Philippians 3:18-19

I belong to a ministry (and group of friends) that make it a point to break down a chapter of the Bible via email. We assign a verse to a date and then to a member of the group. Then we each take turns breaking down and sharing what the Lord is speaking to us in the order of the list. We take our time and spend about a month on one verse. 

It’s my turn again. I have Philippians 3:19. I’m going to share verse 18 with it. Then breakdown 19.

18 For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. 19 Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things.

***

If you’d like to read more about the background of this chapter, check out this commentary by Matthew Henry. Essentially, Paul is writing different groups of believers within the church and pointing out errors in the way that they might be living, versus how he lives; telling them how we all should follow his example, in Christ.

But verse 19 nearly jumped off the page… “Their God is their stomach and their glory is their shame.” What does that even mean…glory is their shame?  So I signed up for the verse.

I think it’s clear that it means that some of us listen to the demand of our appetites more than anything else. –What we crave, what we want, etc.  Some of us are hell bent on something even if it will only bring our destruction, ahem shame.

But it also speaks to me about something else. You might want to sit down.  (But go ahead and refill your coffee first.)

You will find many posts here as I have grown [am growing] through my own past of insecurity and shame. I have come a long way, Praise God! I still slip up every now and then but this area is a default setting for me. So the minute something (could be anything) in my life gets out of whack, this is the area that surfaces. It could just be a lack of sleep, or starting something new. And BOOM- It seems like I try to go back here.

Just to give you a glimpse of what that looks like when it’s active; I will doubt who I am, what I have to offer, apologizing for ridiculous things and then even if you compliment me, I come back with a criticism about myself to offset it. People Pleasing can also a factor here.  

Anyway, we sometimes trick ourselves into believing that these little characteristics I just mentioned are not a big deal or are some form of humility. Ya know, thinking less of self or not boasting about all the things that we do right and trying to put others first. –But I assure you, that it comes back to the root of our ego.  Real humility involves not thinking about yourself at all, good thoughts or bad. This verse speaks right to that area!

So when Paul says “Their God is their stomach” he’s saying, what is the appetite or driver in your life? What is the thing that you are trying to satisfy every day when you get up? Is it drawing closer to God, some status or possession, or is it your appetite for validation by others, approval addiction, satisfaction in self, etc.? And you can say that it is to Glorify God but what pops up more in your conversations or in your thoughts? Take inventory. You might have something completely different. Who comes up more, you or him?

“Their Glory is their shame” - When you and I have to constantly put ourselves out there; be it boasting about our successes, or criticizing self, even if it’s not intended so that people build you up, you are putting your self out there. Always bringing attention back to you or the sin or the “thing”. In this case, shame has gotten a lot of “glory” in my life. But what about you? What in your life, gets the glory that will ultimately cause you shame? When in fact, we should be bringing all glory to God, what he is doing and has already done.

“Their mind is set on earthly things” You and I can be so worried about what other people think that we lose sight of who we are. –or were made to be. Some of us grow up that way and we don’t even know that we’re not being true to ourselves. –We’re so accustomed to being what everyone else thinks that we should be [or the opposite of what they think we should be] that we don’t even know we’re “outside of the mold” of our lives. Be it success, goals, what you wear, how you spend your time….

I have always felt “different”. I am betting that you have too. Do you know why?  -Because we are! We are not made to do the same things or to think the same way. When I let a situation on earth define me or when I compare myself to people on earth, I lose sight of my differences. And truthfully, this is when I feel most insecure. When I set my mind on why God would have created me or how I can use what my differences are, it gives me a purpose. –One that makes me feel unique and like I have something to offer. The hard part here is in that transition phase of “trying to embrace unique” when you don’t really know how or where to apply it…

I wouldn’t be doing you any favors if I didn’t share with you how I have gotten through it [at least to where I am now].  So if you feel like you need that, check out the section of this post about deepening your personal relationship or stepping out in faith.

Remember the very first line in our verse starts with “Their destiny is their destruction”. God promises that HE has a plan for you that will prosper you. He doesn’t say that everyone else‘s plan(s) will do so. He also tells us that while you might plan your way, He orders your steps if you turn to Him, not those you’re beside.  When you take your eyes off of him, even for the most accidental, naïve and even sincere purposes, it can lead to your destruction.

And if it’s not what God had planned for you, I hate to tell you friend but it is sin. It’s not a matter of your intentions. It’s a matter of purpose. This part is going to hurt but if you’re not living for the purpose you were made, then you are what verse 18 called an enemy of the Cross. Ouch! I know…

I also know that this ending might sound a little bit more discouraging or scary, rather than uplifting. –But don’t overcomplicate how easy it is to let Christ shape your life. I mean think of flowers in a field. They only have to rise and face the sun. It’s His light and His provision that helps them blossom. It is the same for you and I. Look to and reach for His ways. He will do everything else, in His time.

Photo Credit: http://www.countryfile.com/explore-countryside/food-and-farming/what-expect-your-free-countryfile-wildflower-seeds

Philippians 3:15-16

I belong to a ministry (and group of friends) that make it a point to break down a chapter of the bible. We assign a verse to a date and then to a member of the group. Then we each take turns breaking down and sharing what the Lord is speaking to us in that order.

It has been very encouraging and good to read but also be a part of. It definitely ensures that members of your group are spending time in the word. But it also helps build intimacy in your group. So, I thought it was worth sharing with you. Anyway, this week it is my turn.  This was my verse and here was what was on my heart! May it be a blessing to you.

***

All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained. – Philippians 3:15-16

This verse speaks a lot to me in all areas of our lives.  The first is in how we should embrace ourselves.   My kids are still in elementary school. Many times when they see their friends do something different or get something new, they feel as if they need to have the exact same too. The same jeans. The same skateboard. The same games on their iPods. I’ve also heard my daughter say, “But I can’t sing like her.” And my son say “But he’s doing it (naming his best friend) and I’ve gotta do it to!”  Sometimes we don’t grow out of that when we’re older.

Don’t we look to our peers sometimes and think I wish that I could paint like her. I wish that had a marriage like that. I wish that I had the same job or could do those things. We write ourselves, our gifts and our things off as if they don’t compare adequately to the world around us.

But here, this verse says “All of us who are mature should take such a view of things.”  As it said in the previous verses “forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead”.  (It doesn’t say look to your right and left at who’s running by you.) It encourages me to embrace where I am. Who I am. To practice what gifts I might have. Don’t some of those places feel awkward as we start off this new practice?

I used to say that I wasn’t creative. Mostly because I didn’t really have any proof of it.  I dismissed most of my ideas thinking that they sounded better only in my head. But then I started practicing and saying “I am creative. Let me try.” It was mostly in small ways like, painting rocks with the kids here or making something for someone there.  It felt awkward at first but the more I tried, the more I felt myself coming to life.

Even in writing, I always wanted to be a writer. I used to write a lot of poetry in school. I stopped for a long time but when I began getting inspired to write differently and to share it publicly… I felt silly and worried “What if….and I was wrong?”

But by believing that there is a purpose for those desires and “pressing on”; it has allowed me to see how God can use me. He may not have made you like Sally or Jane but that was because someone in your life needed something that only you could do.

Doesn’t that also translate to how we grow in the word and by faith? “My testimony will never sound like his or hers.” or “I am not a preacher. I can’t talk to someone about God.” And “I will sound stupid if I pray out loud.” –By not daring to practice, we miss the opportunity to grow in it.

No toddler ever learns to walk without falling. Every parent knows that and so we encourage them to get up and try again. We should practice the same maturity and acceptance with ourselves.

Whatever it is that you feel you should be doing, start doing it. Know that there will be mistakes. Know that you can’t “know and do it all” from where you are. If you step wrong the first time, God will correct it. If it feels uncomfortable, keep practicing. You will learn all kinds of ways to do it better and then you’ll have knowledge. –Even in faith, sharing the word and your testimony; speak and share what you know now. (what you have attained to be true) and if some part of your thinking is different than what it should be, God will make that clear to you when it’s the right season to do so.

My Pastor always says that faith is like a library. If you get stuck on a concept or principle, just put that book back up on the shelf for later. Don’t try to have it all figured out right now. Let the Lord lead you with what you do know and the rest of the information will come later when you’re ready. His comment reminds me a lot of this passage.

Finally, I don’t know what season you’re in but even when we come into transitions. We want to move ahead but we plague ourselves with doubt and sometimes hold ourselves back, because we don’t know what it’s like on the other side of that decision. This verse again, reminds us to have confidence in what we do know to be true about Christ. –That he will be with us wherever we go (Joshua 1:9).  That he upholds us (Is 41:10). That he is our personal teacher/counselor (John 14:26) and HE is sufficient for all of our needs. (Phil 4:19)

Embrace where you are ladies and let the Lord lead you. Don’t worry about being different. You already are. Challenge yourself to do new things. Stop worrying about what everyone else might think or what you might do wrong because it’s stifling the flow in your own life and maybe even someone else's.

Photo Credit: http://www.theverge.com/2014/9/18/6339583/iphone-6-and-6-plus-camera-test-iceland

The hole in your heart | Testimony

Because I believe in the power of Testimony, I'd like to share a little about a recent experience. It's not just that God is working in my life but that I think sometimes it's so hard to see how personal he is. This will probably result in a long list of details strung together but I hope that it helps to confirms for someone that our God is indeed is a close, living, loving, personal God. (The hairs of each and every head are numbered; He knows when we sit and when we rise; That he has a plan for each of us and knows us by name.)

Two weeks ago, I went to an annual training for Living Light Ministries in Newport News, VA. Before the music was playing, I was already crying. That might not be a big deal but I have become very emotional or sensitive in the last few years and when I cry, it's not a little trickle, it's a flood. I know that there is something more to it than me just being "emotional". It was a confirmation.

Before the training takes place, Sharon Thomas gets up to give a little testimony from her own personal life. She tells a story about getting to the bottom of a tube of face soap and how God stretched it, her and her faith over an extended period of time. And she says "Through Christ, God has put more inside of us that what we can even imagine. Are you willing to squeeze your life a little bit so that God can get more out of it?"  Yes, Sharon. I am! I've been squeezing. God's been squeezing. I know there is more! -Confirmation.

So this ministry is actually a group of 3 sub ministries. Cherished, is a ministry focused on women in the sex industry. Jail friends is a friendship ministry to women that are currently incarcerated. Building Bridges with Books is a ministry that helps women, who are in jail, bond with their children through books.

We listened to each of the leaders describe each of their ministries and how each of outreach has grown over the past year. Because this is a ministry, it is important for all volunteers and leaders to stay in bible study and to memorize scripture. All the leaders & volunteers of the Jail ministries stand up and read a chunk (not a verse) that they have memorized. It sounded like most of Philippians 3. I read Philippians 1 that morning and Philippians 2 the day before. It could've been coincidence but -It hit me like a confirmation.

[Bunny trail]

I've also been at a cross road with my job. Not only was I promoted last year to a management position but it has somewhat led to a crossroad of self. I knew that I was supposed to take it but also knew that it was the end of me either at the bank or as I know myself. That feeling has continued to bubble up as the path unfolded. Then just this summer I hit a place where I suddenly knew that I had to quit. I even told my Supervisors. But at I sit at the intersection of "quit", I also see the sign "not yet".

It has led me to seriously soul search, pray and dream with God. It has led me to work with HR and my managers. It has led me to attend a Christian based counselor and I have even begun the process of being tested for ADHD because of some of my struggles in this new position.

So just this week in the first phase of the ADHD test, I sat with a counselor who reviewed my childhood history. I want to preface this by saying that I resist talking about others in my life on this blog because I don't ever want to paint someone else in any kind of light that might be un-glorifying to them. -Especially when there are other details far more worthy of being shared. (Like how much we've all grown since these events!) But in order to get this, like it got me; I will need to share a little of it.

As a child, I moved nearly every 3 months. I went to 18 schools between 4th grade and my senior year (and that includes skipping a grade). My father was in the Navy and out to sea for years on end but because of his upbringing he didn't know how to connect with me and so we went YEARS without speaking, writing or any kind of contact. My mother who also, because of her upbringing, and who also may have experienced a nervous breakdown in my early childhood, was also not able to be available to me; sometimes emotionally but sometimes also physically. Then by the time that I was in high school, she too, attended a job out of state with my step father.

I was an only child and so not being able to speak or even see people that you live with, particularly at such a young age (elementary school), it made it difficult to connect, communicate, or feel loved or worthy, yada, yada. The rest of my family was a thousand miles away. There was no one else around. I made friends easily but had trouble staying connected to anyone and anything. While I blame moving, I don't think it was because of any one thing or something that was or wasn't done. Please know that it wasn't because my parents didn't try or didn't want to but-

As an adult it has skewed the way that I connect with others. In that sometimes I connect too closely, even in awkward gushes or maybe inappropriately to some (even complete strangers) while not being able to connect fully or consistently in some ways to others. (Like sometimes even with members of my own family.) (I'm not labeling here. It's just a tendency.)

So this counselor says that some of the things on my report cards like "talks too much" and "poor reading comprehension" and "fidgets"; yes, they are symptoms of ADHD that present usually in elementary school BUT sometimes children in chaotic environments show all of those symptoms even though they are not ADHD because they have trouble regulating themselves. You learn how to regulate from your parents. And well, I just don't remember seeing much of mine. We talked about a book called Attachments and about how sometimes those early connections and attachments continue their rhythms even as adults; even if or after we make peace with the past. Sometimes...

Suddenly the last year flashed before my eyes-

As an adult I forced myself to be rooted in so many things because I wanted to connect to something FOR GOOD. In this last year, I felt God lead me away from a church that I have been at for 10 years. He led me from a position that I have held for 12 and possibly a career that I've held for 14. I lost my oldest dog and cat. (I had never had a pet that we kept until it died.) I lost one of the dearest, kindest, heroes, anchors and blessings that any family could have. And I've even gone through a new loss with my mother as she goes through her own radical journey. Just as it seemed we were making momentum in our own relationship; she returned to Florida to embrace her roots. This is something that I know she needs to do.

Then on top of that it has been a season of flat out chaos. It is no wonder that I feel like I am falling apart and can't keep myself together. God is poking around in one of the most tender places of me, breaking all of those legalistic things that I needed to hold onto and breaking connections that I needed to make so that I can learn to hold onto him instead.

I mean really- WHO and WHAT are we to be attached to anyway???

And EVEN NOW, with every one of those connections breaking, that little piece of me comes back that cannot regulate my response to what is happening. Even the things on my report card are coming back like, talking too much, fidgeting, and not being able to remember or pay attention... haha. -Crying and getting angry in all the wrong places. Getting my words so mixed up that I say something so contrary or not even on the same page as what I want to say; feeling so awkward that it just spills out without my own knowing that it might happen.

Oh man, a little validation and con-fir-ma-tion!

[End bunny Trail]

So as I listen to the women describe these breakout sessions, it sounds like the Book ministry started to take off about last fall. It was last fall that I first discovered and wanted to attend this training. Life was just too stinking busy! hmmm confirmation?

What you don't know about this ministry is that in some of these jails, children under the age of 16 are not permitted inside. Even for visitation if their mother is incarcerated. Read that again! Heartbreaking!

This ministry takes NEW books to these women. They get to pick which ones they'd like to read. Then we record mothers reading them. We burn it onto a cd and then mail it to their children so that those babies can hear their mama's voices.

And well, I've had this knowing that I need to do something in grief related studies (like post abortion and sexual abuse studies that I've led). Needing something to humble me as a mother so that I can connect even more with my children. I saw myself suddenly as a child that longed to touch her mother being able to help a mother make that connection with her child. And maybe somehow being able to help one of those women look into her own grief to find this same God I am getting to know.

I was reduced to a pool of tears and confirmation.

Stefani, the Leader of this ministry, read her anchor verse from Isaiah 61:1-3 and when she got to the piece about the Oaks of Righteousness- well, if you know me at all; you know that I have a thing for trees. Confirmation.

But also in this season of dreaming with God as I have considered writing greeting cards; blending my love for good corny cheer with the sword of scripture in order to encourage someone else in their dark place; I have also started writing a children's book about trees and she referenced a verse that I was considering putting in the closing pages. -Could that be another confirmation?!

But then I look up and what do I see above her head but a message on a white board about trusting God. A message that he is recently been telling me again and again.

Confirmation!

***

You know it's hard to try and tell someone "I heard this..." or "I know this...." -Especially when it's not like finding a rock in the front yard and physically being able to show someone the shape and size; so that they can hold it for themselves. (Anyone can see the same words in scripture, right?)

I also realize that it sounds like a bunch of weird signs and coincidences that I maybe forced to add up to this perfect conclusion. And just for the record, I don't recall ever hearing an audible "go and do this" from the Lord.

But if I tried to explain it-

One of my favorite movies is The Family Stone. There is this scene where Dermot Mulroney (Everett) and Clair Danes (Julie) are talking. She tells him a story about a guy in Alaska that carved an amazing totem pole, he felt called to do it, saying that he felt like he had a hole in his heart and it was something that he needed to do in order to sleep at night.

And well, sometimes, it's the hole in the heart that calls. You might not know about totem poles or grief or book ministries or even x, y or z. You might not even know exactly what it is that calls. You can stuff that hole with hobbies and purchases or sedatives and it will still twist like the pea under the princess, keeping you from rest. -Or you can give it to God (and let him in) and still move forward in some way that might glorify him, even if it's still only hobbies and doing something. The difference is that when you allow God in, even the twisting is different when you know that someone is in it with you.

As for me, I felt led to take the promotion. There were a lot of things that I didn't know how to do. I tried to fill the space with more practice, more responsibility and trying different things all geared around the job. I felt a hole but maybe I confused it with the inadequacy that I felt in that position. Something else was calling and the hole was stretching to reach it. 

2 things stopped the ache.

The first was that I verbally said "I quit". Whether that was just permission to myself to let go of how I would fit the mold or a step in faith that really leads to quitting, I am not sure. -But I had to be ready to do it and the words had to leave my mouth. He may very well have just wanted to see if I was willing to give up one of my roots for one of his.

The second thing that I did was contact Established Footsteps ministry. It was the first call that I made and I wouldn't have done it if I didn't think that I was quitting because I wasn't sure how I could squeeze in one more thing.

While I have ideas, I don't really know the sum of those 2 things together. But if you follow that whisper- (you will still make mistakes and struggle with time). BUT WHEN you seek the Lord, HE puts it together when you get to that junction that he needed you to be at. Then he will bring out all of these confirmations like tidbits that you've collected along the way. Then he will suddenly present them in a new order, like he rearranged a room with the pieces from your basement. You recognize every single piece and you just know....

When that happens, it stills storm to a whisper and satisfies the thirsty.

My testimony here is not just about landing on the right scripture at the right time. A group of a hundred people can stand up and read random verses and never have one hit you. -But when it's for you, the Holy Spirit moves you from the inside out. And it satisfies more than all the physical things that you could have picked out for yourself. Even if they were perfect!

In fact if you go all the way back to a verse in that 3rd chapter of Philippians where this started, you will see:

"What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage that I may gain Christ."

Yes, he really is that good!

If you're being squeezed friend and having trouble knowing which end is up; just keep seeking God. You might even ask if one area of your life is out of balance. Are you unintentionally giving more attention to one area of your life while perhaps even something else is calling? Give that to God and press forward in those areas. I bet you're closer than you think!

My Tuesday Challenge for next week will actually be 8 pages of Daily Devotions that I received from this training. So check back early next week and you can start before Tuesday. :)




P.S. If you haven't seen that movie, it might not be appropriate for everyone. It has language and some scenes that are definitely not for family viewing. I'm not into raunchy films and this one isn't raunchy but there are some scenes that make me flinch just thinking about them and it's been a while since I have seen it.

Credits: 

I actually hijacked the description for the movie from cinemacatechesis.wordpress.com 

Photo Credit: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/163607398939677190/