To Cherish

It is true that every marriage has its ups and downs and mine is no different. I am thankful that at 15 years we're still getting better. But for the purposes related to a study coming up, I feel the need to talk about one of our hard spots. (With Colin's permission of course.)

My husband (Colin) has had Peripheral Neuropathy (severe nerve damage) in both legs and feet for about 10 years now. While HE is awesome; his illness has not been as kind. It has had an effect on him, me and our marriage. 

At times it has been difficult and even lonely for both of us. Chronic pain is a thief but working around it and through it has made us both stronger thus far. And it is something that the Lord has specifically used in my life to grow me and my love walk. 

I will never forget driving to work one morning a few years ago. Feeling defeated, I prayed to God. How could I be honest without being ugly? How could I love more when confronted with an illness that I didn't love at all? How could I get past my selfishness to remember that there was a man in the middle that was wounded by an illness and probably also by me? "Lord how do we do this and win?"

I thought of my vows and when I hit "to cherish" I felt a sting. I was pretty sure that I wasn't being as supportive or as loving as I could be. I simply confessed to God that I had no idea how to "cherish" something that I didn't even know how to deal with even if it was attached to someone that I loved. I knew that I needed an attitude adjustment and so I told God that he was going to have to give me a picture of what cherishing might look like.  

As I drove the rest of the way in thought, a vision of a teacup came to mind. While I don't collect china, it made me think of others that do. It also reminded me of some of my grandmother's dishes. Some of it's chipped, cracked and worn but still used often. I love those dishes and at every opportunity to bring them out, I do. I never even think about the flaws because I am so excited to have them out and at my table. 

In fact it's not really until I go to put them away that I pay attention to them. I know where they are weak and I take extra care to hold and support those places as I wash them. I also know where they will get the most beating in my cabinet and that the pressure from stacking them might cause them to crack further. So I put them higher up, above me, to a place with less traffic. Protecting them.

And if I was a collector with a teacup, wouldn't I turn the flawed side away (shielding it from view) so that others saw only the best side? Wouldn't I be quick to tell others all of the things that I loved about it and never once mention or point out things that might make it less in value?

Well I could go on and on here but it is an image that I have never forgotten. How quickly it convicted me of areas where I really could love more. I started trying to apply it as much as I could. Even now, years later as I write about it, it is still an image that convicts me. We can always love more. In all of our relationships.

As I calculate a mental inventory in comparison to it, the verse "love covers" also surfaces. It comes from 1 Peter 4:8. Don't those two words alone sound exactly as I've just described? If we are not "cherishing" our spouse our love might also not be reflecting our Father's perfect love. And we might be missing out on the fullness of its rewards.

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Ladies, if you are not praying for your spouse, you should be. It doesn't matter where you are in your marriage, you can go to God honestly and openly about any aspect of it. Psalm 139 also says that the Lord knows when you sit and when you stand. He knows your thoughts even before you do. You don't have to come up with all of the answers alone. 

I realize that most times we take our laundry list of wishes to God and when he doesn't give you the exact item that you request, we think he doesn't answer. However, I have found that I can take my praise list, wish list, defeated list, my "I don't know what to do with this" list and more times than none he answers but almost always with an action item for me. 

If he's not answering, could it be that we're not completing a step in his reply? It has been amazing to me to see in my life, not just in this scenario but with friends and other members of family, how prayer turns me toward the person I am praying for. I don't care how good of a spouse you are, your spouse could always have a better cheerleader.

Because I am always looking for ways to be the crown and helper that I am called to be for Colin; I am getting ready to read "The Power of the Praying Wife". I've decided that I'll try my hand and an online study too. So, there will be a Private Facebook Group and a private discussion forum for members that are not on Facebook. (But you can join both if you like!) We'll start 12/28. 

If you're interested, please email me (faithunfoldingblog@gmail.com). Let's begin 2016 by washing our husbands in prayer?

P.S. If a fella is reading this, you don't have to miss out. There is a Husband's version that you can read.