Sitting in Vulnerability

Colin and I had five animals before we ever had kids. I got most of them pretty soon after getting married 15 years ago, which has made all of them seniors by now. Sadly, in the last two years, they have all started dying off. First Diesel the Cat. Then D.O.G. our black lab and then Zoe, another Cat. Then last Sunday I had to take Carson, my 12-year-old Dalmatian mix.

From the day that we met, he whined when I wasn't in his presence. This is the dog that I fostered for 3 weeks. I finally talked a friends dad into taking him home. Then after an argument with my husband, I ended up bringing him back home. Half out of spite. Half because after visiting him in his new place, he lost his mind (whining and even crying) and I felt guilty.

Either way, both reasons were selfish. He was a cute furry reminder.  He was also the reason that I wasn't allowed to foster any more animals or keep bread on the counter or have a gate that worked, as he "got a hold" of all of it.

I used to wonder if I would ever have the courage to put an animal to sleep. I also wondered I would recognize their time. [Here are some tips if you think you'll need them.] Have no doubt that they will let you know when they have had enough. D.O.G. did and Carson behaved very similarly. [You can read my comment on that thread of tips.]

Anyway, I will try to keep this brief but when our Uncle died, I walked away with the feeling that I can't believe that I never offered to pray with him or see if he needed help. (Not that he would have let me do one or both of them. Maybe he would have???)

When D.O.G. died, I was saddened by my last attempt to keep him with me and it made things a little harder for him in the end. I also didn't get to see him one more time pain-free with his eyes open. It was all so hurried that I wished I had of sung to him or tried to soothe him instead of sobbing.

When Carson's time came, I wasn't going to try and hang on. I did sing to him and even tried to lay on the floor with him while we were at home. But even after pain medication and getting on his level, Carson refused to sit or lay down. He couldn't anymore and I knew that the time had come.

I must admit that before I make myself sound so noble and sweet, that at first, I was really frustrated with him waking me up again at 2:30 in the morning and this time not leaving me alone. So, I wasn't very nice. Until I recognized the behavior.

So, I tried to do the things that I wished I had of done with D.O.G. but I couldn't say the word death in front of him. I felt like it was rude and insulting or something. After all, he's one of your best friends right? Even sitting in the vet floor, I couldn't recap our life together. I'm not even sure if I said everything I wanted to say because it felt some eerie way that I can't describe... Like you're talking about a person, right in front of them... I told myself it was because I didn't want to scare him.

Yet- isn't he the one that let me know it was time to go???  So, in hindsight, was I protecting him or myself?

Anyway, when I returned home, Colin was surprised that Carson wasn't with me. We had talked in the months leading up to this about the likelihood of having to put them to sleep. Both of our remaining dogs were falling down stairs, unable to get up and sometimes in pain. I am almost certain that I told Colin "it was time" when I left the house. In his defense, he [Colin] was asleep. Maybe I said it too early in the conversation.

But that thought coupled with my earlier thought about protecting myself while I was with Carson; I couldn't help but wonder if I don't communicate as well as I think I do... haha. I know I have come a long way but both dialogues [or lack of] have stayed with me and I don't want to just sweep them aside. Is this thought correlation a coincidence?
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Some other events soon followed suit, causing me to ask myself if I am even more vulnerable behind a screen than in my personal life and/or with strangers than those that I am closest to?

-Am I vulnerable enough with God?

If the first two instances were a coincidence; it now feels like I've come to an intersection with a blaring street light. It's exactly at the same junction [the end of a year] where I start to reflect on the previous year and the one ahead.

This earmark feels as though it is getting ready to turn cornerstone. Although I'm not sure how yet. I know I am waiting for a signal but I just want to sit and feel the tremble-

...tremble, tremble.

Soulutions | Going Deeper

If you’ve found this page, you might have just accepted the Lord as your personal Savior or perhaps you are looking for a way to go deeper in your faith. –Congrats on both because there is nothing better that you can do than to grow closer to the God who made you! This is a list of various things that you can implement depending on where you are in your walk right now. Each have helped me along the way. You can also come back to it when you’re ready for more.  –And who knows, I may have added something else by then. The bold words simply highlight each new area.

If you’re looking for a Bible Study, there is no limit to the subjects that are available. So where do you start?!?! If you need a suggestion, here are 3 that made a big difference in my life! Each of them are a video study. So you will need the video but you might have to buy them separately. Your church library, public library and the Southern Baptist Convention of VA all have resources that you can check out for FREE. They may or may not have these titles but it’s always good to check first before buying.

1. Experiencing God, by Henry Blackaby – This study really helped me identify the way that God speaks to me.

2. Seed, by Priscilla Shirer – This study helped me break apart scripture, line by line.

3. Discovering God’s Will, by Andy Stanley – This study helps you get back to your values and what God desires for each of us.

If you are looking for something super quick and simple, you can always pick a topic or character and search the internet for free pdf study and the subject you've chosen.

If you’re in the middle of a major decision, I’d recommend listening to this message titled “The Guidance of God” by Dr. Michael Yousseff. (These links change over time. If that happens here, you should still be able to search the internet by Pastor & sermon title.) Then get a pen & paper and click play! He gives you 7 questions to ask yourself and 3 things that must align. -He says them REALLY fast and so you be prepared to rewind a few times. 

If you’re looking for a Bible, I use an NIV Life Application Study Bible. I like this one because it has commentary that gives you additional information and references about each passage. You might want to go up a font size because the print is a little smaller. –If you go visit Lifeway Bookstore you can open every Bible in there to thumb through and read them before purchasing.

I have also heard many good things about the Celebrate Recovery Bible which is designed specifically for people that have had a history of addictions or abuse. I don’t own one yet but I’ve heard so much about it, I think I’m going to have to check it out!

And if you want to deepen your personal relationship with the Lord or if you feel like you need a hard reset try this:

When my faith really blossomed, it was because I pruned nearly everything in my life except time with my family and growing my faith. –By that I mean I started getting serious about reading my Bible almost exclusively. I mean it. It wasn’t just to check the item off; it was because I needed to get some information out of it. I had always depended on a Companion Bible Study or a Preacher to teach me things. When I really felt like the Lord was poking around in me, I still attended church regularly but made a list of questions that I had about the Bible. Then I focused more on growing here rather than church attendance, studies, etc. If I needed help, I simply used the internet to point me into the right section of the Bible and then I went back in. Then I read my Bible until I got the answers.

That even applied to my personal direction. Every time I was tempted to ask someone else what they thought that I should do about something, I went and looked it up instead and I prayed about it. I assure you of this, you might get frustrated because we sometimes like our answers immediately and the Lord doesn’t always work on our timeline but you will get an answer. You might even get a few of those answers wrong. [Usually, when you try to hurry the process and guess instead of being certain.] –But the Lord can still use those answers to grow you. You will also get some things right. Whether they are right or wrong, those answers will begin the bedrock of your faith.

Church – If you’re not in a church, I encourage you to get plugged in. Don’t get stuck on Methodist, Presbyterian, Baptist, etc. just yet. For the most part, it doesn’t matter what the denomination is as long as they’re preaching the Word of God. You just need to pick one and get to it. I go to BridgePoint. If you know me, tell me you’re coming and I’ll wait for you. We’ll go in together.

I would even say more important than Sunday Service, you should join a small group.  Here’s why.

If you’re good with all of that it might just be time that you start challenging yourself to step out and do new things, ie. praying out loud, serving in the church, leading classes from your home or work, etc. We grow and learn by new experiences. We stay the same or grow stagnant by doing the same thing over and over.

Now if you’ve made it here and done all of these things and yet you still feel like something is off, check out this link. This is a tool from the Pastor of City Life Church in Newport News, VA. His suggestion on how to use it is as follows.

“What I find is that when people feel stuck, it is because they are missing some or several of the means by which God has provided for us to thrive in our spiritual lives.  What I would recommend that you do is write down all of these Pathways and then next to that list have three columns.  The first column is red, the next column is yellow, and the last column is green.  Then put an “x” next to each Pathway in the appropriate column.  Red means that particular Pathways is missing in your life, yellow means it is occasionally present, and green means you do this consistently. 

Then, pick a couple Pathways you want to go from red to yellow and a couple you want to go from yellow to green… I bet you will find that feeling of being “stuck” goes away and that the more Pathways you have working in your life, the more all the Pathways are energized!” 

Now I've gone ahead and created the spreadsheet for you. :)

Above all, don't overthink it. If you're new, please don't try to do it all at once. Start in the place that feels best for you, then come back again later to add something else. Anything that you do to go deeper, will grow you and be a blessing to you! He promises that His Word will not return void.

Remember Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then this passage goes on to say in verse 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you, declares the Lord."

If you feel like you need a new plan, why not start with the Lord who has it. I pray that this post blesses you whereever you're willing to step out! 

P.S. Why not team up with a friend or family member so that you have someone to go and grow along with. :) You can each pick a different place to start but still hold each other accountable by getting together regularly and talking what you're learning.

A NEW Years Resolution

Ya know sometimes I feel a little boastful and braggy when I share my faith and talk about things that I experience or where I believe that Lord is taking me. It is NOT because I have it all figured out. It is NOT because I complete a checklist of tidy little Christian things. It’s not because I think that I represent something that others do not or aren’t capable of. (I am still so very imperfectly on my way.)

But I have developed such a sincere and sweet appreciation for the power of our Testimony about him. And the only testimony that I have is my own.

I have confidence in that, not because of “my” but because of “HE” who answered me when I called. Knowing His power, gives me the grace and courage to share [so very publicly] my flaws. Because even in MY IMPERFECTIONS, and in MY MESS and in MY CHAOS, I can still see HIS GLORY!

But it wasn’t until I sought how to have my own knowledge of him that I began to seek him differently. And as he promises in Jeremiah 29:12-13, when I sought HIM [and not just someone else that would tell me something profound about him] I indeed found Him.

I trust that the Lord will also help me shape my words as I grow, so that they may also become more like his. I also have confidence that if anyone else should read this and also choose to seek Him differently and sincerely and passionately; they too will join me in a song of their own.

If you are looking for a New Year’s Resolution, there is nothing that you could do better than resolving to know Jesus Christ! And I have a challenge for you!

And if my testimony doesn’t convince you then, perhaps you’ll let the great apostle Paul reiterate by reading what he wrote in Philippians 3.

May you and I grow and be blessed and be even more confident in the one who IS in 2016!

Tuesday Challenge #47 | Resolve To Know

At some point I began to question why I believed certain things. Sure, I spent a good deal of time in church but did I believe all of the things that I was learning or was I just following what I was told? What if someone gave me the wrong message? Would I be able to recognize it for myself or would I continue to follow along?

That thought began twisting under my skin.

I ended up committing to a year of figuring out my faith and forcing myself to learn from the Word. And thus this blog was born....

While I have merely dipped my toe in the sea of faith [and water of his Word], it has been a LIFE changing experience for me. I know it was the best decision that I ever made. There is no turning back for me.

As 2015 draws to a close, I know many of you are also trying to come up with the perfect resolution. Hear my heart when I ask you these questions below. Your answers should help you determine whether or not this is also the perfect resolution for you.

1. Do you know what YOU believe and why you believe it? Do you have experiences that back up your data or have you been going with the flow; relying on what your parents and/or peers told you? Why and how do you know what you know? None of us will ever be able to fully comprehend the depths of God. But he can take you deeper than you are right now or than you have been before. Seek him and you will find him. (Jeremiah 29:13-15)

2. Would you recognize a false prophet or something non-scriptural if spoken to you? What are you comparing that data against? This one is kind of tricky because everything depends on context. We're all men and women too; as in still sinners. So you might not be thinking or hearing something correctly and the other person might not be speaking it correctly either. -No matter how strong we are in faith, mishaps happen! Be strong in KNOWLEDGE and go directly to the source!

3. When you want to hear a good word, do you run to your Bible or to a Preacher? While preachers are wonderful teachers, they are essentially tools to help us grow our faith. They are also men. While they may be used as vessels, our relationship with them is NOT a substitute for the direct relationship that we can have with our Lord. You can listen to an entire series on a subject and still not get what you needed to hear. You can also crack your Bible open and diligently seek the Lord's response and find a word or single sentence that literally satisfies everything that you're heart wanted to know. Many times it's vastly different than what you were seeking in a message. And you don't have to wait for a specific broadcast, appointment or service time. The Bible can be opened 24/7! - The good Lord can use anything & anyone to speak to us but the question here is what are you leaning on?

4. Do you need others to confirm/affirm every decision that you make or thought you think? If you said yes, then you might be people pleasing instead of God pleasing. It is good to be encouraged by your peers. There are also seasons that we need other believers to help guide us. But if you always have to have someone tell you whether or not what you are thinking is right or wrong, then you might have a problem. Jeremiah tells us that HE has a plan for YOU. John tells us that HE is the way, the truth and the Life. Let God be your accountability partner. Who would know better than HE if you were on the right track?

5. Are you certain of your salvation?  Romans 10:9-10 tells us “If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved." If something about that scripture bothers you, is it possible maybe you don't believe Him. There is a big difference in believing that there is a God and then believing in what He says that He is or will do. But remember our verse from Jeremiah 29:12-13 "...seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

If any of these questions struck you, I pray that you will take this challenge for as long as you need to. Resolve to KNOW!

Do you have a testimony about this challenge or a suggestion for another one? I'd love to hear it! Comment here!

What's this about? | Other challenges

Picture Credit [then modified]: http://www.superbwallpapers.com/nature/sunrise-over-the-mountains-14501/

Smallness | Spiritual Goals

We are always trying to figure out how to do more, aren't we? To get better at.... To go BIGGER.... But that can be really exhausting, can't it? Like you I'm sure, it just doesn't seem like I have time to add to the day or to the list of tasks. If I can't add to, how on earth will I get the more & bigger down?

I've started to think about spiritual goals at the end of each year. 2014 was a great year for me but it was particularly busy and hard and even exhausting. When I drew my list of goals for 2015 it occurred to me that God probably doesn't need us to beat who we've been in the past. There's no real reason why our goals have to be "more" or "bigger" than the previous ones set, unless of course we didn't have any. Simply having different types of goals can continue to challenge us in the same positive way.

So for me, this year, I am trying to come up with goals for the "smallest" way that I can get more God in. Not because I don't want a whole lot of God but because sometimes when the challenge is too big, we just can't seem to get around to it or we put it off or stress ourselves out about it. I'm hoping that if I start considering the smallest thing that I can do right now, maybe it will keep me moving in the right direction.

Here are a few ideas. Won't you join me?

1. A, B, Glory - I heard a sermon from Andy Stanley last year and he said that there are always 3 choices to any question. There's answer A, answer B and then the answer that will give God the most Glory. Try to apply that the next time that you have a question. And actually this question might just be flavoring the rest of the pot below...

2. Use it for Glory/Blessing - Do you feel like God has recently blessed you with something and you want to know how to show thanks? How about consider the smallest way you can use it in order to give God Glory? Can you share it with someone, use it to help someone, build a testimony around it?

3. Ooh Discipline - Instead of what new things can we learn about this year; maybe we just need to get really disciplined [trying to apply] in the things that he's already asked of us.

4. Use what you have - This year instead of buying something for every birthday party, event, last minute dinner.... Maybe we need to find a way to use (reuse) what we already have. That might not sound like a way to glorify but I just keep thinking about Jesus collecting the crumbs left over after the five loaves. -Maybe it was to feed someone else. I also think about all of the times we say that we will do this or that when we have such and such. But those who are trusted with little [what you have now] will be trusted with much and we shouldn't force ourselves into debt trying to get there.

5. Encourage another along the way - When Jesus was talking to the Samaritan woman, he told her to go and get her husband. When Elisha told the widow to get her jars to fill with oil, he told her to collect jars also from her neighbors. Where ever you are and wherever you're going, look out for someone else along the way that needs the same thing that you do. -Even if it's only someone to pray with.

6. Joining church - If you're resolution was to get back to church, maybe try joining the smaller one or perhaps start with a small group study instead of the regular Sunday Service.

7. Set your stone - Joshua 4:4-7 is just one example of God asking people to set reminders. Throughout the bible we repeatedly see people putting up memorials, alters, and place markers and/or changing names to signify or represent work that God has done in their life.  This was done not only so that what God has done could be remembered but so that it could be talked about with others. Do you have any stones that you need to collect and/or put up for the Lord this year? Take time to remember them, even if it's only by writing them down.

4. Say "Thanks" - It's such a small word, isn't it?

5. Pick One Word - Whether or not you get the book, pick One Word for the year as your focus. In case you couldn't tell, my one word this year is smallness. Your one word is like a mini goal and when used in prayer it can be a quick way to help guide you when you need to make decisions or refocus.

6. Stop doing it - What is the smallest thing that you can stop doing? -Even if it's only for a period of time so that you can discover how to give God Glory while doing it.

7. Accept the K-Love Challenge? This is a challenge to listen to Christian music on the K-Love station for 30 days. (I had to put this on here because my daughter asks me nearly every day if we can accept this challenge. To which I reply, Sophie, we've already been listening.... But she still asks. Maybe my smallest thing is to get her a calendar so that she has the excitement of marking it off every day and maybe I'll challenge myself to listen with a new ear.) It seemed fitting to add here. It is small and you are already in the car, right?!?!

8. As a family - Maybe try to exclude going to so many individual/separate events in order to find one group event that you can all do together.

9. Read less but absorb more - Each of us at some point or another have sworn or at least been pretty sure that we'd read the whole bible or a certain number of chapters a day within a year. But that's a BIG challenge and sometimes the bible is hard to read. How about simply going for understanding of the one chapter that you choose to read? After you read it once, find another translation, and maybe another. Check out commentary, interpretations and even look up certain words or details from the text. Ooh, you can even write a summary about what you think is happening, if you feel led to. When you've squeezed out every drop; then move on to the next chapter. Whew- doesn't that take the pressure off? Then you're never behind!

10. Up the volume - Instead of praying all day or praying more or even praying harder, make the words that you do offer up in prayer, words that are said out loud.

11. Change your availability - Instead of trying to be involved in every function and running around like a chicken with your head cut off; ask God to help you find the one person that needs to see you (or God through you) each day.

12. Don't forget your loved ones - What is the one thing that you can do for each member of your immediate family this week? Ask God to help you tune your listening ear. Maybe it's resetting an iPod, making cookies together or calling about an appointment. It might be as simple as watching a movie together but what's the smallest way that you can show the members of your house that they are not lost in your shuffle? If this and # 8 don't seem like a way to incorporate more God, check out 1 Timothy 5:8. And God repeatedly blesses people by giving them descendants in the bible. I can tell you that [next to the bible] he teaches me more about his character through my own family than anywhere else!

13. Little challenges - Maybe create/accept some little challenges in your uncomfortable zone for God. If you're not sure how, look here for some ideas on Tuesday's.

14. The silver lining - Every day something will happen to frustrate you. The kids might miss the bus on Monday. The car won't start on Tuesday. Don't even talk about Wednesday.... But at the very same time God is trying to teach you something about discipline and you feel it in such a good way. -Or perhaps a friend made you lunch and it touches you. When you're retelling the details of your day, is it only the gray clouds that you let define it? Or is God meeting a need in a different area or trying to reveal himself in those frustrations. -Do those details get a small part in the script that you rehearse?

15. Inventory & Goals - Before were too deep into this year take an inventory of last year. Are you satisfied with how it turned out? Are you closer to God or your family? Did you have a plan and master any of it? ...or give it to the master? Flesh it out. Was there anything you would have changed?  What can you aim for this year? Will it be different?

16. Customize it - Ask God what is the smallest way that YOU can squeeze a little more Glory in.

If you get some answers to 16, I'd love to hear them! So don't forget to share it here, on Facebook or with a friend.

Blessings to you in 2015!


Picture credit: http://thesamaritanwomen.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/StepsToSuccess012113-300x300.jpg

Spiritual Goals

As you are considering your new year's resolutions, perhaps this year, you’ll also consider making spiritual goals. Allow your relationship with God to become a focal point and then challenge yourself to draw closer.

The goal is to pick something specific, so that throughout the year, you can see that you are making progress. Then at the end of the year, you can hopefully look back with accomplishment. Even better, ask God to give you a little testimony at the end of 2014!

Put more in: 

1. Pick one of the following subjects to learn about and start incorporating it into your life; fasting, praying, worship, bible knowledge, etc. (Click the links for some recommendations on: Hearing God Speak, Prayer, Breaking apart bible verses.)

2. Create a plan to memorize scripture.

3. Instead of picking a plan to read the bible in specified time, find a character to learn more about. Then read all of the chapters and stories about that person. Study the commentary, biographies and then research other interpretations to see how God worked in that person’s life. Practice gleaning.

     Or just commit to finally answering some of those questions that you've had about the bible.

4. Increase your day so that you can get 15+ minutes more time in with God.

5. If you don’t have a bible that you like, get a better one. Get the extra features that you want. The more that you customize it to your liking, the more you will like it.

6. Make your commute time “God time” (Smartphones can help with sermons or audiobook apps.) Checkout “Oneplace.com”

7. Commit to being a part of church regularly or increase the time that you participate. (The trick is committing to one and then letting yourself get comfortable there. Not the other way around. If you don't want to go alone, I go here. Let me know when you want to attend and I will meet you.) 

8. Start a Bible Study in your own home or attend one.

9. Use time deliberately. Instead of surfing your phone every minute that you get spare time, try to absorb the quiet from around you, or replace that surf time with prayer time or learning time.

10. Practice stilling your mind.


11. Fast from your "go to" preachers and either try new ones or go directly to the bible.

12. Move "your pew" from the one in the back to one within the first five up front.

13. Make it a goal to know everyone in your church. Most churches have different services, groups, classes, etc.  Get comfortable in one and then try another. Don't aim to do it in one year. Get to know people, but then when you start to feel settled, get to know someone else. 

14. Choose a life verse.

Put more out: 

1. Make one of the next 6 a regular challenge (daily, weekly, monthly, or every ‘as it occurs’) with God.

2. Accept every offer to pray out loud.

3. Keep extra bibles on hand so that you can share/give them when needed.  

4. Invite someone to church.

5. Figure out how or what your testimony is.

6. Then Share it!

7. Find someone new to encourage and/or commit to mentoring one person.

8. Sign up to help in an area at church.

9. Find a way to donate or contribute your work/hobby to the Lord.

10. Start a prayer or blessing journal or simply start making notes about what you’re reading and thinking about as you grow deeper in your relationship with the Lord.

Make it a group effort:

1. As a family, how can you “Pay it forward” in a way that gives God the glory? Plan a regular mission.

2. Begin to pray with your spouse or as a family, even if it starts as the blessing before dinner.

3. Include a daily/weekly family/marital devotion as part of your routine.

4. Discuss personal spiritual goals and continue to check in with each other to see how God is working with each of you.

5. Make regular goals for your family. When life offers changes, pray for the vision to see how those changes line up your goals. 

6. Find a family to mentor or open your home up to ________________.

7. Spend more time together as a family. Take turns doing together the things that each of you like, instead of doing them all separately. God first, family second. It's your most important ministry!

You can research more ideas (and even worksheets) on line.

Verse: 

2 Peter 1:5-8  For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love.  For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.