Another Look At Abortion

This post is just going to be a random collection of thoughts. I will start with my own story and then share some statistics and other resources.  I recognize that not everyone feels the same as I do or even has the same experience(s). 

However, I have been stopped by several people that wanted to tell me that they learned something (from a view that I didn’t expect) after hearing my testimony.  In all of my sharing, I was really only thinking about a post-abortive mother. Yet, the Lord used my story to touch others on the same subject outside of that position.

My hope is that this view can open your eyes to something new in your own thought process about it, no matter where you stand.

Before my abortion

• I thought it would never happen to me. 
• I was Pro-Life.
• I believed in God and had some sort of church background. I was ‘saved’.
• I wanted this baby.
• I was on birth control.

Deciding abortion

• It was more the flip of the switch. SUDDENLY, I was terrified.
• "DO IT NOW BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE" was really all that I could hear.
• I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone. I mean, who do you tell that you are considering an abortion? Is it illegal? Would I get arrested even mentioning it?  I knew it was the unthinkable, so how could I verbalize it?  Who do you tell???  …You tell the abortion clinic. 
• I was afraid to be counseled and the clinic didn’t really try to counsel me.
• I didn't feel like adoption was the solution because I couldn't guarantee that anyone else could be trusted either.
• Once the “switch flipped” I secretly hoped that God would give me a miscarriage, so that I didn't have to be the one to make the decision.
• Although, I could not (would not) cry for help, I secretly hoped that someone else had radar on me and would fight my ambivalence and rescue/support me. Not just by telling me not to do it. They didn’t know what I was facing. I needed someone to support me and show me HOW I could keep a baby in these circumstances.
• Within 48 hours I went from being Pro-Life to being one of those women.

After the abortion

• I felt like God would never forgive someone like me.  He might forgive everyone else’s sin but he couldn’t forgive this one.
• I thought life could return to normal. I would just put this part of my life over in a corner.
• I thought about it more than I expected.
• I felt that I wasn’t worthy of being helped because I deserved every bit of my suffering.
• I couldn’t begin to look at God because I couldn’t even face myself. So I also put my faith over in another compartment too.
• For a long part of my life, I felt unlovable or like something was ‘wrong’ with me.  Having an abortion, gave me a truth to attach to that feeling. It validated why I was unlovable.
• I was afraid that I would never get pregnant again and that I would be a terrible mother.  I was also afraid that any future children might be taken as punishment for my past sin or that I was still awaiting my fate in another sense….
• Later on when I got married, (although it was not his child) my abortion affected my marriage because it still affected me.
• After meeting my living children, I became more aware of how much I miss the child that is not with me.

General Statistics

• 1-3 women will have had an abortion by the age of 45. Shocking, isn't it?
• A woman that has had an abortion is 6-7 times more likely to commit suicide.
• There is a significant increase in depression, substance abuse, and self-destructive behavior (which may include subsequent abortions) for a woman after the first abortion. 
• Teens that have had an abortion face even more alarming statistics for depression and substance abuse.
• There can be physical conditions left from the procedure, even sterilization for some.
• 50% of all women that have had an abortion live in fear of a retributive God.
• There are studies that indicate that more lives are lost to abortion than any other cause of death.
• Only 1% of aborted babies die to save the life of the mother.
• Men aren’t unscathed by the damage of abortion.
• Statistics for right here in Hampton Roads.
• There is even a "Post Abortion Syndrome"

(I should’ve cited those statistics but I originally took them for a verbal testimony. I might go back and note them later. You can do your own research though and come up with similar numbers.)

Everything about abortion is controversial; the statistics, the methods, the consequences. It is hard to read the above statistics though and then think that abortion is safe or a simple choice. No matter what I post or what you find or whether or not it's even legal, the abortion itself is a tragedy. Sometimes that tragedy leads to another later.

Take Aways

• Never say "Never".
• Don't be afraid to show you can help a pregnant woman. Don't wait to do it either. She might now know how to voice her fear.
• By not speaking up, she might take your silence as rejection of her or the child.
• If you recommend abortion, not only is it a sin but you might also be inviting that man or woman to a burden that they can't handle.
• When you become pregnant, your life will never be the same. Abortion doesn't change that fact.  Whether or not, you have the baby, your life may never be the same.
• If you are pregnant or if you want to help someone who is, here are some places that you can start:
• See my "resources page" for our area. If you don't live near me, you most likely have many of the same or similar programs. Most of these links are for government benefits and local connections to food, shelter, medical resources. The ones below will be more specific to pregnancy. If something speaks to you, then I recommend that you initiate getting as much of the information as you can. If you hand her a list like this, it might overwhelm her even more.
• Government Benefits for Virginia 
• Your local Social Services office can help with the above programs in addition to childcare. They might also have additional information about local non-government services in your area.
• The Cooperative Extension also has additional resources but they also have a ton of free classes on topics like cooking, building budgets, etc. 
• Research grants and financial assistance for pregnant women in your state for a variety of needs.
• Education Assistance for Pregnant Women (there are probably more than these.)
• Virginia Department of Health Pregnancy Assistance Fund
• Additional Nationwide Scholarship Programs
• These facilities offer parenting classes.  You can also show you support her by going with her to the class(es).
• Rural Virginia United Coalition
• The Northern Neck Connection
• Classes by Sentara
• Classes by Riverside
• Health Department
• Look for Job Opportunities.
• Take up a collection of infant clothing and needs.
• Pray. Even if you don't know what to say, pray together and open your hearts to God for direction. 
• Provide Emotional support and just be a friend.
• Here are a list of Crisis Pregnancy and Post Abortion resources:
• Crisis Pregnancy Center of Tidewater
• Pregnancy Resource Clinic of Hampton Roads
• Another list of Crisis Pregnancy Centers in VA
• National office for Post Abortion Reconciliation and Healing
• Hope after an Abortion
• New Life Family Services – Materials that I use in my class come from this site. 
• List of resources for Men
• Memorial For The Unborn 
• If you would like information about the Conquerors Bible Study for Post Abortion Healing, please contact me.

And Finally

From the very beginning of all of this, I was afraid. For whatever reason(s), I didn't feel as though I had a voice or a choice.  I absolutely resisted asking for help or even considering what I wanted the outcome to be. I deliberately turned away from God, in an effort to harden my heart, in order to get through this situation. It might not have seemed that way in the moment but in hindsight, I would say that was an accurate description.

After the abortion, I was afraid of speaking out because I did it to myself. I don't know that I knew quite what to think of the situation. I didn't want to be the depressing friend. I think that I was afraid to face what had become my truth. I was afraid to look back at God because I deliberately turned away.

When I took the Conquerors classes, I knew it was what I needed. I knew by the end of it there was an opportunity for me to also lead those classes when the time was right. As it has drawn closer, I still found myself afraid of some sort of rejection or negative consequence. Speaking out for the first time, writing about it here, going public in my church and even in waiting to begin my first class; I was nervous and maybe even afraid.

Yet, I can tell you that when I have considered God and moved forward in what I believe to be his will; he has met me where I was, every step of the way. -And the result has surprised me every single time.

I'd like to encourage you to read Romans 8:18-39. Verse 26 says that the Spirit helps us in our weakness. No matter who you are, the holy spirit can help you. Whether you're helping a friend or if you're the parent trying to make the initial decision. Maybe you need help acknowledging the decision(s) you've already made. Maybe it's in finding forgiveness or owning your truth or helping someone else face their own truth. Wherever you are in your journey, the Spirit will help you in your weakness. 

v37 says that we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. Do not let a temporary spirit of fear result in a permanent sentence. No matter what you've done or where you've been or what you're facing, there is NOTHING that can separate you from the love of God. v39

Check-In

Thank you for checking back.  I haven't "written" this off.  (Hardy har har). I've had a lot going on.  I don't generally have much time to blog but January had a few projects that kept me busy.  One of which was A LOT of testimony and prep for an upcoming class that I am facilitating.

Tonight my class started.  It is a post abortion bible study. Between the testimony and tonight, there have been several things that I've tried to capture. I hope to post about them soon to shed a different light on the subject.  That's your cue that some more posts are coming about it, just in case it makes you squeamish.  -Know that it makes me squeamish too. It should.

With that same token, God is working. He continues to surprise me. He encourages me to keep pushing through the squeamish, to find the blessing on the other side. I hope that by my posts, either someone considering an abortion will change their mind.  Or someone who has had an abortion, will find God's grace and their own self acceptance. Even more so, I hope that someone can find forgiveness from both of those parties.

I feel like there are a lot of other posts mixed between. Even though I don't know when or how, I am hopeful that the opportunities to write surprise me. I am quite tired and need to go for now.

I'd just like to note that it is an incredible blessing to know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be in life. I praise God for that! His love endures forever.

R

Life Sanctity

**I backdated this post to keep the events in order.  It seemed like it might keep things easier to follow. 

I hadn’t planned on writing this month. However, this is Human Life Sanctity week and I spoke at church this this past Sunday (January 19). If you're not familiar with Human Life Sanctity, it was established in 1983 by Ronald Reagan as a reminder of the value of Human Life. Every year it falls on the Sunday closest to the anniversary of Rowe verses Wade being passed by congress.

You may not remember but last March I shared my darkest secret. 

This past Sunday for the first time ever, I gave a public testimony not only mentioning my abortion but the whole testimony was about the subject. I gave it in both services. I wrestled with words, not wanting to repeat what I've already written here.  I rehearsed it 20 times in the bathroom mirror hoping to not have to refer to notes on stage, but had to anyway. The day before, I was diagnosed with strep and felt completely miserable and drained. I knew it was the devil trying to keep me from getting up there.

I had a tremendous amount of support from members and staff. People prayed with me and encouraged me. On stage I was okay with what I had to say, aside from feeling physically ill. 

After service people came up to offer more encouragement. -To offer help for my classes in any way that they could by, baking snacks, providing resources and/or time, etc… For some reason, I never saw any of that coming.

A couple told me that their daughter was called out to some pro-abortion events. (I may have misunderstood). They said that their daughter was able to save lives when she went to these things and that she just got called to another event. My testimony helped them have peace with what she was doing. I hate that I didn't get their names or the details straight but people were lining up from each direction to speak. It was a bustle of hugs and tears and introductions. Many names I wished that I had gotten, or would've been able to remember.

There was a sweet lady that was interrupted and went away in tears. Her son has tried to kill himself over choosing an abortion 4 years ago. I wanted to make everything stop so that I could go catch her but another face came into view and another story. She vanished before I could lift my hand.

As I left the church my mind was reeling. Days have gone by and I have no new registrations for the class. Maybe all of this was only to create awareness. What else could I have said…?

To say that I am surprised by the way that these things are unfolding is an understatement. It was fear that kept me from having a child. It was fear that kept me from facing God or even myself after. It was fear that kept me from bringing it up again after it had been ‘dealt with’. It was fear that kept me from wanting to include it in the sum of my truths to people that barely know me. 

However, the realities of opening up to that truth in addition to so many others has brought so much more freedom.  It has further ignited the desire within me to reach out and just keep reaching. -To open up and fight to stay open. God has met me every single time and brought his entourage of angels and friends for my behalf as he has promised. While I can't go back and no longer try to; I am now convinced that he would've met me just as strongly back then as he is doing now, had I only sought his hand. Despite my rebellion, he is still with me.

I don’t know where you are in your journey friend but do not be afraid. As it states in Isaiah 41, the Lord is with you. The chapter is long but the first 16 verses just seemed to reverberate through me as I reflect on the truths I’ve learned and am still learning. Where ever you are, press on friend, press on. You are NOT alone.

¹“Be silent before me, you islands!

    Let the nations renew their strength!

Let them come forward and speak;

    let us meet together at the place of judgment.

² “Who has stirred up one from the east,

    calling him in righteousness to his service^[a]?

    Jacob, whom I have chosen,

He hands nations over to him

    and subdues kings before him.

He turns them to dust with his sword,

    to windblown chaff with his bow.

³ He pursues them and moves on unscathed,

    by a path his feet have not traveled before.

⁴ Who has done this and carried it through,

    calling forth the generations from the beginning?

I, the Lord—with the first of them

    and with the last—I am he.”

⁵ The islands have seen it and fear;

    the ends of the earth tremble.

They approach and come forward;

⁶     they help each other

    and say to their companions, “Be strong!”

⁷ The metalworker encourages the goldsmith,

    and the one who smooths with the hammer

    spurs on the one who strikes the anvil.

One says of the welding, “It is good.”

    The other nails down the idol so it will not topple.

⁸ “But you, Israel, my servant,

    you descendants of Abraham my friend,

⁹ I took you from the ends of the earth,

    from its farthest corners I called you.

I said, ‘You are my servant’;

    I have chosen you and have not rejected you.

¹⁰ So do not fear, for I am with you;

    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

¹¹ “All who rage against you

    will surely be ashamed and disgraced;

those who oppose you

    will be as nothing and perish.

¹² Though you search for your enemies,

    you will not find them.

Those who wage war against you

    will be as nothing at all.

¹³ For I am the Lord your God

    who takes hold of your right hand

and says to you, Do not fear;

    I will help you.

¹⁴ Do not be afraid, you worm Jacob,

    little Israel, do not fear,

for I myself will help you,” declares the Lord,

    your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.

¹⁵ “See, I will make you into a threshing sledge,

    new and sharp, with many teeth.

You will thresh the mountains and crush them,

    and reduce the hills to chaff.

¹⁶ You will winnow them, the wind will pick them up,

    and a gale will blow them away.

But you will rejoice in the Lord

    and glory in the Holy One of Israel.

Click here to read the remaining verses (through 29).

My Cross | Part Two

(If you are reading this, please know this this is a 3 part story. It is recommended that you read part one before continuing.)

Many years ago, I had a brief relationship with a man and I became pregnant. While neither of us knew each other well, we intended to embrace this child. It became obvious, at least to me, almost immediately that we were not necessarily a good pairing.

When I called him on a Tuesday night to break it off, he became angry. I do not dispute that he had good reason. However, he began to say some really dark things and one of which was that he was going to wait nine months, kill me and take the baby.

I get that anger is a mask. His probably covered fear. If I had to guess, I'd say fear of what our separation might mean to his role of fatherhood. I had intended to live within walking distance of him our whole lives so that we could share our roles, but he didn't ask me for clarification.

In my most afraid moments, I've never threatened someone's life, even if I didn't mean it. Unfortunately, I didn't ask him for clarification either. I too became afraid and I panicked.

In a moment, I forgot about how I said that I would "never have an abortion." In a moment, I forgot about my pro-life bumper stickers and anything more important that I might need to consider. I thought to myself, if he can kill me, what might he do to my child and I might not be here to protect him or her. I don't want my baby to suffer. Do something now before it's too late.  I called the clinic the next morning and had an abortion the next day.

Don't try to compare how his potential harm could be any worse that what I did. You will never reconcile that. I know, I have tried. Some of you might even be willing to dispute choices, rights or values but if God thought enough of a life to make it, who are you and I to question it's validity or purpose.

We could dispute timing and whether or not or even when a life becomes a life, but Mark 10:9 says "What God has joined together, let no man separate." Is a child not joined together in a mothers womb, even as a fetus or an embryo?

It doesn't matter where you stand on that platform. I've been on both sides and no matter what I thought that I would do, I became capable of something else that I couldn't fathom, in that moment of having to choose.

From the other side of that fence, I will tell you this- It does not matter what age or function you, I, or even science can define, there is a maternal connection from the moment of conception. The SOUL knows about the mysterious and divine purpose of what is growing inside. Science, medicine, the advice of peers, the facts on paper, the environment we're in- NOTHING that aides in the decision for choosing an abortion will ever prepare a woman for the grief and the guilt that follows it.

I share my cross, because if you are pregnant, whether or not you believe in certain rights; if you have found your self considering an abortion. I beg you to petition your heart. Seek more than the mere council at the clinic or your peers. It is not a quick decision or a simple choice. It is a cross road. Once you go down it, there is no undoing it. While some may be shielded from the aftermath, there are many who would say that a part of your soul dies along with that child. Deut 30:19 says "Choose life, so that you may also live!"

My perspective is certainly from the mother's side but there are also fathers that share this burden. Whether it's a man or woman, there is someone reading this that doesn't know that there is still hope "for a sinner like me." They are still trapped in that darkness and it's likely that they would never find their way to healing because they just don't know that they are still worth it or that there is help available. I didn't know that there was a bible study for abortion, but it was life changing. I share my story because I want to help change someones life. And in doing so, I get to also talk about my other child.

I write this for a genuine love for Christ and his people and an appraisal of my faith. I can't know this and then not do something with it. Not everyone is as "personal" as I am. It seems so wasteful to have a gift like that and then not use it for the glory of his kingdom.

This will sound so cliche but it was only Jesus that saved me from the pain of what I'd done. So, this is my cross. I lay it at your feet. Use it as a bridge to cross over if you need to...

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Mathew 11:28)

****

If you know me or live near me, please also know that I've spoken with my preacher about leading these classes. You can message me if you want to be notified about the details. If you're not near me, you can check out this link for more information. http://www.nlfs.org/postabortion/. There are also other studies that you can research. Just search post abortion bible study. Most material also has an outreach for men.

The Other Side Of that Dirty Word | Part Three

The Other Side Of That Dirty Word | Part Three

(If you are reading this, please know this this is a 3 part story. It is recommended that you read part one and part two before continuing.)

Every one surrounds you and tells you how to claim your life back.
Antidotes and curiosity.
Prayers and Sympathy.
All good intentions but mail-
left undeliverable.

***

Feeling helpless as you wait and you watch.
The day in-
          -The day out.
knowing that something is going to happen and you are unable to stop it
it’s already happened.

You just rewind the wheel.

***

In my mind there is panic.
I shove from me, 
Scripture, I’ve rehearsed.
Hands, of those who love me.
Who, I said that I was, before you.
c o n s o l a t i o n 

...but never you

They are all
no longer visible.
I disappear into the darkness.
I can’t even find my 
self...

Knowing that being hollowed out is more than an empty womb.
Needing something to rock but having nothing to hold.
I didn’t bury my child
or save a sweet reminder.

Our fates hang in unrest

***

I envision a little girl.
Sometimes arms outstretched.
But full of questions.

I envision a little girl with curls, a toothy smile.
A tear streaked face.
Does she know me?

But I don’t even know if it is he or she that haunts me.

***

I send a birthday wish in an imaginary balloon and hope 
-it reaches the heavens-
Every year.

I send another full of sorrow
and I wonder if it can float that high since it feels so heavy.
Every year on the other day…

***

Every one surrounds you and tells you how to claim your life back.
Those words fall to the ground.
Life was lost when I didn’t choose it.

***

In the span of time, photographs
would have shaped into the face of a woman.
I am sure that you are beautiful.

But the one I carry is not from this time.
It’s in my heart and it’s unmovable.

It is of how 
you will always be-
My baby.



***********************************
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalms 34:18



What you have read above, is not a burden that I still carry but it is important to recognize the grief accompanied by abortion. If you have had an abortion and are struggling with your decision, please know that there IS healing and hope in our Lord. I lead classes on Post Abortion Trauma and Forgiveness. If you are interested in classes and live near me, please message me for details. If you're not near me, you can check out this link for more information. There are also other studies that you can research. Just search post abortion bible study. Most material also has an outreach for men.