Always Keep Your Heart

During my last day in Vegas, I had this idea about something while I was in the shower. It dealt with insecurity, but it was in thinking about the way that we connect (or don’t connect) with others.

I’ve been kicking around this idea about using video on the blog. If this turned into that kind of message I wanted to use the visual of gears, like two wheels of teeth, to support what I had to say. But I would need pretty big gears for someone to see it in video or in pictures on social media.

I bet Vegas would be the best place to find some. I had a little time that morning and wondered if I found them, would I be able to squeeze in a visit before the airport.

I found this amazing 5’ tall heart statue in an article from 2012. It was part of a ‘Hearts of Las Vegas’ exhibit and placed in front of a St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital by a partnership with GES, Global Experience Specialists, and the city of Las Vegas.

I called the research center, but they had never heard of it. The kind lady that answered the phone offered to check around and call me back. I emailed her the link that I’d found in case it helped.

Unfortunately, Annette didn’t know its whereabouts, but she was able to get the artists name, Dale Mathis, which I thanked her for and returned to my searching. He had an entire Kinetic art studio a few miles from my hotel. All of the pieces seemed related to time or containing ‘moving’ pieces. I loved it. My heart leapt. I said a prayer and I had hoped...

From what I could tell on the site, it looked like just the kind of place I’d like to check out. The website said we could visit ‘by appointment.’ I quickly dialed the number, but it was no longer working.

I later found another number to the studio, but by then I was just too close on time. I needed to head to the airport. So, I didn’t leave a message. It’s definitely on my list for next time, if I get to head that way again.

But anyway, back to the reason, I wanted the gears in the first place….

I can’t speak for everyone, but I can say that many of us (sometimes self-included) come against situations, experiences, and people. We try to keep things ‘cool’. This doesn’t always have to be about arguing either. Sure, it could be ‘peacekeeping’ when someone’s angry. But what about the really weird stuff that you think to yourself- perhaps a new idea? What’s that fear? Where are you stressing?  What’s something that you want but don’t know how to say or ask for? For a litany of reasons we often end up keeping to ourselves; ‘staying strong’ or ‘smooth,’ not wanting to ruffle feathers by our insertions.

The sculpture includes working gears.

Yet, we are made to protrude into the world and to receive from it. In the same way with gears, when those points and openings come together. Both sides receive something – they are being filled, while filling. There is a synergy in the connection that ‘stimulates’ and causes ‘movement’ as a result of those parts interacting.

Whether it’s what you put out or what you are willing to accept from the world around you; all too often in life we settle for skimming and wonder why we feel like something is missing. –Maybe we even feel like we’re spinning wheels. But by engaging yourself with the components of life; it’s the coming together that creates traction.

I couldn’t help but find the irony in that when I found the piece that I wanted to use for this image; it resides in the statue of a heart.

How incredibly DIVINE that is!

Let me explain.

For several years my life verse has been an NIV translation of Proverbs 4:23 ‘Above all else, always GUARD your heart for all you do flows from it.’  Tonight, I intentionally sought out other verses regarding the heart because ‘guarding it’ is often what gets us into trouble. –At least where it comes in to play for this kind of message.

But I was amazed at how I came back to so many perfect variations of the same line in other translations.

The ESV says ‘KEEP your heart will all vigilance, for from it flows the SPRINGS of life.’

I think that translation couldn’t be more perfect. KEEP your weirdness. KEEP your dreams and stay curious about things if for no other reason than being curious. No matter what anyone else thinks or says!

The NLT says it is your heart that ‘DETERMINES the course of your life.’ So instead of trying to stay strong and keep resolve, by following its nudges and those curiosities or vulnerabilities, it may lead you to different translations of your dreams.

Create boundaries and learn to KEEP them. Use your words and actions to KEEP your honor and integrity. You must ‘insert’ and ‘apply’ little pieces of yourself to make each of those things happen. Don’t lose your voice!

Now, I’m starting to get farther from my point but hang with me another minute.

The NAS says ‘WATCH your heart.’ You don’t have to follow every feeling, but we can watch it. Some of us need to completely detach from our mind to check-in here. It is only when we can silence the shouting ‘judgments and fears’ of the head that we can finally hear the whispers of the heart. After all, it’s the minds crazy idea that ‘being ourselves’ is always going to produce conflict.

H e l l o …. Who else were we created to be???

Whether it’s feelings, dreams, words, requests or decisions, our God made a great number of ways to communicate with and through us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We can study them quietly and even journal about it by watching. It will take you a little practice to sort those voices. They ARE different.

-And when you step out, you’ll get it wrong many times. Other times it may seem like the effort was for nothing. BUT, like all of your other muscles, that exercise will produce stronger results. Some call this intuition. And just between friends, it’s amazing how much FEAR wraps itself around this incredible signal of the heart. –Often a queue if there is fear, that may be the very place you need to make your next move.

Like my interest in finding gears for this example; sometimes where those promptings take you, turns out better than what you envisioned for yourself in the first place.

And with every practice, that ‘insecurity’ lessens. I promise.

In that same way by NOT ‘keeping the flow,’ things get hung; that spring becomes dammed and stagnant. We all know what happens to water that stops moving. It builds bacteria and contaminates everything in the body. It can KILL things. Likewise, hiding yourself creates this separate version of you beneath the surface. Sometimes it becomes toxic to everything in it or around it, and you don’t even notice because you’re immune. It’s still a part of you but buried and disconnected.

Also, procrastination steals opportunity. And that God that made your heart, also promised you dreams and a future. But it will require your faith, action, and HONESTY to obtain it. Delayed obedience is disobedience.

Whatever imprint you make on the world by putting yourself out there, I assure you that God has created ‘pieces’ that aren’t just receptive but they ‘FIT’ and ‘FILL’ the parts of your heart that he plans to use. He will replace and/or multiply anything that was lost or given. Keep at it!

True yes, sometimes the things that move don’t go the direction that you think they will or even want them to. People and things will fall away, and others will come in. You WON’T always do it right or without friction or pain.

But KEEP true to yourself, that’s where the ‘springs of life’ are. If you’re feeling stuck or stagnant, it may be YOUR movement (and contribution) that’s missing.

When you are truly working from the space of your heart, it is golden. You’re at your truest form, embodying the power of God, and some call this ‘alignment.’ You might find that it is also the place of redemption and the acceptance that you’ve always been looking for — that of your own.

There is a God who freely gives but no one else can believe it or put it into practice for you. Nor can anyone else attain what is only waiting for you.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be dismayed. Your God is WITH YOU wherever you may go. - Joshua 1:9

Now to Him who is able to do FAR MORE ABUNDANTLY BEYOND all that we ask or think according to the power that works WITHIN US, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. – Ephesians 3:20-22

Hello, ‘Other Side Of The Hill’ Here I Come!!!

This past Friday was my fortieth birthday. I am not exactly sure what possessed me to start looking up things about the number 40 or when it started. But it’s definitely been on my mind for quite a long time now. While life is busy and I haven’t been able to get as deep as I would like, the part that I have gleaned about that number has made this birthday mean more than I could’ve expected. Whether or not there is a hill ‘to go over,’ it is a cornerstone. -Perhaps a ‘coming of age’ that I hope all of us are blessed enough to find. Let me share:

You may not know that in the bible the number 40 represents periods of trial and testing. You see this when:

-        Jonah told Ninevites that destruction was coming in 40 days – Jonah 3:4

-        Jesus ‘went away’ to the desert for 40 days to fast and pray and while there he was tested by the devil – Matthew 4:1-11

-        God destroyed the Earth with a flood; it rained for 40 days and 40 nights – Genesis 7:12

-        In Deuteronomy 25:3 a judge deemed that the maximum number of lashes that a person could receive for punishment was 40 stripes. Some believe that’s how many Jesus received, but there’s are disputes about whether or not ‘lashes’ are the same as scourging (which Jesus received). Plus, there isn’t a number of lashes mentioned in the bible for Jesus. It’s is also believed that many Jews followed a rule of 39. They would give 40 lashes ‘minus 1’ because it was believed that 40 would kill a person and it was essentially a death sentence. In 2 Corinthians 11:24 Paul said that he received that exact punishment ’40-1’ on FIVE different occasions by the Jews.

-       You’ll also see that it was 40 years that Moses and the Israelites spent in the wilderness - Deuteronomy 8:2-5

There are many more examples of this in the Bible, and you can google them, but you get the idea. That last one is probably the one that gets me the most because it sounds so much like trials of life; dry spells, loneliness, and hardship. The way that we complain or simply get discouraged because we can’t SEE or don’t understand what is happening.

Don’t get me wrong the Israelites endured much and not just desert conditions. But through it all there was a God that was IN THEIR MIDST, leading them, day and night. –He produced miracle after miracle on their way through. While the whole goal was in getting them to the promise land, the purpose was to get them to DEPEND ON HIM to get there but also to be their DAILY provider.

This season was also a place where, as a leader, Moses character was tested and developed. Not just in his own dependence and trust, but in the way that he ‘reacted’ to the people. He was ‘the speaker’ even though he had little faith that God could use him, and many believe that he had a stutter (because of the NLT translation of Exodus 4:10). Either way, he resisted the call over and over with the same excuses you and I use. (I am not good enough Ex 3:11, I don’t have all of the answers Ex 3:13, People won’t believe me Ex 4:1, I am a terrible speaker Ex 4:10, I am not qualified Ex 4:13).

My Bible commentary says “Personal greatness doesn’t make anyone immune to error or its consequences.” And throughout the entire life of Moses or the story of the Israelites, “God did not change WHO or WHAT Moses was; he did not give Moses new abilities and strengths. Instead, he took Moses characteristics and molded them until they were suited to his purposes.’

It took a huge chunk ‘of a lifetime’ for God to get Moses to ‘let him use’ what he created in the first place and for its intended purposes.”

Sadly, part of what kept them in the wilderness was their disbelief. God told them to take possession of the land (Ex 3:8), yet they became convinced they could not, even though God told them they could do it. It was their lack of belief in what God said (even the good stuff he promised) that brought along his wrath. This led to 40 years of wandering the desert until an entire generation died off.

What kills me here is that you know they wanted the promise land. You know they wanted the miracles and a LOVING, PERSONAL, God that was WITH them. I mean, all of us need someone who has an aerial shot of the ‘big picture,’ and we want someone to guide us. How could they not want that too? But their stubbornness is so much like our own.  –Especially in the first half of our lives trying to do things ‘our way.’ Trying to create a certain type of life or trying to be polar opposite of something else that we’ve seen. We’re so ‘focused’ on the goal that sometimes, we’re not even paying attention to the details. Is this goal, the right goal for me?

(Not just what you think sounds good. And not just what you’ve been repeating for all these years. But in the quiet, soft place, if you acknowledge a daydream, what are those details that you dare tell no one because it sounds too corny, it doesn’t have an ‘earth shattering purpose’, or it feels unrealistic?  --That IS a goal or could be, FYI. And our disappointments in life might really be because we’re not lined up here.)

But if God could grant us any promise that we desire, in our future, what does that land look like? Are we in line to get there?  Where are we at in that? Are we in our bodies enough to see how that lines up with our heart and the world around us or are we fixated on why we can’t take a short cut to that place we’ve been busy trying to get to?

…over the hump or hill…

People make ‘40’ sound like a bad thing with ‘over the hill’ like it’s only depressing or rough on the other side. I guess I see how people think that, but it just doesn’t resonate with me. I mean, yes, I once ran off the side of a fort wall on the Yorktown battlefields when I was paying more attention to the wind keeping my kite up, instead of where the ground ran out. Going down the hill hurt. FOR SURE! The entire sides of those ‘fort walls’ seem to be covered in stumps of thorn bushes! I don’t know if that’s a fluke or if it was intentional to keep the enemy out and now the park rangers cut them down so tourists can climb them. But, when I fell, I bounced and bumped onto every stump, the whole way down. I even had thorns INSIDE my bra.

And some of my more recent and ‘metaphorical’ stumbles or physical displays of ‘falling down’ have been even uglier. They’ve hurt worse, hurt others, and have even landed me flat on my face. And ‘soul hurt’ is a whole other kind of hurt that isn’t as easy to recover from. But isn’t that just what the Israelites also had to endure. —Being humbled. 

You’ll often hear that the ‘bad things’ that happen in life aren’t always because of our inadequacies (as if we could control everything). But also, they aren’t necessarily a reflection of our worthiness or even a reflection of the effort that we put into something. It’s not always due to sin or some bad karma or juju that came to pay you back. I am not even convinced that it’s because we’ve taken something for granted. In looking at the ‘big picture’ through the story of the wilderness, I think I’ve decided that for the first time ever, I don’t have to know why. Maybe the ‘bad things’ are simply a result of something greater that God wants US to see, and to produce in us, and somewhere else that he wants us to be. A place flowing with milk and honey. (Which is how God described the promise land. Ex 3:17)

It’s not that he doesn’t want you to have things now, or be happy, or that he wants to intentionally hurt any of us. True yes, life is more than getting everything we want, ‘being all fat and happy’. It’s about giving too. And scripture says it is better to GIVE than to receive! But somehow a large part of us all too often live as if we weren’t meant to receive at all and therefore we don’t fully embrace it, put ourselves out there, or allow ourselves to be seen. (And I could write a whole other tangent/post here but just think about that for a minute. ALL of our senses work best when we are ‘taking in’ –seeing, smelling, tasting, touching, hearing—not giving out but taking IN! How much more could that apply to a spiritual level??? Don’t tell me God made us to ‘not get’ anything out of life!)

And yet, we deny ALL kinds of things. Some, for really noble, ‘God glorifying’ reasons. (So, I don’t mean that condemning.)

God takes us the long way to teach us this human tendency, and to show you who he is and why you need him.

Deuteronomy 29:5-6 says it best “For forty years I, the Lord, led you through the desert, but your clothes and your sandals didn’t wear out, and I gave you special food. I did these things so that you would realize that I am your God.” But the Lord must give you a change of heart before you truly understand what you have seen and heard.

It does you no good to be in a land with ‘milk and honey’ if you’re going to complain about it, or if you aren’t prepared to receive it, or embrace it, and allow yourself to take it in for the incredible gift that it is.

Sometimes you and I (WE) need to see how much more we desire than what we say, think, feel, or act as we do. –And those trials in life have a way of bringing that out a little deeper in us.

But also, in the first verse that I shared Deuteronomy 8:2-5 he more specifically says that he does this to show you that you need more than food and clothes. He takes us through the wilderness to learn that we need, not just one or two, but EVERY WORD of God to truly LIVE –and to be ALIVE- and not just ‘get through’ life. Ahem, ‘Alive in Christ!’

I tell you this. Faith is a deeply personal thing. Everything that we do hinges on how much faith you have and what you believe. And sitting in a church listening to a sermon doesn’t take near as much faith as stripping apart lines in a bible and, praying them, or trying to live by them, and apply them to your core. But I am certain that the things that have given me strength in life and even a healthier view, have been less about physical needs and more about ‘spiritual bread’ that I’ve indigested.

But you know what else? Do you know why that ‘over the hill’ reference doesn’t resonate with me? It’s because I’ve also had a lot of great times going down the hill. In fact, the very best ones were when I laid down on my belly, rolled with it, and embraced them for what they were. If God wants me to be me, and if God promises he can use it, (no matter how much I screw it up), and if he’s gonna lead me to a promise land, who am I to argue?

Trust me. I see a lot of myself in Moses, and I think that I’ve subconsciously spent a lifetime arguing and resisting, even while I was trying to serve him with all of my heart. It has been SO.MUCH.HARDER in the long run. I’m kind of tired of the punishment I’ve brought on.

I do not mean that I am getting ready to be a perfect display of Christ – I couldn’t do it if I tried. The last I checked, I am as human as it gets.

But I AM READY to plunge forward, and let God show me how to fall—completely— forward-- into my path, and ALL that he promises. ❤ 

This might be a little corny but the last I checked, there’s a song that says he fits the whole world in the palm of his hands. I pray that you’re able to leap with me and for once trust that he can catch you too. In fact, I encourage you to print this out and read it (or look at it) every day for 40 days – asking God how and where you can apply it. Then read through the chapters that cover this story in the wilderness.

If you’ve been following me on Facebook, you’ve seen that I’ve recited poetry terribly when I am nervous and shared paintings that look nothing like the tutorial that I follow. –I share many other things that don’t turn out right.

But for me, that’s kind of my ‘Moses Moment’ Who am I, God, to do XYZ’?

But not only does sharing those examples help me get comfortable just being me but in a world of social media where everything ‘looks perfect’ I prefer to be real. I mean there’s a lot of good in my world, but I hear so many women compare themselves or discredit themselves. I think it’s partially because it’s easier for us only to display things that we deem perfect. I can’t keep up with that pace anymore, and I think we all miss out on a lot by not being willing to practice the raw.

My deepest hope is that if I can be bold enough to step out, then it might give you a little bit of faith that you can step out and do things terribly too on the off chance that now and then we’ll get it right – just like he says!  --And I mean that from the very bottom of my heart. Happy ‘Birth’ day – to all of us!

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You may also like these related posts that I have found.

Desert Lessons – 7 things that we can learn from the Israelites wandering years

Moses Five Excuses

Oh and this link because everything is better with a little Van Morrison in it and this song just so happens to be perfect!  When will I ever learn to live in God

And just when I thought I couldn’t love that song more, I discover that Bill Murray covered it.  A comedian/actor, off-key, full of strings, and from the belly of his soul, and you know what. He meant it. And it was beautiful! I might have cried a little. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qs_ehhWDMaA