So yelling at my kids has always been one of those things that really bothered me about my parenting. For some reason as the kids got older, I got louder. As if, their ears being bigger, meant they needed more to hear. You’ll see me nitpick that occasionally when I write. (If you're starting to squirm a little relax, this is a good post. In fact, it could be life changing. Hang in there.) The funny thing is, it was one of those unpleasant things that I gave the power to isolate me or define me. -Wait, that's not funny at all. -It's not for you either!
Don’t get me wrong. It can be damaging and unhealthy. I get it. But there’s a lot of good that can come from it. Say…. If your child is running in front of a car or if they need to know they got your attention. But I see a lot of posts and mommy blogs and classes online about not yelling. I hear parents on the next isles over at the grocery store, trying to “whisper-yell” because we’re all in “public”. Which leads me to believe that there are a lot of private yellers and TO any of us in that clique… you’re not alone.
**God bless you quiet, patient, sweet, types is all that I can say. You’re very encouraging and inspiring to the rest of us. -Even if some of us just can’t admit it yet.**
Thankfully, I can say that when I stopped trying to micromanage it or condemn myself about it, the yelling finally started to slow down in my life. (Hallelujah!) –Kind of like when your own mom advice comes ringing back in your ears. “Stop picking the scab, it will heal.” “Just leave it alone.”
That’s good, right?! ;) Surprisingly, it has a lot of healing power!
But yesterday, I had this epiphany while I was running. If yelling was such a fear of mine, like people might only remember the loud things that I said…. Why not make sure that the things that I am going to yell are worth remembering. WHY NOT YELL THE GOOD STUFF LOUDER?!
So as I stroll back into my yard and see my husband sitting on the porch. I remember how much he has lovingly teased me about not crying when he proposed. So I yell coming into the yard “IF YOU ASKED ME TO MARRY YOU AGAIN TODAY, I WOULD AND THIS TIME I MIGHT EVEN CRY!” Never mind it’s 6:00am and he just woke up. (You’re welcome neighbor.)
When I get the kids up for school, I calmly ask them to get up but then YELL everything else (not immediately) within feet of their face throughout the morning. “YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE AN AMAZING DAY AT SCHOOL TODAY. YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW?!?!
[wide eyed-blank stares back]
-BECAUSE YOU ARE SO AMAZING... THE DAY WON’T BE ABLE TO HANDLE YOU! Then later I yelled about how awesomely they brush hair and how sparkly their teeth are and how they have the best kisses ever! GIMME SOME MORE!
After the initial shock, we were all giggling and they were yelling crazy good things back. Well, except for Colin, who had to go to work before they got up. –And who has probably just resolved himself to the fact that after 15 years of marriage he is never going to know who he will wake up with in the morning. (Oh the suspense of it!) HOW EXCITING!!!
It was a funny a little exercise. I thought about yelling at grocery store clerks and even maybe some of my co-workers. –Still only with ridiculous goodness. I giggled more at the thought of it. I CRACK MYSELF UP. This might have to become a new regular practice. It is a genius idea after all. My test group mostly proved it.
The point is-
You might not be a yeller. Maybe you are… Who knows. Whether or not it’s yelling, we’ve all got a little something that we just can’t shake (YET). Stop picking your boo-boo and leave it alone. How about today instead of worrying with your dark spot, just make sure your bright spots are BRIGHTER!
