I Gave Facebook The Boot!

So Sunday, I finally deactivated my Facebook account. No warning. No shout out. I've had enough. Click, click, Kick! Whew!

I haven't missed it.

Of course the first thing that I wanted to do when I deactivated it, was post about FINALLY doing it! I let that confirm my decision.

I wish that I had of done it sooner!

When my sister in law first asked me to set up a Facebook account a few years ago, I thought she was crazy. I thought Facebookers were crazy. What on earth is the point of the program? I gave it a good go and then deactivated my account finding it pretty useless.

Until I remembered that there was someone that I was trying to find. That story is for another day but I thought maybe he would be looking for me too. So, I reactivated it. (Yes, you can do that.)

Then somehow I seemed to get the hang of it. Maybe it was by practice...?!  **insert gasp**

If I bought tomatoes you knew about it. You were able to witness [in.real.time] just how cute my kids are because I was always posting pictures. Before I knew it, I couldn't put it down.

Even though I thought it was ridiculous.

Last year, I deleted the app on my phone so that I wasn't tempted to press the button. -Not that I needed Facebook that badly but it was a mindless activity. My thumb was clicking the button when I wasn't even trying to read it. I would go to look up a contact and find myself on Facebook anyway. grrrr.

So the app went.

I thought again about ditching Facebook altogether but by this point, I was helping out with our church page(s). I've also started leading some studies on my own. How else would I get the word out? After all, wasn't this important? **insert light-hearted sarcasm here**

So, I made myself some rules, like "I will only do this once a day" or "only on this day of the week". I even scheduled posts so that I wouldn't have to log on but then something would have to get cancelled or suddenly posted and the ball was back in my court. -Of course it wasn't in my "allowed time".

[Brief insert with regard to scheduling: This reminds me of the verse: Matthew 6:34  "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Isn't that the truth?!]

Anyway, I became pretty good at not reading the news feeds and not commenting or liking everything that I saw but then a little voice started pestering me. "You know your friends think you're stuck up because you don't comment on their posts or like their things..." Seriously???

Seriously.

Or when I did post; I felt like I couldn't articulate what should've been a quick reply. I either spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to put it out there or I was irritated by what I should've said instead. For me, is just became the Devil's Playground. If I wasn't frustrated by something related to Facebook, I was wasting completely perfect, coveted time to be living instead.

Then I started noticing that on the days that I didn't have Facebook, there was a greater sense of peace. At night, I didn't feel as tired or agitated.

[Another Insert: This also makes me think about studies that talk about the different nutritional values in food. Now forgive me but I am terrible with remembering cites and it's been a while since I've heard it but- Maybe it was Jamie Oliver, Joyce Meyer or Lysa Terkeurst or someone else altogether that said when we rush through eating we aren't satisfied because there is more to eating than just filling our bellies. AND that when we eat "junk" instead of real food we're also unsatisfied. 

Fast Food, Junk Food, Man Made food are all substitutes with little or no nutritional value. So, we're still left craving the real thing. Our obesity stems from not satisfying what we really desire so we continue to consume... if we continue to fill the void with junk, we just get bigger and hungrier. Not satisfied. 

Just pause and let that sink in for a moment.

I just can't help but think that the same thing applies to Facebook (Social Media) and relationships. It seems mindless. Harmless. Fast. I think it was designed as a message tool. -A way to get to know and reach out or reconnect. Yet it is quickly becoming a substitute for the actual connection instead of just a means to establish it. Social Media is man made collection of relationships. Godly relationships have so much more to offer and there is so much more to friendship than only seeing what people share and commenting on it. But this is taking the tangent in another direction and so I will wrap up this bunny trail by saying next-

I have simply found myself craving tangible instead of visible. Real Books and handwritten letters. -Picked flowers and not pictures of them. A real kiss and a hug not my usual xoxo. I will no longer take a substitute!]

So, I started thinking about deactivating again and how that might hinder my methods to share anything. Facebook clearly has value there but when we become ruled by "our" plans and agendas or the means to obtain them; aren't we also taking back control and/or saying that God isn't capable?

BAM!-That is when I decided it was over.

Ironically, no matter how hard it was to follow my rules or schedules. Simply turning it off was SO much easier to manage. Just like when I quit smoking! I tried the patches and pills and lozenges. Yes, I even tried rules because for some strange reason I seem to like them. -But none of the modifications worked. I finally quit smoking when I went cold turkey over 5 years ago. I just had to cut it off. The same was true with Facebook.

It's just like the verse states in Matthew 5:30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away.  It is easier to cut it off and throw it away than it is to try to ignore the Band-Aid. You'll just keep picking at it.

Please do not interpret this as saying that Facebook is a sin. This post is about how it caused me to stumble. I was always stooping to it. I needed to cut it off. You can replace the word "Facebook" with any habit that you or I have.

I didn't give a warning. I just followed the instructions. I did happen to have a lot of alternate contact information for my friends. You might want to collect some of it first if you're also considering the boot. 

It has only been a week but I am SO relieved! At first my thumb tried to wander into email or safari but when there was nothing there we moved on. Now even my thumb seems to be happily adjusting. 

After I deactivated the account, I saw two other comments on similar stories that I also wanted to include. 

The first was a reference to an old saying in this blog. "If Satan can’t make you bad, he’ll make you busy." I'd like to add that if you're not busy doing the devil will keep you so distracted with something that you're not listening to God or yourself or the peace and quiet.

The second comment was from this post. "The internet age may try to sell you something different, but don’t ever forget that viral is closely associated with sickness — and focusing on numbers can make you nauseated." WOW! What a great statement! What numbers have you been watching? 

And with that, I will end with a scripture! Psalm 34:14 says Seek Peace and Pursue it! Sometimes the decisions that we make aren't about "Good" or "Bad". It's about whether or not you have peace or is it bearing fruit?  You and I can do hard things and have peace so don't confuse "easy" with peaceful. There is a difference. Pursue peace in whatever form that comes! For me, I seldom had peace with this subject. It always bothered me. Maybe it was simply my motives in approaching it...?

If you disagree and think that I should've continued sharing my posts, I do thank you. Let me suggest instead that maybe you'll be the one to share them? -Or even better, maybe this is an opportunity for you to share how God is working in your own life. I'm certain that he will bless you for it. :)

Many Blessings to you and yours!

P.S. The original picture was borrowed from: http://getkickinlife.blogspot.com/ and then tweaked a little.


**Update 12/5/15 - I made it a year and a half and ended up reactivating it so that I could use the groups in study. haha.

Decide In Your Heart

A friend of mine is a budding photographer. I took the kids to meet her this week. Jaxie will be one in a month and I have an empty frame in the living room begging for his first of many annual pictures.  Knowing from past experience that the older 2 would likely freak out, I told them that they didn't have to participate. They could if they wanted but it wasn't required.

We went to the battlefields. We unloaded the cars and carried things and children out to the field. There were so many pretty textures and natural backdrops. Tina started taking pictures of all of us while we were getting settled. When the focus became Jackson, Ethan took notice and started trying to get his attention instead. Then he started putting in for gum balls that I had forgotten in the truck. It wasn't exactly a quick walk back. So, I tried stalling. Ethan was relentless. Within a short time, I was making the trip back to the truck to get the gumballs anyway.

Only, Ethan wasn't satisfied when I handed them over. Instead of one, he wanted two. Instead of red, he wanted white. Now, with gumballs in hand, he wanted to go explore a building on the property. Of course he couldn't because he's too young to go alone. He's pushing so hard. It catches me by surprise. And yet I've seen this all before. It's become a reoccurring theme between us. I can already see how the day is unfolding. I start getting anxious and I begin pummeling my internal list of questions. Do I put my foot down? Do I have to go so far as to whip him? -Here or there? Do I let the boy go be a boy and explore? Am I a helicopter mother? Is he testing boundaries or am I short changing him somewhere else? Why is this so complicated?

I tried distracting him again by attempting a group shot of me and the kids. I got on the ground so that they could jump all over me. It seemed to be working. It seemed like we were all getting back on track and then out of nowhere Sophie became hysterical. She didn't want to stand. She didn't want to sit. I made her get leaves on her tights. I don't really think that she knew why she was crying but as far as she was concerned, the world was ending. I took her back to the truck to get changed into jeans. Defeat is starting to sink in.

Sophie and I make it back to Tina and the boys. The distraction of the group shot was forgotten. Ethan picks up exactly where he left off before about the building. Can we go now? I am annoyed. I had envisioned in my mind that we'd get pictures and then go off exploring the building, the canons, and anything else. But yes, let's get this out of the way. We go to the building. 

Somewhere in the back of my mind I am still trying to get that group shot. I just want ONE picture of 3 kids that look like they're not being tortured. Well really, I love them. I want a thousand pictures of them together looking happy. I don't realize it then but this desire is really driving the rest of the day. For some reason, I just keep trying. Ethan keeps resisting. -On the walls outside of the building, on the fence and in the grass again, I am still trying.

The day finally comes to an explosive head. One that suddenly wakes me up and I realize that this dynamic cannot continue between us. Not today. Not in the future. Later there is a sweet spot. But the tone had already been set. It's playing low in mind. By the time that we got home, I was exhausted. We all were. After dinner we got in my bed and the kids watched a movie. I recounted the day.

I read a bloggers post about how anger was really sadness with a mask. I let the story settle. The next morning I woke up with a heavy heart. I recounted the day, from the moment Ethan asked about the gumballs.

I thought about that article. Was I angry? No. I was anxious. Was there an underlying reason for my anxiety? What on earth was I anxious about? And why does it resurface in the same exact spot, every time. -When I am being tested by him.

Then I think of Philippians 4:6.  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything… let your requests be made known to God.

I realize that I never once reached out to God in that moment of need. This girl, who prayed for and received a 1” toy donkey when there was no time left to find one. This girl, who prayed for and received help with her father, when his own father was on his deathbed. This girl, who has prayed a million other little prayers between those two; never once considered asking God to help her with this thing that seemed to defeat her regularly. How many other moments in my life are Godless? I know that there must be many but how many? I wonder if the day would've been more peaceful had I started off right. I stop and offer repentance and a request for help right then.

Then back to the problem. It's not anger that immobilizes me in that moment. It's anxiety. But why?

I think of the words decide in your heart, which come from 2 Corinthians 9:7. I realize that under all of that anxiety, I am engulfed in a sea of emotions ranging from:

• Frustration of being tested.
• Exhaust from its reoccurrence.
• Guilt because I feel like I never see them and I wonder if they simply need MORE than I am giving.
• Uncertainty, because they are little. Perhaps, I demand too much.
• Shame, because sometimes I think I just need to get a grip and be the parent.
• Sadness, because I just don't know sometimes, if I am doing this right.
• Even love. Despite the testing, I still love them and sometimes, I just want to go sit on them and hold them down and push their little cheeks up into a smile, and say "Hey we're going to enjoy this moment dangit!"

Who knew parenting was so hard? As I write this, I realize that my anxiety is because I have not decided in my heart which one of these emotions will steal these moments, or the next one when it happens again. Ethan pushes twice as hard because he also, does not know.

I've been thinking that my issue was because I don't follow through often enough. Really, it's that I can't serve 2 masters or however many others that I just outlined. (Mat 6:24). I have not decided in my heart which one of those emotions will lead and so they all compete, keeping me from defining what the rules really are. How could he know if he's crossing the line, if I never decide when or where to lay it down?

I suddenly feel the need to write a mission statement on a post it note, so that I can fold it up and put it in my wallet. The next time this happens, I will freeze time and pull out my note and remind myself what I said was going to happen...  I'm only half serious but I know that I must decide.

I cannot lead effectively if I am hung up on fear or guilt or shame. –And I must still follow rules when I feel those things, so what I teach my children should be no different; particularly when it comes to respect and safety. Nor can I pretend to make things optional with the kids when I clearly have a goal in mind. Like having a silly picture… sigh.

Thinking about the situation in this light, changes the way I feel about it. I now feel as if I have a secret weapon in my pocket. Wisdom and a plan.

And I thank God for the power of prayer.