Another send off

My first thought when I saw this picture was 'Holy crap, Michael [on the right] is in a pair of pleated pants.' 

My second thought is that this must be what heaven looks like right about now. Two fellas catching up. [As T.A., the man on the left, joined Michael in heaven this week.]

Then in reading 2 Corinthians 5:1-5 and 1 Corinthians 15:46-49, it made me smile a little more. These two men are not only at peace or made new-- They are now even MORE beautiful and whole, than we've seen. -Now also free of the burden of an earthly physical body and simply able to be the love and light that they were created to be. -And brighter! I know that it's a sight to see! <3 Shine on friends. Shine on!

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2 Corinthians 5:1-5 NLT

For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. 2 We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. 3 For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies.[a] 4 While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. 5 God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit.

1 Corinthians 15:46-49 NIV

The spiritual did not come first, but the natural, and after that the spiritual. 47 The first man was of the dust of the earth; the second man is of heaven. 48 As was the earthly man, so are those who are of the earth; and as is the heavenly man, so also are those who are of heaven. 49 And just as we have borne the image of the earthly man, so shall we bear the image of the heavenly man. [Even better! -Emphasis mine.]

Clouds and Sunlight

on the way to the vet 12/8

On the way to the vet to pick up Carson's ashes, the sky seemed so full of artistic displays and even various emotions. I tried to get a few pictures but you know that's difficult when you're driving, and also using an iPhone.

Taken by a local photographer, Allan Hunt on the same day.

The pictures don't display it correctly but the sun burned with such intensity. It didn't have rays coming down but it was near sunset and the light was this crazy mix of colors across the sky. It looked like the horizon was on fire.

The clouds seemed unusually dense or mysterious as well and it made the contrast between the two more powerful- more striking.

It pierced my thoughts- flickering contrasts like, light and darkness, transparency and density, things that are always present and things that always move...

Life and death.

What was and is to come.

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on the way to the vet 12/8

Anyway, one of my favorite kinds of pictures are the ones of the sun with beams of light striking through. Where it looks like there are holes in heaven's floor and the light is pouring in.

It's funny how the sun and the clouds are always there. -Kind of like God and maybe the circumstances of our lives.

The clouds and circumstances roll and pass. God and the light are always there too, single, one, the same- unchanging.

Although sometimes we take for granted the way their power fills the sky or makes it possible to see everything within our view.

We may not notice their specific or immediate presence, where they shine or how they are working. It takes a 'special cloud' or set of them to break the sky so that you only see specific and exact rays.

I actually have a lot of peace about Carson's death but when I look back at some of the harder times in my life; it was those darker circumstances where I felt the closest to God and the most "direction". Even now, this event causes me to look at the same thing(s) a little differently.

Like the clouds, our circumstances just might filter everything else that obstructs our view so that we can see exactly what God wants to shine his light on.

Take on another day but follows theme.

Take on another day but follows theme.

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The light shines in darkness and the darkness has not overcome it. -John 1:5

Your Word is a lamp for my feet a light onto my path. - Psalm 119:105

The people living in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned. -Mathew 4:16

When Jesus spoke again to the people he said; I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life. - John 8:12

A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps. -Proverbs 16:9

My Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/reggieconnaughton/ 

As for Allan Hunt, he is on Facebook.

Sitting in Vulnerability

Colin and I had five animals before we ever had kids. I got most of them pretty soon after getting married 15 years ago, which has made all of them seniors by now. Sadly, in the last two years, they have all started dying off. First Diesel the Cat. Then D.O.G. our black lab and then Zoe, another Cat. Then last Sunday I had to take Carson, my 12-year-old Dalmatian mix.

From the day that we met, he whined when I wasn't in his presence. This is the dog that I fostered for 3 weeks. I finally talked a friends dad into taking him home. Then after an argument with my husband, I ended up bringing him back home. Half out of spite. Half because after visiting him in his new place, he lost his mind (whining and even crying) and I felt guilty.

Either way, both reasons were selfish. He was a cute furry reminder.  He was also the reason that I wasn't allowed to foster any more animals or keep bread on the counter or have a gate that worked, as he "got a hold" of all of it.

I used to wonder if I would ever have the courage to put an animal to sleep. I also wondered I would recognize their time. [Here are some tips if you think you'll need them.] Have no doubt that they will let you know when they have had enough. D.O.G. did and Carson behaved very similarly. [You can read my comment on that thread of tips.]

Anyway, I will try to keep this brief but when our Uncle died, I walked away with the feeling that I can't believe that I never offered to pray with him or see if he needed help. (Not that he would have let me do one or both of them. Maybe he would have???)

When D.O.G. died, I was saddened by my last attempt to keep him with me and it made things a little harder for him in the end. I also didn't get to see him one more time pain-free with his eyes open. It was all so hurried that I wished I had of sung to him or tried to soothe him instead of sobbing.

When Carson's time came, I wasn't going to try and hang on. I did sing to him and even tried to lay on the floor with him while we were at home. But even after pain medication and getting on his level, Carson refused to sit or lay down. He couldn't anymore and I knew that the time had come.

I must admit that before I make myself sound so noble and sweet, that at first, I was really frustrated with him waking me up again at 2:30 in the morning and this time not leaving me alone. So, I wasn't very nice. Until I recognized the behavior.

So, I tried to do the things that I wished I had of done with D.O.G. but I couldn't say the word death in front of him. I felt like it was rude and insulting or something. After all, he's one of your best friends right? Even sitting in the vet floor, I couldn't recap our life together. I'm not even sure if I said everything I wanted to say because it felt some eerie way that I can't describe... Like you're talking about a person, right in front of them... I told myself it was because I didn't want to scare him.

Yet- isn't he the one that let me know it was time to go???  So, in hindsight, was I protecting him or myself?

Anyway, when I returned home, Colin was surprised that Carson wasn't with me. We had talked in the months leading up to this about the likelihood of having to put them to sleep. Both of our remaining dogs were falling down stairs, unable to get up and sometimes in pain. I am almost certain that I told Colin "it was time" when I left the house. In his defense, he [Colin] was asleep. Maybe I said it too early in the conversation.

But that thought coupled with my earlier thought about protecting myself while I was with Carson; I couldn't help but wonder if I don't communicate as well as I think I do... haha. I know I have come a long way but both dialogues [or lack of] have stayed with me and I don't want to just sweep them aside. Is this thought correlation a coincidence?
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Some other events soon followed suit, causing me to ask myself if I am even more vulnerable behind a screen than in my personal life and/or with strangers than those that I am closest to?

-Am I vulnerable enough with God?

If the first two instances were a coincidence; it now feels like I've come to an intersection with a blaring street light. It's exactly at the same junction [the end of a year] where I start to reflect on the previous year and the one ahead.

This earmark feels as though it is getting ready to turn cornerstone. Although I'm not sure how yet. I know I am waiting for a signal but I just want to sit and feel the tremble-

...tremble, tremble.