clutter and debris just represent that a more important action is taking place somewhere else. Hopefully, it's an action that involves a feather being mounted. -Not only to an arrow but also to the crown of a warrior.... 

Please continue on for part two.

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Note to the reader: I might have read that scripture at the beginning of the year. I might have thought about it enough times for it to touch me so that I could include it in a note at a baby shower. It wasn’t until I made a comment this weekend with my friend that it really convicted or solidified a personal meaning to me. 

So many times, when we sit to read the bible, we are looking for something that speaks to us right then. While that does happen, there are many passages that do not "bring a personal message" until much later. Do not be discouraged if you don't find something immediately. Keep reading. When something strikes you, even if you can't explain why, pray about it, think about it, and allow time to take as long as it needs to do it's work. Something might be taking shape in your life so that the meaning can unfold itself to you slowly.