Bible Study: Psalm 139

Ends and beginnings have a way of stirring all of us. But if you’re ‘stuck’ in life or if you struggle with shame or not seeing your worth, or if you are at the end of your rope –or the end of yourself with nothing to cling to, you may not know how to pull THROUGH those transitions. If that is you, I ask you to please check this out.

I’ve always heard that Psalm 139 was the greatest Psalm but I didn’t understand why. –That is until it carried me through the hardest season of my life. This video is a line by line study of this chapter (along with a mixture of prayer, poetry, testimony, and reflections about oysters that also became significant to me during this time.) I want nothing more than for you to feel ‘relief’ so that you can truly have a ‘Happy’ NEW year, and to ‘SEE’ things a little differently. After all, 2020 = PERFECT vision. May we all be blessed enough to receive. There are a LOT of notes because I have to write them out first. So you can basically see the written version of this video, with links, here: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1u_LTKci3rgTOk3lIg96s4o9CNKu4rQaD

Devotion: Drifting

I probably could’ve shortened this one but sometimes it’s hard to tell which examples or details are needed or not. I remember the days I couldn’t hear God speak and quite frankly, I thought other people could be a little nuts when they said God did. But I’ve learned a few things since that time and I’d like to share them with you. May this devotion ‘speak’ to you. God bless. ❤️ Additional tools: 1. 10 Powerful ways God speaks in the Bible - https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/bible... 2. Video & Workbook Bible Study ‘Experiencing God’ by Henry Blackaby: https://blackaby.org/experiencing-god/ 3. For more devotions like this one visit: http://faith-unfolding.blogspot.com/ or subscribe to my channel.

Washing Oysters

This devotion is in two formats, video and as a blogpost. Scroll farther down to read, instead of watch or listen.

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It is surreal the way that some things can touch you. In this case, for me, it was in washing oysters. I sat on a pier Thursday night removing sea squirts, barnacles, crabs, and muck from their tiny shells. In some weird way, it felt like the greatest honor to be able to care for something so small. There was an unexplainable amount of love and peace felt with everything I touched.

I can’t say that oysters have ever been any part of my routine either. So, they weren’t ever anything that I would notice, much less give too much thought about or sentiment. (Until maybe in recent months when I feel like God uses them to talk to me about so many things, spiritually, in metaphor. So, now they mean something to me and I’m kind of crazy about ‘most things’ oyster or pearl. I adore them.) 

Then my daughter and I joined the Chesapeake Bay Foundation over the summer in their #savethebay project. We are now oyster gardeners.

As I sat on that pier, I couldn’t get over how beautiful they were. I must have dozens of pictures in my phone and I think I could have sat there with them, all night. 

Imagine if we all felt like that about all little things... no matter how mundane, dirty, or small. Of course, I pray this is one of those things that sticks, for me, in ALL aspects of my life. Even when I’m doing something for the thousandth time. I want to hold that moment and remember-- there is honor in it, and privilege in taking care of things.

Days later, I am still meditating on that experience. And as I do so, I am reminded of several verses like:

- Isaiah 40:11 that says “He gathers us in his arms, and holds us close to heart.”  

- Psalm 139:9-10 “God holds us in his right hand”. 

- John 10:28 “no one can snatch us from his hand”

-And then 1 John 1:9 that talks about the way “he cleanses us”

And now, I can’t help but see that strange and wonderful love rush must’ve been the way God looks at each of us.

Not all of the things I removed from the oysters were bad either. However, they were harmful for the oyster in some way. If they didn’t kill them immediately, they could gradually accumulate in the cage and suffocate or drain them. Some had to be pulled off, others scraped. Much of it was messy. But never once, did I see something I didn’t want to touch. I wanted to restore ‘my babies’. And free what was precious to me.

I don’t know how many oysters I touched. Each one unique, and I admired all of the shapes, and hues, and the ways that they were each so different and growing at various paces. I wanted to see every one of them, and each of their details, and help them have their best chance at health, success, and life. I understood their purpose and how important they were —their cause, to me.

Friend, I don’t know what you think about, or find passion in, but so many times we can see ‘our time with God’ as a separate event or task from the things that we’re already doing. Zephaniah 3:17 tells us that God is in our midst. He is always available for communication.

I don’t know how you view God, or think that he looks at you. There may be things that you are ashamed of, and things that you wrestle with, and can’t bear to look at. But you’ve got a Father that sees WHAT HE LOVES IN YOU, more than he sees anything ‘dirty’ or ‘too messy’, to fool with anywhere else you are concerned.

The rest of that verse in 1 John 1:9 says “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 

There is a ‘togetherness’ in our cleansing. Don't underestimate what happens when you spend time with the Lord. No matter how or where you spend it. And whatever you've got on you, just lay it all bare before him. He already sees it. His son died to get a hold of it. Let God cleanse you, and show you how much he loves you for who you already are.

God's Masterpiece

This devotion is in two formats, video and as a blogpost. Scroll farther down to read, instead of watch or listen.

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Of all of my children, Jackson is the one that is the most excited about art. He particularly loves oil pastels (and any other supply if it’s ‘new’.) Recently, I purchased a new brand of pastels, which made them of double interest to him. They were a step down from what I have been experimenting with but they much more affordable, with a wider selection of colors.

The night that they arrived, Jackson was excited to go to work and couldn’t wait for us to paint. We each got a piece of paper and started making marks just to see how they transferred to the paper. The new brand seemed to go on more easily than what we’d been using. They were also more chalky than oily. Our paper had a faint texture and Jackson was fascinated at the way the marks were coming out between the two mediums.

After completing his first piece, he proudly stood back with his hands on his hips and exclaimed: 

This is the goodest picture I’ve ever made. I love these things! Now, give me another piece [of paper]!”

I laughed then showed him how to make a few more marks from different angles.

The next thirty minutes or so were spent with him pummeling out a new piece of work. Topped off with a boast about the final product. Then he’d rip the paper from the board that secured it, fling it over his shoulder, across the room. Then demand another piece.

He was so full of himself and so proud. It was a little wild but adorable.

Now I don’t know what happens to us as we get older but it seems that somewhere, we learn that we’re not supposed to talk about our talents, display verbal pride about what we’ve produced, or even take up too much time talking about ourselves. Many of the things that we do say in our reflections are critical or downplayed because we don’t want to seem arrogant or we’re worried about upsetting someone else. (Ahem, people-pleasing.)

Sometimes, the things gone wrong, are the only marks that we see—forgetting how many of the things that we touch every day, are new to us as well.

There are other passages in scripture that also tell us to give God all of the glory. And somehow –sometimes --whether it's taught or interpreted-- when we try to reconcile giving everything to God against our being a sinner, we can believe that it's bad to accept anything good about ourselves at all. 

This might be a stretch but in the eyes of a mother looking at her son, it would seem strange for Jackson to stand back, look at his art, and tout that all that he produced was because of me. I provided him the tools. He gave me honor by wanting to spend time with me, doing what I was doing, using what I gave him; and by being unafraid of the unknown, risking a mess, in order to make a discovery.  

Just the same way, we have a heavenly Father that loves us more than any of us could fathom. How we give God glory can be hard to process or understand. But consider the words of Ephesians 2:10.

The ESV version says that “we are His workmanship in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them”.

I like the NLT translation even better. It calls us his ‘masterpiece’. And tells us that he has created us anew. So that we CAN DO the things that HE planned for us long ago.

What I want you to see here is that a ‘masterpiece’ is an artist's BEST work of art. Not the scrap paper, a test run, or even the 50^th reproduction.

Not only are we a masterpiece but we were created to make masterpieces, to do good work, and to follow his examples, as a creator, emulating him. That was his plan.

As a parent, I often think about the verse from Matthew 18:3 that asks us to be like little children. While you and I may not be quite as full of ourselves about our work, it is energizing to be around someone who is EXCITED about the things that they are working on. Who sees more of the potential and possibilities, rather than the reasons to stand back or behind.

In examples like this one, I can’t help but see that one of the best ways that we can give God glory is by developing a love for new things; not resisting change; following our curiosities in the things that we’re interested in even when it takes us out of our comfort zone; being open to God’s plan and the opportunities before us; wanting to be a part of new experiences, no matter what they ‘look like’ or how they turn out.

Believing that our best effort is a masterpiece by itself and the very best way to honor him. –You know, by practicing -- living out—what we say that we believe; that what God makes and has made, including each of us, is truly a beautiful and usable design after all.

--

Mediate on that today, this week, this month, or when it resurfaces again. You are a work of art. Don’t overthink this. Some of the best art is ‘rough around the edges’. Maybe everything that you have been given, and will come in contact with, is provided to you, simply for you to ‘explore’ without making a ‘something’ of it. It may be the goodest thing you've ever done.

Always Keep Your Heart

During my last day in Vegas, I had this idea about something while I was in the shower. It dealt with insecurity, but it was in thinking about the way that we connect (or don’t connect) with others.

I’ve been kicking around this idea about using video on the blog. If this turned into that kind of message I wanted to use the visual of gears, like two wheels of teeth, to support what I had to say. But I would need pretty big gears for someone to see it in video or in pictures on social media.

I bet Vegas would be the best place to find some. I had a little time that morning and wondered if I found them, would I be able to squeeze in a visit before the airport.

I found this amazing 5’ tall heart statue in an article from 2012. It was part of a ‘Hearts of Las Vegas’ exhibit and placed in front of a St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital by a partnership with GES, Global Experience Specialists, and the city of Las Vegas.

I called the research center, but they had never heard of it. The kind lady that answered the phone offered to check around and call me back. I emailed her the link that I’d found in case it helped.

Unfortunately, Annette didn’t know its whereabouts, but she was able to get the artists name, Dale Mathis, which I thanked her for and returned to my searching. He had an entire Kinetic art studio a few miles from my hotel. All of the pieces seemed related to time or containing ‘moving’ pieces. I loved it. My heart leapt. I said a prayer and I had hoped...

From what I could tell on the site, it looked like just the kind of place I’d like to check out. The website said we could visit ‘by appointment.’ I quickly dialed the number, but it was no longer working.

I later found another number to the studio, but by then I was just too close on time. I needed to head to the airport. So, I didn’t leave a message. It’s definitely on my list for next time, if I get to head that way again.

But anyway, back to the reason, I wanted the gears in the first place….

I can’t speak for everyone, but I can say that many of us (sometimes self-included) come against situations, experiences, and people. We try to keep things ‘cool’. This doesn’t always have to be about arguing either. Sure, it could be ‘peacekeeping’ when someone’s angry. But what about the really weird stuff that you think to yourself- perhaps a new idea? What’s that fear? Where are you stressing?  What’s something that you want but don’t know how to say or ask for? For a litany of reasons we often end up keeping to ourselves; ‘staying strong’ or ‘smooth,’ not wanting to ruffle feathers by our insertions.

The sculpture includes working gears.

Yet, we are made to protrude into the world and to receive from it. In the same way with gears, when those points and openings come together. Both sides receive something – they are being filled, while filling. There is a synergy in the connection that ‘stimulates’ and causes ‘movement’ as a result of those parts interacting.

Whether it’s what you put out or what you are willing to accept from the world around you; all too often in life we settle for skimming and wonder why we feel like something is missing. –Maybe we even feel like we’re spinning wheels. But by engaging yourself with the components of life; it’s the coming together that creates traction.

I couldn’t help but find the irony in that when I found the piece that I wanted to use for this image; it resides in the statue of a heart.

How incredibly DIVINE that is!

Let me explain.

For several years my life verse has been an NIV translation of Proverbs 4:23 ‘Above all else, always GUARD your heart for all you do flows from it.’  Tonight, I intentionally sought out other verses regarding the heart because ‘guarding it’ is often what gets us into trouble. –At least where it comes in to play for this kind of message.

But I was amazed at how I came back to so many perfect variations of the same line in other translations.

The ESV says ‘KEEP your heart will all vigilance, for from it flows the SPRINGS of life.’

I think that translation couldn’t be more perfect. KEEP your weirdness. KEEP your dreams and stay curious about things if for no other reason than being curious. No matter what anyone else thinks or says!

The NLT says it is your heart that ‘DETERMINES the course of your life.’ So instead of trying to stay strong and keep resolve, by following its nudges and those curiosities or vulnerabilities, it may lead you to different translations of your dreams.

Create boundaries and learn to KEEP them. Use your words and actions to KEEP your honor and integrity. You must ‘insert’ and ‘apply’ little pieces of yourself to make each of those things happen. Don’t lose your voice!

Now, I’m starting to get farther from my point but hang with me another minute.

The NAS says ‘WATCH your heart.’ You don’t have to follow every feeling, but we can watch it. Some of us need to completely detach from our mind to check-in here. It is only when we can silence the shouting ‘judgments and fears’ of the head that we can finally hear the whispers of the heart. After all, it’s the minds crazy idea that ‘being ourselves’ is always going to produce conflict.

H e l l o …. Who else were we created to be???

Whether it’s feelings, dreams, words, requests or decisions, our God made a great number of ways to communicate with and through us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We can study them quietly and even journal about it by watching. It will take you a little practice to sort those voices. They ARE different.

-And when you step out, you’ll get it wrong many times. Other times it may seem like the effort was for nothing. BUT, like all of your other muscles, that exercise will produce stronger results. Some call this intuition. And just between friends, it’s amazing how much FEAR wraps itself around this incredible signal of the heart. –Often a queue if there is fear, that may be the very place you need to make your next move.

Like my interest in finding gears for this example; sometimes where those promptings take you, turns out better than what you envisioned for yourself in the first place.

And with every practice, that ‘insecurity’ lessens. I promise.

In that same way by NOT ‘keeping the flow,’ things get hung; that spring becomes dammed and stagnant. We all know what happens to water that stops moving. It builds bacteria and contaminates everything in the body. It can KILL things. Likewise, hiding yourself creates this separate version of you beneath the surface. Sometimes it becomes toxic to everything in it or around it, and you don’t even notice because you’re immune. It’s still a part of you but buried and disconnected.

Also, procrastination steals opportunity. And that God that made your heart, also promised you dreams and a future. But it will require your faith, action, and HONESTY to obtain it. Delayed obedience is disobedience.

Whatever imprint you make on the world by putting yourself out there, I assure you that God has created ‘pieces’ that aren’t just receptive but they ‘FIT’ and ‘FILL’ the parts of your heart that he plans to use. He will replace and/or multiply anything that was lost or given. Keep at it!

True yes, sometimes the things that move don’t go the direction that you think they will or even want them to. People and things will fall away, and others will come in. You WON’T always do it right or without friction or pain.

But KEEP true to yourself, that’s where the ‘springs of life’ are. If you’re feeling stuck or stagnant, it may be YOUR movement (and contribution) that’s missing.

When you are truly working from the space of your heart, it is golden. You’re at your truest form, embodying the power of God, and some call this ‘alignment.’ You might find that it is also the place of redemption and the acceptance that you’ve always been looking for — that of your own.

There is a God who freely gives but no one else can believe it or put it into practice for you. Nor can anyone else attain what is only waiting for you.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be dismayed. Your God is WITH YOU wherever you may go. - Joshua 1:9

Now to Him who is able to do FAR MORE ABUNDANTLY BEYOND all that we ask or think according to the power that works WITHIN US, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. – Ephesians 3:20-22

Hello, ‘Other Side Of The Hill’ Here I Come!!!

This past Friday was my fortieth birthday. I am not exactly sure what possessed me to start looking up things about the number 40 or when it started. But it’s definitely been on my mind for quite a long time now. While life is busy and I haven’t been able to get as deep as I would like, the part that I have gleaned about that number has made this birthday mean more than I could’ve expected. Whether or not there is a hill ‘to go over,’ it is a cornerstone. -Perhaps a ‘coming of age’ that I hope all of us are blessed enough to find. Let me share:

You may not know that in the bible the number 40 represents periods of trial and testing. You see this when:

-        Jonah told Ninevites that destruction was coming in 40 days – Jonah 3:4

-        Jesus ‘went away’ to the desert for 40 days to fast and pray and while there he was tested by the devil – Matthew 4:1-11

-        God destroyed the Earth with a flood; it rained for 40 days and 40 nights – Genesis 7:12

-        In Deuteronomy 25:3 a judge deemed that the maximum number of lashes that a person could receive for punishment was 40 stripes. Some believe that’s how many Jesus received, but there’s are disputes about whether or not ‘lashes’ are the same as scourging (which Jesus received). Plus, there isn’t a number of lashes mentioned in the bible for Jesus. It’s is also believed that many Jews followed a rule of 39. They would give 40 lashes ‘minus 1’ because it was believed that 40 would kill a person and it was essentially a death sentence. In 2 Corinthians 11:24 Paul said that he received that exact punishment ’40-1’ on FIVE different occasions by the Jews.

-       You’ll also see that it was 40 years that Moses and the Israelites spent in the wilderness - Deuteronomy 8:2-5

There are many more examples of this in the Bible, and you can google them, but you get the idea. That last one is probably the one that gets me the most because it sounds so much like trials of life; dry spells, loneliness, and hardship. The way that we complain or simply get discouraged because we can’t SEE or don’t understand what is happening.

Don’t get me wrong the Israelites endured much and not just desert conditions. But through it all there was a God that was IN THEIR MIDST, leading them, day and night. –He produced miracle after miracle on their way through. While the whole goal was in getting them to the promise land, the purpose was to get them to DEPEND ON HIM to get there but also to be their DAILY provider.

This season was also a place where, as a leader, Moses character was tested and developed. Not just in his own dependence and trust, but in the way that he ‘reacted’ to the people. He was ‘the speaker’ even though he had little faith that God could use him, and many believe that he had a stutter (because of the NLT translation of Exodus 4:10). Either way, he resisted the call over and over with the same excuses you and I use. (I am not good enough Ex 3:11, I don’t have all of the answers Ex 3:13, People won’t believe me Ex 4:1, I am a terrible speaker Ex 4:10, I am not qualified Ex 4:13).

My Bible commentary says “Personal greatness doesn’t make anyone immune to error or its consequences.” And throughout the entire life of Moses or the story of the Israelites, “God did not change WHO or WHAT Moses was; he did not give Moses new abilities and strengths. Instead, he took Moses characteristics and molded them until they were suited to his purposes.’

It took a huge chunk ‘of a lifetime’ for God to get Moses to ‘let him use’ what he created in the first place and for its intended purposes.”

Sadly, part of what kept them in the wilderness was their disbelief. God told them to take possession of the land (Ex 3:8), yet they became convinced they could not, even though God told them they could do it. It was their lack of belief in what God said (even the good stuff he promised) that brought along his wrath. This led to 40 years of wandering the desert until an entire generation died off.

What kills me here is that you know they wanted the promise land. You know they wanted the miracles and a LOVING, PERSONAL, God that was WITH them. I mean, all of us need someone who has an aerial shot of the ‘big picture,’ and we want someone to guide us. How could they not want that too? But their stubbornness is so much like our own.  –Especially in the first half of our lives trying to do things ‘our way.’ Trying to create a certain type of life or trying to be polar opposite of something else that we’ve seen. We’re so ‘focused’ on the goal that sometimes, we’re not even paying attention to the details. Is this goal, the right goal for me?

(Not just what you think sounds good. And not just what you’ve been repeating for all these years. But in the quiet, soft place, if you acknowledge a daydream, what are those details that you dare tell no one because it sounds too corny, it doesn’t have an ‘earth shattering purpose’, or it feels unrealistic?  --That IS a goal or could be, FYI. And our disappointments in life might really be because we’re not lined up here.)

But if God could grant us any promise that we desire, in our future, what does that land look like? Are we in line to get there?  Where are we at in that? Are we in our bodies enough to see how that lines up with our heart and the world around us or are we fixated on why we can’t take a short cut to that place we’ve been busy trying to get to?

…over the hump or hill…

People make ‘40’ sound like a bad thing with ‘over the hill’ like it’s only depressing or rough on the other side. I guess I see how people think that, but it just doesn’t resonate with me. I mean, yes, I once ran off the side of a fort wall on the Yorktown battlefields when I was paying more attention to the wind keeping my kite up, instead of where the ground ran out. Going down the hill hurt. FOR SURE! The entire sides of those ‘fort walls’ seem to be covered in stumps of thorn bushes! I don’t know if that’s a fluke or if it was intentional to keep the enemy out and now the park rangers cut them down so tourists can climb them. But, when I fell, I bounced and bumped onto every stump, the whole way down. I even had thorns INSIDE my bra.

And some of my more recent and ‘metaphorical’ stumbles or physical displays of ‘falling down’ have been even uglier. They’ve hurt worse, hurt others, and have even landed me flat on my face. And ‘soul hurt’ is a whole other kind of hurt that isn’t as easy to recover from. But isn’t that just what the Israelites also had to endure. —Being humbled. 

You’ll often hear that the ‘bad things’ that happen in life aren’t always because of our inadequacies (as if we could control everything). But also, they aren’t necessarily a reflection of our worthiness or even a reflection of the effort that we put into something. It’s not always due to sin or some bad karma or juju that came to pay you back. I am not even convinced that it’s because we’ve taken something for granted. In looking at the ‘big picture’ through the story of the wilderness, I think I’ve decided that for the first time ever, I don’t have to know why. Maybe the ‘bad things’ are simply a result of something greater that God wants US to see, and to produce in us, and somewhere else that he wants us to be. A place flowing with milk and honey. (Which is how God described the promise land. Ex 3:17)

It’s not that he doesn’t want you to have things now, or be happy, or that he wants to intentionally hurt any of us. True yes, life is more than getting everything we want, ‘being all fat and happy’. It’s about giving too. And scripture says it is better to GIVE than to receive! But somehow a large part of us all too often live as if we weren’t meant to receive at all and therefore we don’t fully embrace it, put ourselves out there, or allow ourselves to be seen. (And I could write a whole other tangent/post here but just think about that for a minute. ALL of our senses work best when we are ‘taking in’ –seeing, smelling, tasting, touching, hearing—not giving out but taking IN! How much more could that apply to a spiritual level??? Don’t tell me God made us to ‘not get’ anything out of life!)

And yet, we deny ALL kinds of things. Some, for really noble, ‘God glorifying’ reasons. (So, I don’t mean that condemning.)

God takes us the long way to teach us this human tendency, and to show you who he is and why you need him.

Deuteronomy 29:5-6 says it best “For forty years I, the Lord, led you through the desert, but your clothes and your sandals didn’t wear out, and I gave you special food. I did these things so that you would realize that I am your God.” But the Lord must give you a change of heart before you truly understand what you have seen and heard.

It does you no good to be in a land with ‘milk and honey’ if you’re going to complain about it, or if you aren’t prepared to receive it, or embrace it, and allow yourself to take it in for the incredible gift that it is.

Sometimes you and I (WE) need to see how much more we desire than what we say, think, feel, or act as we do. –And those trials in life have a way of bringing that out a little deeper in us.

But also, in the first verse that I shared Deuteronomy 8:2-5 he more specifically says that he does this to show you that you need more than food and clothes. He takes us through the wilderness to learn that we need, not just one or two, but EVERY WORD of God to truly LIVE –and to be ALIVE- and not just ‘get through’ life. Ahem, ‘Alive in Christ!’

I tell you this. Faith is a deeply personal thing. Everything that we do hinges on how much faith you have and what you believe. And sitting in a church listening to a sermon doesn’t take near as much faith as stripping apart lines in a bible and, praying them, or trying to live by them, and apply them to your core. But I am certain that the things that have given me strength in life and even a healthier view, have been less about physical needs and more about ‘spiritual bread’ that I’ve indigested.

But you know what else? Do you know why that ‘over the hill’ reference doesn’t resonate with me? It’s because I’ve also had a lot of great times going down the hill. In fact, the very best ones were when I laid down on my belly, rolled with it, and embraced them for what they were. If God wants me to be me, and if God promises he can use it, (no matter how much I screw it up), and if he’s gonna lead me to a promise land, who am I to argue?

Trust me. I see a lot of myself in Moses, and I think that I’ve subconsciously spent a lifetime arguing and resisting, even while I was trying to serve him with all of my heart. It has been SO.MUCH.HARDER in the long run. I’m kind of tired of the punishment I’ve brought on.

I do not mean that I am getting ready to be a perfect display of Christ – I couldn’t do it if I tried. The last I checked, I am as human as it gets.

But I AM READY to plunge forward, and let God show me how to fall—completely— forward-- into my path, and ALL that he promises. ❤ 

This might be a little corny but the last I checked, there’s a song that says he fits the whole world in the palm of his hands. I pray that you’re able to leap with me and for once trust that he can catch you too. In fact, I encourage you to print this out and read it (or look at it) every day for 40 days – asking God how and where you can apply it. Then read through the chapters that cover this story in the wilderness.

If you’ve been following me on Facebook, you’ve seen that I’ve recited poetry terribly when I am nervous and shared paintings that look nothing like the tutorial that I follow. –I share many other things that don’t turn out right.

But for me, that’s kind of my ‘Moses Moment’ Who am I, God, to do XYZ’?

But not only does sharing those examples help me get comfortable just being me but in a world of social media where everything ‘looks perfect’ I prefer to be real. I mean there’s a lot of good in my world, but I hear so many women compare themselves or discredit themselves. I think it’s partially because it’s easier for us only to display things that we deem perfect. I can’t keep up with that pace anymore, and I think we all miss out on a lot by not being willing to practice the raw.

My deepest hope is that if I can be bold enough to step out, then it might give you a little bit of faith that you can step out and do things terribly too on the off chance that now and then we’ll get it right – just like he says!  --And I mean that from the very bottom of my heart. Happy ‘Birth’ day – to all of us!

--

You may also like these related posts that I have found.

Desert Lessons – 7 things that we can learn from the Israelites wandering years

Moses Five Excuses

Oh and this link because everything is better with a little Van Morrison in it and this song just so happens to be perfect!  When will I ever learn to live in God

And just when I thought I couldn’t love that song more, I discover that Bill Murray covered it.  A comedian/actor, off-key, full of strings, and from the belly of his soul, and you know what. He meant it. And it was beautiful! I might have cried a little. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qs_ehhWDMaA

The Beach

I’ve been thinking a lot about the beach this week. More specifically, the many grains of sand. (Ahem, dirt.)

Each grain their own, sometimes varying in hues and texture, and some of them you can see right through. Individually, so small, one may not even notice.

Yet people flock to see, to rest in, to find comfort, and even heal, in the presence of the shore.

In contrast, what are we but flesh and bone? Blood and matter. Heck made from the dirt ourselves (Gen 2:7). And what do we often see when we look at ourselves? Just that, dirt. -Or perhaps something that doesn't amount to much more than that.

Sometimes we even trip over the smallest parts of who we are; like that goofy thing we do, the thing your family teases you about, the skill that you just can’t seem to master, the feeling of plainness, or complete awkwardness. Being different.

Other times, we completely fixate on the weakness or the dirt; like the addiction, a mishap at work, like a poorly executed project, a conversation gone wrong, a wound, and on and on...

Michelle Chalfant said ‘If we are human we have issues, stop thinking you can avoid them.”

Actually, we all have many issues. Great and small. Varying hues. Dirt on many levels. In the physical, like our bones, and in our soul.

Yet the beach doesn’t cover up who or what it is and nor should you.

And just like the shore, God sees the whole picture. Every.little.grain.of.sand.

2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Grace must be the equivalent of knowing exactly what we are. Not just knowing THE ONE thing. But knowing EVERY LITTLE thing about each of us and somehow collectively forming all of those details and idiosyncrasies into something that he calls good (Gen 1:26), and valuable (Matt 10:31), and takes delight in- even singing over (Zeph 3:17).

Yet you and I still try to work dirt out of something- THAT WE’RE MADE OF.

It is not in our ‘trying harder’ to be ‘better’ or ‘different’ that pleases God. It is in our sincerest, seemingly ‘humiliating’ but instead humbling weakness- laying ourselves bare before him. Stretched out like the shore. Sometimes piled up like dunes. Not condemning or making excuses for who or what we are, not bartering because we can’t really make it up; not hiding beneath the waves of life but offering our entirety, especially our weakness, and ALL of it, to him. So that he may use it as He pleases.

And the way that He holds all things together (Col 1:17), allows his power to work through us. He takes those ‘grains’ or ‘specs’ and somehow molds them- transfiguring us -perfectly- into something beautiful.

The next time you start to beat yourself up for something or talk down about yourself, I pray a little salty air washes over you and reminds you that you’re only getting caught on one grain, you’re missing the rest of the beach. Then slip off your stuffy ole uniform, let your bare feet feel the ground (literally), take a deep breath, and relax. –We’re all a little more pliable that way, anyway.

Be shore of it!

(I just couldn’t resist that last one….) Have a blessed day.

The Pillar of Salt | A Story About Lottie & Bart

In this post, I'll be sharing a little testimony but also a little instruction from the lady who became a pillar of salt and a blind man named Bartimaeus. If you’re struggling with change or wondering why you can’t move forward, or if you’re not making the progress that you’d like, check out this post. I hope it helps and encourages you wherever you are.

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First—know that if you haven’t read it before, Genesis 19 it is a disturbing chapter. (This is the chapter where we see Lot’s wife. Sadly she isn’t named. So, I may just call her ole Lottie.) We can look at our TV’s and talk about ‘how bad the world is getting’ and see plainly that even before television, there were corrupt people. We can also see that a lot of potentially innocent people may or may not have been at the mercy of the wicked ones. I am not going to delve into that chapter now but you do need to at least know that ‘some stuff went down’ before Lot’s wife became a pillar.

Lot happens to be the main character in this chapter. You can read more about him in chapters 11-19 of Genesis. Here in Chapter 19, he ran into two angels in town and invited them into his home so that he could feed them and show them hospitality. The scene turns ugly when some people from the town find out about Lot’s visitors. This led the Angels to blind “the bad guys” and then they help the Lord destroy the place. –As in the little town known as Sodom and Gomorrah.

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But first, the Angels told Lot to get all of his family, his wife, and their sons and daughters, and get out of dodge. This is where Lot’s wife comes in.

Verse 16:

When he [Lot] hesitated, the men grasped his hand and the hands of his wife and his two daughters and led them safely out of the city, for the Lord was merciful to them. As soon as they had brought them out, one of them said “Flee for your lives! Don’t look back and don’t stop anywhere in the plain. Flee to the mountains or you will be swept away.”

Lot persuades the fellas to let him go to another location that was closer to him so that he might be able to reestablish himself in. –But in verse 26 good ole Lot’s wife, just can’t resist the urge and- 

“Lot’s wife looked back and she became a pillar of salt.”

Well then…

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Commentary in my Bible suggested that she turned back to look at the smoldering city. Clinging to the past, she was unwilling to turn away completely. Then it asks you to consider what might be holding you back?  You can’t make progress with God as long as you are holding onto pieces of your old life.

I don’t know about you but personally, in my own life, I can tell you that there were some things in my past that I only wish that I could burn up. -Like things from high school or middle school. Many of them haunted me for years. There was unforgiveness, hurt, and embarrassment. You know- those crazy things we did when we were younger. (Gah).

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Here we see that Lot and his wife are offered a transition or a way out but instead of moving forward she is forever preserved with the label ‘stuck in the past’.

Sadly, that is all that we get to see about her. The rest is left to us to piece together.

But there’s a little bit of her in all of us, isn’t there? Here are a few things that I see from my own life that have caused me to stumble the same way.

The first thing that I see is fear.

Being too afraid to step out and try something different. The truth is, I didn’t even know I was afraid. I relied comfortably on my own life experiences as facts. If I hadn’t been something before, then it didn’t quite make sense that I should become it now. Only, I didn’t realize that’s how I was adding things up. But if you know me, you know math ain’t really my thing.

But aren’t we all a little like that. If there isn’t first proof of something… then why should we suspect otherwise? I guess that’s why they call it faith. You know, believing in what you cannot see.

Poor old Lot’s wife is looking in the wrong direction and not necessarily because she wants to hang on. I mean, sure it could’ve been her comfort zone, even if it was a pretty uncomfortable place to be; But maybe this whole ‘looking back’ is simply because it’s the only thing that she knows. She doesn’t know any better or any different. She’s spent a significant portion of her life there. She may not be trying to ‘look backward’ or hang on.

Whether it’s her identity or her heart, it’s a part of her. She might not know how to separate or disconnect.

If you pause for a moment, doesn’t this image help you see why leaning on our own understanding is so dangerous?

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Or what about this-

The second thing that I see is pride and insecurity.

When the angels tell Lot that they’re going to destroy his home, they tell him that it’s because “the outcry against the place is so great.” Somebody is praying for God to intervene!

Could the ones praying be Lot, his family, or even his wife? Who knows?

Sometimes we know the situation that we’re in is bad too. We pray about it. The Lord brings a solution and then we’re like “Nah, I’ll wait to see what’s behind door number two.”

-You didn’t have any food to eat and a neighbor invited you to dinner but you weren’t feeling social or you didn’t like what was on the menu. So you stayed home. Hungry.

Or you got the job but it wasn’t the one you wanted. So, you pass it all up and keep struggling along.

Then you’re mad because God didn’t answer the way that you wanted.

And insecurity—well, I talk a lot about that already on my blog and my own personal struggles with it. It doesn’t matter if it’s self-doubt, false humility, or how ‘you’re just being honest with your lack of x, y, z …’ it’s related to your ego. It’s on the pride spectrum.

But remember Proverbs 16:18 says that “Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall.”

When the good Lord asks you to step out and do a new thing and you pull back then cover it up because it doesn’t match what you believe or who you’ve established yourself to be – that’s pride and that’s a sin.

Don’t be afraid. Just believe. –Mark 5:36 

Third, what about rubberneckin' (sometimes also mixed with comparison)?

Aren’t we all rubber-neckers to some degree? I mean you can’t drive down the road and pass someone pulled over on a shoulder, let alone having some sort of intervention, without at least glancing at it. Sodom was where Lot’s wife lived. Shouldn’t she be interested in what was happening to it?

Sometimes, we’re just too curious about things that aren’t or are no longer our business. –Like people’s opinions of us. You might feel the Lord leading you to do x, y, z but first, you have to check with ‘so and so’ to see if that really makes sense and if it doesn’t make sense to them, then maybe it won’t for you either.

When God tells you to move on, and you’re still hanging around, checking in, it can burn you.

Remember that verse ‘Love of the world leads to death’. We may intend to be obedient to the Lord’s calling, but if we can’t break out of our comfort zone because it’s uncomfortable- or if we don’t do something because someone or something ‘in the world’ is holding us back. – It’s sin.

Both ways [love of your way and love of the world’s way] lead to death.

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Fourth and last – how about simply not paying attention – or not being present?

What if she suddenly remembered that she forgot something? The Lord didn’t tell her that she could take anything but maybe ‘reflex’ turned her head around. –You know like ‘Oh crap, did I leave the iron on’? –or did she forget the pictures?

Do any of you have reflexes or reactions? They just kick in before you even have time to process? You really have to be ‘alert’ to override your reflexes. (This means not getting so far ahead of all of the things that you have to do-- that you aren’t paying attention to where you’re at. It’s a critical moment. Tune in!)

Romans 8:6 tells us that “The mind governed by the flesh (maybe that incessant worry or to do list) is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit (trusting in the present) is life and peace.”

That might be my own emphasis but ouch! – We’ve all got reflexes, right?

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Whatever her reason was, she was not obedient when it came the appointed time. Even though she may not have been trying to be ‘disobedient’. The Lord gave one tiny little command…

and she became a pillar…

Like a monument.

Not a pile of salt or granules blown or ‘swept away’ like the Angels promised. A pillar. I think that’s interesting because scripture tells us in Isaiah that the Lord will wash every single one of our sins away. All of them.

But our example? –It may become one that is used to show others how not to be or what consequences will come, for eternity.

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Okay so you get the sin and the pillar part but why salt? Why didn’t she return to the dust of the ground or simply drop dead like we’ve seen others do before?

Well, here’s what I know about salt:

·       It gives things flavor and makes food taste better by bringing out the better qualities of the other ingredients.

·       It can make us thirsty or whet our appetites.

·       Many believe that it has healing properties, whether it’s consumed or by simply being near it.

But also, look at what Matthew 5:13 says:

“You are the salt of the earth. But if salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again. It’s no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.”

I think the use of the word 'salt’ here embodies the promise of who we are to be called to be- [the salt of the earth].

·       Light and encouragement, loving and kind, serving and helping – essentially making things better for others, and glorifying God.

·       We are encouraged to whet appetites so that others want to drink from the word of God.

·       Both of those bullets get better as we spend time with him and get to know God personally; growing in our own faith. That is where the healing part comes in.

If you’ve tuned out, please hear this-

By that ‘monument that she’s made of salt’ – I think it stands as a reminder that by looking back (regardless of the reason), you’re not only dissolving your future but dissolving the better part of it and what the Lord has promised us in His Word.

Bam, right?

I mean think about it. So many of us struggle with a lack of confidence, shame, guilt, regret, grief, insecurity, etc. You name it. We let it slide because it is so overwhelming that it must be bigger than us. It must be who we are or how we were made to be.  –Like that thorn that was never removed from Paul.

But that’s exactly how a stronghold looks and works in our lives. It is something that has a ‘strong hold’ and keeps you from looking ahead, from believing, from moving forward. If the devil can get you to stay there, then he might keep you from the victory that lies ahead.

I can’t think of any hold stronger than to be forever preserved as a pillar of unfulfilled promises.

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Now let that settle for a minute because I’m going to jump tracks show you how to move forward, using the example that I see in Bartimaeus.

Alright, you ready? (Feel free to pause if you need more time.)

In Mark 10:46-52  we see a blind man named Bartimaeus that encounters Jesus. The text reads:

Then they came to Jericho. As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus was sitting by the roadside begging. When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.” So they called to the blind man, “Cheer up! On your feet! He’s calling you.” Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus. “What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him. The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.” “Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.

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I repeat: “Go. Your faith has healed you.” Then immediately the man received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.

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In many ways, my faith has also healed me. But doesn’t it come in increments? I can tell you specific areas where I have been healed but there is ALWAYS something that we are blind to. Like the blind man, the only way to receive that spiritual sight is with a little ‘come to Jesus meeting’ of your own.

Allowing ourselves to ‘be present’ sitting and waiting on the Lord. Ready to engage! This will also require that we’re willing to get really honest and to the point about what’s going on with you. Then moving forward from that place. (And sometimes no matter how ‘honest’ we are with ourselves, we’re still blind to our own personal truths. It’s a good thing Jesus can come to us. And he’ll lay it on ya when you’re ready.)

What I love about this image is that verse 50 says “He threw his cloak aside”. Basically, you’re going to have to let some things go.

Is it the things that you hide behind or under? Is it the things that others identify you with, like your reputation, or is it the things that bring you comfort? – You might need to give something up in exchange for the thing that you’re asking for.

The very next line is – He jumped to his feet.  He took Action. He tried something not really knowing how it was going to work out.

Isn’t ironic that it’s the one with vision that had to have someone take them BY THE HAND and lead out of the city? Yet it was the blind man that was able to jump and go…

That’s not really all that surprising though is it? How many things do we think we know because of our experience, or our religion, or our education? It’s hard to ‘unknow’ something! –Yet, we’re more blind, with what we know, than someone who’s never had the experience. It’s a lot easier to learn something for the first time than to unlearn it another way first.

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Can you imagine with me for a minute if you will, what that might have been like for him now that can suddenly see? So check in and go slow with me…

·       He’s still going to have to practice some new interactions. –He hasn’t left the place and he’s not technically a different person.

o   It’s the same with any habit, like quitting smoking – you may not be able to have that cup of coffee in the morning, or sit with your spouse outside to rehash the day because that’s where you both smoke together.

o   When you quit drinking, you may not be able to go to some of the places that you used to go. Even if it’s your dearest friends house.

o   When you join a recovery program, you might have to turn the whole world off and be alone a lot more, to get to the heart of those truths and learn your why and how to heal them.

o   Practicing faith, leaving a job, starting a hobby—ANY CHANGE will require you to do a new thing when you leave the old, even when it doesn’t ‘feel’ right or feel like you. But that feeling is only temporary. Give it time.

·       Another thing that might be awkward for him is that he may not recognize someone or something just by what it looks like.

o   He’s going to have to introduce himself to people that he already knows in order to adjust himself.

o   He might have to study things that he’s accustomed to working with in order to recognize what they look like by sight alone.

o   He might see something for the first time that he has never even been aware of before and then learn what it does, for example, like the sun or clouds.

o   Just the same for us, sometimes, our transition, whatever it is, is going to require a lot more study time than what we’re accustomed to. Even when we think we have a pretty good idea.

o   I mean, can you just imagine how ‘hungry’ Bartimaeus would be to see everything now that his eyes are opened? –Or how exhausting that might be because everything he’s known will have this whole other layer that he now has to get to know.

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Either way, Lottie and Bart both had instructions. He followed. She did not. He was healed. She was kept and even preserved in that place of destruction and un-fulfillment, forever.

So let’s recap what we see from Lottie and Bart

She had a dozen reasons that she could not have been looking forward. Any single one of them could leave us turning out like her with a permanent example of what not to do. But if you want to be like Bart, gaining sight, healing, or even a testimony of your own, then you’re going to have to do things like he did.

1.      You’re going to have to learn to sit and wait, (Study time and having an encounter with God or learning to be present).

2.      You’re going to have to let some other things go.

3.      Ask for the revelation or instruction.

4.      Take action (jump to feet).

5.      And follow…

If you want victory in your life, you’re going to have to be willing to ‘give up your life to gain it’ so to speak.

Yep, just like we’ve heard a thousand times….

Trusting all those verses that you’ve heard before. That the God who sees hearts and knows you at your core is the same God who came to save (not judge) and says that ALL of your sins are forgiven, and ALL of your wounds are healed-- You’re going to have to walk away from that moment and believe it. No matter how you think, or how you feel, or how the world around you is shifted in response.

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If this post speaks to you and you feel like you’re stuck in an area, I encourage you to reach out to a Christian Counselor, and to others. Someone who can pray with you specifically in the areas that you need that can offer your personal guidance.

A testimony to top it off:

I do not consider myself to be a preacher or even have some ‘special calling’ in regards to sharing the Word. –The things that I write are sometimes reflections of my personal life, my prayer life, and my Bible Study, all rolled into one. They are my notes from my quiet time studying alone, and how I might apply them. (Kind of like Bartimaeus sitting and waiting to have that interaction with Jesus, even if it’s ‘only words on a page’, and what you imagine from that encounter and then research to back it up.)

But what you need to know is that I wrote 98% this post back in March of 2017 and just didn’t finish it. I even told a co-worker, that I felt like these two stories belonged together but that there was something that I was missing… I asked God to take me deeper but eventually, I put it aside and let it rest.

The end of 2017 came with a lot of blows that left me ‘forever changed’. In the beginning, the post made sense to me from previous victories. Yet, I was still blind to other areas that God was dealing with me in that season. Heck, I was blind to what I thought that I knew about myself…

It wasn’t until I started picking up pieces and working through them, that I realized that this post was guidance (prepared in advance) for me through that incredibly difficult ‘journey’.

I believe that he wants to do the same for you…

Deuteronomy 11:18 tells us to ‘lay up these words in your heart and in your soul.’

Psalms 139:5 tells us that the Lord hems us in – before and behind – like a stitch all the way around us. He knows where we’ve been and he’s already ahead of where we’re going.

You might decide to finally sit down with God and give him a try. In your efforts, you may even feel like he passed you by. You got nothing personal out of that time. I’d like to encourage you to do it again but here are a few things, I’d like you to remember ahead of time.

First, be like Bart – ask him to reveal it to you. You may not experience anything profound ‘immediately’ like Bartimaeus. But hold onto anything that sticks out or catches your attention. Maybe even make a note of it (like hiding it in your heart) or dig around the detail no matter how small it seems. You may be surprised when or where it surfaces again in the road up ahead.

And sometimes, again like Bartimaeus, you’re going to have to rely on other senses, like what you hear’ and in this case, just take my word for it.

I’ll be praying the words of Isaiah 30:21 over you: “Whether you go to the right or to the left, may you hear him behind you saying this is the way, go in it.”

Again, I can't help but find the irony that this post will be released at the beginning of a new year! I hope that it is a happy, profound, NEW one for you!