The Samaritan Woman

First, I’d like to pray. Father God, you know where each of us sit. Why someone has tuned in and why I had something to say. How you have worked that out, and will work that out, in each of our lives. This is a long message, and so I pray that the whole thing is a prayer and that the words wash all the way down. –And that you do what you do best, and rearrange things to that they do what they need to in each of us. Amen.

The Samaritan Woman is one of the more well-known chapters in the Bible. If you haven't heard about her, grab yours now and follow along with me in John 4. I’ll do a quick recap while you find it.

She was an outcast because of her race and because she is a woman.

So, let me give you a little background on the race part. I am going to read you the commentary from my Life Application Bible.

When the Northern Kingdom with its capital at Samaria fell to the Assyrians, many Jews were deported to Assyria, and the foreigners were brought in to settle the land and help keep the peace (2 Kings 17:24). The intermarriage between those foreigners and the remaining Jews resulted in a mixed-race, impure in the opinion of Jews who lived in the Southern Kingdom. Thus the pure Jews hated the mixed-race called the Samaritans because they felt they had betrayed their people and their nation. They set up an alternate center for worship on Mount Gerazim to parallel the Temple at Jerusalem, but it had been destroyed 150 years earlier. The Jews did everything they could to avoid traveling through Samaria. But Jesus had no reason to live by such cultural restrictions. The route through Samaria was shorter, and that was the route that he took.

Jacob’s well was on the property originally owned by Jacob. It was not a spring-fed well, but a well into which water seeped from rain and dew collecting at the bottom. Wells were almost always located outside the city along the main road. Twice each day, morning and evening, women came to draw water. (During the cooler parts of the day.)

 Switching back to my notes.

The Samaritan woman also had a past, and her current lifestyle played a role. And when most women travel to the well in the morning and evening to draw water, she went at noon to further avoid the crowd that you would expect to find her in. – Adding to her ‘differentness.’

One of the biggest things that I want to point out here is that people will always have something to say about you and your life. People didn’t like her for all of the reasons above. And you know as well as I do that there are things that happen to each of us that makes us want to avoid the crowd or hold ourselves back. There are also things that we do to take care of ourselves that cause separation. And things that happen to us that force it.

People will condemn you and persecute you for any of these things. So, it can be hard to believe in a God that simply wants to love us and let us know him. But is exactly what we see that in this example.

While there she meets Jesus at the well and they have a very short discussion, and she comes to believe in him. She then goes back to tell the people in the town about her experience, and others come to believe in him also.

The conversation is SO simple that it’s hard to see how that can change a person. Yet the text, at least for me, in this chapter, is SO hard to follow and understand. (You may even want to take a moment to read it before I begin.) But it spoke to me, and I want to share it with you because it really is ‘that easy’ and it’s that important. The more that I learn about it this story, the more I love it. Please tune in.

Let's begin

The first six verses in this chapter talk about Jesus’s journey to the well. So, I'm just going to jump right into verse 6 where Jesus is already at the well when she arrives. In verse 7, the dialogue starts with him asking her for a drink. “No hi, how ya doing.” He asks her to give him the very thing she came after.

There is a little irony there because many times throughout our faith journey, the thing that we are seeking –or NEEDING rather, will lead us to the very place that we meet God. And sometimes we are also asked to ‘give it up’ or ‘let go of it’ first so he can give us something else instead.

Whether or not she is socially unacceptable, she further changed her schedule to avoid dialogue with others. Now here is this man asking her for something.

So I’m going to guess that she is startled by the conversation. Instead of granting his request, she replies by describing her unworthiness.

“You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans).

Now stop right there- 

Women are particularly guilty of this. We're either putting ourselves down or reminding others of our past, status, or limitations. “I can’t do that because I don’t know how.” “You wouldn’t want me because I am no good at that…” (And I have been guilty of this myself.)

Regardless of whether or not he ‘should be’ talking to her, it didn’t stop him. And He only asked her for water.

The conversation seems a little cryptic because Jesus replies to her question in verse 10 “If you knew the Gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” 

I mean what does that have to do with the well? Didn't he just ask her for a drink? He didn’t even answer her question.

But it’s not cryptic at all. He’s responding to who she is in that moment when she asked the question. She's the one who pointed out her issues. I think what he’s really saying, is that if you knew the gift of God, you wouldn’t struggle with feeling less than and you wouldn’t worry about what you can’t do. You would be able to rely on me and have confidence about where you’re at. And the last thing that you would be worried about is race, rules, or what everyone else thinks.

Never once in his sentence does he mention her Samaritanship, or her gender, or any of those specific things that she might be worried about.

In verse 11, she reminds him again of another limitation. “You have nothing to draw with, and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water?” Then in verse 12, she asks him if he’s greater than Jacob, who built the well. 

He replies, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in them a spring of water, welling up to eternal life.”

My commentary reminds us that you can learn more about the references to Jesus as a fountain in verses like:

Psalm 42:1 that describes our thirst for God- As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.

Isaiah 55:1 Where God tells all that are thirsty to come to him.

And Jeremiah 2:13 that reads: “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.  – What a reference to our ego and our stubbornness, trying to do things our own way, without God.

And in Psalm 36:9, God is called the Fountain of life- For with you is the fountain of life; in your light, we see light.

So he’s telling her, yes, you do have a physical need for the water from this well to satisfy your fleshly thirst. But something else is parched... Is it your mind, because you stay up at night wrestling with thoughts? Is it your spirit because this life just seems too complicated and too hard? Is it your heart because it's too worn out from trying or numbing? If you can just come to me, the water I will give you will become a spring of water bubbling up to eternal life. You might still have a physical thirst, and you might still have problems, but your spirit will be satisfied. You will get rest. You will feel refreshed. Not only that, but what I tell you will become a story that you will want to share many times to encourage others. …welling up, bubbling over… and many times what you and I memorize in scripture or study privately on our own, will bubble up later on when we need it most – and GUIDE us, just like it said in that last verse, in your light we see.

Who doesn’t like the sound of that, right? So, in verse 15 she asks him where she can get that water, but you can tell she’s not quite getting it because she is still thinking about how this well for the real water, makes her keep coming back for more.

Then he says in verse 16, “Go call your husband and come back.” To which she replies, “I have no husband.” 

He continues, “You’re right when you say that you have no husband. The fact is that you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you said is quite true.”

Now you might read that and think, ooooh snap- he just called her out! And in a way he did. -But not to condemn her. If he was going to do that, he would’ve done it when she first questioned why he, a Jew, was talking to her if she was a Samaritan. He wanted her to know; he sees her. He knows her name. He knows who she is and her private thoughts and what she’s been through. And all of this living water that he’s been talking about is for her too. He knows who he’s talking to. 

Of course, you might wonder why he called the 6^th guy her husband if he wasn’t… Why would he do that if he knew her…?  Personally, I think he was trying to be courteous to her. --To give her dignity by not calling her out. He lets her confess it to him. THEN he lets her know that he already knew. 

And if God sees hearts, who’s to say she hadn’t already married him in her heart. But either way, again, he is the gentlemen. He accepts her status and acknowledges her where she is right now.

And have you ever had one of those encounters, either before you have committed your life to Christ or in the early days of your faith, where you bump into someone that brings up church or God, and it makes you squirm and or straighten up a little? You may want to acknowledge your experience with it. Maybe you talk about your parent's faith. Maybe you talk about why the church doesn't work for you. Yet, you either don't know the details or you don't want to get too deep in the conversation, so you try to change the subject a little.

Well, I think that's exactly what we see in verse 19 when she says, “I can see that you’re a prophet. Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.” 

She's making a statement. She’s heard of him and had some family that “went to church.” But is she also asking a question? Where do I worship?

I mean speed up to our time. Is it this church or that one? -This denomination, or service, or ritual? WHERE can we find this God and what are we supposed to do?

He responds to her by telling her that one day she won’t be in any of those places to worship. As for right now, none of that really matters. You’re going to a church and going through the motion, but you’re missing the whole point. You don’t know what you need to know. –or who you need to know rather. BECAUSE-

If you don’t know God (and his gift), you won’t really be able to fully worship him anywhere. And if you do know God and his gift, then you can worship him everywhere! -On the mountain, in Jerusalem, and at the grocery store!

He goes on to say in verses 23-24 that we should worship in spirit and in truth. What does that even mean? 

Well let me tell you, it took me the last five years to figure that one out. But it’s huge. So please hear my heart.

You can go to all of the church services you want to. You can listen to podcasts. You can memorize scripture, write it on sticky notes, and hang it on your wall, read your affirmations and tell yourself that you’re going to do better, or be better. But if you don’t listen to that internal voice, whether it’s your intuition, or feeling your feelings, or being really being honest about who you are, and where you’re at, and what you need, speaking your truth, then you are only ‘following the rules’ and your legalism will BIND you.

You have a spirit so that you can have a one on one, personal, relationship with God and others. Don’t get me wrong. We need religion. We need the Bible. ‘The rules’ are there to show us the things that cause us harm and hurt others. But we can stick so close to ‘the law’ of things that we dismiss how it impacts the spirit of those involved, causing greater harm.

Your spiritual practice or cultivation (whether that’s meditating on the word, or still meditation, journaling, talking to God, or listening to God, or feeling your feelings, etc.)—Whatever your spiritual practice is, it is JUST as important as knowing what the Word of God says. Let me clarify. I don't believe that there is anything more important than knowing God. But if you don't know who you are, how can you be honest or transparent with God about anything? And because he does know you, if you don't, you may not accept the guidance that you hear.

Not only that but if you don't spend time alone, in spiritual practice, or getting in touch with yourself, you may become too comfortable doing what everyone else is doing. And friend, you weren't meant for that!

As for the 'truth' part of that statement, John 14:6 says that HE (and only He) is the way, the TRUTH, and the life. 

John 8:32 says that the TRUTH will set you free. Whether that is the truth of your confession or learning His truth. Both can set you free.

You must worship and practice your faith in both ways, in spirit, and in truth, because what is born out of the center of those two, is the personal plan, direction, and will for your life!

Balance.

I cannot tell you how important that is… Please spend some time pondering this – at your own well. Ask yourself about some of the things that you are carrying. Take a moment to look in your pot. Pull the junk out. Ask yourself is there any ‘truth’ in it. And if there’s not, what can you change to get it in there?

Just the same, if you’re trying to do all of the things that you ‘should be doing’ you will be filled with so much shame if it doesn’t match what is in your heart. It will be so binding, blinding, and exhausting. That is living out of fear and codependency, not from a place of love.

Isaiah 61:1 says that he comes to bind up the brokenhearted and to set the captives free and to release the prisoners from their darkness.

Your time at the well with Christ, should be acknowledging and liberating you or healing you in it.

In contrast, if you haven’t even considered the law, or what the Bible has to say, maybe that’s part of the reason that you keep getting hurt. You need some parameters in place and better boundaries. And the book ‘Boundaries’ by Henry Cloud is incredibly refreshing. There is so much scripture in that book but explained in such a healthy honoring way. You and I are made to be vessels that carry refreshment to others, and if we aren’t taking care of what we’re given in our own physical stamina, then it will be so difficult to deliver what is needed or hold on to the strength and peace that God offers.

Oh, I hope you heard what I wanted you to know.

But back to our passage. He just told her to worship in spirit and in truth.

In verse 25, we see that she doesn't know either side. She's still talking about him. Not to him when she says “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.”

She’s heard of him. She just doesn’t know him personally to be able to recognize or identify him. 

And let me tell you, you can experience so much condemnation over this whether it's from yourself, the devil, or even others that and you might be tempted to give it [this faith thing] up because it’s just too confusing. But can I tell you something? 

Even Mary –his own mother- had trouble recognizing Jesus after the resurrection because she was so consumed in her grief. (See John 20) She didn’t expect to see him. 

What about us - we also have struggles? Sometimes they consume us and distort our perception as well. Do we expect to see God? Would we recognize him if we were at that well with him? Would we even give a little credit to that whisper in our heart and test it – Just ask God if he’s really there?

So WHEN she starts thinking about the Messiah coming, what he might do, you know what happens…? See verse 26.

He makes himself known. 

Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am he.”

Gosh, and there is such timeliness to that. I mean consider it. If he announced that he was the Messiah when they first met at the well, she wouldn’t have given him the time of day. 

I mean, she’s avoiding everyone else because of her weakness. She would have run as fast as she could, either because he was a crazy man or because who wants to let God see all this stuff. 

So, he does as he always does. He meets us where we are. He acknowledges her “junk” first and then introduces himself. She won't have anything to be ashamed of after she finds out who he is. Because he already knows it!! But he doesn’t reveal himself until we start to give him a little possibility.  <3

So then, in verse 27, the disciples come back. If you have your Bible, look at verse 28 with me because there are a few more things that I want to point out. 

"Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, "Come and see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?” They came out of the town and made their way toward him.

The first thing that I want to point out is that she left her water jar. I mean, did she even fill it up? What he had was so good; her other needs seemed less important ...kind of what like he promised, right? 

Then she went back and told people that the man “told her everything that she ever did.” 

What struck me about this line was that he only told her about six relationships of hers. Something personal. Something that she was most likely ashamed of. Something that made her feel separate or not good enough. Ponder that thought for a moment. 

I know part of me thought; gosh we’re so dramatic at times. "That was everything...?" 

But look deeper. 

How many things do we let define us and be our everything? This can be good or bad. Is it past sin, failures as a parent or partner, accomplishments, what others say, being the one to fix everything, etc.? God sees everything about us, but his gift goes to work, right where we need it most! In our heart. In what we hold and what others may or may not know. 

Second, let’s just talk about transformation. Not only did she leave her jar at the well. –The thing she came after was suddenly not as important as telling others about him. But this is a woman who avoided people. And suddenly she couldn’t help herself from going back to tell others.

If you continue reading, in verse 39, the chapter says that many came to believe because of her testimony. All she said was, “He told me everything that I ever did.” Don’t we worry that we have to have the right words or the correct answers or some crazy, profound experience to talk to someone else? Especially when it comes to our faith! We don't! We just get to talk about what he means to us and how or why we got there, etc. No embellishments. No grand finales. Simplicity. The truth… He does the rest.

But I do believe that God does want to be crazy profound with each of us! And isn't there a little bit of the Samaritan woman in each of us too? 

If you circle back to the very first verse; their dialogue started when God asked her for the very thing that she was after. [the place of her struggle].

What is it you are after? What is it that you need—that keeps you up at night and causes your anxiety or worry? What is that you can’t seem to stop carrying?

Well, it starts by first letting it go. All of it.

Don’t over-complicate this. It is exactly as it sounds. Remember verse 28 said she left her pot and went back to town.

You and I will find a thousand ways to hang on to a little bit of something, either because we don’t understand or because letting go can be so hard. And part of the struggle is our human need to be in control and to know the next step. Part of it is the way that we’re raised and what we believe. And sometimes what God tells us to let go of doesn’t sound at all like what God would say. –Maybe it seems too odd, or the thing doesn’t even seem like it’s that big of a deal or something God would even care about. Other times we’re addicted, or we don’t even know that there is another way because we’re doing the best we can with what we know.

You don’t have to know the reason or even how you will accomplish it to let it go. If God is pressing something on your heart here, I encourage you to pray, journal, fast, look for confirmation, rest, talk with others that have experience here – and spend some time in prayer. Just you and Jesus at the well.

If there is something that he is asking of you, it may be unusual, or difficult, but trust that it may be a life-changing experience and the greatest testimony that you’ve ever had.

I continue my prayers here for you. May God bless you, richly for any step you take toward him.

Thank you for listening.

**Note: This post was originally written in 2014. I began updating it in 2018 but there were a lot of changes, so I just rewrote it for this post.  Unfortunately, the originally post isn’t exactly the original but here it is anyway, for the record. ;)

Always Keep Your Heart

During my last day in Vegas, I had this idea about something while I was in the shower. It dealt with insecurity, but it was in thinking about the way that we connect (or don’t connect) with others.

I’ve been kicking around this idea about using video on the blog. If this turned into that kind of message I wanted to use the visual of gears, like two wheels of teeth, to support what I had to say. But I would need pretty big gears for someone to see it in video or in pictures on social media.

I bet Vegas would be the best place to find some. I had a little time that morning and wondered if I found them, would I be able to squeeze in a visit before the airport.

I found this amazing 5’ tall heart statue in an article from 2012. It was part of a ‘Hearts of Las Vegas’ exhibit and placed in front of a St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital by a partnership with GES, Global Experience Specialists, and the city of Las Vegas.

I called the research center, but they had never heard of it. The kind lady that answered the phone offered to check around and call me back. I emailed her the link that I’d found in case it helped.

Unfortunately, Annette didn’t know its whereabouts, but she was able to get the artists name, Dale Mathis, which I thanked her for and returned to my searching. He had an entire Kinetic art studio a few miles from my hotel. All of the pieces seemed related to time or containing ‘moving’ pieces. I loved it. My heart leapt. I said a prayer and I had hoped...

From what I could tell on the site, it looked like just the kind of place I’d like to check out. The website said we could visit ‘by appointment.’ I quickly dialed the number, but it was no longer working.

I later found another number to the studio, but by then I was just too close on time. I needed to head to the airport. So, I didn’t leave a message. It’s definitely on my list for next time, if I get to head that way again.

But anyway, back to the reason, I wanted the gears in the first place….

I can’t speak for everyone, but I can say that many of us (sometimes self-included) come against situations, experiences, and people. We try to keep things ‘cool’. This doesn’t always have to be about arguing either. Sure, it could be ‘peacekeeping’ when someone’s angry. But what about the really weird stuff that you think to yourself- perhaps a new idea? What’s that fear? Where are you stressing?  What’s something that you want but don’t know how to say or ask for? For a litany of reasons we often end up keeping to ourselves; ‘staying strong’ or ‘smooth,’ not wanting to ruffle feathers by our insertions.

The sculpture includes working gears.

Yet, we are made to protrude into the world and to receive from it. In the same way with gears, when those points and openings come together. Both sides receive something – they are being filled, while filling. There is a synergy in the connection that ‘stimulates’ and causes ‘movement’ as a result of those parts interacting.

Whether it’s what you put out or what you are willing to accept from the world around you; all too often in life we settle for skimming and wonder why we feel like something is missing. –Maybe we even feel like we’re spinning wheels. But by engaging yourself with the components of life; it’s the coming together that creates traction.

I couldn’t help but find the irony in that when I found the piece that I wanted to use for this image; it resides in the statue of a heart.

How incredibly DIVINE that is!

Let me explain.

For several years my life verse has been an NIV translation of Proverbs 4:23 ‘Above all else, always GUARD your heart for all you do flows from it.’  Tonight, I intentionally sought out other verses regarding the heart because ‘guarding it’ is often what gets us into trouble. –At least where it comes in to play for this kind of message.

But I was amazed at how I came back to so many perfect variations of the same line in other translations.

The ESV says ‘KEEP your heart will all vigilance, for from it flows the SPRINGS of life.’

I think that translation couldn’t be more perfect. KEEP your weirdness. KEEP your dreams and stay curious about things if for no other reason than being curious. No matter what anyone else thinks or says!

The NLT says it is your heart that ‘DETERMINES the course of your life.’ So instead of trying to stay strong and keep resolve, by following its nudges and those curiosities or vulnerabilities, it may lead you to different translations of your dreams.

Create boundaries and learn to KEEP them. Use your words and actions to KEEP your honor and integrity. You must ‘insert’ and ‘apply’ little pieces of yourself to make each of those things happen. Don’t lose your voice!

Now, I’m starting to get farther from my point but hang with me another minute.

The NAS says ‘WATCH your heart.’ You don’t have to follow every feeling, but we can watch it. Some of us need to completely detach from our mind to check-in here. It is only when we can silence the shouting ‘judgments and fears’ of the head that we can finally hear the whispers of the heart. After all, it’s the minds crazy idea that ‘being ourselves’ is always going to produce conflict.

H e l l o …. Who else were we created to be???

Whether it’s feelings, dreams, words, requests or decisions, our God made a great number of ways to communicate with and through us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We can study them quietly and even journal about it by watching. It will take you a little practice to sort those voices. They ARE different.

-And when you step out, you’ll get it wrong many times. Other times it may seem like the effort was for nothing. BUT, like all of your other muscles, that exercise will produce stronger results. Some call this intuition. And just between friends, it’s amazing how much FEAR wraps itself around this incredible signal of the heart. –Often a queue if there is fear, that may be the very place you need to make your next move.

Like my interest in finding gears for this example; sometimes where those promptings take you, turns out better than what you envisioned for yourself in the first place.

And with every practice, that ‘insecurity’ lessens. I promise.

In that same way by NOT ‘keeping the flow,’ things get hung; that spring becomes dammed and stagnant. We all know what happens to water that stops moving. It builds bacteria and contaminates everything in the body. It can KILL things. Likewise, hiding yourself creates this separate version of you beneath the surface. Sometimes it becomes toxic to everything in it or around it, and you don’t even notice because you’re immune. It’s still a part of you but buried and disconnected.

Also, procrastination steals opportunity. And that God that made your heart, also promised you dreams and a future. But it will require your faith, action, and HONESTY to obtain it. Delayed obedience is disobedience.

Whatever imprint you make on the world by putting yourself out there, I assure you that God has created ‘pieces’ that aren’t just receptive but they ‘FIT’ and ‘FILL’ the parts of your heart that he plans to use. He will replace and/or multiply anything that was lost or given. Keep at it!

True yes, sometimes the things that move don’t go the direction that you think they will or even want them to. People and things will fall away, and others will come in. You WON’T always do it right or without friction or pain.

But KEEP true to yourself, that’s where the ‘springs of life’ are. If you’re feeling stuck or stagnant, it may be YOUR movement (and contribution) that’s missing.

When you are truly working from the space of your heart, it is golden. You’re at your truest form, embodying the power of God, and some call this ‘alignment.’ You might find that it is also the place of redemption and the acceptance that you’ve always been looking for — that of your own.

There is a God who freely gives but no one else can believe it or put it into practice for you. Nor can anyone else attain what is only waiting for you.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be dismayed. Your God is WITH YOU wherever you may go. - Joshua 1:9

Now to Him who is able to do FAR MORE ABUNDANTLY BEYOND all that we ask or think according to the power that works WITHIN US, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. – Ephesians 3:20-22

Hello, ‘Other Side Of The Hill’ Here I Come!!!

This past Friday was my fortieth birthday. I am not exactly sure what possessed me to start looking up things about the number 40 or when it started. But it’s definitely been on my mind for quite a long time now. While life is busy and I haven’t been able to get as deep as I would like, the part that I have gleaned about that number has made this birthday mean more than I could’ve expected. Whether or not there is a hill ‘to go over,’ it is a cornerstone. -Perhaps a ‘coming of age’ that I hope all of us are blessed enough to find. Let me share:

You may not know that in the bible the number 40 represents periods of trial and testing. You see this when:

-        Jonah told Ninevites that destruction was coming in 40 days – Jonah 3:4

-        Jesus ‘went away’ to the desert for 40 days to fast and pray and while there he was tested by the devil – Matthew 4:1-11

-        God destroyed the Earth with a flood; it rained for 40 days and 40 nights – Genesis 7:12

-        In Deuteronomy 25:3 a judge deemed that the maximum number of lashes that a person could receive for punishment was 40 stripes. Some believe that’s how many Jesus received, but there’s are disputes about whether or not ‘lashes’ are the same as scourging (which Jesus received). Plus, there isn’t a number of lashes mentioned in the bible for Jesus. It’s is also believed that many Jews followed a rule of 39. They would give 40 lashes ‘minus 1’ because it was believed that 40 would kill a person and it was essentially a death sentence. In 2 Corinthians 11:24 Paul said that he received that exact punishment ’40-1’ on FIVE different occasions by the Jews.

-       You’ll also see that it was 40 years that Moses and the Israelites spent in the wilderness - Deuteronomy 8:2-5

There are many more examples of this in the Bible, and you can google them, but you get the idea. That last one is probably the one that gets me the most because it sounds so much like trials of life; dry spells, loneliness, and hardship. The way that we complain or simply get discouraged because we can’t SEE or don’t understand what is happening.

Don’t get me wrong the Israelites endured much and not just desert conditions. But through it all there was a God that was IN THEIR MIDST, leading them, day and night. –He produced miracle after miracle on their way through. While the whole goal was in getting them to the promise land, the purpose was to get them to DEPEND ON HIM to get there but also to be their DAILY provider.

This season was also a place where, as a leader, Moses character was tested and developed. Not just in his own dependence and trust, but in the way that he ‘reacted’ to the people. He was ‘the speaker’ even though he had little faith that God could use him, and many believe that he had a stutter (because of the NLT translation of Exodus 4:10). Either way, he resisted the call over and over with the same excuses you and I use. (I am not good enough Ex 3:11, I don’t have all of the answers Ex 3:13, People won’t believe me Ex 4:1, I am a terrible speaker Ex 4:10, I am not qualified Ex 4:13).

My Bible commentary says “Personal greatness doesn’t make anyone immune to error or its consequences.” And throughout the entire life of Moses or the story of the Israelites, “God did not change WHO or WHAT Moses was; he did not give Moses new abilities and strengths. Instead, he took Moses characteristics and molded them until they were suited to his purposes.’

It took a huge chunk ‘of a lifetime’ for God to get Moses to ‘let him use’ what he created in the first place and for its intended purposes.”

Sadly, part of what kept them in the wilderness was their disbelief. God told them to take possession of the land (Ex 3:8), yet they became convinced they could not, even though God told them they could do it. It was their lack of belief in what God said (even the good stuff he promised) that brought along his wrath. This led to 40 years of wandering the desert until an entire generation died off.

What kills me here is that you know they wanted the promise land. You know they wanted the miracles and a LOVING, PERSONAL, God that was WITH them. I mean, all of us need someone who has an aerial shot of the ‘big picture,’ and we want someone to guide us. How could they not want that too? But their stubbornness is so much like our own.  –Especially in the first half of our lives trying to do things ‘our way.’ Trying to create a certain type of life or trying to be polar opposite of something else that we’ve seen. We’re so ‘focused’ on the goal that sometimes, we’re not even paying attention to the details. Is this goal, the right goal for me?

(Not just what you think sounds good. And not just what you’ve been repeating for all these years. But in the quiet, soft place, if you acknowledge a daydream, what are those details that you dare tell no one because it sounds too corny, it doesn’t have an ‘earth shattering purpose’, or it feels unrealistic?  --That IS a goal or could be, FYI. And our disappointments in life might really be because we’re not lined up here.)

But if God could grant us any promise that we desire, in our future, what does that land look like? Are we in line to get there?  Where are we at in that? Are we in our bodies enough to see how that lines up with our heart and the world around us or are we fixated on why we can’t take a short cut to that place we’ve been busy trying to get to?

…over the hump or hill…

People make ‘40’ sound like a bad thing with ‘over the hill’ like it’s only depressing or rough on the other side. I guess I see how people think that, but it just doesn’t resonate with me. I mean, yes, I once ran off the side of a fort wall on the Yorktown battlefields when I was paying more attention to the wind keeping my kite up, instead of where the ground ran out. Going down the hill hurt. FOR SURE! The entire sides of those ‘fort walls’ seem to be covered in stumps of thorn bushes! I don’t know if that’s a fluke or if it was intentional to keep the enemy out and now the park rangers cut them down so tourists can climb them. But, when I fell, I bounced and bumped onto every stump, the whole way down. I even had thorns INSIDE my bra.

And some of my more recent and ‘metaphorical’ stumbles or physical displays of ‘falling down’ have been even uglier. They’ve hurt worse, hurt others, and have even landed me flat on my face. And ‘soul hurt’ is a whole other kind of hurt that isn’t as easy to recover from. But isn’t that just what the Israelites also had to endure. —Being humbled. 

You’ll often hear that the ‘bad things’ that happen in life aren’t always because of our inadequacies (as if we could control everything). But also, they aren’t necessarily a reflection of our worthiness or even a reflection of the effort that we put into something. It’s not always due to sin or some bad karma or juju that came to pay you back. I am not even convinced that it’s because we’ve taken something for granted. In looking at the ‘big picture’ through the story of the wilderness, I think I’ve decided that for the first time ever, I don’t have to know why. Maybe the ‘bad things’ are simply a result of something greater that God wants US to see, and to produce in us, and somewhere else that he wants us to be. A place flowing with milk and honey. (Which is how God described the promise land. Ex 3:17)

It’s not that he doesn’t want you to have things now, or be happy, or that he wants to intentionally hurt any of us. True yes, life is more than getting everything we want, ‘being all fat and happy’. It’s about giving too. And scripture says it is better to GIVE than to receive! But somehow a large part of us all too often live as if we weren’t meant to receive at all and therefore we don’t fully embrace it, put ourselves out there, or allow ourselves to be seen. (And I could write a whole other tangent/post here but just think about that for a minute. ALL of our senses work best when we are ‘taking in’ –seeing, smelling, tasting, touching, hearing—not giving out but taking IN! How much more could that apply to a spiritual level??? Don’t tell me God made us to ‘not get’ anything out of life!)

And yet, we deny ALL kinds of things. Some, for really noble, ‘God glorifying’ reasons. (So, I don’t mean that condemning.)

God takes us the long way to teach us this human tendency, and to show you who he is and why you need him.

Deuteronomy 29:5-6 says it best “For forty years I, the Lord, led you through the desert, but your clothes and your sandals didn’t wear out, and I gave you special food. I did these things so that you would realize that I am your God.” But the Lord must give you a change of heart before you truly understand what you have seen and heard.

It does you no good to be in a land with ‘milk and honey’ if you’re going to complain about it, or if you aren’t prepared to receive it, or embrace it, and allow yourself to take it in for the incredible gift that it is.

Sometimes you and I (WE) need to see how much more we desire than what we say, think, feel, or act as we do. –And those trials in life have a way of bringing that out a little deeper in us.

But also, in the first verse that I shared Deuteronomy 8:2-5 he more specifically says that he does this to show you that you need more than food and clothes. He takes us through the wilderness to learn that we need, not just one or two, but EVERY WORD of God to truly LIVE –and to be ALIVE- and not just ‘get through’ life. Ahem, ‘Alive in Christ!’

I tell you this. Faith is a deeply personal thing. Everything that we do hinges on how much faith you have and what you believe. And sitting in a church listening to a sermon doesn’t take near as much faith as stripping apart lines in a bible and, praying them, or trying to live by them, and apply them to your core. But I am certain that the things that have given me strength in life and even a healthier view, have been less about physical needs and more about ‘spiritual bread’ that I’ve indigested.

But you know what else? Do you know why that ‘over the hill’ reference doesn’t resonate with me? It’s because I’ve also had a lot of great times going down the hill. In fact, the very best ones were when I laid down on my belly, rolled with it, and embraced them for what they were. If God wants me to be me, and if God promises he can use it, (no matter how much I screw it up), and if he’s gonna lead me to a promise land, who am I to argue?

Trust me. I see a lot of myself in Moses, and I think that I’ve subconsciously spent a lifetime arguing and resisting, even while I was trying to serve him with all of my heart. It has been SO.MUCH.HARDER in the long run. I’m kind of tired of the punishment I’ve brought on.

I do not mean that I am getting ready to be a perfect display of Christ – I couldn’t do it if I tried. The last I checked, I am as human as it gets.

But I AM READY to plunge forward, and let God show me how to fall—completely— forward-- into my path, and ALL that he promises. ❤ 

This might be a little corny but the last I checked, there’s a song that says he fits the whole world in the palm of his hands. I pray that you’re able to leap with me and for once trust that he can catch you too. In fact, I encourage you to print this out and read it (or look at it) every day for 40 days – asking God how and where you can apply it. Then read through the chapters that cover this story in the wilderness.

If you’ve been following me on Facebook, you’ve seen that I’ve recited poetry terribly when I am nervous and shared paintings that look nothing like the tutorial that I follow. –I share many other things that don’t turn out right.

But for me, that’s kind of my ‘Moses Moment’ Who am I, God, to do XYZ’?

But not only does sharing those examples help me get comfortable just being me but in a world of social media where everything ‘looks perfect’ I prefer to be real. I mean there’s a lot of good in my world, but I hear so many women compare themselves or discredit themselves. I think it’s partially because it’s easier for us only to display things that we deem perfect. I can’t keep up with that pace anymore, and I think we all miss out on a lot by not being willing to practice the raw.

My deepest hope is that if I can be bold enough to step out, then it might give you a little bit of faith that you can step out and do things terribly too on the off chance that now and then we’ll get it right – just like he says!  --And I mean that from the very bottom of my heart. Happy ‘Birth’ day – to all of us!

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You may also like these related posts that I have found.

Desert Lessons – 7 things that we can learn from the Israelites wandering years

Moses Five Excuses

Oh and this link because everything is better with a little Van Morrison in it and this song just so happens to be perfect!  When will I ever learn to live in God

And just when I thought I couldn’t love that song more, I discover that Bill Murray covered it.  A comedian/actor, off-key, full of strings, and from the belly of his soul, and you know what. He meant it. And it was beautiful! I might have cried a little. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qs_ehhWDMaA

The Beach

I’ve been thinking a lot about the beach this week. More specifically, the many grains of sand. (Ahem, dirt.)

Each grain their own, sometimes varying in hues and texture, and some of them you can see right through. Individually, so small, one may not even notice.

Yet people flock to see, to rest in, to find comfort, and even heal, in the presence of the shore.

In contrast, what are we but flesh and bone? Blood and matter. Heck made from the dirt ourselves (Gen 2:7). And what do we often see when we look at ourselves? Just that, dirt. -Or perhaps something that doesn't amount to much more than that.

Sometimes we even trip over the smallest parts of who we are; like that goofy thing we do, the thing your family teases you about, the skill that you just can’t seem to master, the feeling of plainness, or complete awkwardness. Being different.

Other times, we completely fixate on the weakness or the dirt; like the addiction, a mishap at work, like a poorly executed project, a conversation gone wrong, a wound, and on and on...

Michelle Chalfant said ‘If we are human we have issues, stop thinking you can avoid them.”

Actually, we all have many issues. Great and small. Varying hues. Dirt on many levels. In the physical, like our bones, and in our soul.

Yet the beach doesn’t cover up who or what it is and nor should you.

And just like the shore, God sees the whole picture. Every.little.grain.of.sand.

2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Grace must be the equivalent of knowing exactly what we are. Not just knowing THE ONE thing. But knowing EVERY LITTLE thing about each of us and somehow collectively forming all of those details and idiosyncrasies into something that he calls good (Gen 1:26), and valuable (Matt 10:31), and takes delight in- even singing over (Zeph 3:17).

Yet you and I still try to work dirt out of something- THAT WE’RE MADE OF.

It is not in our ‘trying harder’ to be ‘better’ or ‘different’ that pleases God. It is in our sincerest, seemingly ‘humiliating’ but instead humbling weakness- laying ourselves bare before him. Stretched out like the shore. Sometimes piled up like dunes. Not condemning or making excuses for who or what we are, not bartering because we can’t really make it up; not hiding beneath the waves of life but offering our entirety, especially our weakness, and ALL of it, to him. So that he may use it as He pleases.

And the way that He holds all things together (Col 1:17), allows his power to work through us. He takes those ‘grains’ or ‘specs’ and somehow molds them- transfiguring us -perfectly- into something beautiful.

The next time you start to beat yourself up for something or talk down about yourself, I pray a little salty air washes over you and reminds you that you’re only getting caught on one grain, you’re missing the rest of the beach. Then slip off your stuffy ole uniform, let your bare feet feel the ground (literally), take a deep breath, and relax. –We’re all a little more pliable that way, anyway.

Be shore of it!

(I just couldn’t resist that last one….) Have a blessed day.

A Word Picture for Being Still

I used to wonder what exactly being still meant. –Like how many relaxing things that I did qualified or met the ‘being still’ requirements. If I laid on the couch all weekend with a good book, movie, or marathon series, was that enough ‘stillness’. If I spent an hour studying my bible and taking notes, wasn’t that time alone with God, the kind of stillness that he desired. –You know, one where we could hear his voice…

You might laugh about this because being still can only imply one thing and yet those of us who hate being still, try to come up with ways to stretch the meaning to accommodate our addictions, desires, and to do lists.

The definition of ‘stillness’ is exactly as it sounds though: ‘The absence of movement or sound.’

But there is a voice that can strike in our heads telling us that there is too much to do and that others are depending on us, as it rattles off a list of all of the things you could be accomplishing in this wasted time.

Even though that definition is simple, it was a struggle for me. Until a few years ago when I was going through a big transition. I don’t remember the exact catalyst but I ended up buying a lawn chair to keep in the van. Then I started trying to stop 3 days a week on the way home to sit outside where ever I could squeeze it in. Even though it was only about 15 minutes. (And no the gist of this post isn’t about a lawn chair. Hang in there.)

Now I did start this time by reading a quick devotion and occasionally saying a prayer or snapping a picture. But then I started the timer. Little did I know ‘how onto something’ I was. I could literally feel the shifting in my life and within.

Since 2015 I have toyed with this time, occasionally even trying out ‘meditation’ with my eyes closed just like you see in pictures, or parked in my van with my head leaned back. 

It wasn’t until I started recovery that I began to ‘get it’.

We all know the benefits of rest. You’ve likely heard statistics about stillness or mindfulness, and I will let you look that up on your own, but for those of you who need a picture to see what stillness looks like, check this out.

I’ve been making a lot of things from scratch lately. One of which is salad dressing/marinade. Mostly because I am trying to be a little healthier but I also want to utilize what I already have on hand instead of buying everything new and already prepared.

When you start making real dressings with olive oil, vinegar, and your own seasonings you have to stir or shake them well before each use because after sitting for a while, what’s inside separates.

The oil or fat rises to the top so it could be removed if needed. While the actual ingredients fall to the bottom, and the vinegar rests in the middle.

We are much the same way. When we are still (without movement or sound), our subconscious and conscious parts of our bodies get to see, and sit with, each other. The things that weigh us down, can rise to the top so that we can sort them, while other things settle on their own. Like the vinegar, it’s in the stillness, that things inside, get cleared up.

While there is nothing wrong with enjoying a good book or marathon series; and there are indeed benefits of rest alone that you can get during this time. Your mind [our minds] need a space to be clear without the chronic ‘stirring up’ that we like to apply. So, that the information that we pour in all day and night, can sort itself.

Somehow it’s in the setting aside for a time that truly allows the ‘spices’ [of our spirit, feelings, interests] to infuse the rest of the body- the essence of who we are becomes bolder, richer, more flavorful.

Yet at the same time, things on the outside seem to respond to our letting go of the power to control it, and they are free to handle themselves. Kind of like Psalms 46:10 implies in ‘Be still and know that I am God.’

I can’t tell you how many times over the last three years, I have been surprised to see that the things that I let go of, really didn’t need me in the solution. Even my creativity is better when I stop thinking about what I can create.

But unlike the dressing, life won’t always have this kind of stillness ‘prepared’ for you. It’s something that you’ll have to make (time for) on your own. It may even take you quite a few tries before you find that you like it. But its health benefits may far outweigh other variations that you’ve tried. Even your smallest efforts have a tremendous impact.

As for me, I’m ready to learn more about meditation, so if you have any useful links, tips, or local classes that have helped you, holla.

I hope you have enjoyed this visual and that it sticks with you in this ‘oh so busy’ life. May you find time to cultivate and reap from your own stillness. For now, peace be with you.

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Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; like a weaned child rests against his mother, my soul is like a weaned child within me. –Psalm 131:2

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Teach me, and I will be silent. Make me understand how I have gone astray. -Job 6:24

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The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still. –Exodus 14:14