The Beach

I’ve been thinking a lot about the beach this week. More specifically, the many grains of sand. (Ahem, dirt.)

Each grain their own, sometimes varying in hues and texture, and some of them you can see right through. Individually, so small, one may not even notice.

Yet people flock to see, to rest in, to find comfort, and even heal, in the presence of the shore.

In contrast, what are we but flesh and bone? Blood and matter. Heck made from the dirt ourselves (Gen 2:7). And what do we often see when we look at ourselves? Just that, dirt. -Or perhaps something that doesn't amount to much more than that.

Sometimes we even trip over the smallest parts of who we are; like that goofy thing we do, the thing your family teases you about, the skill that you just can’t seem to master, the feeling of plainness, or complete awkwardness. Being different.

Other times, we completely fixate on the weakness or the dirt; like the addiction, a mishap at work, like a poorly executed project, a conversation gone wrong, a wound, and on and on...

Michelle Chalfant said ‘If we are human we have issues, stop thinking you can avoid them.”

Actually, we all have many issues. Great and small. Varying hues. Dirt on many levels. In the physical, like our bones, and in our soul.

Yet the beach doesn’t cover up who or what it is and nor should you.

And just like the shore, God sees the whole picture. Every.little.grain.of.sand.

2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Grace must be the equivalent of knowing exactly what we are. Not just knowing THE ONE thing. But knowing EVERY LITTLE thing about each of us and somehow collectively forming all of those details and idiosyncrasies into something that he calls good (Gen 1:26), and valuable (Matt 10:31), and takes delight in- even singing over (Zeph 3:17).

Yet you and I still try to work dirt out of something- THAT WE’RE MADE OF.

It is not in our ‘trying harder’ to be ‘better’ or ‘different’ that pleases God. It is in our sincerest, seemingly ‘humiliating’ but instead humbling weakness- laying ourselves bare before him. Stretched out like the shore. Sometimes piled up like dunes. Not condemning or making excuses for who or what we are, not bartering because we can’t really make it up; not hiding beneath the waves of life but offering our entirety, especially our weakness, and ALL of it, to him. So that he may use it as He pleases.

And the way that He holds all things together (Col 1:17), allows his power to work through us. He takes those ‘grains’ or ‘specs’ and somehow molds them- transfiguring us -perfectly- into something beautiful.

The next time you start to beat yourself up for something or talk down about yourself, I pray a little salty air washes over you and reminds you that you’re only getting caught on one grain, you’re missing the rest of the beach. Then slip off your stuffy ole uniform, let your bare feet feel the ground (literally), take a deep breath, and relax. –We’re all a little more pliable that way, anyway.

Be shore of it!

(I just couldn’t resist that last one….) Have a blessed day.

Be Therefore Complete

I spied this rocker from a little antique store in White Stone, VA while I was pregnant with my last child. We didn't really have space for it at the time but it didn't stop me from bringing it home. Sadly, aside from the first few months after my son's birth, it has sat upstairs, forced into being a clothes hanger instead of a chair, in my bedroom.

Last fall, I developed some lower back issues and, in addition to exercises, my chiropractor recently advised me to also ditch the recliner that was my 'go to' in the evenings. So, out it went and down came my pretty rocker. (It would've made it down sooner except that me and a child -or several of them- couldn't sit in it as easily together as we could the recliner.) I've enjoyed finally being able to use it, six years later.

Oddly enough, in that same six-year span I have been challenging myself to go deeper in the Word in order to determine what I believed for myself (not just go with what I've heard). I was frequently reconciling areas of my life against what I was learning. Then trying to adjust accordingly. But maybe a little too sternly out of this desire to be holy, forgetting that we are already sacred.

And... 

In the fall, it wasn't just a core 'physical' problem that I was suddenly facing; there was also an issue at the core of my emotions, my spirituality, and my beliefs. Even externally, there were sudden eruptions everywhere in my life that turned wake up call. All of which thrust me into a season of serious introspection and healing. 

I finally had to face myself, full on. And somehow, amidst so much brokenness, I began to also see myself from a place of love. Thank goodness.

[This from a girl who used to struggle with approval addiction and always needing the validation of others. -And from a girl who could tell you 20 reasons why she wasn't good enough for something, instead of telling you one or two reasons why she was... or from this girl who's tried to manage the feelings and thoughts of others with the best of intentions... but unknowingly to her own detriment. Oh, how I could go on with the ways that my fear of failure has manifested itself.]

But all the while, gradually growing throughout that study time, from acceptance (to acceptance), into this new-found place.

Also...

In all of this sudden shifting, there was an unexplainable ache to become 'whole'. Although I wasn't entirely sure what that meant.

Fast Forward...

Last week a co-worker and I were talking about legalism and limiting beliefs and I shared some of my situation. He ended up telling me a story about a rocking chair. One he'd heard from Kim B. Clark, a former President of Brigham Young University, where my friend previously attended.

He first referenced the verse in Matthew 5:48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

This next part is completely paraphrased because I don't remember his exact words. But I know the gist will have a lasting impact.

He said it is easy to think that being 'perfect like Christ', means that we are to be without sin or error. In a sense that is true. It is also noble and something we should mindful of, but it is also unattainable by us. We are human. This part we know.

Then he said, let's say that you had a rocking chair. In western culture, we seem to think 'perfect' means to add on. So 'to perfect it', would mean that we slip an arm cover over the side of the rocker so that it can hold a remote. Maybe you also add a cup holder, a footstool, or a pillow; constantly trying to make it do or become something more than what it is.

But really, if you look up another definition of 'perfect' (and I even think he said that the Hebrew versions translate to this instead)- you will find that perfect also means 'complete'. So, to be 'therefore complete' would mean that a simple rocker that was well-oiled, rocking smoothly, as it was created to be, and nothing more than that, would, in fact, be perfect.

I got a little teary-eyed, especially knowing that I had just moved this chair into my main living space, while I am also coming into a place of rest with myself. The timeliness...

My rocker has incredibly frayed trim. Parts of it are broken off, missing, or hanging free. There are a few upholstery tacks missing. The corners of the rockers were either slightly gnawed on by a puppy or rocked too close to something that damaged it. But it is well oiled. It's comfortable and rocks smoothly. It's beautiful and loved by me, just as it is.

Similarly, the word 'whole' is coming to mean quite the same- That I too am perfectly imperfect. Maybe it's a matter of forgiveness but it's somehow being able to see and love the less than glorious parts of myself, whether it's in my 'hard lessons learned' and hurts, or in my needs and vulnerabilities (my humanness), with the same affection that I do my strengths and talents (my Godliness). -Seeing and loving all of me, completely.

What is even stranger, is that I almost think we need those 'less than glorious' parts of ourselves in order to help us fully see our worth. Just as a rocker is to rock, our own needs and desires were purposed for each of us with the intent of being filled.

-And like the marks and mars on my chair give it character, our own mars (be they perceived by ourselves or others), are also necessary ingredients to our own personality and calling. There is a history. A story. It's one of living... being chosen... exercised to the point of dings... and still being usable.

My willingness to somehow stop and embrace those soft places is giving me a glimpse of God's grace that was somehow unattainable when I was still 'covering up' and striving for 'perfection'.

After all, there is no grace in striving.

His grace, is free.

Perhaps being 'Christ-like' also means that our grace should be too.

Since the very crux of the gospel is grace, wouldn't it also make us more 'complete'?

Dominican Republic | Part 1

So, we made it to the DR. It was late in the afternoon when we arrived 
and we still had a 5hr bus ride to La Guazara. 
So Food for the Hungry put us up in a hotel for the night so that we wouldn’t arrive in so late. 

We went to this yummy little pizza place around the corner. I’m not sure why it was so good but it was... they do put corn on the pizza but I'm not sure that I like that. ...it wasn’t the corn. ;)

Pillar (pronounced P-lar), Francesca, Jennifer, Esperanza (Meaning 'Hope').
They work for Food for the Hungry. They help coordinate our activities and travel arrangements,
in addition to translating for us on site and translating letters for sponsors in their downtime. 

After dinner, we walked through towns, we passed a dance-off in the square, musicians playing in the street, another party at the top of the hill... 

The party at the top of the hill.

Some of the biggest trees I've ever seen are here! <3

Bad picture of the 'dance off'.

On the way back, we went to this popsicle place called 'Paletas Bajo Cero'. I wish I could have brought one back for the kids. They love them and they were just so darn cute. 

Lime! mmmm

Our hotel was downright beautiful! The tile floors, the iron rails on the windows and stairs...  Of course, every building here seems to have decorative rails and bars.

The next morning, we had breakfast outside on the terrace and parrots flew overhead. 

...like for serious. haha

I leaned over the rail to take a picture of the street and saw this huge pile of trash and a stray dog eating from it. Sadly, it's kind of like that everywhere here.  
-So much garbage in the in front of these beautiful, old, worn buildings.

The bus ride into our village was much better than I was anticipating. 
We even rode in style! 

Check out the curtains.

The people drive SO crazy here and EVERYONE honks. 2 Lane road? No problem! 
We'll just weave between and go around in the ditch.  
It can easily become 3 or 4 lanes. 
(Even the big trucks and tourist vans pass when they shouldn't.)
They all just go for it. Everyone has the right of way!
I guess it's all in our perspective. haha
-HANG ON!

Oddly enough there were no accidents. 
We decided that it was because everyone has to stay so alert.

Many people drive these little motorcycles and for whatever reason, they crack me up, even though they are just doing what they need to do! They carry stuff that’s twice the size of their bikes. I saw a man carrying an 8-foot ladder, another with a wheelbarrow. I don't even know how that's possible. But it is! People using their helmets as a basket to carry things. A couple, each riding with a baby under one arm, dangling off the side. I saw so many people on one bike that the person at the back had to basically balance himself on his crotch. 
It looked like he was standing. 
-But we were moving too fast. I couldn't get pictures of those.

What is that, a propane tank?

3 people on one bike

A sack of something...

Check out his helmet...

Lumber

I'm not sure...

3 people again

Her sweatshirt covering her face...

Riding lady style...

More produce

Most of the riders don’t have helmets so they make funny faces 

trying to keep the wind out of their eyes.

You get the idea....

We kept on driving (and holding on).
On the upside, our 'big eyes' helped us see better. haha

and driving

There are no bodies of water in the village that we went too but on the way in, we passed the ocean. The color, the size of the waves, the shape of trees, just moved me to tears.
(Again, it was hard to capture while moving.)

I couldn't help but think, the whole way there, about how we, as people, are like the towns we've been driving through. We may only see the certain things that lie in ourselves or in others. We may only 'front' with our 'trash' like our egos, our beliefs- or lack of, our stubbornness, anger, or hurt-  or what about the ways that we hide our beauty behind broken, chipped, and dirty walls?

But he knows the purposes for which we were made. (Ephesians 2:10, Jeremiah 29:11) 

He alone can see how much we hurt ourselves when we don't give in, or when we give too much.

He knows we're sinners, even when we struggle to admit it to ourselves (or beat ourselves over the head with it). We are no surprise to him. We make promises we can't keep, we judge others, and even ourselves too harshly. I am certain that each of us struggle with a certain sin, hurt, habit or hang up; or even a certain kind of poverty, even if it's only in our 'fruit of the spirit'. 

Sometimes even our best intentions lead us to a different place than we had planned and even past traumas can resurrect themselves in unexpected ways. 

We're not really in as much control as we think we are.

We are learning.

-And yet-

We are just as holy as the waves (Genesis 1:27, 1 Peter 1:16). Just as awing and worth marveling over as the villages with broken buildings and litter in the streets. 

He sees us every morning, with fresh eyes, for the first time (Lamentations 2:22-23) 

and loves us just as we are. 

Even though you and I struggle with this concept and even loving ourselves. 

He does so freely. (Ephesians 2:4-5, Matthew 10:8) 

It 'is what it is' and we are all broken in some capacity no matter how hard we manage. Yet he knew every one of our days before they ever came to be (Psalm 139:16) and when he made us- even knowing everything that lies ahead- he stood back, looked at you and I and all that he created and said

It is good. (Genesis 1:31)

Yes, that's right. YOU are good.

No matter what happened yesterday, or even this morning, or how 'less than' you may feel.

You are so good and so very loved right where you are.

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This message is enough for now. Rest on that. Another story will come soon.

I pray that the Lord can use whatever you saw when you looked through these pictures to touch your own heart, about you and his love for you.