Postlude To The Knots

By the end of February, I started getting the hint that I might need to write a bit more boldly about my past, hence the last 3 posts. I really wasn't sure how to approach that. Weren't there other things that I should or could consider before taking such a crazy step?

In March, there were more urges to write about it and finally, I told God, "If YOU want me to write about it, you're going to have to make me go there (emotionally). I have not been in that dark place in a long time."

I scratched the surface at "Freedom | Part Two", by "Unraveling The Knots", I was a mess. I cried for over a week. My heart was so heavy. As I started writing, I began to wonder if I was sinning. God had healed me from a dark place and had buried the pain of the past. Was I sinning by going back and digging up something that he had laid to rest? Did I invite the Devil in, by giving him a foothold and perhaps he was making it all so much worse?

I wrote a lot of things and spoke to my husband and to my preacher. Then I wrestled with God some more. I couldn't bring myself to come clean yet because I had this "to do" list attached to it. I felt like each one of those items needed to be checked off before I could make the leap.

-But my timing was off and I was so frustrated because I couldn't see how I was supposed to accomplish X and Y before ever getting to the Z. And the need for Z seemed to be closing in. I kept hearing God tell me to "go" and "tell the truth" but then I realized -that was all- that he was asking me to do. All of those other little complicated steps, were little things that I threw in there.

But I didn't get that epiphany until, I asked God to give me some sort of analogy. I could tell that he was trying to teach me something but I just couldn't put my finger on it. As I was driving to work last week, I felt prompted to imagine a tree. -So, I did. It was a big and beautiful tree in a field. It was still green but getting ready to change for the fall. There was a little house in the back ground. Maybe a mountain in the distance, some tall grass and wild flowers... Then God said, "I only asked you to imagine the tree. You threw all of that other stuff in there and it was only about the tree. The rest of it distracts and takes away from... just like your list."

-HELLO!? How is it that I have not noticed this before? -That my response to a simple command was embellished so easily? If hearing the word "go" was attached to a list and imagining a tree became an entire landscape; how many things have do I regularly just convert to "bulk". -And it was done so automatically.

I didn't have to think about how to make it bigger. Instead I seem to be missing the ability to see and hear so simply. I bet that's why we're all so tired. I bet none of us realize how "complex" we make things.

A verse that I refer to a lot is Matthew 11:28 NLT Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." But I think the following verses are even more important. "Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

I had to look up the word "yoke". It's a wooden harness that goes over the oxen. A harness is used to guide but also to restrain. Then the tears started forming. If he can just slow me down to his pace...

Maybe that's what all of those knots were in the first place.  Whether it's a necklace, a rope, or a chain; it was a pretty corny analogy but it gets the point across. Each of those things are pretty straight, just like his path. It's possible that all of those knots that I was struggling with, were the very things that I added to his simple plan.

*****

Dear God, I thank you for the ways that you open my eyes. I love how you make me see so differently. I pray that you keep drawing out all of these things that are "of me" so that I can become "more like you". Please continue this in all of the areas of my life. 

I want your yoke upon me. I want your will to be my own. I am realizing that you have a completely different approach to life than what I attempt.  I can't even begin to fathom your way but you can teach me. Every time you reveal something to me, I am in awe. Even though I can take your word to heart and chant it over and over, I still often fail to apply it. 

I am so thankful that you see my heart. That you know how much I want your way. And that YOU can transform me into what you envisioned in the first place. Your glory is immense. Please use me as your vessel. Mold me as you will.