It was a great- GREAT class. In fact, call your local Sheriff's office to see if they offer similar classes!
In the class, the instructor also recommended a book called the Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. If you are a woman that struggles with men not taking "no" for an answer, or if you frequently find yourself in uneasy situations, you should read this book!
I must fair warn you that in real life the author is a Security Agent, hired to protect people in dangerous situations. He gives you real (aka violent/detailed) examples some of the people he has protected and crime scenes that he's had to solve. Then he explains how fear should have warned the victim first. How intuition is really a wonderful gift in self-defense. (Click here if you'd like a little recap of some of his examples.)
I must fair warn you that in real life the author is a Security Agent, hired to protect people in dangerous situations. He gives you real (aka violent/detailed) examples some of the people he has protected and crime scenes that he's had to solve. Then he explains how fear should have warned the victim first. How intuition is really a wonderful gift in self-defense. (Click here if you'd like a little recap of some of his examples.)
Anyway, one of the references in that book was how, if a woman has a violent boyfriend and/or stalker, she shouldn't argue with him for 2 hours about how she doesn't want to see him. She shouldn't even have to tell him "No" more than once. She should just ignore his calls and/or take the phone off of the hook, etc.
Anything other than ignoring him, is giving him attention. So then if the woman continues the conversation [even to say that she wants no parts of him] she is actually rewarding him with attention, guaranteeing that he will call or visit again.
He goes on to say that even restraining orders are considered "attention" and may only further provoke the person you're trying to keep at bay. So, we should do everything in our power to leave that person alone. Instead of saying no, the victim should just drop it, avoid it and move on as much as possible.
and now switching gears....
Anything other than ignoring him, is giving him attention. So then if the woman continues the conversation [even to say that she wants no parts of him] she is actually rewarding him with attention, guaranteeing that he will call or visit again.
He goes on to say that even restraining orders are considered "attention" and may only further provoke the person you're trying to keep at bay. So, we should do everything in our power to leave that person alone. Instead of saying no, the victim should just drop it, avoid it and move on as much as possible.
and now switching gears....
I can't help but strike a little comparison in that last example and how that might apply to our spiritual life. After all, believers do have a known attacker. ...The devil! I've talked about my struggle with insecurity for a while now. Thankfully, I think that I am almost on the other side of that lesson. -or at least I hope so. But I've learned an even more powerful lesson about it in the last few months.
At the end of 2013 when I discovered that it really was an issue for me, I thought because there was so much peace at first that suddenly having the knowledge had kind of cured it. (Sounds silly, I know). But I wasn't struggling [as much] and I was looking at things a lot differently than I normally would. Even others noted changes in me.
But then a bunch of stuff changed last year and I found myself in unfamiliar territory. (That totally sounds weird to say when all of the main details are the same. But for example, my position at my job changed. I also changed churches but switched to another group of people that I already knew.) Everything just twisted a notch or two and then the focus, the tension, the lesson was different.
And isn't it easy to master a lesson in your comfort zone? When you up the ante, try something new, challenge yourself, especially if you're doing it for God's good or trying to improve yourself, guess who else ups the ante too? ...ahem, that certain attacker.
So if you're insecure about how good you can do something. If you're afraid of what people might expect of you. If you think for 3 seconds you'll be the example of something. You can bet that the minute you do something out of your comfort zone ALL of those buttons are going to get pushed again. Harder. And maybe even more frequently. Kind of like praying for patience...
Bear with me now....
It's a hard passage to read but please take a moment to read John 8:31-47 (also pasted below.)
[Dispute Over Whose Children Jesus’ Opponents Are -
31 To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If
you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then
you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”33 They
answered him, “We are Abraham’s descendants and have never been slaves of
anyone. How can you say that we shall be set free?” 34 Jesus
replied, “Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. 35 Now
a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever.36 So
if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. 37 I
know that you are Abraham’s descendants. Yet you are looking for a way to kill
me, because you have no room for my word. 38 I am telling you
what I have seen in the Father’s presence, and you are doing what you have
heard from your father."
39 “Abraham is our father,” they answered. “If you were Abraham’s children,” said Jesus, “then you would do what Abraham did. 40 As it is, you are looking for a way to kill me, a man who has told you the truth that I heard from God. Abraham did not do such things.41 You are doing the works of your own father.” “We are not illegitimate children,” they protested. “The only Father we have is God himself.”
42 Jesus said to them, “If
God were your Father, you would love me, for I have come here from
God. I have not come on my own; God sent me.43 Why is my
language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say. 44 You
belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s
desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth,
for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language,
for he is a liar and the father of lies. 45 Yet because I tell
the truth, you do not believe me! 46 Can any of you
prove me guilty of sin? If I am telling the truth, why don’t you believe me? 47 Whoever
belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do
not belong to God.”]
I've underlined the verses that really struck me from that passage. Here's the summary of what I felt from them. I hope that I can give them the same life, without muddling it or making it sound like some new law.
If you [v31 hold to my teaching] just go where I tell you for your life, follow my commands, even when you're afraid, and you do not complain or dilly dally or shrug it off. Then you're my disciples.
v32 When you can truly believe in me and rely on my grace to fulfill the plans that I have for you; Only then will you be free from [fill in the blank].
v33 [reference to slaves] What thoughts are you slave to? We might not be slaves to people but are we slaves to ambitions, slaves to fears, slaves to our thoughts in general? I mean are you constantly correcting yourself, second guessing or even criticizing what you're doing? Or maybe you're constantly judging others, lashing out in anger or even struggling with depression.... If so, isn't that kind of like a slave to those thoughts. I mean, if you're constantly doing it and getting stressed out because of it- that sure sounds like bondage! Um, you are not free!
v35 [everyone who sins is a slave to sin] - Does that mean picking up your weakness (that we just described) is the sin that you will be a slave to? -Or having any sin that you know about and choose not to remove; will that give the devil a foothold to torment you later or elsewhere? I mean think about that for a minute. What are you [we] allowing?
v39 Look at Abraham's life and the way that he approached challenges. Even the day that he took he son to the alter, he didn't waste time, or argue or complain. He got up and went the next day, in complete faith. Like a disciple. I don't want it to sound too harsh but that line can't really be more clear. If Abraham could have complete faith; and if you're his son [if you believe that you're a descendant from the same God]; you should be able to do all of those things that Abraham was able to do.
v44, If we're wasting time, in fear, in self doubt, even arguing with a devil, who are we spending more time with? It doesn't mean that you're not spending time with God. But if the measure of who you love is shown by the company your're keeping; could you somehow be showing that you spend more time with the devil, like a son? ...ouch!
Then v45 If you know the devil is a liar [and an attacker] why hang out with him at all?
Boy I hope I got that summary to touch you in the same way that it did me! -Very thought provoking!
And finally...
I hear Martin Luther King once said: "You can't stop a bird from flying over your head, but you can stop that bird from building a nest in your hair."
When I tried to apply that to my spiritual life, I referred to my scriptures about the power of words and the sword of the spirit. So in my attempt to stop birds (the devil, bad thoughts, self lies, etc.) from landing; I was combating those thoughts with scripture! I'd reply OUTLOUD- "Devil that's a lie!" "I am a child of God." "I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me", etc...
I do still believe that there IS great value in that! Especially, if you're learning scripture! So I am not at all telling you not to do that! BUT If you're still struggling with the same issue over and over and you are repeating scripture that you know, consider this-
It's easier for a bird to land on something that stops moving, even if it's swatting back.
Obviously swatting back is what you use in scripture and in prayer and maybe even changes that you make in response to that. But what does "stopping" look like in your life? You're doing everything that you can to change and then the devil comes along and throws you a new line or a new bird. Do you stop in the danger zone and consider its appeal for attention wondering if there's any truth in it? The next thing you know, you've gotten a pinch too close and now you have to start all over with the fight to be free. Swatting back harder.
Let me tell you another little sneaky tactic of the devil. Have you ever heard the expression, "If the Devil can't make you bad, he'll make you busy"? In many ways that applies to commitments [whether good or bad] that steal our time and wear us down. But doesn't that also apply to our mind. Picking that thing back up and carrying it too long, like we just talked about? Stewing in something that makes us angry. Rehearsing our regrets to the point of sorrow. If he can't get you to buy in to one of those lies; he can at least press your buttons enough, in an effort to distract you from God. So, if I am spending a lot of my time arguing about who I am -in Christ- (and totally feeling cuh-ra-zy by the way) then I am not listening to as much of the critical new information that I need in this junction. Nor am I getting any rest. And MAN I am exhausted!
Suddenly- I remembered that book. It occurred to me that maybe the best thing that I could do with the devil right now, is to just not even go there! I know who I am, why am I even bothering to hash it out! I'm just giving him want he wants.... attention.
I mean, isn't that what the helmet of salvation is for? Put that booger over your head and keep on going where the Lord is leading! Just block it. Don't even go there. KEEP ON WALKING!
And that same rule applies about intuition or fear being a gift. Perhaps the next time that you start feeling anxious or afraid, check your thoughts and your actions. Maybe those very same instincts are not trying to tell you that there is truth to any of that negative junk you're thinking or that you are justified in any particular action, but maybe instead they're alerting us of an attacker on the premises. Are we too close to a danger zone?
This picture is a little bit different but it still sends a good message!
Keep on walking!
& Peace be with you!
You might be interested in RAD, Fight Like A Girl, Damsel in Defense, A free John Study, or the book of John.
