Be the glue

This morning between devotions and prayer, I sat in my recliner, sipping coffee, and just let my mind wander.

The day. The week. Colin and the kids. Eventually, my thoughts came to an uncle that is no longer with us. It’s not unusual. I think of Michael often. There was no particular direction of this memory’s lane. …just enjoying a little stroll while there was a quiet minute.

I remembered his eulogy and how I wanted to recount every little detail that I knew about him. His house and his things are in a very slow process of being settled. We’re in no hurry but we are moving forward, and on, at the pace that we need to.

Everything is maintained and in an almost perfect order. We treasure, protect, and still enjoy his lingerings. I’ve even adopted his garden. Mostly because I couldn’t bear to see it torn down or the thought of it falling apart. While it may come across in text like I am looking back in sorrow, it was more reminiscence of Joy. What a beautiful creature he was. He was not just a relative, but our neighbor, our friend, and in many ways, our glue.

As I thought of ways that our family continues to guard and celebrate him or his things, I was reminded of the verse John 14:15.

If you love me keep my commands.

Isn't it funny how we find it so easy to 'keep' things of people that we love and yet we sometimes struggle to embrace the things of God as deeply., even though we profess our love for him.

keep his commands

What about his things?

Maybe our possessions.

How might we honor Him by SHOWING HONOR to his people instead? How can we love and respect those we are still beside, instead of asking to be loved by, pushing an agenda, or trying to convince on our behalf. Could we look for ways to respect each other and bring unity, despite our differences?

Being devoted. Continuing to put each other before ourselves. (Romans 12:10) -As He commanded.

After all, it’s only for a little while… (1 Peter 5:10, Ecclesiastes 1,2)

And without love, everything else is nothing. (1 Corinthians 13)

 Be the glue.

Are you there yet?

I used to carry my camera everywhere until I started having kids. Actually, having Ethan propelled me to get my first my digital camera. But three babies and three cameras later; it just became easier to carry less. Not to mention the fact that it had become way too obvious that we were hard on electronics. Scaling back meant that I also started using my phone for pictures. Some of my earlier cell phones have taken decent pictures and so it wasn't a big deal. But I must say the iPhone has sorely disappointed me in this area.

The other night I was walking down the lane behind my house and saw this view. If it wasn't in someone else's yard, I might have sat there all night. You can't tell from the picture but the bottom crescent of the moon was glowing and behind the crescent you could see the remaining full moon shadow. Not only that but the little star to the left is actually Venus and not even a star. It was a pretty proud moment for me.  

It was one thing to be able to say that I took the picture but this shot didn't do it justice. The woods surrounding me were lit with a strange, even pink, hue. The ground was white with snow. In some ways it almost felt like I was on a set for a play. The image really doesn't capture the footage outside or around the frame of the picture. You really had to be there to get it. And I can say that I was! It was enchanting. 

This picture has made me decide that I will start carrying my camera again. Even if it's not top of the line, it might have brought me a picture that I could actually frame. Whereas now, I will only be able to save it here on a blog. As I considered the differences in pictures that I've seen online or in markets verses ones that I've taken; I couldn't help but consider their similarity in hearing the word. 

I have been given some great friends, mentors and even counselors that have had wonderful advice. I was dually blessed when some of them were Christians. I can also say that I have sat in church services with spirit led Pastors that could say the exact thing that hurt-so-good. -Each word FULL of the correction you needed with enough grace to keep you begging for more.

But NOTHING has ever been as satisfying to me as reading the word myself and having it speak directly to me or feeling- knowing that God is with me & giving me the answer that I need right now. -To be able to say "I was there and so was he!" -Like that picture!

I don't know where you are in your walk right now. Maybe you can connect with exactly what I am saying. But if you can't and if you've never "heard God speak" or felt the word, I'd like to try to encourage you today.

So many of us wait [or have waited] for that "thunder booming voice" kind of like when you were in trouble with your parents and they dropped your middle name, or like the voice of the mysterious man behind the curtain in the Wizard of Oz. I don't know that it always happens like that for everyone and I'd hate for you to miss it! 

For me, I can say that I have heard a thunder booming voice once but not with my ears and I am sorry that I just don't know how to elaborate on that. I can only say that I heard it in my heart. I might have even heard the thunder voice a few other times. However, I'd rather say that hearing God speak to me is more like having his entire creation become alive. 

The words most often spoken are usually through you and/or friends and strangers or in books I read. A few little strips twinged with a sudden nearness and connection. And many of the times the words used were not even intended that way by the speaker. They may never know their impact unless I tell them. 

In fact, I feel like the Lord uses my job to teach me about so many other facets of my life but particularly in my spiritual growth. It's a connection that I am not sure I would have noticed if I wasn't already a believer. Other times it's a nudging; a soft prompting that I need to do something or at times even a tension related to decisions. 

I'd like to share a verse with you to meditate on:

“If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever—the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you” (John 14:15-17).

There is so much en-grained in that little nugget.

1. If you love God -  Love. This is simple. I do not hear as much [even from my surroundings] if I am not spending time in the word. And I am not going to do that if I don't genuinely desire or love him and what I get from it.

2. Obey what I command - Obedience really is a key. I don't want to portray God as the kind to give you a silent treatment. I think that instead he patiently waits for us to catch up. I don't want to overly personalize this and downplay God either but really what is the point of talking to someone who doesn't listen. We want God to give us a testimony but we don't want to tell anyone about it. We want God to change our lives but don't want to do anything different. We also want God to speak to us but then we're so afraid of what he might say that we can't bring ourselves to listen. There really is not a drive thru for spirituality. You will have to discipline yourself to accept change in order to get a different result. If he does meet you where you are and give you an answer, what are you going to do with what comes after?

3. There is a counselor - You have a certified helper available in each moment who knows exactly what you need in any circumstance.

4. To be with you - WITH [Always available] YOU [Not just available to everyone else.]

4. Now this one is important and it might sound offensive or weird and if it does please pray about it. Heck, ask me and I will pray with you. The world cannot accept him because it neither sees him or knows him.  I'm just going to give you a handful of verses right here and truthfully they are only a drop in the bucket.

John 8:28 So Jesus said, “When you have lifted up the Son of Man, [willing to recognize that he is God and treat him as your Lord] then [it only comes after that first part] you will know that I am he and that I do nothing on my own but speak just what the Father has taught me.

In fact you’ve probably heard this verse before “He came so that the blind could see” Maybe you think of the blind beggar that Jesus healed by rubbing mud on his eyes. –Or maybe you think of Saul’s conversion when scales fell from his eyes and SUDDENLY he could see.

Yes, Jesus performed miracles that restored a physical sight but he gives a spiritual sight as well. I don't believe that his miracles were only parables but parables were used throughout the bible. Why could a picture for physical healing not be the exact and obvious image we need for the spiritual vision as well? Something else happened to each recipient as soon as they gained their physical sight. They also gained a recognition or knowledge about Jesus and the God who performed the miracle. There is so much more to see & know than just what is just before us. 

In fact 2 Corinthians talks about a veil, something being lifted so that you can gain this sight, particularly verses 3-4. And just like the veil used when a bride gets married; when God lifts that veil it’s because we have chosen to become his. Not on Sunday. Not on a blog. Not only with our unveiled friends. For life. “Like a bride and groom”. There is a commitment. (I will let you look up passages about that reference.)

And if you don’t think that this is right, check out John 8:47 it plainly says “Whoever belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God.” I did not write that! It's scripture. Check it out!

If you feel like you’re not on that hearing side, do not be discouraged John 1:12 also says “Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.”

And finally, if you want to know how to do this, the answer is found in Romans 10:9 - They call it the ABC's of Salvation. Because if you Acknowledge and confess with your lips that Jesus is Lord and in your heart Believe (adhere to, trust in, and rely on the truth) that God raised Him from the dead, [Then you Commit your life to living by and for this] you will be saved. 

If you made it here and are kind of surprised how we got from point A to B, well me too! I really just meant to tell you that there is more to this view than just what you see in the picture. You and I couldn't possibly grasp all that was there unless we were in it. Faith is really no different. If you don't get what someone else has, you're might actually be missing some of the details. I promise you that if you ask to be his and commit yourself to deepening your faith, he will reveal and even fill in what you've been missing.

I hope it doesn't sound too boastful. I am full of mistakes and things that I could certainly do better. -But God loves me and you despite of our flaws. Every time I've challenged myself to get deeper, he has met me where I was. I urge you to just ask yourself if your faith matches up to what you picture that it should be. If it's not, ask yourself what's missing. Then [get the right lens] ask God to show you how to get there and then do all that you can to "capture" what's not in your present setting.

Blessings to you friend!

O' to be in love...

I will never forget the day that I saw Colin for the first time.  I was 14 and I was in my freshman year of High School. After school, many of our friends would go to various locations to play football. I would ride along. While they played, I sat on the sidelines and held keys, wallets, hats, etc. -Occasionally cheering, but mostly yelling smart comments and talking to the other girls that might be sitting with me.

Then one January day at Peasley Middle School, I noticed someone that I hadn't seen before. He caught my breath and I remember watching him walk, almost in slow motion, back to position for the next play. I leaned over and asked my friend Vicky who he was. She told me his name was Colin, to which I replied "I'm going to marry that boy some day!"

Over the next few months, no matter how hard I tried, I never ran into him at school. I attended many games and occasionally caught a glimpse of mister aloof. Eventually, I did run in to him again at one. I talked him into letting me hold his glasses. At some point I hijacked a necklace and it just went on from there. By April I was completely, obnoxiously, squealy-school-girlishly, in love.

Don't you remember young love? Oh, how it makes me embarrassed and glad all over again, to think of it. I'd doodle his name over and over. Then change it to variations of mine and his together. I memorized his birthday and favorite colors, favorite bands and past times. I schooled myself in "the ways of Colin" and even tried to be more like him myself. It was easy to learn about his interests and even adopt some of them because of how much I loved and enjoyed being with him.

It didn't matter what I was supposed to be doing, if he called, I was hurting myself to get to the phone. It didn't matter if I'd get in trouble over not doing my chores instead. It never occurred to me to care what my friends or other people thought because I knew in my heart that ... HE was it.

We've been married 13 years now. The places that I grew confidence in him, were not in the things that I memorized; but in things that became known by spending time with him. I've come to trust him in ways where I didn't even know that I was SO untrusting. It is those revelations that have convicted and stirred something deeper inside of me. Not only in my own heart as I challenge myself to offer more, but also in what I expect to receive as we allow our lives to further intertwine.

The NIV translation of Isaiah 62:3-5 says:

You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord’s hand,

a royal diadem in the hand of your God.

No longer will they call you Deserted,

or name your land Desolate.

But you will be called Hephzibah,

and your land Beulah;

for the Lord will take delight in you,

and your land will be married.

As a young man marries a young woman,

so will your Builder marry you;

as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,

so will your God rejoice over you.

"So will your builder marry you..." I think about that verse and I find so many convictions. Not only in how much my relationship with Colin shows me what I still withhold when I profess that same "love" to God. Do I offer even a fraction of the same consideration or attention?

Wasn't I committed to finding Colin when I chased that boy around? How much effort have I spent chasing God? Even in my dress and what people see- Are they things that I am willing to change in order to draw closer? Do I desire to know as much about God because HE IS IT? Does he have my heart? Likewise, the more I learn about God, the more I discover the flaws in my own offerings to my husband and to others. Does my love, really match up to his definition?

While some of those questions might seem absurd, particularly referring to an "eye in the sky" God- I think of that one line again. So will your builder marry you... How much more intimately can someone be known than as the builder would know his creation? -The hidden secrets or thoughts. Understanding my hows and whys... And what more personal relationship can you have, than marriage?

I have discovered that God is far more personal than I was ever interested in being. Keeping him at a distance, made it easier to not know what might be revealed ...or expected or even what I was capable of through him.

No matter how many times I thought about moving closer, I just somehow kept dancing around it. -Getting deeper was such a mysterious, intriguing... o b s t a c l e. It's funny how even that sounds like the first few years of my marriage to Colin... But "No longer will they call you Deserted".  You will no longer be an island to yourself. You will be married and become one. -To know and be known.

Just like those revelations and my untrusting bit; faith is also a confidence. In fact the very definition of trust says that it's a "reliance on the strength, ability, surety, etc. of person or thing; confidence." But in order to trust, you must give something of yourself first. Only then will you find out if something is worthy of that trust.

When we finally allow ourselves to go beyond our fear, our anger, our way or only what we know to be true; do we change... It is in reaching beyond our comfort zone, that we finally move closer. The growth comes in the defeat and conquer of ourselves as we learn to give up control. It is in offering our weakness and not only our strength that we become one.  In fact, I'd say it's in the very weakness, where the joint lies that we connect.

Isn't it work sloughing off all of that hard exterior in order to get to the center of our hearts? You have to develop new skills in order to learn what does and doesn't work. But if we hang in there, in time we will gain knowledge. Isn't it easier to rely on something when you know what it is and what it does? And when you have that knowledge it is so much easier to appreciate what it is before you. 

Agape... -Growing from immaturity to maturity with our beloved...

Just as verse 1 John 3:18 says that we are NOT to love with words but with actions;  Romans 12:9 says that love must be sincere. Isn't it so much easier to do anything when you have a real love for it?  When you want the 'it' more than you want things to stay the same. It is our commitment that will bond or break us. Our commitment is what will prove just how deep our love for 'it' is.

If we are not committed in the beginning, we never get past the superficial "fluff" of love. Somewhere in the middle, if we don't remind ourselves again of our commitment and the prize, we often don't have the encouragement we need to go into the next level.  But man if you can make it to the other side... there are no words for what you will find.

Challenge yourself today to be in love! -To go deeper! -Even past the point of being uncomfortable. Are you really in love enough with someone else to see beyond... and maybe even move?

Love --> Commit --> Skills --> Knowledge --> Trust --> Connect --> Appreciate --> Love
--> Repeat the above and go deeper!

***

Mark 12:30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. 

John 13:34-35 Love one another as I have loved you.

Start Your Fire (down at the PBC)

A couple of weeks ago, I shared a post called "Fire Starters". I don't usually share my blog posts on our church Facebook page but I felt led to share that one. Afterwards, I started beating myself up because I spoke about some things that  happened in church. I was worried that someone might interpret that as a negative message about what they would find inside. I might have even given the devil an opportunity to have a field day with it; by keeping new people from wanting to come and by upsetting the people that currently attend.

In the time since that post, I have thought more and more about how easy it is to be offended. We don't like what someone says, or a particular message that was given, the way the choir sings, the uncomfortable pews, the temperature of the building or blah blah blah...  There is just too much stuff to not like, if we stop to think about it.

I might have gotten upset when someone made a comment to me (refer to the other post). In hindsight, it was such a catalyst for me to get real about my faith. I took it straight to God and he really put me in my place. "Are you coming to church for the people or for me?" In so many ways, I can't help but be thankful for that one moment. (And countless other moments in my life that initially made me uncomfortable).

I didn't like it. It didn't stroke my ego. If I had given that one spark the room to ignite; I might have never settled down at any church. If I didn't let God convict me and then make a decision to commit no matter how I felt, then I would have missed out on meeting some pretty incredible people inside it.

If I got mad enough to walk away, I might not have seen 2 of my 3 children baptized so early in life or I would've missed the blessing of hearing my preacher sing from the pit of his soul, the opportunity to be a part of some mission opportunities right here in my own community, and the gift of belonging to a purpose.

I pray to be a strong woman of faith and to have a big, strong family right there with me. I pray to have good Christian friends and that somehow I can make a difference in the life of another.  When I first started praying those prayers, I was not where I am now. Although I am not perfect by any means, God has been able to answer some of those prayers, simply by my willingness to be obedient.  -Even when it hurt. How many times in life do we allow offenses to cheat us from the glory that awaits us, if we would just push through?

And no, you don't need to come to church to prove that you believe in God or even to find him. But at some point, doesn't faith require us to get over ourselves? True worship is selfless. It's not what a church can do for us, or what we think that we can do for God but a recognition of who we are called to be in Christ and coming forward to find our position.

Church is one of the greatest spiritual weapons that you can have.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12  says Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (NIV)

and

Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

No matter where you are in your faith, I encourage you to cultivate your desire to know God and to discover the power of church.  Don't stop once you hit the doors.  If sitting in the back is getting comfortable then move a little closer to the front, or come again on another day, or even sign up for an activity inside.  The closer that you get to the heart of it, the more you will realize how much it is exactly what you have been looking for.

You might not be able to come to Providence but there is a church somewhere that is has been waiting for you. Choose one and then keep coming back. If you'd like to come to Providence, we'd love to have you. Our services are at 9:00 and 10:30.

Revelations 2:10 Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life.

Fire Starters

We wrapped up a testimony session at church this month. Despite all of my many notes, I ended up winging one instead and it came down to only two things. The first, was about spending most of my youth chasing feelings and looking for love; when really, I was looking for God. The second, was about my church relationship(s) and chasing the fire. In the days since, I have really thought a lot more about the fire portion of that.

I first felt the fire when I was 16, at a revival in Florida. I was amped for days, even months when it first lit up. Then I moved out of state and the fire fizzled. I found another church after that and eventually felt the fire again. Then I got offended by people in the church and I allowed myself to just walk away.

It wasn't until I had Ethan that I was willing to commit to church or to God. How else was I going to teach him anything, if I didn't lead by an example and learn for myself? I tried a bunch of different churches and just didn't "feel the fire" at any of them. Yet, I kept finding my way back to the church that I attend now.

I can guarantee you that there was no fire there. The church was rapidly falling apart. The Pastor's future was up in the air. Inside was a complete mixture of chaos and silence. But so was I...

In many ways it was a blessing joining at this time. Everyone else was so involved in the other things that were going on that I was able to slip in and then slip out without anyone really noticing. Until one day, a lady came up to introduce herself. She ended our brief conversation with the statement "I used to sit in the back too until someone called me a back seat Christian."

Ooh, I was hot. -And not by the fire that I was looking for. I was offended and mad and feeling a little self righteous. I wagged my tired finger at God and tried to justify my reason(s) for not coming to church and his reply was "Are you coming to church for the people or for me?"

Well that will pretty much shut you up right there. I stayed at that church. I really felt God asking me to commit to him, even if I never felt the fire again. It's been 8 or 9 years since that day.

The good news is, that fire is within us, where his spirit lives, always. We don't need to chase it. We can find it right where we are. If we're not feeling it, then perhaps we need to be tending to it. Just like a stoker who starts a fire, he must continue to keep it going. When it cools, it's not because God is too busy or just not into it or that he has nothing to say to us. It's because we have let that fire cool. Perhaps we need to get another log or a piece of kindling or even fan the flame.

Be watchful, and strengthen the things that remain, and are ready to die. -Revelations 3:2

***

The other day in church I was talking to a friend about spiritual activity. I told him that I really felt close to the spirit the last few months. I was starting to make connections between not feeling the presence of the spirit and an action on my part. I said "even as of this weekend, in a sense, I feel like the lamp has gone out or dimmed a little and now I have to figure out why." Of course he looked at me like I was nuts. "What?" Even as I said it, I felt a little strange. I am not sure why I worded it that way.

I went home and tried to think of ways to better explain what I meant. To explain how I have been focusing on my prayer life so much that I feel close to God every day. That now, I notice when I start feeling like God is getting distant again. That's my queue to take the time to revisit what has happened since I last felt his presence. Is there something that he's asked me to do that I haven't done? Do I need a fresh word or new perspective?

I couldn't get the word "lamp" out of my mind. I thought about the elements or properties of fire. Fire is full of light and heat and it needs air to grow, but what else...? So, I looked it up. It is heat, air, and energy. If one of those elements are missing or removed, the fire stops.  There is no fire.

Energy. I teared up just reading the word. I get SO exhausted doing, and doing, and doing. Even during that week, I could not bring myself to stop and slow down. Yet, it was all that I could do to just keep pushing through. In my time in prayer, I was so tired that I couldn't really focus. Maybe if he was sitting right in front of me, even if I were excited; I wouldn't reach out to him as enthusiastically as I would, if I were fully rested.

Well, that's exactly what was happening. We ARE seated before God every day.  I needed energy to reach out and I just didn't have it in me. He was feeling too far away because of me... My fire or lamp was dim because I wasn't keeping it going.

Just like 1 Corinthians 16:13 tells us to be on guard at all times. He IS there all of the time. It's as simple as walking outside and standing in the sun. When I stand in it's unobstructed view, there is no denying it's heat or it's light or the sheer magnitude or intensity of it's brightness.

The dimness of the lamp, or coolness that I feel is also like the hardening of the heart.
There is something between me and the Son. Is it the bustle of life, unrepented sin, or perhaps clouds of doubt, fear or slumber...?

Not to take anything away from God because clearly he can send his spirit when he wants to, but how much more can we have in our relationship with him, if were willing to be involved? If a real fire only has three components, what would that look like  if we tried to make one in our prayer life?

Heat - Psalms 57:7 says oh my heart is steadfast, I am confident in you.
Do you have a desire to meet him? Do you believe that he will come? Have you taken the time to prepare a place to invite him in, to worship, to serve? Not just ridding physical distractions but are you coming to him with a clear mind and a purpose to know and to be close to him? Have you even gathered your material or tools?

Just like when your camping, it's a hunger that first drives us to make a fire. Yet, if we're hungry enough, we will eat food that's cold if we have to. Are you hungry enough for God and his word? Are you feeling cold and in need of a warm up? It is easier to mold something when it's hot rather than cold.  -But plain and simple, what will it take to make you hit your knees and rub your sticks together? -Until you get a fire?

Oxygen/Air - Is your time in prayer a simple hello, just an item on your checklist or are you willing to breathe your heart into the fire to get it started. -Your admission of need for him (humility) mixed with confession of truth (openness) and then a spark ignites. You're lifting him up and exalting him. There is a constant tapping down of self, in order to give him room to be your flame.

Fuel/energy - Not only do you need energy to start the fire but you will also need energy to keep it going. A good fire will build momentum but it will still require more resources to stay lit. You will need a sober mind or alertness to know what's required, a rested body and a desire to be able to tend to it. And for me this is the hardest- resting in order to rebuild those stores.  If I don't do this, I might just be empty when I get there and then what kind of fire would I be giving God?

***

The better part of this has been written for the last two weeks. I just felt like one thing was missing. I was so focused on how we could improve our prayer life, that I forgot one of the most basic things. It wasn't until I got so aggravated that I had to walk away, that I was able to gain enough distance to see what was missing.

Sometimes, I get too legalistic. Not because I feel like we have to earn the love of God but because I want so desperately to be the woman that he intended for me to be. What kind of wife did he design for Colin? What kind of mother for my kids or simple being in his world? However, that legalism caused a snag in this post. I was robbing myself of enjoyment.

As with any fire once you get it going, do take the time to simply enjoy the presence of God? Do you celebrate with your friends around him? Do you marvel at the colors in his glow? -Reflecting on who he is and how he works and what he in return puts in us?

***

Father God, Jeremiah 23:29 says that not only is your word like fire but that it's also like a hammer that breaks a rock in many pieces.  I pray that you can shatter the hardness of my heart and that nothing blocks me from seeing, feeling, touching or knowing your full glory. -The tingle and the heat and the joy; I want not only for myself, but to become so engulfed that I transfer them to others. So, that we can celebrate in your name and delight in all that you are able to do and have done. Your love is amazing. I am thankful that your spirit is with in me but never stop calling my name.