A Lighter Journey

A couple of years ago I went to Las Vegas for a conference for work. It’s one of the perks that I love about my job; getting to go places and see things that I wouldn’t ordinarily get to see. (Yes, that includes the conferences and the actual speakers and information.) I had never been to Vegas before, or anywhere beyond the east coast for that matter – at that time. While I can’t say that Vegas wasn’t on any list of places that I wanted to go, I was excited about finding something new on the trip.

Our hotel and the conference were both deep in the heart of the city. The first day gave us a good pocket of time before the events kicked off, I searched for non-Vegas attractions. -Things to do 'outside' of where I would be staying over the next few days.

 

Immediately, I found it. Red Rock Canyon. 

My co-worker and I are more of the outdoorsy types anyway, so we slipped away for a 'quick' hike. That is if there is such a thing... 

The park was 40 minutes away from our hotel. But we had a fun Uber driver that liked people (which is surprisingly not the case with all drivers). And she was even kind enough to wait the 1-2 hours Paula and I wandered around the trail. (This is a good thing to note. Because cell coverage isn’t so hot there. The odds of getting an Uber or Taxi on the way back would have been a lot more difficult. Especially in a time crunch.) I took her picture too but in the two years since it looks like I’ve only retained the ones you see here in this post. I’m thankful for these none-the-less.

Anyway, it was so beautiful there. I mean yes, it’s all rocks, dirt, and plants, but it looks different than what you see here, in Virginia. There were desert-y and cactus-y flowers. Even some that looked like mini cotton plants. And contrary to our hiking in the mountains of Virginia, this place was mostly flattish plains against the mountains. For every mound above the ground, you could see the different types of sediment layers in the rocks. But what surprised me the most was that during the hike, you walked closer to the mountains and then farther away from them. There were very few hills to climb and no trees to obstruct the view. And the mountain was always right in front of you. At least in this particular park.

It was one of those beautiful days too where the sky seems like that perfect bright blue backdrop to super white clouds. And it felt kind of like being in a time-lapse video, or something that you would see on T.V. because when the clouds rolled over, you could feel their shadow and see it, coming in, and going out over the ground, the whole way that it traveled. I guess another perk to ‘flat’ land.

There was so much to take in and so many details to notice.

Oddly enough one of the things that stuck out from the trip is that a doggie bag was left by another hiker on the trail. I was a little annoyed that someone took the time to bag it and then leave it. What was the point? I thought to myself as I continued hiking.

I didn't even realize that mini conversation with myself 'stuck' with me but it did. That question would later lead to an incredible catchphrase for some of my own thoughts that I needed to clean up.

You see about a week before coming to Vegas we adopted a cheetah disguised as a long-haired German shepherd. She was only 3 but still FULL of puppy energy. When I returned from my trip, I started taking her on my morning runs.  I had never really run with a dog before. At least not on a leash. Sure, I had other dogs but running with them was different. By the time that I started becoming more active and running intentionally, all of my dogs were older and had health problems, so sadly, they couldn’t go along. Running Cleo was going to be part of the morning routine. Although, I am not really sure who runs who. She is so fast that for the first few months, I had to ride a bike just so I could keep up with her and it felt every bit like the death ride that it sounds. –At least when we were taking off.

Anyway, so, we all know that proper etiquette is picking up behind your dog. But on this side of things carrying a bouncy bag of poo is every bit as unappealing as it sounds. And to make it less bouncy, holding the bulky part makes you more aware of the heat and texture. It’s not exactly something that you want to put in your pocket either. So, I find that many times, whenever I can help it, I bag it so that I can find it more easily. Then I leave the bag on the side of the road until my way back so that I can carry it the least amount of time possible. It wasn’t until that first opportunity to experience this that I suddenly remembered being on the trail in Vegas and at the exact same time the phrase “Never judge a man until you walk a mile in their shoes.” Literally!

I gained understanding.

It is very likely that the person on the trail left the bag with every intention of picking it up on the way back. –And they could have lost their way, forgot, or just have not passed back through yet. Who knows?! But at that moment, it was such an-aha. “Next time you think something is crappy, ask yourself if it’s your judgment.”

I softened.

I know it sounds so cliché but that catchphrase was one that has stuck. It has caught me time and again in little ways that I didn’t realize that my judgment was along for the ride. You know like when your child, or spouse, or stranger does something to irritate you. Check your response. How many times do you judge the behavior because you know what you would have done or what you expected? When you slip up and do something a little less wonderfully than you meant to, or make a mistake yourself, how much do you berate yourself for something you ‘should have done’ or ‘should have known’.

You may not have thought of that one. –But we definitely judge ourselves.

What’s funny is I don’t think most of us want to judge. I try really hard not too and try to see the best in everyone and everything. But I do still drop the ball. There are definitely appalling encounters and we also need discernment. A healthy dose of judgment is needed there. But for the most part, we’re also accustomed to our own environments, our beliefs, and ideas, what we know to be true for ourselves, and our ways- a limited perspective. Our thoughts fly out in nano-seconds and they’re often out of the gate before we recognize them for what they are. More often, we’re only left with their weight and burden. Then trying to analyze or understand what is making us so heavy.

The truth is we’re all on this journey through life and trying to make sense of it. At times, we even lose our way. But we’re all also still learning. The judgments that we can carry about anyone or anything, including ourselves, can often be much more detrimental to our spiritual health, than any excrement on the outside. And if insight and understanding was the solution to end it, then perhaps, when we find ourselves at that crossroads, or even feeling weighed down, it’s a prompt to ask a question. Hopefully, that catchphrase will catch you. Then you can go deeper and ask other questions, even if it's only ‘what can I learn from this moment?” So that you can gain your own understanding.

Proverbs 4:7 even tells us that ‘It may cost you all that you have but get understanding’.

Because it is that important. 

It is worth asking the question(s).

You may look crazy or sound crazy in the process but the right answer will help you put the heavier things down. Then you’re more freed up to celebrate the journey.

P.S. If you liked this post and would like to go a little deeper on this subject, there is a book called 

"Change Your Questions, Change Your Life" by Marilee Adams that you may also appreciate.

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Always Keep Your Heart

During my last day in Vegas, I had this idea about something while I was in the shower. It dealt with insecurity, but it was in thinking about the way that we connect (or don’t connect) with others.

I’ve been kicking around this idea about using video on the blog. If this turned into that kind of message I wanted to use the visual of gears, like two wheels of teeth, to support what I had to say. But I would need pretty big gears for someone to see it in video or in pictures on social media.

I bet Vegas would be the best place to find some. I had a little time that morning and wondered if I found them, would I be able to squeeze in a visit before the airport.

I found this amazing 5’ tall heart statue in an article from 2012. It was part of a ‘Hearts of Las Vegas’ exhibit and placed in front of a St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital by a partnership with GES, Global Experience Specialists, and the city of Las Vegas.

I called the research center, but they had never heard of it. The kind lady that answered the phone offered to check around and call me back. I emailed her the link that I’d found in case it helped.

Unfortunately, Annette didn’t know its whereabouts, but she was able to get the artists name, Dale Mathis, which I thanked her for and returned to my searching. He had an entire Kinetic art studio a few miles from my hotel. All of the pieces seemed related to time or containing ‘moving’ pieces. I loved it. My heart leapt. I said a prayer and I had hoped...

From what I could tell on the site, it looked like just the kind of place I’d like to check out. The website said we could visit ‘by appointment.’ I quickly dialed the number, but it was no longer working.

I later found another number to the studio, but by then I was just too close on time. I needed to head to the airport. So, I didn’t leave a message. It’s definitely on my list for next time, if I get to head that way again.

But anyway, back to the reason, I wanted the gears in the first place….

I can’t speak for everyone, but I can say that many of us (sometimes self-included) come against situations, experiences, and people. We try to keep things ‘cool’. This doesn’t always have to be about arguing either. Sure, it could be ‘peacekeeping’ when someone’s angry. But what about the really weird stuff that you think to yourself- perhaps a new idea? What’s that fear? Where are you stressing?  What’s something that you want but don’t know how to say or ask for? For a litany of reasons we often end up keeping to ourselves; ‘staying strong’ or ‘smooth,’ not wanting to ruffle feathers by our insertions.

The sculpture includes working gears.

Yet, we are made to protrude into the world and to receive from it. In the same way with gears, when those points and openings come together. Both sides receive something – they are being filled, while filling. There is a synergy in the connection that ‘stimulates’ and causes ‘movement’ as a result of those parts interacting.

Whether it’s what you put out or what you are willing to accept from the world around you; all too often in life we settle for skimming and wonder why we feel like something is missing. –Maybe we even feel like we’re spinning wheels. But by engaging yourself with the components of life; it’s the coming together that creates traction.

I couldn’t help but find the irony in that when I found the piece that I wanted to use for this image; it resides in the statue of a heart.

How incredibly DIVINE that is!

Let me explain.

For several years my life verse has been an NIV translation of Proverbs 4:23 ‘Above all else, always GUARD your heart for all you do flows from it.’  Tonight, I intentionally sought out other verses regarding the heart because ‘guarding it’ is often what gets us into trouble. –At least where it comes in to play for this kind of message.

But I was amazed at how I came back to so many perfect variations of the same line in other translations.

The ESV says ‘KEEP your heart will all vigilance, for from it flows the SPRINGS of life.’

I think that translation couldn’t be more perfect. KEEP your weirdness. KEEP your dreams and stay curious about things if for no other reason than being curious. No matter what anyone else thinks or says!

The NLT says it is your heart that ‘DETERMINES the course of your life.’ So instead of trying to stay strong and keep resolve, by following its nudges and those curiosities or vulnerabilities, it may lead you to different translations of your dreams.

Create boundaries and learn to KEEP them. Use your words and actions to KEEP your honor and integrity. You must ‘insert’ and ‘apply’ little pieces of yourself to make each of those things happen. Don’t lose your voice!

Now, I’m starting to get farther from my point but hang with me another minute.

The NAS says ‘WATCH your heart.’ You don’t have to follow every feeling, but we can watch it. Some of us need to completely detach from our mind to check-in here. It is only when we can silence the shouting ‘judgments and fears’ of the head that we can finally hear the whispers of the heart. After all, it’s the minds crazy idea that ‘being ourselves’ is always going to produce conflict.

H e l l o …. Who else were we created to be???

Whether it’s feelings, dreams, words, requests or decisions, our God made a great number of ways to communicate with and through us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We can study them quietly and even journal about it by watching. It will take you a little practice to sort those voices. They ARE different.

-And when you step out, you’ll get it wrong many times. Other times it may seem like the effort was for nothing. BUT, like all of your other muscles, that exercise will produce stronger results. Some call this intuition. And just between friends, it’s amazing how much FEAR wraps itself around this incredible signal of the heart. –Often a queue if there is fear, that may be the very place you need to make your next move.

Like my interest in finding gears for this example; sometimes where those promptings take you, turns out better than what you envisioned for yourself in the first place.

And with every practice, that ‘insecurity’ lessens. I promise.

In that same way by NOT ‘keeping the flow,’ things get hung; that spring becomes dammed and stagnant. We all know what happens to water that stops moving. It builds bacteria and contaminates everything in the body. It can KILL things. Likewise, hiding yourself creates this separate version of you beneath the surface. Sometimes it becomes toxic to everything in it or around it, and you don’t even notice because you’re immune. It’s still a part of you but buried and disconnected.

Also, procrastination steals opportunity. And that God that made your heart, also promised you dreams and a future. But it will require your faith, action, and HONESTY to obtain it. Delayed obedience is disobedience.

Whatever imprint you make on the world by putting yourself out there, I assure you that God has created ‘pieces’ that aren’t just receptive but they ‘FIT’ and ‘FILL’ the parts of your heart that he plans to use. He will replace and/or multiply anything that was lost or given. Keep at it!

True yes, sometimes the things that move don’t go the direction that you think they will or even want them to. People and things will fall away, and others will come in. You WON’T always do it right or without friction or pain.

But KEEP true to yourself, that’s where the ‘springs of life’ are. If you’re feeling stuck or stagnant, it may be YOUR movement (and contribution) that’s missing.

When you are truly working from the space of your heart, it is golden. You’re at your truest form, embodying the power of God, and some call this ‘alignment.’ You might find that it is also the place of redemption and the acceptance that you’ve always been looking for — that of your own.

There is a God who freely gives but no one else can believe it or put it into practice for you. Nor can anyone else attain what is only waiting for you.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be dismayed. Your God is WITH YOU wherever you may go. - Joshua 1:9

Now to Him who is able to do FAR MORE ABUNDANTLY BEYOND all that we ask or think according to the power that works WITHIN US, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. – Ephesians 3:20-22

A Word Picture for Being Still

I used to wonder what exactly being still meant. –Like how many relaxing things that I did qualified or met the ‘being still’ requirements. If I laid on the couch all weekend with a good book, movie, or marathon series, was that enough ‘stillness’. If I spent an hour studying my bible and taking notes, wasn’t that time alone with God, the kind of stillness that he desired. –You know, one where we could hear his voice…

You might laugh about this because being still can only imply one thing and yet those of us who hate being still, try to come up with ways to stretch the meaning to accommodate our addictions, desires, and to do lists.

The definition of ‘stillness’ is exactly as it sounds though: ‘The absence of movement or sound.’

But there is a voice that can strike in our heads telling us that there is too much to do and that others are depending on us, as it rattles off a list of all of the things you could be accomplishing in this wasted time.

Even though that definition is simple, it was a struggle for me. Until a few years ago when I was going through a big transition. I don’t remember the exact catalyst but I ended up buying a lawn chair to keep in the van. Then I started trying to stop 3 days a week on the way home to sit outside where ever I could squeeze it in. Even though it was only about 15 minutes. (And no the gist of this post isn’t about a lawn chair. Hang in there.)

Now I did start this time by reading a quick devotion and occasionally saying a prayer or snapping a picture. But then I started the timer. Little did I know ‘how onto something’ I was. I could literally feel the shifting in my life and within.

Since 2015 I have toyed with this time, occasionally even trying out ‘meditation’ with my eyes closed just like you see in pictures, or parked in my van with my head leaned back. 

It wasn’t until I started recovery that I began to ‘get it’.

We all know the benefits of rest. You’ve likely heard statistics about stillness or mindfulness, and I will let you look that up on your own, but for those of you who need a picture to see what stillness looks like, check this out.

I’ve been making a lot of things from scratch lately. One of which is salad dressing/marinade. Mostly because I am trying to be a little healthier but I also want to utilize what I already have on hand instead of buying everything new and already prepared.

When you start making real dressings with olive oil, vinegar, and your own seasonings you have to stir or shake them well before each use because after sitting for a while, what’s inside separates.

The oil or fat rises to the top so it could be removed if needed. While the actual ingredients fall to the bottom, and the vinegar rests in the middle.

We are much the same way. When we are still (without movement or sound), our subconscious and conscious parts of our bodies get to see, and sit with, each other. The things that weigh us down, can rise to the top so that we can sort them, while other things settle on their own. Like the vinegar, it’s in the stillness, that things inside, get cleared up.

While there is nothing wrong with enjoying a good book or marathon series; and there are indeed benefits of rest alone that you can get during this time. Your mind [our minds] need a space to be clear without the chronic ‘stirring up’ that we like to apply. So, that the information that we pour in all day and night, can sort itself.

Somehow it’s in the setting aside for a time that truly allows the ‘spices’ [of our spirit, feelings, interests] to infuse the rest of the body- the essence of who we are becomes bolder, richer, more flavorful.

Yet at the same time, things on the outside seem to respond to our letting go of the power to control it, and they are free to handle themselves. Kind of like Psalms 46:10 implies in ‘Be still and know that I am God.’

I can’t tell you how many times over the last three years, I have been surprised to see that the things that I let go of, really didn’t need me in the solution. Even my creativity is better when I stop thinking about what I can create.

But unlike the dressing, life won’t always have this kind of stillness ‘prepared’ for you. It’s something that you’ll have to make (time for) on your own. It may even take you quite a few tries before you find that you like it. But its health benefits may far outweigh other variations that you’ve tried. Even your smallest efforts have a tremendous impact.

As for me, I’m ready to learn more about meditation, so if you have any useful links, tips, or local classes that have helped you, holla.

I hope you have enjoyed this visual and that it sticks with you in this ‘oh so busy’ life. May you find time to cultivate and reap from your own stillness. For now, peace be with you.

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Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; like a weaned child rests against his mother, my soul is like a weaned child within me. –Psalm 131:2

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Teach me, and I will be silent. Make me understand how I have gone astray. -Job 6:24

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The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still. –Exodus 14:14

It’s all in what you believe…. Check your filter.

I have been sharing several of my Celebrate Recovery testimonies lately. But before I started this 12-Step program, I went to see a counselor. Now, I have been to counselors before for various reasons. Some of them with great success. Some of them were mediocre experiences, maybe even pointless. This time, it changed my life! I’ll share his contact info at the end of this post for anyone who is interested but first I want to tell you about my experience.

The Experience

Have you ever heard the song Turn, Turn, Turn by the Byrds? The lyrics to the song are actually a good chunk of Ecclesiastes 3.  The verses tell us that there is a time and a season for everything under heaven. Other work that I could have been doing on my own could have led me to this exact junction- where it was the right time for me to finally ‘get it’. Or perhaps this guy had superpowers. I believe that it was a little of both.

Terry, my counselor, happens to be an Anglican priest. (Now don’t check out because there is a religious affiliation or because his affiliation is different than yours.) He will discuss this with you at the very beginning of the session. You can choose how much or how little of this you want in your therapy. I, of course, wanted the whole shebang.

During the sessions, he uses a whiteboard to draw out a table. Then he explains how you and I don’t do anything unless we ‘feel’ like it. Your action is tied to an emotion. That emotion is first tied to a thought. Our thoughts are so ‘fast and furious’ that they happen in NANO seconds. So we don’t even realize that we’re thinking them. The next thing we know we’re down some bunny trail in our head… and getting worked up.

He’ll give you a formula to help you catch yourself. (And it will take a while for you to get in a good practice of using it. I certainly haven’t mastered it.)

THEN he starts working with your beliefs.

Everything that you and I think is first tied to our belief system. For a lot of us (probably all of us), we’re built on a ‘limiting’ belief system. The fear of failure, rejection, punishment, and shame. Then he talks you through the opposite of those beliefs in order of their contrasting partner: justification, reconciliation, propitiation, and redemption.

All of this is in the table too and in each session, you’ll pick back up right where you left off in the last session. He takes good notes and redraws the table every time. (You should take a notebook in case you want to take notes too.)

Now you’re probably like, how the heck is that going to help me? But LET ME TELL YOU…. He will blow your mind. Especially if you come in with some examples of ‘crap gone wrong’ in your day-to-day. He will show you how that’s tied to your faulty belief system.

I can’t remember every example that we worked through. There were big ones. There were little ones. But it got to a point where I couldn’t wait to tell him about some issue that I was having so he could show me what the heck was off in the scenario. And I’m kind of a mess so there is always good content to use. Haha.

Anyway, EVERY single time, it was fear of failure and I never saw it in the ‘heat of the moment’. In fact, one of the few scenarios that I do remember from our sessions involved my daughter, a hockey cleat, and a fit between both of us.

The Scenario/Example

Every time we left hockey practice, I would make Sophie put all of her gear back in her bag. I was kind of crazy about making her put it away before we ever left the field because if she carries it to the car, and drops or forgets something, I won’t notice. My mind will have moved on to the next ‘to do’ before ever leaving the field. So, for my sanity. I need to know that it’s where it’s supposed to be because she’s still trying to get a handle on keeping track of stuff too.

Anyway, so all items SHOULD have been in the bag before the next game day. I watched her put them in there. Then game day comes along. I tell her, Hey Soph, we have to leave in an hour. Please go into your room and get dressed. Double check your bag to make sure it’s all in there. (This sounds neurotic and sometimes it is. But sometimes they also pull everything out and lose it, during play, just for funsies, or to test my sanity. I dunno.)

Sophie disappears for a while. Then returns. She assures me that she has it all together. She’s wearing the uniform. It’s a positive sign. She runs out the door to play with her friends. 30 minutes later she comes in and I notice that she’s not wearing cleats. She assures me that she has them but she doesn’t want to wear them because they are playing on the trampoline. I’m hesitant to accept this but she’s already out the door again before I decide.

Five minutes before walking out the door. I tell Sophie to send her friends home and to go put her cleats on. After the friends leave, she disappears down the hallway to her room. Then hysterically comes back ‘I can’t find one of my cleats! I SWEAR I just had it, momma.’

(See what I mean…?)

Now, I’m still growing in my patience area. I try not to be a control freak and a helicopter mother but dang it I have no idea how to balance this ‘let you do it, but also make sure that it gets done…’ They’re kind of a contradiction. Haha

I’m irritated now. I kind of want her to know it. She did have opportunities to get it together.

We’re just going to gloss over how many opportunities God gives me to do the same.

She completely shuts down in the hallway, crying like the world is ending. Meanwhile, I am swiftly overturning the universe in her room looking for a NEON YELLOW cleat that should be on the surface somewhere if we really ‘just had it’. –And I hate being late.

I find the cleat.

Would you like to know where it was???? I know you do…

It was under her bed.

But not just under her bed. It was all the way back, by a wall, behind a village of trolls and protected by the frontline of clothes and stuffed animals or something. I mean really, I have no idea how the heck it got there. The trolls weren’t there so I couldn’t ask them. I have no idea why they would take her cleat and put it there in the first place. It wasn’t a very nice thing to do. Especially before a game…

But we’re both in an emotional tizzy now because I cannot figure out how to get my kids (or life) together without being responsible for it all…

Next session- I CAN’T WAIT to tell Terry about the scenario. “–What the heck just happened here??? This happens all of the time. Can you please help me???”

He smirks a little and says ‘Sure. That’s fear of failure.’

I’m confused: ‘Wait- ‘What? For me or for her?’

Terry: ‘You.’

Me: How’s that failure for me over her cleat. I could care less about cleats. That was on her. It was hers and she couldn’t find it? Just stating the obvious.

He goes onto say that he would have taken her barefoot to the game. And before I can say it, he adds [paraphrased of course] that we know she wouldn’t be able to play. She’d have to sit on the sidelines. This, of course, would ‘let the team down’ and since I am her mother, I should have her ‘more together’. So her ‘not being ready’, is a reflection of my not doing what I think I ought to be doing right… ahem, failure on my part.

**poof** mind blown.

Then he says that if I let her go without the cleat. We would have been on time. AND she’d either be so embarrassed about not having her cleat, or disappointed about not getting to play, (or both) that she’d be sure to have it next time, or she’d get the hang of it pretty soon.

I am speechless, while slightly relieved AND annoyed.

This happens over and over again in my sessions. (You can trust that we talked about more than hockey.)

Each time, he draws on the board. We track it back to one of those ‘nanosecond thoughts’ that was connected to a belief. –And because that thought, led to a feeling, I reacted…’ grrrr.

But I also learned that some things that I thought were failures on my part, were actually just natural consequences or results of other things that may not have been my responsibility or sole responsibility in the first place.

RELIEF like I have never felt before washes over me.

Then another wave of anger about how much I torture myself over things that may not even be my fault.

Heck, he even told me that I knew more scripture than a lot of the people that he counseled and that we could go deeper than some other sessions but that I didn’t ‘use it right’. **Slap in the face** It turns out that even though I am a pretty spiritual person, I am also a rule follower which makes me a little legalistic in a few areas. Even though, I try so hard not to be…

Now, switching gears for a minute

I shared a post recently about how our beliefs can become masks. And boy are they! They are also like filters. Our belief system colors everything that we see, hear, think, feel and touch.

Everything gets processed through that filter. –The mask of how we see the situation.

Just to be more specific, it filters the way that we interpret conversations and dialogue in relationships like feedback. It filters how we decide what someone means with their actions or intentions. It even translates what we take in and interpret from sermons, scripture, and the internal voices that we listen too.

Our masks/filters can have a lot of blind spots/blockages too.

As a friend recently said, you can’t get away from yourself, and it’s true. Your belief system is with you everywhere you go. So, if your belief system has a problem or glitch in it; then when you’re trying to come up with a solution to something, your original problem [belief system] is going to be in it. It can throw the whole calculation off.  -That kind of ‘equating’ will be in everything that you do, everywhere you go. (Not just hockey cleats.)

Shift again

Now I’ve only been chewing on this next ‘aha’ for about a week. So, hopefully, God can put the same punch behind it when you get to it.

If a faulty belief system can make you doubt yourself, God, or God in you. Then when we face situations, we can allow those events to mold or define us. Then we’re giving other events and people more power to influence our life, instead of us learning from and becoming the influencers ourselves. -You know, using what we’re born with [and honing in on] our heart, our instincts, intuition, and faith.

[The punch is coming, tune in]

This is especially important to note when it comes to a negative event. If we let a negative event define us (or cause us to shrink back); is it possible that we’re shaping ourselves to fit perfectly (or even better) with more of those kinds of events?

Could it be that our vessel becomes an easier device for capturing those kinds of things…Gah!

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Um, God didn’t make us for THAT!

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Then Romans 12:2 hit me. ‘Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.’

I think it’s fair to say that most of us take ‘conforming to the world’ to mean ‘do not be like the ungodly and/or to let our fleshly desires run our lives’.

But from another angle wouldn’t backing down because we’re afraid of what people think, or because we don’t want to hurt feelings, also be conforming to the world?

Wouldn’t letting insecurity (I can’t do) or even our pride (I deserve this) be letting the ego run our course? And wouldn’t that also be like conforming to the flesh in another way, instead of leading with the divine light within?

The other part of that verse says to renew your mind. Since our beliefs and thoughts happen in nanoseconds, we need to be on point about renewing it as well. So this is not just a daily thing but it could be a minute by minute thing. –And your emotions could be a spectacular queue that you haven’t checked yourself in a little while. –Ahem, or checked that filter and cleaned the goop out. At the end of this post, I will include some things that have really helped me renew my mind in the last few months. They’re pretty stinking amazing when I remember to put them into practice.

For now, let’s wrap this up.

I don’t know what, if any, part of this resonates with you but we all have some sort of issue that we’re working on. We all have something off in our belief system too. (I know that I still do even with this new revelation.) This post isn’t just about personal limiting beliefs. Sure, you may already have a set of beliefs about how much you can handle or what you think the solution is. But it’s also about our limiting beliefs regarding others. You may have beliefs about who God is or is not, or how you expect him to handle things. You probably also have beliefs about what counseling can or can’t do.

It’s also true that Counseling, a 12-step program, or even a savior won’t fix all of your problems in one fair sweep. In fact, many of our issues get a little messier, at least at first. –Because we start unpacking things and have to get a little dirty. But it has to start somewhere….

Maybe like the Byrd song, your time is now.

And getting to the bottom of something…. Despite the help or mess that it took to get there, isn’t that a reason to celebrate?

I’m celebrating with you. You can do it! Here’s information about my counselor and also about a Celebrate Recovery Step Study Program that you can still join for a limited time.

Insight Neurofeedback and Counseling

Terry Troyer

354 McLaws Circle, Suite 3
Williamsburg, VA 23185

757-345-5802

https://www.insightnf.com/

Celebrate Recovery Step Study

Taking place at Northside Church

Women’s class – Sunday nights at 5:00pm

Men’s class – Tuesday nights at 6:30pm

1300 George Washington Memorial Highway,

Yorktown, VA 23693

757.595.5890

http://www.crnorthsidecc.org/step-study.html

As for those ways to renew your mind, print out the following questions or take a picture/screen shot of them in your phone. The next time you’re in the heat of a moment, run through the list. (I am trying to do the same. Remember, it’s a practice.)

1. Ask yourself if it’s true? Do you know for certain that the thing you’re ruminating over is true? A lot of times we make assumptions, even judgments, about the situation, about others, and about ourselves. If it’s not a fact, then it may not be true at all. There is no reason to waste time on something that isn’t even real. If you’re getting wound up, stop and ask yourself if it’s true. (That’s part of that calculation from Terry!)
2. Are you in the now? The following quote comes from the book ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle and it’s a rich one. “All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry – all forms of fear – are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.” The next time you’re all worked up also ask yourself if you’re in the present moment or are you going back to the past or leaping into the future. If you can just focus on and be in the moment of what you’re doing now, that helps a lot. It also makes life more enjoyable.
3. Are you judging it? When something negative does happen, even if it’s a result of your actions, don’t beat yourself up for it. It’s now in the past. Judging yourself, others or an event is a sin but it often takes you down that ruminating path again. Ask what you can learn from it, then figure out how to apply it. (That comes from a different book called ‘Change Your Questions, Change Your Life’ by Marilee Adams)
4. Slow your life down. Part of the problem is that we’re too darn busy. (Kind of like leaving the hockey field with my daughter and I’m ‘in the future’ thinking about the next to do.) Sometimes life offers no spare time. But more times than not it does. We’re the ones creating such busy schedules. It takes just as much effort to clear it. It has been much easier for me to ‘check myself’ when I am not in a rush to something else. Which means that it also helps me not react because there’s time to process or take a break when I need to.
5. Prayer and Meditation. There aren’t enough things that I could say here. Whether it’s meditation on scripture or meditation by stillness, there are benefits to both. –But that’s a whole separate post. Prayer is also one of those things that should never be a last resort. At least for me, it’s the first place to start.

One Word | Pattern

The one word in this verse that stands out to me here is 'pattern'. As in something that repeats itself, like your grandmother's quilt. Every few squares or inches, the design begins again. It’s often only a small section or detail that makes up a larger design.

Here 2 Timothy 1:13 says ‘Keep what you've heard/read of the Lord as a pattern of sound teaching.”

But also, there is a quote by a man named Frank Outlaw “Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

While our verse ends more with an onus on teaching, so much of our behavior and our actions starts in our mind. Patterns of thoughts. The things that we meditate on.

It can be condemnation, judgment, insecurity, comparison-- 'shoulda coulda', ambitions, to do lists, and pride, and fear. Many times, it's disguised under the stories that we tell ourselves. Like when we rehearse a conversation or let an event play out in our mind. These patterns often lead to anxiety, stress, frustration, and depression.

In contrast, praying all day (1 Thes 5:17) or meditating on the word (Psalm 143:5) are also patterns. But these patterns lead to a more peaceful response and power of the Holy Spirit.

You and I are the only ‘seamstress’ in this scenario. If you were to capture your thoughts (2 Cor 10:5) filter them, and arrange them against this verse, how would they line up with what God says? What is your physical response to each one?

In the bigger picture, if each little thought adds up, is it worth including in the final design?

P.S. If you’re having trouble stopping your chain of thoughts and breaking negative patterns, try fasting from it or consider starting a new hobby. New activities require focus and even distraction from ourselves. The repetition and practice of it, can also bring a new association. -Meaning that we can eventually just start doing the new thing (like think good stuff) as soon as we start the new habit.  –Not just changing the pattern but also the final design.

One Word | Seek

One Word: SEEK
The verse does not say look, see, or watch.
It says to 'Seek'.
Which means an attempt to find something.
Think of Gold Miners. They do not go to look at gold or to watch gold. They go
to pan it, mine it, to sift it and shake it out.
To collect it for oneself.
Jeremiah says SEEK me.
In fact, it’s said twice in one verse! It must be important.
‘You will SEEK me and find me when you SEEK me with all your heart.’
There is a reward between the occurrences. You will find me.
I challenge you, friend, seek Him. It changes everything.

Image from: http://www.charlottefive.com/reed-gold-mine/