Carriers of Light

I have lived on a family compound for about 13 years. Behind my house are three other houses that belong to our family. There’s a house that belonged to an uncle, another that belongs to an aunt, then my in-laws live the farthest away. The kids are now old enough to ride their own things back and forth, and many times a day, we seem to make a trip, going to round one of them up, eat dinner, or to borrow an odd or end.

Every time we go to leave, my mother in law is guaranteed to follow you out the door offering you a flashlight. The kids scream ‘Yes’ in reply and thanks to my father in law, there’s enough for everyone to have one of their own.  From the mini pen lights to the handheld spotlights, he has one in nearly every size and lumen. Because of that, all of the parents yell ‘No.' Not only do we have to put down everything that we’ve rounded up so that each child can grab a light or argue about who gets which one; but then on the road, there’s a child that is certain to blind you with one of the blinking strobes as they play with buttons, talk with their hands, and enthusiastically thrust their lights into the air.

Thankfully, my mother in law also has a certain love for things with bells or lights. The middle house on the lane happens to have a wooden fence which she has used to string rope lights. As a result, most of the lane is lit in the evening. It is on a timer but occasionally something happens, and the lights aren’t on.

Now I’ve walked that road a thousand times in the years that I’ve lived there. Often barefoot, and because I’ve done it so many times, I also reject taking any additional light. I don’t want one more thing to hold. But it’s not uncommon to have limbs from trees blown by storms in the lane, deposits from animals, or toys from kids... Why just this weekend a copperhead was killed on our property. Even though I know the path, the light could help me see where I step, every time I make the stroll, which would be especially helpful is something new or unexpected were in the way.

You know the word is like that as well. Read these verses out loud and listen to the words.

Psalm 119:105: Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light to my path.

John 1:5: The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.

1 John 1:5-9: God is light; in him, there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light as he is in the light we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

In fact, there are many verses about light and darkness but this is the one that got me- check out Luke 1:79: The Lord will guide our feet to the path of peace.  

If you back it up a few more verses to verse 76, it reads:

“And you my child will be called a prophet of the Most High; for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him. To give his people the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins because of the tender mercy of our God by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death to guide our feet into the path of the peace.”

Yes, walking in the light and spending time in the word may help keep us from tripping up on things no matter how familiar we are with where we are going.  –But this passage reminds us that we are very seldom on this road alone. We are called to carry the light, not just for ourselves, but also so that those we are beside might see where to step as well. We are called to care for each other and even to, prepare the way for the Lord.

I don’t know about you, but when I marry that verse with the image of the lane in my back yard, it begs me to search my heart. Where else in life am I tempted to leave the light because I think I know the words or the way? On the journey, who could be built up or encouraged, simply by my willingness to carry it and share it. Even in seeing the image of my children haphazardly waving lights in the air, doesn’t it make me soften with the reminder that we are all, in a sense, learning to carry the light ourselves. In doing so, we will all do it differently and sometimes even awkwardly. Regardless, when I consider the view from heaven, how much more wonderful is that a view to behold- when we are willing and even joyful about doing so.

Friend, I hope that this encourages you as much as it did me. Have a beautiful day (and weekend). Be blessed and remember to carry your light. 

Heart Transplant

As I reflect on 2013, I have started thinking more about the shape of the full year. As if I am doing an inventory in how it compares to other years. I feel as if there has been such a significant change, it will now set a standard for the years ahead.  

I ended 2012 coming home in the evenings feeling like I had to make up for ways that I was short changing my family.  Yet how are we ever able to "make up" for eight hours of a day that we can’t be a mom (or dad), when we only have three hours at night with homework, dinner, showers, etc.??? Why do we doom ourselves with such impossible goals?

Working outside of the home is hard enough but then I tried to keep up with friends. I tried to insert more fun. I tried to sign the kids up for activities so that they wouldn't miss out. …But each one of those additions seemed to come from and create more guilt and exhaustion. They just compiled “the things to do” and instead of satisfaction or contentment; I wound up with an app on my phone that organized all of my other lists. I was flat out fried. 

I said a prayer at a woman’s retreat in the fall of 2012. In retrospect, I realize now that it was such a desperate plea of my own heart.  “I am not getting this right God. You're going to need to remove some things from me, so that I can be what you created." As a woman that was never sure on where to draw boundaries, I usually didn't define them at all. In 2013 I suddenly felt myself draw a wide one. It was a vow to do nothing more than focus on God and family because I had no idea what I was even trying to offer anymore. Something had to give. 

I created a personal challenge to get over my fear of praying out loud by accepting every request for a year. Blogging was never on the radar.  I wasn’t even sure what “blogging” was. …I was just making strange little notes. I picked 3 things in the bible that I wanted to know more about. All of that simply set the tone…

All along I kept hearing the words “own it” and “doing a new thing”. It’s as if, I had to finally take ownership of all of my little fears and insecurities, in order to pick them up and hand them over one by one to God.  Looking back now, I see that 2013 has been such a purge as a newer version of me has been birthed.  

For all of the ways that I may have ever felt inadequate, I see now that so much of that was because I was trying to focus on too many different things. -Or maybe just a lot of the wrong ones. That admission reminds me of the verse 1 Corinthians 11:3 about how we can be “led astray by such a sincere devotion”. We desire to be good at everything and in our best intentions of “showing love” and “being good” and “doing the right thing” we just keep committing and keep on doing.

The irony of that is that we are called human beings, not human doings…. Where do we make time to be??? We are led astray doing what we think is best, instead of stopping and making sure that we have the right map. We feel guilty or that something is missing and so we add something new to the mix. -Eventually reaching burn out.

Acts 8:32 refers to “sheep that are led to the slaughter.” I don’t know about you but when I hear that verse, I picture sheep on a conveyor belt. They are just moving along, in a direction that someone else designed. They might be looking around considering the direction that they are headed. They might have a sense of doom but they are still steadily moving forward.  They might even be calling out for help in their own way. Yet, they are not actively turning around and trying to get off.

There’s another verse John 10:27 that says “My sheep listen to my voice. I know them and they follow me.”  Those sheep, hear their master’s call and come running. They leave whatever they are doing and go searching for his voice. Seeking their master.

Have you ever looked up or even considered the difference between look and seek? Gosh, what a difference between the two!  The dictionary says that to Look is to “turn with one's eyes toward something”.  To Seek is an action that means “to go”.

To sit at church on Sunday, I am a looker.  To read another’s book, or listen to another’s words, it’s all so second hand. We are only observing evidence of someone else who sought… While we do get something from it, it is so much different than finding it for ourselves.

This year, I was seeking God.  I felt polluted for a lot of good reasons. There was enough looking in my life to know that I was missing something. I was no longer content to watch.  I had to seek, to move, to flip over, to look behind, to pick it up and shake it upside down until something falls out of it. In doing so, I developed faith.

In my quiet time I called out to God and read my bible with a new fury. The chapters in Timothy freed my heart to only focus on family. As a parent, there is no greater ministry than our children. Working outside of the home, only magnifies the importance of that ministry. It’s OK to just be a mom.  What an honor it is, to JUST BE A MOM.

Somewhere between a study in James and a study in Galatians, I was convicted of how double minded I was at the basis of my soul. I’ve cried more than ever this year. I’ve had my heart broken again and again. As painful as it sounds, it was so very freeing.

It was my seeking that ignited a fire and cultivated a hunger for the MORE of the word.  I fasted from my "go to" preachers and study material and forced myself to go to God instead. I would wake in the middle of the night and the wee hours of the morning seeking. I'd scribble notes on a bedside table so that I wouldn’t forget what was pressed upon my heart when I awoke in the morning. Then I would try to squirrel away five more minutes here and there throughout the day to get back to where I’d left off.

If I started to lull in time with God or feel less enthusiastic, I hit my knees and forced another opening. Then I had to FIGHT to keep the spot. A LOT of other things were left undone as I practiced new or different habits. I even deleted the list app on my phone and started taking naps. It might sound silly but if you are tired and booked up, what exactly are you giving God? ...or your family? You have to force some of the changes. Life will not stop because you want to but God is always ready when you are!

I think that when most people consider their path with God, they refer to the verse in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” There is such an important nugget that follows that passage. It tells you how to find that plan and sadly it is seldom referenced. “¹²Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and FIND me WHEN you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” declares the Lord. You've got to know the maker, in order to know the plan. 

His word does not say look at me with your whole heart. It says to seek me. Verse 13 doesn't say love me with part of your heart. It says all of it. God wants to do something new in your life but you have to put something new into it. You are going to have to become uncomfortable in order to do that. Then when you get comfortable at that level, you will need to grow uncomfortable again, and then again, in order to dig deeper. 

I’ve put up some weird posts this year that might not have seemed as glorifying as I intended.  I realize though that it was such a necessary part of this transformation.  For all the self condemnation that you may read between the lines, there is a woman that is emerging that surprises even me.

To be one of his sheep means that not only do we have to wake from our slumber and answer to his call. We have to leave what we were doing and surrender at his feet. Then let him comb over us to remove our splinters and thorns. No matter how painful or obvious they are to remove. It’s only when we give him our whole heart that he can do something new with it. 

In 2013, I gave my whole heart to God.  –or at least as much as I knew how to give at the time. I finally learned how to let my relationship with him become more important. In exchange for my whole heart, he is giving me a cleaner one. I can't help but feel like the most authentic version of me yet, as I let him renew the spirit that is within me.

I can't tell you the last time that I looked back on a year without regret of some kind. If I've had any regrets about 2013, they have only been cosmetic. The positive things that have come from this year far outweigh anything deemed as loss. 2014 might bring more purging, more challenges, or another surprise for me altogether. I certainly don't have it all figured out but this is a much better place to begin a new year. I welcome all of its possibilities with open arms.

I encourage you to make spiritual goals. I've created a list with some ideas for you to review. You can search for more online. Don’t be discouraged because you don’t see or feel an immediate impact. Don’t be discouraged when you are tested by friends or loved ones or if circumstances seem to get harder. Your faith and your commitment will be tested by more than one source. A LOT. Don't be discouraged because you don't see in your own life or faith what someone else seems to display. There are a lot of different components to building faith.

You (we) have to learn how to pray, how to get something from the bible, how to be a part of a church, how to give in your own way and how to confess your secrets, in addition to other things.  Like gears on a clock, each one of those rings move and cause something to happen but it takes learning how to use them all together in order to change time. The synergy comes from having an understanding of each piece on its own. Then you can start use them together! Start small and pick one or two. If you need a recommendation, focus on your prayer life in 2014.  If you can learn how to talk to God then he can help you with all of the other pieces later. If you want a second option, pick a church. Whatever it is, pick what you can or will commit to right now.

May we all have a beautiful, blessed and deeper 2014!

Into the water | Devotion

A co-worker took this picture and had the image on his phone. At first glance, it pierced my heart. My eyes began to sting as so much was being said. Yet there were no audible words.  Days have gone by and I continue staring at this picture. Still consoled and still stirred.

Background details

This picture was taken after church one Sunday. The little girl and her family had become separated. She was on a long sand bar and was not supposed to get wet. Her family adamantly began calling for her to come back to them. She chose the path that seemed, to her, the shortest distance.

My observation(s)

1. She is not concerned with what may be the best route or what she is wearing or how deep she is getting. What risks might be involved.
2. Nor is she looking back. The destination is more important than where she has been.
3. She has a mission and a plan to get there. She is serious about where she is going.
4. She is not stopping to consider the opinions of others that are watching or what they might be saying.
5. The only view is of her and the movement of her getting to where she is going.
6. “Farther away” or “Closer to” depends on who you might ask.
7. This is an ordinary thing but the Holy Spirit used it anyway.  

He calls

But now, thus says the Lord, your Creator, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel,“
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!
 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.
-Isaiah 43:1-2

Our response

"Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. - Mathews 18:3

Application Questions

God is calling. Do I jump in and go? Am I delaying by considering the options, consulting with others, calculating distance? Or am I somewhere in the middle stagnant or still on dry land…?

Is there anyone else that I hear calling aside from him? How does that affect my mission?

Do I accept ownership of the fact that I share his name? (See verse 7). I am a part of him. I should respond and continue moving in his direction.

Do I alienate others with in my own walk or draw others in?

If someone were following me, would it change my response?

Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father, how blessed are we that you never stop calling and at any time we can come to you. You have no unacceptable methods. When our heart decides, we can just move forward. As it says in James 4:8 when we come near to you, you also come near to us. There are times in each of our lives when we must walk alone to find you. No matter where we are in our journey, help us each know and feel your response as you are also drawing closer. There is no greater peace than the one that is provided in your presence. There is no greater love than the one that transcends from the heavens. There is no greater relationship than the one that we can have with you. For thine is the kingdom, power and glory, forever and ever amen.

Take Up Your Cross and Follow Me | Part One

Another part of this writing journey, is study. There are some things that I want to know more about. I am using this quiet time to look up those verses and interpretations and then write about how they apply to my life and what I think that God is saying to me personally.

This time specifically, I wanted to know what he meant when he said, "Take up your cross and follow me." (Luke 9:23). Many people interpret that verse as saying that we must carry our biggest burden alone, all the days of our life until we get to Calvary. I don't necessarily believe that.

I believe that it means that our cross does represent all of our pain, our shame and our guilt. It represents our own crucifixion. What we have crucified ourselves for and what others will crucify us for when it becomes known to them. It represents the sin and/or pain that we have felt trapped by and unforgiveness from. -The sin that we have given to God and but then also found his redemption.

That horizontal bar is an indication that we must go and and testify about how awesome our God is and about how he personally has touched and renewed our lives by his saving grace. We should be ready to testify to everyone because we may never know who it is that needs to hear it. Who it is that is still trapped by that same sin. Who it is that desperately needs redemption from that same dark place.

We need to be prepared to give that account to anyone at all times (1st Peter 3:15). Our testimonies are not just about introducing people to a God that they have never heard about. It's about being a witness to what you have seen him do in your own life that confirms that he is real and available to anyone that desires him.

Even the devil believes that there is a God (James 2:19). There are "believers" everywhere, inside the church and out. Even so, believing in him and experiencing his salvation are two totally different things and for some, Jesus is just too far... Too far to have to say out loud "Here I am".

He's too far and to have to utter out loud the ugliness inside, because others might also hear it. He's too far for those who have been wrestling with themselves all the days through and they are exhausted. He is too far for some to believe that he would come down from the heavens and rescue them because they feel so unworthy.

We have to testify for them:

 "I have seen the glory of God in my life and in my soul."

"You don't have to hide because he knows who you are and he wants you near him. -With him."

"It's safe to come out and I know this because, here is what I have done and and where I have been and I know that he loves you because he loves even me."

And in doing so, we are taking that cross and laying down at the feet of those who need it, so that they can use it as a bridge to travel over. So that they can see that they too, can receive his love and salvation. So, that they can understand that his redemption really is there and already waiting and it's free to every one that believes. He paid the price when he hung down the length of that other bar for all of the world to see.

***

Interestingly enough, last week in class, someone said that they heard that you should never ask for wisdom. Then I found verse (Proverbs 4:7 NIV), "Get  wisdom. Though it cost all you have,  get understanding." My original verse of Luke 9:23 is also followed by, "For whoever wants to save their life will lose it..."

Part of "Taking up your cross" is being willing to sacrifice your reputation, your ego, your comfort. I am sure that there are circumstances where a real physical death must occur. But mostly, I think that giving up your "life" means that we need to become uncomfortable at some point in our faith walk. If we really believe what we say that we do, how do we work it in our own life? Are we willing to carry a cross and reveal our secrets, even if we lose friends, jobs, and reputations because of it? ...Crucifixion.

I can see now how someone would say that we shouldn't ask for wisdom. Sometimes, when we ask God for clarification of something, like this verse, he might also want us to do something with that information. We have to apply it. We have to use it, otherwise, of this all has been written in vain.

With that being said and having no easy way to say this, I am going to offer my cross to you.