Reply to a Post | Preachers

So last week a friend left this picture and comment (above pic) on my Facebook page. My immediate reaction was "I can't believe someone tagged me in a post tearing down someone else."  Those conversations often get heated and I'm a pretty sensitive person. Even if replies to it weren't to or at me, I would be grieved about it for days if they got ugly. I prayed really quick for something to put an end to the thread and replied with the following:

"Lord boy, I can hear you on the other side of the screen... I’m going to pinch you for it too the next time I see you. ;) I miss ya. I can’t really defend or protect either of them though since I don’t know them personally but even if I could those conversations don’t usually go well. So I won't go there... What I DO love about this image though [friends name] is that it brings up a GREAT point – NONE OF US, not them, not you or I or anyone else reading this post should tie up our money in things, material possessions, or bank accounts when someone else is in need. It is the same as (IF) you and I spend all of our money on new clothes, the latest cell phone upgrade, the biggest cable package or the next dinner out when we don’t ‘need’ any of those things and yet not having enough money to help pay a hospital bill for a friend or contribute a little extra to the next food drive. Yet we say “It’s a shame” and “wish we could do more”. (Matthew 6:19-21, James 2:14-17) It’s definitely an area that I have been convicted of and I need all the reminders that I can get. So thanks for the great thought provoker this am! xoxo"

Imagine my relief when I checked back later that day and there was nothing. Whew!! Thank God!

***

While I think that was a pretty terrific answer,  it was only a reply to the comic and not to my friend's comment. ...and it leaves some things unsaid about me and my God. After all, that is why follow Preachers in the first place, right? -- To get closer to him.

First, I have been terrified of being challenged in my faith. "What if...." I am a deep thinker, as in it takes me days to reply and sometimes I use the wrong words. **gasp** But also I sometimes come across as defensive and I am not sure in this scenario how to defend without being that way or how to reply in love without drowning out my point. hmmm -That was almost too much to think about in itself. ...Hence why I didn't want to be challenged. 

But what you don't know about my friend or me, is that I did actually listen to Joyce Meyer for a long time. My friend and I used to go back and forth a little. He listened to a guy named Gino Jennings. We used to tease each other about the insanity of the other's selections and well, he's pretty good at giving a good ribbing. Hence, why I wanted to pinch him...  Call it brotherly/sisterly love... **wink wink**

You can do your research on both of those Pastors and the other one mentioned in the picture, Joel Olsteen. I only listened to a few of his messages. His style wasn't my personal flavor and so I've never really got into him. As for Joyce, I actually credit a lot of years "in the church" to her. In fact, for most of my twenties, when I couldn't stomach the people in the church, she brought me the Word in the comfort of my own living room every morning. I listened to Joyce ...a lot.

In a nutshell, here's why I like her: She's pretty down to earth. She does use a lot of scripture and I don't think she sugar coats things. She talks about her hard times (sexual abuse, divorce, poverty and being a hot mess) and many of her messages are ones that the Lord used to correct her. [Also, I've gone to see her and she doesn't charge a ticket price like many other traveling televangelists do. Her sermons are free. Although you're welcome to make a donation and even purchase other materials from her ministry, if you'd like to.]

But the truth is having "faith" has been a huge challenge for me. I needed to hear somebody with real problems climbing the way there. It ain't easy for most of us! Sadly, not as many people in the church talk about their struggles and it left me feeling like something was wrong with me or that "faith was only for the good kids".

The really irony is that the devil uses fear and isolation very well. See how it works on both sides??? It keeps one in the confines of their home and the other quiet in the church. I've been both places, I know. It also keeps me from wanting to be challenged...

But I don't listen to Joyce as much these days and here's why-

A few years ago someone in the church shared a post on facebook calling out the very same two preachers. And do you know what? I was offended. Not necessarily because of my relationship to the parties named either. This time, the post wasn't tagging me or calling me out. I was offended at the tone of the article. It sounded angry and judgemental. It was written by another Pastor. Aren't believers supposed to be "full of love" and out to save, not to condemn? While I agreed with some of the points (and yikes to those points), something kept twisting under my skin. After much prayer, I realized that I was too dependent on another human being to bring me God. Now, let me back up to clarify.

Do not misinterpret what I am getting ready to say as an excuse to not need the church or Pastors or anything like that. In fact, one of my favorite passages of scripture is found in Acts called "Philip and the Ethiopian" (Such a catchy title, right? haha) Anyway, Philip catches the Ethiopian reading from Isaiah and asks him if he understands what he's reading. The Ethiopian replies "Unless someone explains it to me, how can I?" Holy smokes, even people in the Bible needed help understanding that thing!! **whew** They aren't alone. You and I both need help understanding the passages in the Bible as well. It takes preachers, people in the church, friends, and articles that challenge us to figure it out and bring light to it.

BUT this is where I was convicted - (and this is important, so pay attention) When I wanted "A Word from God", I turned on Joyce Meyer not to opening my Bible. BAM!

Now let that settle.

That offense was one of the greatest things that happened to my faith. Do you know why?  Because I have also been a person that suffered from "Approval Addiction". I didn't want everyone to tell me how awesome or good I was. I wanted to have the right answers and do the right thing and I wanted everyone else to approve of them as if my own judgment wasn't good enough. If I needed to make a decision, I had to get other people's 2 cents before I could decide. I often wanted them to make the decision for me because I didn't want to be wrong. I decided from that point on that I wouldn't listen to more than a handful of messages from the same preacher consecutively, aside from my preacher at church. I also forced myself to not ask for advice for a year. If I wanted an answer to something, I had to get it for myself from the Bible. (There is some danger in never asking anyone but if you need to grow here, set a limit and commit. I knew I'd need at least a year. After that there was no turning back.)

and...that...was...so...hard... at first.

But do you know what happened? I realized that the Lord still speaks through scripture. Many of the answers that I came to through the Bible, brought me peace. I realized that when I really wanted to know GOD, I just had to look for Him. Not one of his messengers. When I tell you it was Life changing, I mean it.  -But isn't that what He promises?  -A changed life, through him? Here's some scripture to back it up!

 1. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live [not asking anyone else certainly crucified me], but Christ lives in me [as I take his Word to heart]. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. - Galatians 2:20

 2. Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. [not through preachers, parents, and friends] - John 14:6

3. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! - 2 Corinthians 5:17

But there's something else that I want to point out 

On this Earth and in that Bible there is ONLY ONE PERFECT MAN and that was Jesus Christ. -And no matter how much good we do, or how much we believe or how much we preach, we are ALL BORN INTO SIN and are still sinners- (here's a selection of verses to back that up.) So if that is true, than any human we "follow" is going to get it wrong at some point. Even when they believe their right and even when they don't mean to and even when they have points to back it up.  So, if you and I don't crack That Book open and know for ourselves, how would we know when someone else got it wrong?

We should "follow" no (hu)man. -And according to that second verse, I shared, humans won't get us to heaven, no matter how much we believe in them.  So my friend was correct in "being had".  -I just believe it's more based on our motives and what we're looking for; and that it's a little broader than those two people. (As in anyone that can get a message through.) -Which is also why he tells us to remove our own planks... You and I are probably a heretic at some point too even despite our relationships, beliefs, and efforts.

So what happens if you followed a preacher?  Well, the Good news is I believe that when you are genuinely seeking God, he will use anything in your life that you are willing to give him. -And when you're ready to go to a new level, he'll find a way that gets your attention to kick it up a notch, like that article from my friend or even this post. -Don't you dare condemn yourself when he does it either?  -Gosh, Praise Him for helping you go deeper. I believe that whatever got you to that junction was what it was supposed to be for you. So don't look back. Instead what I'd recommend is this:

1. This might sound a little ritualistic but some people get stuck condemning themselves. I know, I've been one of them. If this is you, confessing it to another believer (that you feel safe with) will actually make you feel a lot better and we can pray with and for you (see James 5:16). You can message me if you don't know anyone else.

2. Then switch up your "messengers". Oneplace.com is a great site loaded with sermons from various pulpits. There are also a few churches here in town that I can recommend too. Providence Baptist, Susanna Wesley and Bridgepoint just for starters. (And if you're overwhelmed with which church is the right one, read what Jesus told the Samaritan Woman).

3. Then grab your Bible and commit to the same challenge. If you need a Bible, this is a great one. If you can't pay for one, there is no shame in that. Ask your church or a local church for one, or message me. I have one for you.

Finally, at the end of all of this, I am actually pretty thankful for my friend's post. Colin and I also recently had a conversation where I didn't have to defend what I personally believed but we were debating something about faith. At first, I was a little intimidated by that too, but after it was all said and done, I learned something about both of us and I felt stronger because of it.  In both cases, I was proud of the fact that I had an answer that was right for me, so why wouldn't I want to share it?

Since I am sharing this link with my friend, I'd like to say thanks! This has been a really good exercise for me. It brings back a lot of memories from our younger days. You should come to my house for dinner and we'll debate some more. Colin and I love you. <3

My Love Is Building A Building....

The Wendy's in Gloucester was remodeled during almost the whole first quarter of this year. It's hard for me to believe it's already old enough to be remodeled. I was part of the first staff when it was originally built almost 20 years ago. The drive-thru was my first "tax paying job" and I loved it.

The construction is finished now but the new work clearly began with demolition. My kids and others even speculated about what might be going there in its place. It was still going to be Wendy's but "new and improved". Cleaner. Prettier. More efficient. We also had more than our regular amounts of snow and rain this year and many days we would drive by to see a halt on progress. It wasn't just a mess but a wet one in the making -remaking.

**

In February, I went on my first women's retreat. We were in Nags Head in a huge house near the beach. Of course houses near the beach have many more windows that allow you to catch the view. Because of this, I couldn't help but notice that we were surrounded by construction. 

Through the kitchen I could see a new house being built. A giant pool waiting in the yard to be planted in the ground. Plumbing materials decorating the yard in preparation for the future pool. New windows still baring stickers of purchase, etc.

Then in the main room where we spent most of our retreat time, the windows overlooked a huge house that had several tarps on it; clearly also in the process of being remodeled. Dumpsters lined our street between the two houses. Old going out, new coming in. -Lumber and materials here, trucks and crews scattered around. I could hear the faint tap, tap, tapping from the busy hammers of the crew.

During a break, I stared out of the windows and watched the construction taking place. A line from a familiar poem "my love is building a building" had been on my mind many times over the last few months. In many ways it came as a reminder to me to just trust that God was doing something, even though I didn't know exactly what it was. Here it floated to the surface again and this time lingered long enough for my curiosity to take the bait.

I imagined walking through the house. Discovering what might be behind those tarps. While it may be a mess now, I knew that there was a vision that was in the process of coming to life. While I already knew the message, the sentiment and picture really begged me to just take hold of it.

**

Last year, particularly the fall, was a good growing season for me too. I couldn't help but find the ironies in the fact that while I was growing, it felt more like demolition or being caught in a long, terrible storm. Many new lessons awaited me. Many great ideas were rejected or turned out flat and putting in twice the work or effort, seemed to result in even more failures than successes. I just could not produce the things that were on my heart, in my prayers or what I thought was being asked of me, no matter how much sweat, tears or sleepless nights were put into it.

Discouragement was at my door regularly ready to greet me and sometimes the unwanted visitor seemed to push himself in. It was a struggle to get him back out and to keep myself together. I felt much like that Wendy's looked... a wet mess in waiting...

But I was learning something new...

How about you? Change is hard and disruptive now isn't it? Even when it's in a good way. Even when God is working. Even when you have the vision of what you're working toward. Even when you have the "blueprints" or "tools" to get there! Having any of those things in place does not guarantee that change is easier. But just like that remodel, even during a storm, our spiritual challenges should be just as exciting to us because God is doing something!

In fact, in our day to day life it's common to see buildings that are left rundown and discarded -abandoned. If we really want to admit it, those buildings are left behind because they are no longer useable or serving a purpose. Thankfully, if we abide in him, he promises to continue on with the good work that he started in each of us until the day that he returns. 

You might not get 'it' now and you might not see what that good work is yet or even feel like he has a plan for you. If you're in a one of those hard storms now, you might even feel like you've been forgotten. But please hear my heart and trust that most especially in that hard season, there is a Master Carpenter with a plan and he is already working. Just as a doctor works protecting layers and a carpenter works covering sections; He too is busy and sees all. He brings physical healing and spiritual restoration (ahem, transformation). 

AND-

You will only be blind to it for a little while. If you persevere and have faith, one day you [or Him or the plan] will be unveiled [often in phases]. And are you ready for this...

1 Corinthians 6:19 says that we are not just buildings beloved- We are temples. Temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? And you are not your own.

I don't know about you but it has taken and will still take a lot of work for God to make me and my building into [what I envision as] a temple. But he still thinks that you and I are worth that effort anyway because HE had that vision (and perhaps an even bigger one) when he started each of us. 

Just like all rebuilding starts by removing the old; He exposes our vulnerability first; the flares of temper, our weakness, our bad attitudes, our dependence on earthly things, self-sufficiency and lack of faith; the things that we don't want others to see or the things that we might not even be aware of...

Sometimes, when your very best is producing your worst; it may just be to draw out the impurities of your heart so that he can scoop them out to replace them with only thing that makes any temple worth it. His spirit. 

REJOICE that he is exposing those things because that is exactly where he wants to go to work. Your awareness of it will help you see how much you need him. It's only once it is out in the light that something can be done with it. 

You're not too bad, too weird or too broken for God. Romans 8 says that IN all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Don't get caught up in the struggle because it's temporary and always changing. Keep your eyes [mouth and thoughts too] on the Master and the vision instead of the struggle and I promise that even in the middle of the chaos; if you're looking for him you will see glimmers of his goodness at work. 

We don't get to decide what God can or can't do. You've been called to more. Be open to- and encouraged in the new direction. For your love is still building a building. 

P.S. The link to that poem has got to be one of the best interpretations of it that I've read. Click on each line to see the interpretation to the right. If you're a lady that fumbles through words and speaks to think and then later often regrets- Or if you're going through a storm and your mouth has produced things contrary to what is in your heart, maybe give it a look over from your masters eyes.

I'd also encourage you to read 1 Corinthians 6 & 2 Corinthians 3.

And Then Monday

The week before last I read some online articles about suicide that upset me. The articles were mostly about symptoms but then my Pastor shared a sermon on the same subject. It was as if everything was suddenly about suicide, or at least until I got angry about it and then I just sat with the anger. Wrestling. Thinking. Praying. Confused... 

And waiting.

Two family members were heavy on my heart. One of them is my husband. While he is not suicidal, he does suffer from Chronic Illness. He has had peripheral neuropathy in both of his feet for the last 10 years. A certain amount of depression accompanies that. 

He's also had enough circumstances in the last two years that could bring depression anyway, even if the condition didn't do it. And as if that wasn't enough, he has had to take a small "pharmacy" just to dull the symptoms. Those prescriptions add a whole other layer to his battle. 

Not only has he pretty much plateaued on his medication, even though his condition continues to get worse; but being subjected to them for so long, is also taking its toll on his body. To me, his health seems to be declining. Then to top it all off, not one but two his medications are known for increasing suicidal tendencies. 

The first week after I'd read the article, I sat with him on our front porch and told him about the list. I apologized for any flares in my own behavior that came as a result. But then I explained that after reading it, I could not not ask him about it. Of course he soothed my concern and I felt better having mentioned it.

But it was still twisting inside of me.

The next Sunday at church I was moved to tears and my class prayed over me. On the way home, I thought about Jacob wrestling with God and the way that Paul says our flesh and spirit wrestle. I couldn't imagine walking with a limp like Jacob- but even so, I have also learned just how physical our spiritual battles can be.

I thought about how long I might continue this way before God could tell me what it was he wanted me to do. I imagined a man almost at the end of his rope and on his knees begging God to just belt out what it is that he wanted him to do. "Whatever it is God, I will do it!" Then it occurred to me that maybe God also needed me in that exact spot before I would understand myself or before I'd be willing to follow the full instructions. 

I know that sounds strong but when we're going through something, we're always ready to be done with it, aren't we? So, then I just point blank asked him-

What is it God? What is it? 

Of course, I prayed for discernment and courage to face whatever the answer was and the strength to carry it out.

And then Monday, I started reading articles about praying for healing. This article in particular had several points that struck me. 

The first was the reference to false humility. In how we don't want to pray over others because we don't want to "act like God" and yet one of our basic Christian duties is to pray. -Not only with another but over them. 

There were many other powerful insights and then I read some other articles. I am not sure how or where I saw it but at some point I became convicted of whose faith I was believing in- the faith of the person that was being prayed over or the faith of the person praying. After all, didn't I come into my faith because he answered? ...Over and over again.

By the bottom of the article, I simply felt like God was telling my heart that I can clearly see evidence of what is happening to my husband's health. Now I also have a list in hand of some even more terrible magnitudes that this could go to. Knowing how powerful prayer can be- [Not only witnessing what it can do but experiencing God within it.] How could I have both of those options before me and still choose not to pray over him. 

I mean I have prayed on my own and with him about many things but never so specifically for salvation or healing or anything directly pertaining to him, over him. And I think to myself, who am I as his wife and his helper and his friend to withhold something like that from him? 

It was a lot to chew on.

Later at work, I started trying to consider when I might pray or how I would pray. I was reminded of scripture after scripture; Where two or more gather, If you ask and you believe, Say to this blood live, Say to these bones live, Ask and you shall receive, I will restore your health, I am the vine, you are the branches, Greater is he that is in me... My voice began to rise, my eyes were filling and a great surge came.

I finally hit my knees and prayed specifically right then for his healing, both physically and spiritually and in every other fashion. I prayed for our direction, faith, marriage and probably a dozen other things that I couldn't recall now if I tried; Repeating every scripture on my heart. Everything came out with a fury. 

Then just like that-

Peace

It came in the wave as it settled back out to sea, taking all of the anger with it.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. -Matthew 11:28-30

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. –John 14:27

Ask and ye shall receive - Matthew 7:7

***

And if you were curious, I waited for timing and by the following Sunday, I did pray over Colin. I know that God is working.

Picture credit: Low tide on a Constantine wall.

Walking the fence

My father and I do not get to see each other often. We try to talk regularly but via phone, is never as good as being together.  When we are together, we start all over catching up. We repeat summaries of everything that’s happened since our last visit. We pretend that we're joke tellers and philosophers. We interpret songs and try to unearth the meaning of life. Before we know it, it's the wee hours of the morning and we're discussing faith. Not just faith but almost always, the very subject of "walking the fence".

Sometimes our discussions are about a specific habit, hobby or attitude that might go against something that we say that we believe. Other times it's more general. -Perhaps an overall discussion about how one of us might not be ready to begin or pursue the next step with God because something in our life is either holding us back or might seem out of sync.  -We don't want to appear to be 'on the fence'.  After all, we're either for him or against him, right?

Here lately that subject has weighed heavily on my heart. What a huge misinterpretation that really is. I mean, are we ever good "enough" to come to God? If we had to wait to reach a certain place or level before coming to him, wouldn't that go against the very thing that Christ says he died to give us?  Romans 3:23 says that "we ALL fall short of the glory of God". Verse 24 says that "we are ONLY justified by his grace". Accepting him only takes a moment of faith but –becoming- like Christ is a LIFE LONG process.

Really, our entire relationship with God IS like walking on a fence, isn’t it? Sometimes we lean a little to the left and fall off. Other times we lean a little to the right and fall off again.  But when we can take our eyes off of ourselves and look to him; we gain a sense of balance and then finally momentum. It’s in God’s redemption of our personal failures that we develop confidence in him and learn that we can trust him with anything. Allowing the Holy Spirit to work in our lives, no matter how many times we have to start over, is how we come to understand what mercy really is.

I can’t help but visualize a child learning to ride a bike.  The new rider never gets on without training wheels and rules to the road. Even with those precautions in place, we never send the rider off on their own. We’re usually found right alongside with arms outstretched, chanting “You can do it!” It hurts us when they fall or wreck but at NO point, do we ever stop loving them because they fell.  Why, that even sounds absurd. We RUN to their rescue and pick them up to sooth them or encourage them to try again.

Over time, the child begins to remember those general guidelines. We can stand back and allow them to navigate within the boundaries that we have given. There will always be consequences. But there will always be freedom as well.

I think the word is a lot like those training wheels and rules.  It’s always there to refer back to. It never changes or waivers.  It’s up to us to decide when and when not to apply it. Christ is always there to catch or encourage us. But it is necessary for us to fall a little in order to understand why and how those boundaries apply to our life and how to appreciate all that God can really offer.  No matter what though, he never leaves us. Whether we’re a new rider or walking the fence, HE is our biggest champion. We just have to find the courage to believe…

Dad and I (about 1985) 

Just Accept

I love to listen to my 4 year old daughter who, without being asked, recounts the reasons why I love her. In addition, she also says "Mama aren't you glad that God gave me to you!" "Mama don't you think that I am SO pretty!" -Of course all of these things are things that she has heard me say to her. Her version of them is much cuter. -Sweeter.

I always giggle when she starts going because her ego is often bigger than she is. But for as much trouble as that could be later, I hope that she never loses her confidence. -We all know how fragile a girl's esteem can be. I'm glad that she is listening to something positive that I am saying.

Here lately, I've been thinking about her faith in what I say and how that compares to our faith in what Christ says. How often we complicate what God has to offer. Mark 10:15 asks us to believe as a child. Yet we demand proof. Oh, how the world has stained our view of what is acceptable and good. Honest and pure. -Something must be earned in order to be given.

We struggle with forgiveness because either we are still sinning or because we can't forgive ourselves. So we can't understand how someone else can simply make white, what we keep trying to scrub and scrub and scrub away. Well, here's a news flash. You and I will ALWAYS sin. He is the only perfect one and if he had the power to make us, he can certainly make us "new". Maybe even shiny.

Maybe we feel so unloveable that we can't fathom why he would love us. Jeremiah 1:5 says that even before he made us, he knew who were and then still chose to make us anyway. Psalms 45:11 says that he is enthralled by our beauty. -"Enthralled" really! I mean just close your eyes and envision Jesus holding you in his hand marveling at your every action.

The Lord doesn't brow beat us with what he wants us to know. He waits patiently for us to just wake up and say "oh yeah!!" "I accept, I accept!" Do yourself a favor and start trying to accept today. It's hard. I know. But pour your heart out and ask him to show you how to do this.

The next time you're alone in the shower, turn your face up to the heavens and say I am forgiven. I am made new. I am alive. I am loved. I am cherished. -add to it any promise that you can. Repeat it. But make sure that you are facing him when you do it. Shame makes us hide away and look down. I was surprised by how much this one simple gesture positioned my heart so that I could get a bit more Jesus in. Turn your face up like you're staring at the sun and just close your eyes and imagine that you are looking in his eyes. Don't argue or make excuses. Just stand there. Facing him. Repeating his promises to you and let his love wash over you.