[Recap for the rest of the world–This post goes with The Power of a Praying Wife study. I posted a link to a message by Tony Evans on reclaiming your power “Dominion & Marriage”. It gives some interesting views on marriage, Adam & Eve and their roles. It began a little discussion between group members about submission in marriage. As I started a reply, the words just kept going… And well, this is just an easier format for that…]
I once was very independent and tried hard to avoid depending on a man at all costs. I learned how to change my oil myself and even opened doors for men, etc. because I refused to be coddled. (Not saying it’s bad if women know how to do nice or needed things.) Those are just two examples of my "I could do it myself" and "I didn't need a man" attitude. I think that's a common message in our society, which translates to it's weak to be a woman or to be treated like one.
I don't remember Tony’s exact comment from the woman's perspective... It was something to the effect of we want men to see us as romantic partners or something like that but that’s not why God created a woman. Adam (men) didn't need companionship, he needed a helper. Well, I'll admit, I.did.not.like.that.not.one.little.bit. haha. But that IS what it says in Genesis. Ouch and sigh all at the same time.
I am a hopeless romantic. The cheesier & more ridiculous the better. But isn't it a matter of my ego that wants to be stroked when I crave that "attention" from my husband. (Not saying that affection is bad either. I’m just pondering the root of why I want to be doted on.) AND when I consider myself a "HELPER"; while it does sound a little less glorious than “I am the object of my husband’s affection” or “serving me is the reason why he exists” it does take a lot of the burden off of me having to be the one with all of the answers. I am just supposed to help HIM carry that load and responsibility. (Hallelujah, I don't have to do it all!)
I do love everything he said about her feelings, even if the man chooses to override them. I do also think that sometimes as women we confuse submission to mean that we're not allowed to have a voice. We're just supposed to shut up, do as we're told and look pretty. I am learning that is NOT the case at all. We are supposed to say how we feel and challenge our husband’s ideas and thoughts and disagree about things. And that we bring our men (and marriages) honor when we allow ourselves to compliment AND contrast without the added pressure of hinging every little thing on whether or not we’re compatible or get along.
Submission might just mean that we decide that we don't have to be right all of the time but that our voice is still worth being heard.
Back to my first paragraph, [this is fresh off my heart and I guarantee that I will still be mulling the words long after I post them…] I do believe that chivalry is total hotness in a fella and as I have gotten older (or as the Lord has worked in me) I do want to be treated "soft a woman". [I think that description came from a book somewhere down the line.]
The only problem there is that it still conflicts with that "tough as nails" Queen inside. And that queen interrupts where I allow myself to be vulnerable with my husband. She fights for space, heck she fights for the covers and she fights for authority to rule... -But don't we have to allow ourselves to act the way that we want to be treated. If I want to be the queen and wear the pants and be hard as nails, I can be. -But I will also be treated that way. (And sadly, I can only see my husband becoming passive or a yes man, in that light.) Wouldn't I also have to give "soft as a woman" in order to be treated "soft as a woman"? If that makes sense.... hmmm.
The only problem there is that it still conflicts with that "tough as nails" Queen inside. And that queen interrupts where I allow myself to be vulnerable with my husband. She fights for space, heck she fights for the covers and she fights for authority to rule... -But don't we have to allow ourselves to act the way that we want to be treated. If I want to be the queen and wear the pants and be hard as nails, I can be. -But I will also be treated that way. (And sadly, I can only see my husband becoming passive or a yes man, in that light.) Wouldn't I also have to give "soft as a woman" in order to be treated "soft as a woman"? If that makes sense.... hmmm.
I think true submission would be valuing myself enough to be heard like a queen but brazen enough to give the power to the King(s) instead. To be bold enough to walk in like Esther, even reaching out and touching the scepter. -Even if it means I die. –And believing that the mistakes he’ll make along the way with ‘my power' are intricate and important steps as he finds his way to the head. In that light, as a helper- My most important job is to help him find his way there. It's trusting him with opportunity after opportunity even, and especially when my heart is on the line.
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:10
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