The Beef & the Bread

If you’re looking for fun ways to get your kids to open up, check out this post. It ties right into a great lesson about communion.

What’s your beef?

I recently heard a friend describe an activity that another family used to get their kids talking about hard things. It was dubbed ‘What’s your beef’ night and specifically aimed at the parents.

On this night, everyone in the house picked what they wanted for dinner from any fast food place. If everyone wanted something different, that was okay! Once the meals were all collected, they came back and ate together. While eating the kids would tell the parents about anything in the home, that they ‘had a beef’ with. The parents could only listen. They were not allowed to defend, get mad, or explain. 

The goals of this activity are to help children practice hard conversations while they are young, but also to instill the habit of coming to their parents to talk.

Colin and I have an open door with our kids already, but one of our children, in particular, has a difficult time opening up. I’m always up for new ideas and loved the regularity and the habit behind this one. Especially the deliberateness of asking them and not waiting for them to come to us. 

–And any time the kids get to pick whatever they want, they enjoy it. So, it sounded like a fun thing to try.

I went back and forth about when to start this and how frequently. Quarterly seemed about right, but I am so forgetful; how on earth would I remember or keep it up? I thought about it for a while and then remembered a sermon that I once heard during a communion service.

Many churches do communion on the first Sunday of the month. The more I let those details swirl, the more they stirred my heart. So, the Saturday before that service is our night.

About that communion sermon

So how does this activity line up with communion? I’m totally paraphrasing here but in the sermon that I heard, the Pastor reminded the congregation that our anger is something that should be dealt with. Since we accept communion in remembrance of what Christ has done for each of us, we need to right our relationships with others before accepting it. 

While I can’t remember the exact verses referenced then, the ones below are what I used. They speak to the same tone.

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First, go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”  Matthew 5:23-24

Everyone ought to examine themselves before they eat of the bread and drink from the cup. For those who eat and drink without discerning the body of Christ eat and drink judgment on themselves. 1 Cor. 11:28-29

In our relationships, sometimes it can be easier to say we’re sorry for something done wrong than to admit or confront someone else who has made us angry. Unity, love, and grace are at the heart of Christianity and how can we accept it for ourselves from God ‘in remembrance of me’ yet not extend that same grace and mercy to someone else when the time arrives.

Even if monthly seemed too much at first, the Saturday before communion has to be the perfect time to have this conversation! The more that we can implement this attitude in our home, the more that it will benefit our relationships, including those outside the home.

Prep

So, I announced to the kids a month in advance. Then reminded them a few times here and there. I expected some funny remarks about discipline but wanted to give them the extra time to think of other things that came up.

I also asked them to think of suggestions for anything that they didn’t like. With each reminder, the boys would giggle, and Sophie would ask me if I was sure that they could say anything.

The night we talked, I reminded them of what was expected of them. (Their frustrations and suggestions.) Also, that Colin and I would only listen. If they wanted us to address something, they'd need to ask us to do so. Then each child had their turn to speak.

The results

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had this perfect vision of how some family activity would go, only to have the kids destroy it (and I think secretly laugh in my face. Haha). So, I expected that it would take months for us to get a serious answer from them. To my surprise, if I had of envisioned it, this first go went as good as I possibly could have possibly hoped for. They gave some real answers and didn’t have as many as you might expect (from a child).

• We went to three different places for dinner.
• Sophie [age 8] asked me what the word was for not liking to be in small spaces [Claustrophobic]. Then she said that when she was upset about something, she didn’t like it when I tried to hug her to console her. She felt claustrophobic and closed in like she couldn’t breathe. She preferred me to hold her hand. It makes sense; she has never really liked being touched closely or for very long. Haha. And Gosh, that’s a personal space thing. Good for her!
• Jackson [age 5] listed every form of discipline that he remembered receiving. This I did expect but wish I thought to ask him for his alternatives. I am sure that they would have been amusing.
• He also asked me not to hit any more squirrels. Which I didn’t mean to do in the first place. Agreed!
• Ethan [age 11] said that he would like us to give him a few minutes of time when he starts something before asking him to do something else. –What he means is that often I will ask him to do something, like take out the trash and it never fails, he [in another room] just started a show or a game. He’d like five minutes of what he was doing before he has to do whatever it is we’re asking. Sounds fair... I'll think about that.
• He also brought up yelling. While we have all come a long way on this one, it’s still an issue that we’re working on. It bothers all of us.
• Then he asked if we could bring back a particular chore/consequence for cleaning up the room. (A friend did sweeps of the kid’s rooms and if laundry was found on the floor, it was confiscated, and the offender had to pay .25 to get a piece back.) We didn’t mean to get out of that habit, but summer threw us all off. We agreed to get back on track.
• They also all like the most recent chore list better than all of our other previous attempts.

When they were finished, we talked about the verses seen earlier in this post. While the first verse mentions anger, we didn’t spend much time there. After all, the goal is to find out what upsets them. You don’t want to shut them down for being upset. Besides, anger happens to all of us. We did talk about how it’s just as important for us to restore unity when we’re the one who has been offended as it is to repent when something was brought to light. We told them that we were proud of them for speaking up!

Then Ethan read the Last Supper and we discussed it. (pick one: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John).

Then we prayed.

Now it’s your turn!

If you’re looking for new ways to talk to your kids or ways to incorporate faith into your conversations. I dare you to try this! Even though this attempt came out of the gate the way that I had hoped, that doesn’t mean it will be the same the next time that either of us tries. There might be many times that there are no answers too! Don’t give up. Do it again and again. Learn from it as you go and tweak it.

Also, if you have some parenting/faith activities that you’ve done that came out well, I’d love to hear them. Let’s swap notes!

You might also be interested in this site:

If you like props, ‘kidsfriendly.org’ has some interesting tools, like a power point that you can edit for a communion hangman activity, a checklist, and more.

Photo credit: stainedglass.com

How can he take care of God's church? | Day 5

Day 5 of the #scripturechallenge 

I have to admit the first time I read this verse it was like a sucker punch to my gut. It is so hard to balance all of our many roles and to not get caught up serving (sometimes people pleasing) outside the home. I still have SO MUCH to grow in this area. But I have to testify that I have seen good growth in areas closest to my heart, since I've started letting this verse be part of the compass when I/We make decisions.

There are so many things that fall under the roof of a household too; marriage, finances, disciplines, patience, health, parenting- it all goes by so fast and when you consider that as parents we're raising the next generation of believers, but also teachers of the law, and teachers of love- well... It just makes me take a deep breath, step back, and consider what ministry looks like, and where it begins. ❤

This verse is 1 Timothy 3:4-5 but the full chapter is worth the read.

Like Little Children | Day 3

Day 3 of the #scripturechallenge - This verse is Mathew 18:3 "And he said: "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

Monday, I spent the day with Jackson for his Birthday. It seemed to summarize how I feel about his verse.

We went to the Crab Shack for lunch and he couldn't stop looking out of the window checking out all of the things he didn't usually see. He was so excited that he wanted me to take a picture of him hugging a fake light house. It was late for lunch and he got a little testy but was quick to apologize when he was corrected. Later, when given options to do many different things he wanted to go see his Nanny (Great Grandmother) instead. It reminded me so much of being little and wanting to hang out with my grandmother, her sisters, and the other women in my family. ❤ (How I miss them.)

Yet as we get older, don't we often get our nose so close to the grind, that we forget to look up and allow ourselves to be mystified--or to marvel at even the tiniest of things. Even when we know we're wrong, we still want to be justified instead of corrected.--Even when it brings restoration. Children pretty much love who they love [their family] without questions or rules. Demographics and status are of no importance.

I'm actually too tired to write tonight but you get the idea. There are many areas where we could take notes from a child. I hope this verse continues to speak.

Change of Pace and Acceptance

It's awfully hard to try and squeeze in all of the things that need to be done in a day, isn't it? We can wear ourselves out trying to keep that neat and tidy order when the events of life don't necessarily fall the same way. I've been trying to be more flexible with my routine these days and yet still get done the things that I need to do. More importantly, I've been trying to take better care of myself too.

Click image to listen to audio version

For the last few years I've gotten up between 4:30-5:30 each morning so that I can read, write, study or occasionally catch up tasks before the rest of the house is stirring. That time started as just five or ten minutes earlier and eventually grew along with me.

In the last year, I've also been able to add exercise to my morning routine as well. It was another addition that started with just "ten-minute workouts" because I didn't have the kind of time that allowed for more than that. In the same way, that time allotment grew again as I did. I am proud to say that I run about three miles, in addition to some other exercises, three to five days a week now.

But sometimes rising earlier to squeeze things in, comes at the expense of my energy or my mood. I've occasionally been too tired by the end of the day to still feel like embracing it. So, I've been trying to sleep in on the weekends and even a little later throughout the week. I can't describe how hard this challenge has been for me. In so many ways I feel like [by resting more] I am selling myself short or lowering some standard, but I don't know where that thought comes from.

To do this means rearranging things, and having to be creative about how some things get worked in. For example, the Sunday before last, because I slept in, our whole morning routine was practically void. Sunday has recently become the sports day for both of our older kids. We also go to church. The whole day is full and the only things that got done that morning were a few chores before we left.

But later while Sophie was at volleyball practice, Jackson and I went out to the playgrounds behind the school. He played, and I ran circles around each section of the field that he was on, in order to squeeze in a run but frequently stopping to help or answer questions. It was at a much slower pace than I wanted but it allowed all of our needs to get met and still leave time to watch Sophie play.

[This next part will sound a little off topic but hang in there.]

As we approached the third playground, I was appalled and saddened to see that it looked like an entire team or two played a game of basketball, then left the empty bottles of two flats of water and a flat of Gatorade after they drank it. Trash was everywhere! I understand accidentally dropping a bottle or forgetting trash. -But seriously the water bottles and Gatorade were all the same kind, and there was an empty trash can twenty feet away. It was obvious that an entire group just walked away. Other piles of trash we're also left, almost as an "acceptable response" to the main message. How could that many people think that it was okay to just leave their garbage?

So, I stopped running and enlisted Jackson to help me pick it up.

Jackson was eager to do so, and we made many trips back and forth from the court to the trashcan. He was trying so hard to squeeze it all in- in one load. He kept dropping bottles. At one point I look up, and he had a water bottle hanging out of his mouth because he'd grown tired of picking the same one up when it wouldn't cooperate. [Zoom in] Of course, I yelled for him to spit it out. haha. But he was so cute and glad to take part. I had to take his picture first.

To his excitement, he found a dollar, a race car, a baseball, a sweatshirt, and a pair of gloves. While you and I know that there aren't always so many instant rewards of our good deeds, it easily became an opportunity to talk about just that. That sometimes when we are obedient and/or 'do the right thing', we too might be surprised with what we find. Not to mention the good we feel when we take care of something, even when we didn't have to. -or that 'the good' can still be for our own benefit, like a clean place for us to play, even when it's someone else's garbage.

I've been thinking a lot about that day, and I share it not to gloat about what we did or because I think that I do so many awesome things. There is a real tendency in me to be legalistic, and I need the reminder that's coming next. Perhaps you do too. -Which brings me back to my point.

You and I can exhaust ourselves, getting up earlier, trying to do too many things, going too many places, being on too many boards or counting only what other people approve of as a 'qualified' offering of our time. -Sometimes even neglecting the best ministry that we have [our families]. Or like Jackson, growing frustrated because we're trying to carry too much. We can even allow ourselves to feel guilty when our first, second, and even twelfth contribution is all that we have to give.

Sadly, sometimes we never even start something like getting up early to read our Bibles or begin an exercise routine because in our mind we're already comparing ourselves to what we think our ideal version is. We know the dedication that those folks put into it and 'we ain't got time for that' so we tell ourselves that our tiny offering won't make a difference.

But take a look with me at Mark 12:41-44 for a moment. It's a section about the widow's offering and it reads:

Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents. 

Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, "Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything- all she had to live on."

You can also read on to see sections where Jesus talks about doing for the least and being trusted with a little, and having the faith of a mustard seed (which is another small thing). You might even recall his miracle about the fish and loaves. It is often the littlest examples that God does the biggest things with- in the Bible and in our lives.

In fact, Jackson probably learned more from me in the fifteen minutes of picking up trash than he would have in a year's worth of me doing something else that he might not get to be a part of. -And I might be too busy or too tired in other scenarios to remember to go back and teach him 'the why' later.

I am a hot mess in so many areas but the most successful changes that I have made in my own habits, have been because of my smallest changes that gradually added up, later on.

Friend, it's okay that you don't have enough time to do what all of your friends do. It's okay that you don't have money to buy as much or the means to provide the same contributions.

Matthew 6 reminds us not to look too far ahead. Do what you need to for today, which might look very different than your preferred routine. Offer your very best in whatever situation you're in. -And do what you need to do to keep YOUR lamp burning.

By being able to renegotiate time to fit in what matters, we're able to change the pace and sometimes see not only more of the details but also find more of the rewards ourselves.

Un-coincidentally, it's the same in our relationship with Jesus and time spent in scripture. It's usually the one nugget we glean that makes the biggest difference, instead of hours spent cramming the lesson.

So my question to you is, if God can accept and make good use of our smallest efforts, why can't we?

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I hope this message speaks to you on some level about an area of your own life. Maybe you need to dial something back in order to embrace more or perhaps jump in, even if it's only a quick dip. I challenge you to go for it and in whichever direction you go,  I pray that it becomes a fruitful effort. <3

Preferences

From before they could speak, the kids had their own preferences about clothes.

Ethan always had to wear socks, stretched as high as they would go, and shirts had to 'feel' a certain way.

Sophie didn't like 'extra' fabric. (No ruffles, long sleeves, cargo pants with extra pockets, etc.) In fact, she was born for skinny jeans. -Oh and things could NOT match. I think her worst tantrum was over wearing a two piece outfit that I selected.

Now ten and eight their preferences haven't changed.

Then there is Jackson- Who is four and a half and still, nearly every day, reminds me that his shoes belong on the opposite feet and that his underwear, and sometimes even his shorts, fit better backwards...

It has been frustrating at times but so funny. I find it fascinating to think about the 'preferences' that we're born with. -Like that innate fight for independence. Doesn't it also make you curious about the things that we cling to when we try to ‘dress’ or pick for ourselves… 

A Bedtime Story | D.C.

Note to the reader: I go out of town for conferences and training with my jobs. With younger children, I don't always call home. It sounds like a great idea and of course we all miss each other but the little ones always seemed more upset. Then Colin was stuck with angry children that were hard to settle down. So now, depending on what they're doing, I let Colin call me when or if it's good for them. Thankfully, they're getting older and so this isn't as much of an issue for us.

But to get around it, I came up with this idea instead. I LOVE to take pictures and I usually don't print the ones I take. Since I have a blog, I post pictures of things I see that think they'd like and they can use it like a bed time story when it's time for bed.  Then I get to save them!

It's really hard to do on short trips like this one. It's easier when you're alone on your trip. If you're with others, you might want to reserve this activity for trips that are 3 days or longer. (That way you can visit with them and work on this too.) This is also a great way to use up that layover time! Sophie told me that she likes this better than any of the loot that I bring home from the conferences. :)

If you don't have a blog, they are free and there are ways to make them 'less public'. If you don't want to try a blog, I would NOT recommend email. The pictures may jumble and the message may be too big. Try typing it up in a word doc, then making it a PDF and emailing it as an attachment. :D



****Now, to the Fam!

Hello Lovies!!

So here's the first day. Paula and I are finally off work. Of COURSE we had to take a picture. As it turns out it was "National Woman Road Warrior Day" so we had to make this picture fancier than normal. After all, we are women traveling on the road!

I couldn't get into Snapchat to see if there was any kind of warrior filter (like the puppy dog faces) and so I eventually gave up and searched for another ap. I found ArtEffect instead. Oh my goodness, I love it. We kind of look like warriors in this picture, don't we? It's the winner!

So then we drove for a while...

[A couple of hours later]

We're here! Here's a peek at my room!

There's also a little writing spot with a couch. 

That's where I'll be putting this together.

This hotel has a rooftop restaurant. -Super Cool!

Hey Look- it's the Washington Monument way over there!

I had fish tacos and Caprese salad! mmmm

The next day we walked to our conference.... [Digital Summit]

It turns out the Fire Dept is at the bottom of our hotel.

Here's a pretty cool playground that I thought you'd like.

Look Jaxie. I haven't seen any combine harvesters here but check out these cranes.

There is a lot of construction taking place around here.

Our conference is at the Arena Stage at the Meade Center. It's a crazy cool place.

They do a lot of shows here. I'd love to come back and see one.

The inside of the building is neat too!

Here's a hallway...

The Ceiling

This is where I sat for one of the sessions while we listened to a speaker.

That black row down the center is a bunch of large river rocks. No, I didn't get one to paint. :)

Sophie, this part is just for you. I know you'd want to do this when you saw the stage. 

So I did it for you since you weren't here!

We walked through town some more on the way to dinner.

Here is a beautiful old church.

Oh look, A TRAIN!! 

I couldn't tell if the train is permanently in this place or just parked 

but I had to grab a shot just for you!

-This one is farther away, so that you can see how high it is. Pretty cool, huh?

The Washington Monument

The Capitol Building

"The City"

This is just the sidewalk. I thought the trees looked really cool. So, I took a picture. 

They don't look as cool this way. 

oops- got a shot of my foot.
"I was here."

Here is a bunch of people getting a professional picture taken outside of the Trump Hotel. Yes, the guy who's running for President. I almost yelled "You're Fired" when we walked by... hoping to make them laugh but I decided to behave.

The City is a fun place to look around.

This picture isn't great but it shows details around the windows. Maybe you can zoom in.
I just love looking at the buildings.

Here's a revolving door.

It spins in a circle and people pop in and out of it to enter and exit the building.

And just for you Ethan, here's a picture of the White House. :)

Here's a bad picture of one of those double-decker tour buses that we used last time we came up.
(Note to other readers, night tours on the top of that thing are pretty cool way to see the monuments.)

Then we ate at a place right around the corner from the White House called "Old Ebbitt Grill".

The food was amazing! (Reader: put it on your list if you haven't been.)

And look boys- There's all kinds of dead animals on the walls!

Sophie, they even had these girlie chandeliers too!

I had hanger steak for dinner and It was so, so, SO good.

The meal-- well, the whole place kind of reminded me of Uncle Michael (well except the dead animal part). There is a lot of art on the walls and the ambiance (or way the room feels) just seemed like him... One of his favorite wines was on the menu, which they don't serve in Gloucester. Then I found a few orange tomatoes on my plate like he used to grow. He would always save a few for me. I don't always see things that make me think of him so much but he loved the city and art. I even thought I smelled his cologne earlier... It just felt like he was here. That made it extra special. Kind of like if you were here too!

This trip was shorter than some of the others. So, I won't have much more to show you.
Besides, I need to sign off and get home so I can squish you. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Remember that fun app that I used earlier, well look. I used it on a picture of you guys too!

This picture is the original.

Then here are only a few of the art effects in the ap! (Scroll down)

Cool, huh?! YES, we can install it on your ipods...

I'm sure that like this picture, you guys are all in my bed now too! So you give Daddy some extra kisses for that! Steal your snuggles while ya can, cuz this big ole' booty will be all up in that pile soon to --interrupt!

And finally, I saw this verse today: May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. - 2 Corinthians 13:14

Fellowship kind of means friendship and hanging out. Just like I was hanging out with Paula tonight while we were at dinner. It might even include how, if good ole' Uncle Michael really was hanging out with me on this trip... After all, you know, how much you like hanging out with your friends too, right? Think about why that is...? Is any of that different than when you and I hang out?

Anyway, we can mull over some of those similarities and differences after I am back home. So think about it and see if you have questions. :)

The good news is, just like you and I are family, we are also part of God's family and he loves you (us all) and wants to hang out with us too. I pray we all get a little closer together! Sweet dreams my loves. See you soon!