A Hand With Recovery

Bruce Lee is quoted as saying that ‘those who are unaware they are walking in darkness will never seek the light’.

It’s easy to think darkness is all about sin, or crime, or things that other people do to offend our own value system. But what about plain ole’ ‘stressful’ places in our lives, or in our own heart?

If you’ve never experienced peace or felt what it’s like to be healthy, or if you have never seen the fullness of real light, it would be hard to recognize that you’re not even in it. The condition of your life, or thoughts, or soul, may be the only condition that you’ve known. So, even when we’re ‘feeling better’ we may not see that something is still out of line.

Now I’ve been sharing a lot of testimonies about recovery and counseling lately because it’s made such a HUGE impact on me.

But did you know that scripture even says that ‘where there is no guidance the people fall, but in an abundance of counselors there is victory.’ - Proverbs 11:14

Proverbs 15:22 pretty much repeats that verse but various translations say that ‘plans fail’ and that we are even frustrated by a lack of counsel. It is with many advisers that we succeed.

Did you catch that— more than one counselor or confidant?

So not only should you talk to a counselor; you should actually talk to a few people that you respect and trust, and who are in a position to help you.

That doesn’t necessarily mean that we need to consult everyone that we see. But we should be selective and consider people in various positions to get their advice.

If you have an idea about what your issue is, get a book on the subject. Then talk to a counselor or coach who specializes in this sort of thing. Also, talk to a mentor or boss if you’re comfortable. Talk to your pastor, a recovery group, your spouse and/or best friend.

All of these people are human, like you and I. None of them will have all of the answers. Sometimes they will even give bad advice. But, collecting more than one answer or perspective will give you more ingredients so that you can omit and/or blend it all into your own perfect solution.

But it’s not always their advice that you need. Sometimes you need their questions. The things that they make you think about or ask that you wouldn’t have otherwise. 

In fact, it was in one of these conversations that someone picked up on something I said in passing… I was blind to my own ‘plank’ so to speak. My counselor said ‘whoa, repeat what you just said…. Let’s talk about that…’

That conversation was the exact one that I needed to have and it was not the reason that I was going to a counselor in the first place. I thought this area of my life was pretty taken care of.

But make no mistake, no matter how glorious I make this experience sound, recovery can start violently, painfully, and very unattractively. You have to be willing to hear opinions you disagree with and maybe even experience judgment from others. You’re right to want to resist it.

We all have different issues and we each will handle them in completely different ways. Recovery isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ kind of drill. You may have to be fiercely protective of what you’re trying to accomplish.

As for me, this past year has forced me to make a lot of hard decisions. Decisions that broke my own heart and hurt others. Decisions that brought me peace (which I am not really sure that I have ever had before). Decisions that challenged what I believed. As a result, I believe that I had a spiritual awakening.  It brought with it a level of crazy that I didn’t know that I had in me. I also cried from a place that I didn’t know could run that deep.

But another thing surprised me.

In the early weeks of my Celebrate Recovery class, we had to write a letter to ourselves with the things that we hope to accomplish over the next few months. At the end of our class (approximately 9 months later), our letters are mailed to each of us.

I was pretty sure that I remembered what my letter said and for the most part, I did. Except at the very end of it, I wrote: “I am very excited about knowing and becoming friends with me.”

On this side of all of my therapy and at 39 years old, I can finally say that I am. No matter how many things I don’t know, or how messy things are around me, or how much I realize that I don’t have it together and can make some pretty big messes on my own… something has happened and I finally like the girl on this side of the screen.

-The girl that I want to be, and the girl that I know I have been, are now friends.

I could visibly see differences in my classmates (that were doing the work) as well.

But life is sort of funny, ya know.

I don’t really know what happened in 2016 but that’s when I first learned my counselor’s name. A friend had just completed some time with him and spoke of how impactful that time was. But I had just finished a round of counseling myself with a different lady regarding a transition in my job, so I didn’t feel like I needed to start a new relationship or another round just then.

That’s also the first time that a Celebrate Recovery class crossed my path. I knew that I needed to take it but wasn’t sure why. Yet at the exact same time, I opted to lead another 31-week class instead.

(And it’s not really related to this post but on a side note, it’s also the year that I started writing text for greeting cards. I just stored random comments in an excel file until I figured out what was going to happen with it if anything.)

And yet all of these things came to fruition at the same time, two years later.

I know that I was exactly where I was supposed to be and that things happened exactly as they should have, and when they should have. But knowing what I know now, I wish that I had started this journey back then.

At the beginning of this post, I asked ‘why seek it?’ in reference to counseling.

Aside from becoming friends with myself, and learning roots to issues, I can tell you that I have struggled for a while with my memory, depression, insomnia, anger, frustration, anxiety etc… I can see a significant improvement in each of these areas. I also see differences in my relationships with others as well.  But aside from those physical and tangible differences, Proverbs 12:15 also says:

 ‘The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel.’  

I don’t like to call anyone a fool. I believe that we’re all doing the best that we can. But sometimes our best intentions can make us struggle more than necessary. (Like fighting so hard to do something on our own.) Which does seem a little foolish in hindsight. Especially if we know that there is a better or easier way.

I can’t repeat enough the value of what this process has been for me…

This week is the last week that you can sign up for the recovery classes that just started. For those of you who have been considering it, I urge you to start it now. I will pray buckets of blessings over you on your way.

And you might even make a new friend along the way...

Celebrate Recovery Step Study

Taking place at Northside Church

Women’s class – Sunday nights at 5:00pm

Men’s class – Tuesday nights at 6:30pm

1300 George Washington Memorial Highway,

Yorktown, VA 23693

757.595.5890

http://www.crnorthsidecc.org/step-study.html

If you’d like to attend but do not live near me, use this link to find a class near you.

Insight Neurofeedback and Counseling

Terry Troyer

354 McLaws Circle, Suite 3
Williamsburg, VA 23185

757-345-5802

https://www.insightnf.com/

It’s not hard to change. It’s only hard to change if you don’t truly and totally want the change just yet. –Bentinho Massaro

Removing The Plank | Devotion

You’re probably most familiar with the verse Matthew 7:3-5 for its stance on our judgment of others. 

³ “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

I don’t know about you but every time I hear that word “plank”, I picture a fence post, that’s 6” wide and 8’ long or even bigger.  It’s never just a small board. For whatever reason lately, I’ve been thinking about “planks”.  Not necessarily in the tone of judgment but more so in dealing with a problem.

Have you ever tried to imagine a plank in your eye?  If not, humor me and try it now. Suppose you suddenly realize one day that you have this plank in your eye. If you were in your house, you’d probably want to go to the bathroom where there was more light and a mirror to see this “this thing” that needs to be handled so carefully.

Yet, the plank is so big that you wouldn’t easily be able to get where you needed to be.  No matter how you tried to handle it, you’d probably trip over things on the way there or get caught on furniture and in doorways.  You would have to shift some things around and even handle yourself differently, in order to navigate your path.

If you have kids or pets, forget that bathroom altogether, because they would need to be in the bathroom with you. It would be over capacity by the time you got in there! So in disgust, you’d try to go outside instead, where there is more light and more room to actually remove a plank. By this time, you’re probably so frustrated that you really don’t care who sees you with this problem; you have to get rid of it!

You’re finally outside where you have enough room only to discover that there is another issue. Every time you try to pull this thing out, the far end just keeps getting caught in the dirt.  Your arms are not long enough to hold the opposite end up and you don’t have enough upper body strength to hold up and pull out this thing yourself. You would try it first, just to be sure. You might even wrestle with it for a while. Eventually, you’d realize that you need help.

Maybe neighbors or friends come to your aide. Some of the help might make the problem worse but enough of the right hands in the right spot would be able to free you from this situation in no time.  Even if you just backed up to get away from the problem, you’d probably still need someone to make sure that you didn’t get into a another type of trouble.

Once it was free, I could see how everyone would want to look you and the plank over and then celebrate in its removal.  No matter who helped you and how close you were, you’d always be bonded in a way by that experience.

As corny as it is, what I love about this image are the little things that I gleaned from it by visualizing the whole scenario.

Application

1. First, the saw dust and the plank are the same material, wood. Not just both a type of sin, offense or problem. They are the same. 

2. Ever notice how the thing that annoys you most about someone, turns out to be something that you’re guilty of too. Sigh…

3. Our natural instinct is to run to the mirror when something is wrong with our appearance to see how to fix it.  James 1:23-25 is a verse that references a mirror.  We should check his image to see what we need to get rid of or add in, in order to get our image right.

4. It’s impossible to deal with something (life altering) in a confined space. You will trip, get stuck, hurt yourself and others.  The only way to deal with it is by getting it out in the open.

5. Of course the Son’s light is always brightest!

6. You might know exactly what the solution is but you’re not always strong enough to remove or change the situation on your own.

7. Sometimes, problems can cause us to have blind spots. It’s good to have others that can help you see the full situation or to offer a view from another angle. You also need others to help support you where you are weak.  Sometimes, too many hands in the situation, can cause additional harm but even so, it’s still usually the fastest way to freedom.

8. Certainly when a group works together it brings unity, even if it’s only two people. How much stronger is the unity that is formed during the resolution than it is just in the celebration of victory?

9. Since we are all made to help each other, I wonder if by trying to hold things in, we also deprive the body of our relationships from developing proper trust, respect, appreciation and even the satisfaction of helping each other.

10. Sometimes our greatest ministry is not what we put into words but rather in what we allow others to witness in our own lives. -In showing others the way to victory! HOW we got there!  -Not in a manner that glorifies the problem but to reveal what God is doing in your own life.

11. Could you simply imagine how much lighter you would feel without trying to support the weight of a plank? 

12. Just like this picture, our planks are the only thing that separate us from freedom.

13. If you're helping someone else with their plank, you need to be just as careful with your end (as if it were your own plank) so that you don't further injure the other person.

Prayer

Father God, Thank you for the ability to see a new perspective by using the gift of an imagination. All things in your creation are mighty when used in your power. What a unique design you have given the body to not only help others but to receive help when needed. The unison and harmony that is created and balanced by the give and then the take. Please still our minds so that we can see, not only where we can give more, but where we should also allow others in; If not to develop our own appreciation of their gifts, then to witness to those, who do not yet know where to turn.  Your peace is amazing! Your grace is transforming. Your love endures forever!