My sister in law is expecting her first child
soon. At her shower there was a neat activity using round gift tags (the kind with ribbons attached). Each person at the party would write a message on a tag (string side down). Then you arrange and mount each to the same piece of paper so that it looks like a bouquet of
balloons. Of course, I
wrote several of them. What kind of aunt
would I be to only write one??? On
one, I referenced the scripture Psalm 127: 3-5.
3 Behold, children
are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
4 Like arrows in the hand of a
warrior
are the children of
one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
when he speaks with his enemies in the
gate.
When I was asked about the verse, I read it. I
wish that I could’ve been able to explain what that verse has come to mean to
me on such a tiny little card. Even
when prompted, I couldn’t seem to muster up the words.
I will never forget coming home from the hospital
with Ethan. I would just hold him and stare at him and cry. I was so moved just by looking at such a tiny and perfect incredible little being. I had
never felt anything else in my life that could compare to that “gush of
wonderfulness”.
Before birth, I was the one who wanted a child
although I was afraid that I would have no idea what to do with a baby once
‘it’ got here. How much my position changed after his arrival! It wasn’t about
me ‘getting’ a child. It was the humble and honorable experience of being
‘given’ a child. How or why would God give me
such and incredible gift? How could he know that I would be so trustworthy?
What had I ever done with my life to deserve that? …Tears and tears for this
sweet, sweet little blessing.
Of course I felt that way again, when his sister
and brother were born. –But as the first, he has been such a pioneer in his
role as a child. Bless his heart for how much work he has to do and how much Ethan
has had to suffer while shaping me into a parent.
Like with the fact that he had acid reflux for
the first year of his life and I simply didn’t know until his sister arrived and received her own diagnosis. Of
course, he was over it by then but he
just had to tough the whole thing out. Then he had to wait for me to learn things like; which
diaper rash creams burn the worst, when not to make a child ‘cry it out’ at
bedtime and that after a long day with someone else, even an infant sometimes needs an hour
to unwind when arriving home.
Hopefully, his role as a child hasn’t just made
me a better parent but also a better woman. It wasn’t until he arrived that I committed to church because I
didn’t know how I could help him love
God and church, if we weren’t in it together.
It’s wasn’t until he was much older when some of
his worst flares of temper and displays of attitude, reflected what he had seen from me. How quickly, I
was convicted of my own behavior. How they speak so many layers to us when we
open up our hearts to God and allow children to teach us.
It amazes me how much each of them reflect so
many different things about me. Not
just in temperament but in goofiness, in love, in sense of humor, etc. What a
gauge to have in your presence every day! Yet, they are so much their own person and
because of their differences, they have taught me different perspectives that I
might not have ever considered without them. Oh, how I marvel at what they continue to add to my life!
This weekend I was with a sweet friend and in
discussion about them, I had two little revelations about myself. One is that I have discovered since children that I am much more sensitive than I thought that I was. I just didn't know how to navigate that very
well and so I usually avoided it. However,
because they are so sensitive, I have
found myself practicing sensitivity more often.
The other is that 3 kids equal a lot of chaos. There
is a lot of dirt and there is always 3 different skill levels, 3 different
pitch levels, 3 different directions, etc.
Having them together sometimes completely overwhelms my senses. For a while, I felt like there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t master having them all together. Maybe it was my guilt for working and being away from them so much, but in trying to make the most of our time together, I think that I was trying to make something else happen instead.
I do "one on one" really well though. Now, instead of just making
plans for the regular one on one time, I’m trying to create the habit
of making the most of every opportunity when it presents itself. Whereas
before when we were all free, I tried to squish us altogether.
Now, when Ethan runs to a friend’s house, I throw
down the dishes and go find Sophie. If I head out to the store, I try to only
take one child. When everyone except Ethan is asleep on Friday night, I go find him and we stay up late and snuggle. Jackson, being a baby, gets his time in. There have become many other little examples of this togetherness. Somehow those successes and making so many
more of them, make any group defeat not quite so discouraging and even seeming
to happen less often.
Of course that second bit was worded a little
differently to my friend but as I said it that same verse that I’ve been
thinking about all year, seemed to finally come together in my heart. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior. Children really are like arrows...
Many of you might not know that my husband likes
to hunt. Bow hunting has become a
particular area of interest to him. So many times, I have watched him shave and
mount the feathers on each arrow to adjust the way that they fly.
Then when he is finished, he spends time not only learning how to hold
the arrow but also how to hold himself and the instruments that he is using
between the two. You could imagine the success of him or the arrow, if he tried
to shoot the whole quiver at one time. Instead, he picks up each arrow one by
one.
Just like I said earlier that each child reflects
characteristics and direction of myself; each arrow reflects the influence of the
Archer. It’s not having a quiver of arrows that makes him a warrior. It’s the practice
and the skill that is learned from being with each one, over and over again.
In haste we can send them in the wrong direction.
With misuse we can make them dull or waste their strength. With neglect, they can
become damaged or endanger someone else. Yet, for as small and fragile as they may be, it only takes one (that is properly released) to take the prize or defeat an army. I’m sure that the similarities go on and on…
Allowing God to use them to convict me, shapes me into someone that I was not
before them. Parenting is not only about who we get to send off into the world, it’s also about who we can learn
to become. …Warriors.
With each child, there is a new perspective, a
new challenge, a new relationship, a new lesson and new love. I think to myself how
“blessed” would I be had I allowed God to fill my quiver full of children,
instead of trying to limit that number to only 3. That isn’t said to make
anyone uncomfortable. It is just a thought that floats through me occasionally
and this verse carries it back to the surface. Learning how to embrace each
one has shaped (and is shaping) me so
much. How much more would God be able
to teach me, so that I could teach them.
Maybe it’s my Indian heritage or my simple love
for the culture but when I think of the word “warrior” I always imagine a Chief
with the full head dress. -The Leader. The Fighter. –Not only the wisdom, and vigor
and courage that the position represents but the respect that it commands. If
you are a warrior, even your enemies will respect and/or admire what you
represent, even when you disagree. When something is done well, people will come out to see how it is that you do what you do. If we take time with our children, "He shall not be put to shame..."
For the first time ever, I almost feel glory in the scattered dishes and laundry and dirt that am letting linger longer than I used to. As I am starting to spend more time with them in the moment, the other things just fall aside. The once "messy house" represents my new "battlefield". The clutter and debris just represent that a more important action is taking place somewhere else. Hopefully, it's an action that involves a feather being mounted. -Not only to an arrow but also to the crown of a warrior....
*******************************************************************
Note to
the reader: I might have read that scripture at the
beginning of the year. I might have thought about it enough times for it to
touch me so that I could include it in a note at a baby shower. It wasn’t until I
made a comment this weekend with my friend that it really convicted or
solidified a personal meaning to me.
So many times, when we sit to read the bible, we are looking for something that speaks to us right then. While that does happen, there are many passages that do not "bring a personal message" until much later. Do not be
discouraged if you don't find something immediately. Keep reading. When something strikes you, even if you can't explain why, pray about it, think about it, and allow time to take as long as it needs to do it's work. Something
might be taking shape in your life so that the meaning can unfold itself to you slowly.
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