Love one another as I have loved you | Day 7

Day 7 of the #scripturechallenge -

There are a lot of verses that make me think about marriage. I can honestly say that being married has taught me so much about faith, trust, and God but also that- GOD has taught me so much about marriage and what real 'love' looks like. --Well, at least that his version is so much better than mine. (I still have a lot to learn.)

Anyway, today, 23 years ago, Colin and I started dating. (In the creepy blue picture below, I just turned 15.) It was 'the first picture of us.' (Yes, you can squeal like a school girl if you want to. I did.)

No, we haven't been together that entire time. Nor do we have most of the pictures from when we were younger. As I was scrolling through the ones that we do have looking for something to post here, I found some real nuggets. haha. I thought to myself about how terrible some of these are and well, again, it reminded me of our walk with God. He sees us at our worst, and our craziest, and yet HE pursues us again and again. (Rom 8:37).

While that could be the verse that I use here, I think John 15:12 deserves the proper credit. It reads; "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you."

I KNOW that I can credit God for my marriage. Not just because he has given Colin some crazy reason to put up with, and love, me all of these years; but also because of how God's standard challenges me privately. Throughout our relationship, it didn't matter if I was upset and feeling justified about something, or if I was super proud and on cloud nine strutting it- ANYTIME that I have had a notion about us, IF I stopped to think of God's love, it has always challenged me to go deeper and do a little more. -AND EVEN when I don't pull it off quite right, when I try to meet God's request, I always receive a greater return. <3

At this point, I'd just like to challenge YOU to do the same. Where ever you are in your own marriage. Keep pursuing God. Keep pursuing your mate and all of the ways that you can go beyond you... There is more! <3

18 Ways To Connect With Your Spouse

The first year that we were married, Colin bought me this frame along with several others for Christmas. Knowing that I was interested in photography, he also purchased a camera, accessories and several black and white photography magazines. He even removed several of the prints from the book and placed them in the frames so that they would each contain something better to look at. This one was my favorite.

I never removed the picture and I keep it in our bedroom. As the years have gone on, I love it all the more. Not just because I have a thing for monuments and photography, or because he tore it out of a book for me, but also because it’s a grave with two cherubs looking forward, together, at the cross. I can only hope and pray that we live out our lives the same way, in faith.

As we all know life sometimes moves along so quickly that if you’re not really careful [ahem, intentional] about sticking together, it’s really easy to grow apart. 

To combat this, I started this list as some general reminders for myself a while back. I may not pull them off very well or even all the time but some of them have really surprised me in the ways that they have worked. Hopefully, you find the same to be true for you. Feel free to visit back later, as I may add more to it. 

1. Be your spouse's spouse – This one sounds like a no-brainer but then at the same time it’s kind of hard, especially if you have accidentally let the kids run the show thus far. So start small and shoot for once a week. Make the kids try to stay in their rooms or go outside. You [the big kids] dominate the living room. Dress up if you want to. Eat what you want for dinner and make all the rules for the evening.

It sounds kind of corny and it might not have to include these details but the end result is kind of like date night. –Except that you don’t have to pay for it or go anywhere. This method can actually happen more frequently than date night too! –And you might even teach your kids that it ain’t all about them.

If you need help distracting the kids, we also restricted when our kids can play electronics to one weeknight & one weekend night. So, they can do this on our night and then they don’t mind not leaving their room. Haha. Everyone wins!

2. Better yet, learn how to be his or her best friend – Here are some tips.

3. Reduce schedules and be home more - All that I can think of is the old adage "Home is where the heart is." -If you are never home.... what does that mean??? I could just be over thinking it but between practice, work schedules, committees, church groups, hobbies & different friendships it’s easy to feel separate when you’re physically not together.

If this is you, take a look at your schedule and start cutting back. 

Don’t look at it as another rule to follow. Look at it as carving out freedom for yourself. Have only one kid in a sport during a season and make them take turns. Commit to staying home 3, 4, 5 nights a week or commit to making at least some of those engagements “all hands on deck”. Limit yourself to working late or serving on that committee only X number of days or hours per week. When you meet the quota, oh well, next week will be here soon enough…

4. Make your spouse a ‘Big Rock’ each week – Stephen Covey gives a neat visual on “Big Rocks” and priorities. It’s great in the workplace but per the suggestion of an instructor, I began adding an entry for Colin (and each of the kids) each week. For me, it was a method to improve my listening skills. I’d try to hear him say something and write it down, then do it the following week. Sometimes it’s ordering something or running an errand, many times it’s only baking something for his sweet tooth. (That one is a twofer because you can make it with one of the kids). Anyway, I don’t always pull it off but if you’re putting your spouse on the calendar and to-do list, you’re not always putting them off. Try it! –Bonus Points, if you manage to do it daily! I’ll let your spouse reward you! ;)

5. Have sex - This list really wouldn't be an accurate one if this item wasn't on here. It does more than you think. If your sex life is non-existent because of something as simple as time, recalculate. If there is an actual issue, there are Christian Counselors and even Christian Marriage Sex Podcasts –But don’t leave this part out. Not only does it connect you emotionally and boost esteem. It has some surprising health benefits so you can be 'connected' even longer. 

6. The 15-second kiss – For in between the above times, try this.

7. When you want to run away, lean in – Rorke Denver once gave a leadership message that included a story about his wife giving birth. He talked about how, at the most painful part, is when you want to give up and that’s where you’re supposed to push. -That’s also when the child is born. He then said to ‘lean in’ to the hard places. 

Well, there are definitely times in marriage that you can’t talk, don’t want to talk or don’t know how to talk. For some of us, the natural inclination is to be alone at those junctions. Next time, try this instead. Sit together and make some sort of physical contact (hand holding, legs in a lap, etc.) The rest of you can be disconnected. Don't even try to talk.

You can close your eyes and practice mindfulness, think positives, pray, read a book, or you can watch T.V.  –And you can each do your own thing, it doesn’t have to be a shared distraction. But when you want to run, you’re still choosing to be connected while the rest of you figures it out. Sometimes if you can just get through the awkwardness and take your mind off yourself the other stuff dissipates.

8. Know your love language – Buy the book or take the online quiz and start there. Even if you think you know the types already, ask each other the questions anyway. Most of us react to life circumstances. If you’re responding to each other’s reactions, you might be missing the preferred method(s) altogether. It makes a difference.

9. Pray for your spouse – Prayer isn't so much about changing God's mind or changing our spouses or getting gifts from a genie. It helps to 'fix our own eyes’ [2 Corinthians 4:18].

I feel like I am more aware of my husband when I pray for him. I can see things more clearly from his angle, I consider him more, and I am more forthcoming and/or patient with him when I pray for him. (It's the same for anything else that I pray for.) If this is an uncomfortable thing for you, you might even consider getting a marriage devotional. Most of them include prayers and points to consider or discuss. 

10. Remember whose team you’re on - 

     * Parents against kids instead of kid/parent against kid/parent – plain and simple. 

     * Don’t let others tear down your spouse – Everyone has opinions. Your family. Your friends. Their family and friends. Sometimes people like to share their not so pleasant opinions about your spouse with you. Even when you don’t agree, nodding your head in silence is sometimes still condoning it! If you're the one doing the talking, stop it! Unite with your spouse and put an end to it or chalk up the things they do right. Scripture tells us that we are one in spirit and that kind of negativity tears you down too. 

     * Spouse please instead of people please – I used to get all worked up about what other people would think if Colin did this or didn’t do that. Sometimes it was going places, doing something, wearing something. I’d sign him up for things then get all mad because he wasn’t on the same page. We even got into arguments about it. Until I remembered that I made my vows to that guy, not those other people! And if we’re going to be really honest here, I have found myself relieved on more than one occasion to have an ‘out’ and such a great one at that! #TeamScore

11. Send encouraging messages – Texts, emails, love notes, post-its, get creative or use Google and Pinterest for more ideas! 

12. Thankfulness journal – Give your spouse some credit for the good things they do and commit to writing something down every day! Better yet, you could use some of what you write down here for ideas in the last bullet!

13. Be honest – Share your peeves, loves, expectations, goals. Fully embrace both of your lists and change your actions accordingly, if necessary. (Dream and laugh a little. Also, don't forget to ask when you need help. -That's being honest too.) I could just say 'talk' but there are a whole lot of things that can go left unsaid in a conversation. It's not just "talking" that gets you closer, be honest!

14. Eat together - Maybe dinner time is an impossible time for your household to be together. What about breakfast or lunch? If you’re on the go for all three meals, then maybe at a minimum you can hold off eating until you stop the car, turn the radio off, face each other and then do it together before breaking apart again. Here are some reasons to consider it.

15. Try each other’s hobbies – Yep, just like it sounds. Try them all at least once but make a few of them semi-regular occurrences. Invite your spouse to do your thing(s) with you as well. Heck, try some new things that neither of you have done before. :)

16. Consider your interactions in other relationships – Originally, I wrote this about our interactions with the opposite sex but depending on the scenarios and our relationships, some same-sex relationships might even need this filter. Plenty of our interactions can seem harmless because they have innocent and legitimate reasons behind them. That doesn’t mean that we can’t all run a few things through filters now and then.

For example, when you have meetings, lunch dates, workout sessions, or if you want to encourage someone or get a gift, just pause and ask a few questions first.

     * Have I done this or would I do this for my spouse?

     * How would my spouse feel about this if… or how would I feel if it was the other way around?

     * If you still can’t decide, ask your spouse about it. “How would you feel if…?” or “I have this coming up and just wanted to make you aware or see if you’re good with that…”  If you can't talk to your spouse about it, then you can accept this as your answer. It isn't a good idea or good time to do whatever it is that you're considering.

After all, if the goal is to connect more with your spouse, then maybe you just need to disconnect somewhere else or perhaps include them. 

17. Eye Contact – Speaking of disconnecting You do the math on what gets your eye contact in your free time or when you’re together.

18. Better yet, discuss these points with your spouse - Ask him or her what they would change or what ways you can better connect.  Whatever new things come out of that conversation or whatever you find that works for you, I’d love to hear about it! So drop a comment below.

I'll be praying with you until then! :)

***

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. – Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

P.S. If you'd like a quick (kid-friendly) list to print out, click here.

The Bride

Me- wondering what was going on.

No bride ever forgets her wedding day. As far as my own, one memory stands out more than others. As I made my way to the alter and stepped up onto the stage to join Colin and the Pastor; the entire church erupted in laughter. I looked around but couldn’t figure out what was so funny. I started fidgetting and even began swatting at the back of my dress as if I could’ve had it accidentally tucked in….

It wasn’t until the reception that I learned; instead of the usual wedding march, I sped-walked down the aisle. Once it was explained, I did recall hearing the organ in the background, speeding up faster and faster and then cutting off abruptly. I could also hear the swooshing of my dress with each step but I clearly missed both signals on the way. I had somewhere to be... ;)

-Never mind that we’d rehearsed it. On the day big day, all of that went out the window. My father even said that he tried to slow me down. I was just too nervous and excited.

Rehearsal

This month is our 15^th anniversary and I can’t help but wonder where the time went. Of course in good devotional fashion, I also can’t help but wonder how many areas, I need to put my focus back on him. I love being married. I love (and am thankful) that it's still with him- but do I let other distractions take my eyes off the prize of being his wife? Am I just as eager, every day to be his friend? -For life.

Of course, scripture also refers to believers as the Bride of Christ:

Revelation 19:7 -  “Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.”

Isaiah 54:5 -  “For your Maker is your husband—the Lord Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called God of all the earth.”

Isaiah 62:5 – “For as a young man married a woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.”

Changing perspective, how does your walk with [or to] the Lord compare to the march of a bride? Is it met with anticipation or focus? Are you even at the church, ready? Are you even preparing in your heart to see him during a part of your day?

The truth is I could probably have a whole lot of fun with this analogy and the comparisons but there are a few things that most brides have in common; A zeal for their “King”, obvious recognition (a bride stands out) and a glow. Could any or all three of these be used to describe you or I in relation to either of our Kings?

I'm not actually going to finish this devotion because part of the fun in meditating, is considering different parallels. Even better, what are some significant moments from your own wedding day that might speak to you as you look back? (Comment below. I’d love to hear about it!)

As you consider those things, how might it change who we present to the world [and to our Kings] today?

You might also enjoy: O' to be in love

During The Trial

Earlier this week I posted a question on my Facebook page:

I am leading an online study for “The Power of a Praying Wife”. We are in week 13 (of 31) and the chapter is “His Trials”. There are a few lines from this week that have been very thought provoking. They read:

"If your husband is going through a difficult time, carry it in prayer but don't carry the burden. Even though you may want to don't try to take away his load and make it yours. That will ultimately leave him feeling weak and like a failure. Besides God doesn't want you doing His work."

Our society tells us that for a woman to be powerful, she has to do everything that a man can do –and do it better. Even on the Biblical side when you look at Proverbs 31 and everything that a God Glorifying woman does, the list appears to be endless. After all, in the very beginning when God created Adam, he made for him a “helper” named Eve. (Genesis 2:20-23). –Oh and let’s not forget the famous words from 1 Corinthians 10:31 “Do it ALL for the Glory of the Lord”. But you get the idea…

Whatever the motivation, I know many a woman that tries hard, maybe too hard and maybe even for all of the right reasons. I know that there is a gray line between the paragraph in my book and the drivers that I just shared. Both are right at different times and yet maybe the same time.

Then I asked if anyone had any discernment here on knowing the difference between “Helping by doing for/with him” versus “Helping by letting him struggle through it”.

“Coincidentally” I thumbed through another book and landed on a page that also says “Assuming too much responsibility for others deprives them of the lessons that arise from the choices they have made. Those in pain need our compassion and support, but if we carry the weight for them, we rob them of their strength and self-respect.”

So, I let those passages swirl in prayer throughout the day... and week. 

While I could give you examples from my marriage, I will withhold. Because places in marriage [ahem, places in life] whether it’s mine or yours, can be hard. That doesn’t mean bad. It simply means hard, even when it’s good. After all, you’re growing. You’ll hit trial after trial. It might be health, jobs, finances, transitions, addictions or trauma… Heck, sometimes simply living with a person that is not you, is hard. At least in the beginning.

And then just when you get all of those above scenarios worked out, something changes and a different trial comes into view.

Anyway, let me first rephrase the question: How to help your husband carry his load in the trial, without assuming too much responsibility for it? Ultimately all of these bullets are ways to hold each of you accountable. Dear wife, you can still “do it all” and “do it well”. Hopefully, these tips just help each of us do it a little better.

1. Don’t decide for him what he can and can’t handle, even if he already has a lot on his plate. Don’t assume all of the chores if he’s sick. Modify them if necessary but don’t eliminate a need from/for him. Don’t stop asking his opinion, even if you know the best answer or what he might do. And if you’ve never “needed” him before to get things done, this might be the very best time to start including him. Show him that he has purpose and value. Nothing can be more discouraging that to not even be needed or considered.

2. Be truthful. Depending on the trial, you might have some negative reactions to it. If you don’t tell your spouse all of the ways that their trial affects you, then technically, you’re withholding information. Not only that but turning part of your heart away can allow other negative feelings to grow and can “show up” in other less appropriate places.

Plus, by not telling him how something affects you, you’re depriving him of the opportunity to do anything about it. In order to make the best decision, he will need all of the info. It’s your job to help him get it.  If you’re a “stuffer”, especially when you’re upset, you might actually need a little help figuring out what part you find upsetting. The good news is, you don’t have to know the right words, you can just start with “Hey something is off and I don’t like it… I need to say some things that might be hard to hear, in order to sort out my answer and get to the bottom of it.” [But schedule and make enough time for that!]

3. Be his cheerleader …not just his task reminder system – Wives are a great “Task Force”! bad ump bump. But seriously, we are! And most of us mean it in an encouraging way. It’s not always and only for the things we need help with either. Sometimes it’s their list too. “Did you make your appointment?” “Did you pick up _____?” Have you decided what you’re going to do about ______?”

We’re quick to remind them of all of the things that are still needed and sometimes we’re even good about saying thanks for all of the things that they’ve done. But is that all that you remind him of?

Or do you also try to remind him of the man that God created him to be and what his strengths are? What better way to encourage your spouse, especially during a trial, than to remind them what they actually do very well. -Where their talents are and what passions or gifts they have or how they can use them for good in the situation. It might even behoove all of us to sit down and make a list of our spouse's strengths just so that we know. (Feel free to start with some of the reasons why you married him.)

4. Don’t compare his way versus yours -  That’s the quickest route to division between you. You may not agree on the end result or how you go about it but look for ways that you can both get there together. After all, if both of you are throwing the ball, no one is there to catch it. You need two different angles and you're both on the same team.

5. Don’t let “it” get dominion over your home. Be intentional about bringing something else into view. You most likely have kids, still need a date night and have other things that need to happen. Be sure to include those other things in your conversations, decisions and activities. Don’t build everything in your home around the sin, the status or the sickness or you might lose sight of the people behind it.

6. Check your own heart – Isn’t it easy to encourage our spouses when they are merely disappointed in themselves. It’s sometimes another thing entirely when their decisions disappoint us too. Are you still able to encourage your spouse when he fails to meet your expectations?  

This one might be a tough pill to swallow but if it’s you, then there’s hope. You can repent of it. You can apologize to your spouse. You can practice being more encouraging during those times. –But the best thing you can do is take it to the Lord in prayer. “Lord, help me see and love my spouse like you do.” In all seriousness, I wrote about the first time that I prayed that prayer and it wasn't about my husband. It was life changing. I have prayed it a million times since then and if you’re sincere, it works with everyone. Perhaps that’s why Stormie wrote a book about praying for your spouse.

The truth is, most of these answers have come to me through prayer too. Maybe at different times and not all over the course of this last week. –But it was prayer that gave me insight and not only that, it changed my actions as a result. When you go the Lord in prayer, the answers start with you.

Remember, the Lord says in Isaiah 46:4 “Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” He will carry you (and your spouse) turn by turn if you let him.  So be sure to stop and ask Him first for direction(s). 

May this be a blessing to you and yours!

Thoughts about Submission | Discussion Power of a Praying Wife

[Recap for the rest of the world–This post goes with The Power of a Praying Wife study. I posted a link to a message by Tony Evans on reclaiming your power “Dominion & Marriage”. It gives some interesting views on marriage, Adam & Eve and their roles. It began a little discussion between group members about submission in marriage. As I started a reply, the words just kept going… And well, this is just an easier format for that…]

I once was very independent and tried hard to avoid depending on a man at all costs. I learned how to change my oil myself and even opened doors for men, etc. because I refused to be coddled. (Not saying it’s bad if women know how to do nice or needed things.) Those are just two examples of my "I could do it myself" and "I didn't need a man" attitude. I think that's a common message in our society, which translates to it's weak to be a woman or to be treated like one.

I don't remember Tony’s exact comment from the woman's perspective... It was something to the effect of we want men to see us as romantic partners or something like that but that’s not why God created a woman. Adam (men) didn't need companionship, he needed a helper. Well, I'll admit, I.did.not.like.that.not.one.little.bit. haha. But that IS what it says in Genesis. Ouch and sigh all at the same time.

I am a hopeless romantic. The cheesier & more ridiculous the better. But isn't it a matter of my ego that wants to be stroked when I crave that "attention" from my husband. (Not saying that affection is bad either. I’m just pondering the root of why I want to be doted on.) AND when I consider myself a "HELPER"; while it does sound a little less glorious than “I am the object of my husband’s affection” or “serving me is the reason why he exists” it does take a lot of the burden off of me having to be the one with all of the answers. I am just supposed to help HIM carry that load and responsibility. (Hallelujah, I don't have to do it all!)

I do love everything he said about her feelings, even if the man chooses to override them. I do also think that sometimes as women we confuse submission to mean that we're not allowed to have a voice. We're just supposed to shut up, do as we're told and look pretty. I am learning that is NOT the case at all. We are supposed to say how we feel and challenge our husband’s ideas and thoughts and disagree about things. And that we bring our men (and marriages) honor when we allow ourselves to compliment AND contrast without the added pressure of hinging every little thing on whether or not we’re compatible or get along.

Submission might just mean that we decide that we don't have to be right all of the time but that our voice is still worth being heard.

Back to my first paragraph, [this is fresh off my heart and I guarantee that I will still be mulling the words long after I post them…] I do believe that chivalry is total hotness in a fella and as I have gotten older (or as the Lord has worked in me) I do want to be treated "soft a woman". [I think that description came from a book somewhere down the line.]

The only problem there is that it still conflicts with that "tough as nails" Queen inside. And that queen interrupts where I allow myself to be vulnerable with my husband. She fights for space, heck she fights for the covers and she fights for authority to rule... -But don't we have to allow ourselves to act the way that we want to be treated. If I want to be the queen and wear the pants and be hard as nails, I can be. -But I will also be treated that way. (And sadly, I can only see my husband becoming passive or a yes man, in that light.) Wouldn't I also have to give "soft as a woman" in order to be treated "soft as a woman"? If that makes sense.... hmmm.

I think true submission would be valuing myself enough to be heard like a queen but brazen enough to give the power to the King(s) instead. To be bold enough to walk in like Esther, even reaching out and touching the scepter. -Even if it means I die. –And believing that the mistakes he’ll make along the way with ‘my power' are intricate and important steps as he finds his way to the head. In that light, as a helper- My most important job is to help him find his way there. It's trusting him with opportunity after opportunity even, and especially when my heart is on the line.

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:10

Photo Credit: http://bestpickr.com/matching-couples-tattoos

The Significance of the Rib | Notes

(These notes were used with the Power of the Praying Wife Study) – Week 3

"This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." Genesis 2:23

“But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh.” Genesis part 2:20-21

My commentary says:

God’s creative work was not complete until he made woman. He could have made her from the dust of the ground as he made man. God chose however to make her from man’s flesh and bone. In doing so, he illustrated for us that in marriage man and woman symbolically become one flesh. This is a mystical union of hearts and lives. Throughout the Bible God treats this special partnership seriously. If you are married, are you willing to keep the commitment that makes the two of you one? The goal in marriage should be more than friendship. It should be oneness.

God forms and equips men and women for various tasks but all these tasks lead to the same goal, honoring God. Man gives life to woman; woman gives life to the world. Each role carries exclusive privileges; therefor there is no room for thinking that one sex is more superior than the other.

Like a puzzle,

Together we are whole,

Stronger for that

But what else:

Matthew Henry: “God did not choose a piece of Adam's head, so that woman would be over him; nor did He select a piece from Adam's foot, so that he would step on her. Rather, our loving Creator chose man's rib, so that woman was taken from his side--to be his equal...from under his arm--to be protected by him...and from near his heart--to be loved by him.”

A paraphrased version of what I found on the Darrell Creswell blog and Answers in Genesis

·         Rib covers the most important parts (vital organs) of the body.

·         Using a rib symbolizing the wife’s role; significance and importance of her nature to the protective covering over the lifeblood in the home. Protecting the core of family.

Got questions - Furthermore, the Hebrew word translated “suitable,” k'negdo, carries much more meaning than simply “fit” or “appropriate.” This word also means “opposite or contrasting.”  

·         To compliment and to challenge

·         But also to complete

·         Adam lost a rib but gained so much more

Ribs:

Ribs are also the only bone in the body that can regenerate themselves. They are commonly used in bone grafts for this reason.

Removed from the periosteum (tissue)

By using a rib from him, both made from the same “dna” and/or material.

We are the same,

·         Both Made in God’s image. Genesis 1:27

·         Both Good – Genesis 1:31

·         Both came from dirt and are nothing apart from the breath of life. Genesis 1:7

Tied to Christ:

John 19:31-34

“Now it was the day of Preparation, and the next day was to be a special Sabbath. Because the Jewish leaders did not want the bodies left on the crosses during the Sabbath, they asked Pilate to have the legs broken and the bodies taken down. The soldiers therefore came and broke the legs of the first man who had been crucified with Jesus, and then those of the other. But when they came to Jesus and found that he was already dead (or asleep), they did not break his legs. Instead, one of the soldiers pierced Jesus’ side with a spear, bringing a sudden flow of blood and water.”

So just as the rib taken from Adam to create his bride Eve, Jesus was pierced on his side in order to create His Bride, the Church.

Let us not forget Paula’s notes from the Ellicott’s commentary that said in Hebrew Bone & Self are the same or close and so it is a reminder that God gave of himself as we should do the same.

(John 14:21) (John 10:18)

And finally- something that struck me about all of this is that

·         From the very beginning, when Adam and eve were instructed to eat from anything except the tree.  It was Eve who was deceived by the devil. But Adam knew better and deliberately chose to defy God for the sake of Eve. 

·         It is the woman who starts out wanting just a little bit more than she already has.

·         It’s the man who first shows resistance to authority, in an effort to follow a woman.

I don’t know how that thought speaks to you but my prayer for you this week is that you are able to use your influence on your man (and in your home) in a way that leads him closer to Christ and not away. M

May you be able to die of self this week so that you can protect all that is good and life giving and holy in your homes.

Sites:

http://www.biblebigpicture.com

http://www.answersingenesis.com

http://www.creation.org

https://janmeador.wordpress.com

The Power of a Praying Wife | Confession from Chapter One, His Wife

One night earlier this week, I came home to Colin not feeling well and already asleep on the couch for the evening. Sadly, this isn’t unusual. His parents called because he didn’t put their 4-Wheeler back up when he was finished with it. I tried to wake him. “Later” he replied.

Knowing that he’s a man that likes warning, I told him that I’d wake him in an hour to go take care of it. The hour came. I woke him up. Irritated, he got the phone and said “I will call him”. I thought he went outside to smoke and tell his Dad that he was on his way.  –Instead he went to bed and I’m not even sure that he called his dad. No “goodnight”. No “I ain’t doing it”. Nothing.

My feather’s ruffled.

(I had to include it, it just makes me laugh.)

This is an area of struggle for me. For one, I struggle with people pleasing. Especially when it comes to things that ‘I’ think are important. This is an area where I would be a martyr and “take care of it myself.” Except that I’ve never driven a 4-wheeler down 2 boards in the back of a truck. AND it was dark AND I was irritated. AND I have 2 boys that would lose their mind wanting to do it with me.  I just wasn’t comfortable. (Can I just praise God here? This is an area that I have grown so much in. There is a time when I would’ve gone and done it myself anyway! And I can promise you from experience that the bad would’ve gotten ugly.)

If I am not careful, I can start trying to compare our actions and then I wind up judging him and giving a good foundation to anger, which is what started here. You see, I was raised to take care of your things. And especially to take care of things that belong to someone else! A 4-wheeler is expensive and I can’t replace it. It has been difficult for me to not judge him for having different opinions or motives. In his mind it’s made for water and mud. Rain won’t bother it. It wasn't a matter of "caring" or "respect", he was looking at the facts. I suppose he had a good point….

Also, I struggle with the fact that he doesn’t look sick. He doesn’t have cuts or bruises. He doesn’t walk with a limp or have any obvious signs of something being wrong. The things that I’ve read about with Neuropathy are terrible. The pain is 24/7 and excruciating. And in all seriousness, people can lose their legs over this. You take seizure meds to tell your brain that you’re not in pain. And some patients, like my husband, choose to also have stimulators implanted because adding a new pain (electronic stimulus) might help make the other one better. (hmmmm?)

And yet, sometimes I am immune to his sickness because he IS sick 24/7.

If that statement made you flinch at the harshness. Imagine being the wife who says it.

Imagine being her husband.

I flinch at the hardness of my own heart. -A woman that vowed to love AND protect him. –To cherish him. In sickness and in health. A woman that looks at what she thinks her love is verses what God says it should be and cringes because even her BEST human effort will fail to ever compare to God’s incredible standard.

But while it is harsh, it is my truth and it’s my confession. Sometimes, I am immune and even resistant to helping and being empathetic toward my own husband. And I am his helper.

Thanks again Lord for giving me a beautiful guide that will help me grow UPRIGHT.  

And in that conviction, let’s just look at his side for a moment. This event just happened to be on that really cold day that we had this past week. He works outside, in the freezing cold [conditions, I won’t work in], IN PAIN. And your metabolism spikes up to stay warm. I KNOW he had to be exhausted. But still I just want to keep putting ‘I’ first… sigh.

And the 4-wheeler was out because he was spending time with our children. Something that I pray to God that he will continue to do no matter how he feels. (So Thank you Lord for answering another prayer!)

Anyway, the next morning, I sat down to answer some of the scripture questions in the Power of a Praying Wife Study Guide. I begin with question 9. Really God?? You’re SO funny.  

“Do you have any anger, unforgiveness, hurt or disappointment toward your husband?” I tap my pen to think of the nicest way to dance around this question. But it’s blaring at me. Like it has its own eyes and I can’t avoid its stare.

Meanwhile, Colin gets up. He’s sitting on the couch. Trying to greet me and talk to me. I want to give him the cold shoulder so he knows that I am irritated. But in that exact moment, I am being convicted of my wrong actions and having to write a prayer about them. But the prayer is asking God to change me and I can't hold my grudge and change at the same time. I finally had to give in and repent. I also went to the Colin and apologized.

I once heard that an apology with an excuse isn’t an apology at all. Try apologizing without explaining or defending your side. It’s hard. Don’t you want the other person to know “your why”? I’m pretty sure I still slipped some of my side in. But we left in peace and he put the 4-wheeler up that afternoon.

But in my reflection, can I just tell you how hard that night was. To be bottled up and irritated for something that I probably won’t even think about in 10 years. (It’s probably why that handy guide says to not even let the tiniest drop of anger stick around. It will make both of you miserable. For nothing!)

Then it was hard again to admit when I typed it out. (But that’s what I LOVE about Bible Study and meditating on scripture).

Own who you are so God can show you who you can be.

And again, it is hard to share it with others. Truthfully, I almost didn’t. I’ve prayed about it all week.  I don’t want people to see that side of him. I mean, I don’t want people to see that side of me either. But I have to talk about him, in order to talk about me and I don’t want to ever hurt him in that process.

To be honest, others in our family and friends comment to me about things that they think that he should be doing and it hurts me. I definitely don’t want to add to it. I chose this study so that I could overcome myself for HIM. –Both of them!

James 5:16 says “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective”.  You are the righteousness of God. Woman pray for yourself and your husband!

And 1 Corinthians 7:14 says that even though my husband might still be an unbeliever, he is sanctified through me.

I want to confess the things that hold him captive and break those strong holds. And of course I want his healing. But I also want to confess my actions and have God grow me in the glorifying ways that only he can. Then maybe I can help my husband up.

I know that I am not the only one who struggles in this area. YOU are not alone. –And scripture promises us that the TRUTH will set us free. And it is only God’s truth that frees mine to be… different. Upright. Dare I say Holy?!

And between 1 John 1:5-7 and John 1:5 we see that darkness loses its power when in the light.

So my prayer in Chapter one is that God will hide the sin of my own inequity from my husband. Yet uncover glory in His wondrous way between us. And in Jesus name break anything that tries to wiggle in.

So now, I am giving it to God. I am so thankful for how far we have grown in this area during our marriage. –But I can’t wait to be able to share with someone later on, the wisdom that I gleaned, after we have gotten through it.

I extend that prayer also to you and yours! Amen and Amen!

Photo Credits:

Praying wife: http://www.rpmministries.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Prayer-Confession1.png
Owl: http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/05/02/article-2138367-12E257FF000005DC-866_634x324.jpg

Apology: http://dulyposted.com/never-ruin-an-apology-with-an-excuse-benjamin-franklin/

To Cherish

It is true that every marriage has its ups and downs and mine is no different. I am thankful that at 15 years we're still getting better. But for the purposes related to a study coming up, I feel the need to talk about one of our hard spots. (With Colin's permission of course.)

My husband (Colin) has had Peripheral Neuropathy (severe nerve damage) in both legs and feet for about 10 years now. While HE is awesome; his illness has not been as kind. It has had an effect on him, me and our marriage. 

At times it has been difficult and even lonely for both of us. Chronic pain is a thief but working around it and through it has made us both stronger thus far. And it is something that the Lord has specifically used in my life to grow me and my love walk. 

I will never forget driving to work one morning a few years ago. Feeling defeated, I prayed to God. How could I be honest without being ugly? How could I love more when confronted with an illness that I didn't love at all? How could I get past my selfishness to remember that there was a man in the middle that was wounded by an illness and probably also by me? "Lord how do we do this and win?"

I thought of my vows and when I hit "to cherish" I felt a sting. I was pretty sure that I wasn't being as supportive or as loving as I could be. I simply confessed to God that I had no idea how to "cherish" something that I didn't even know how to deal with even if it was attached to someone that I loved. I knew that I needed an attitude adjustment and so I told God that he was going to have to give me a picture of what cherishing might look like.  

As I drove the rest of the way in thought, a vision of a teacup came to mind. While I don't collect china, it made me think of others that do. It also reminded me of some of my grandmother's dishes. Some of it's chipped, cracked and worn but still used often. I love those dishes and at every opportunity to bring them out, I do. I never even think about the flaws because I am so excited to have them out and at my table. 

In fact it's not really until I go to put them away that I pay attention to them. I know where they are weak and I take extra care to hold and support those places as I wash them. I also know where they will get the most beating in my cabinet and that the pressure from stacking them might cause them to crack further. So I put them higher up, above me, to a place with less traffic. Protecting them.

And if I was a collector with a teacup, wouldn't I turn the flawed side away (shielding it from view) so that others saw only the best side? Wouldn't I be quick to tell others all of the things that I loved about it and never once mention or point out things that might make it less in value?

Well I could go on and on here but it is an image that I have never forgotten. How quickly it convicted me of areas where I really could love more. I started trying to apply it as much as I could. Even now, years later as I write about it, it is still an image that convicts me. We can always love more. In all of our relationships.

As I calculate a mental inventory in comparison to it, the verse "love covers" also surfaces. It comes from 1 Peter 4:8. Don't those two words alone sound exactly as I've just described? If we are not "cherishing" our spouse our love might also not be reflecting our Father's perfect love. And we might be missing out on the fullness of its rewards.

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Ladies, if you are not praying for your spouse, you should be. It doesn't matter where you are in your marriage, you can go to God honestly and openly about any aspect of it. Psalm 139 also says that the Lord knows when you sit and when you stand. He knows your thoughts even before you do. You don't have to come up with all of the answers alone. 

I realize that most times we take our laundry list of wishes to God and when he doesn't give you the exact item that you request, we think he doesn't answer. However, I have found that I can take my praise list, wish list, defeated list, my "I don't know what to do with this" list and more times than none he answers but almost always with an action item for me. 

If he's not answering, could it be that we're not completing a step in his reply? It has been amazing to me to see in my life, not just in this scenario but with friends and other members of family, how prayer turns me toward the person I am praying for. I don't care how good of a spouse you are, your spouse could always have a better cheerleader.

Because I am always looking for ways to be the crown and helper that I am called to be for Colin; I am getting ready to read "The Power of the Praying Wife". I've decided that I'll try my hand and an online study too. So, there will be a Private Facebook Group and a private discussion forum for members that are not on Facebook. (But you can join both if you like!) We'll start 12/28. 

If you're interested, please email me (faithunfoldingblog@gmail.com). Let's begin 2016 by washing our husbands in prayer?

P.S. If a fella is reading this, you don't have to miss out. There is a Husband's version that you can read.