Be Therefore Complete

I spied this rocker from a little antique store in White Stone, VA while I was pregnant with my last child. We didn't really have space for it at the time but it didn't stop me from bringing it home. Sadly, aside from the first few months after my son's birth, it has sat upstairs, forced into being a clothes hanger instead of a chair, in my bedroom.

Last fall, I developed some lower back issues and, in addition to exercises, my chiropractor recently advised me to also ditch the recliner that was my 'go to' in the evenings. So, out it went and down came my pretty rocker. (It would've made it down sooner except that me and a child -or several of them- couldn't sit in it as easily together as we could the recliner.) I've enjoyed finally being able to use it, six years later.

Oddly enough, in that same six-year span I have been challenging myself to go deeper in the Word in order to determine what I believed for myself (not just go with what I've heard). I was frequently reconciling areas of my life against what I was learning. Then trying to adjust accordingly. But maybe a little too sternly out of this desire to be holy, forgetting that we are already sacred.

And... 

In the fall, it wasn't just a core 'physical' problem that I was suddenly facing; there was also an issue at the core of my emotions, my spirituality, and my beliefs. Even externally, there were sudden eruptions everywhere in my life that turned wake up call. All of which thrust me into a season of serious introspection and healing. 

I finally had to face myself, full on. And somehow, amidst so much brokenness, I began to also see myself from a place of love. Thank goodness.

[This from a girl who used to struggle with approval addiction and always needing the validation of others. -And from a girl who could tell you 20 reasons why she wasn't good enough for something, instead of telling you one or two reasons why she was... or from this girl who's tried to manage the feelings and thoughts of others with the best of intentions... but unknowingly to her own detriment. Oh, how I could go on with the ways that my fear of failure has manifested itself.]

But all the while, gradually growing throughout that study time, from acceptance (to acceptance), into this new-found place.

Also...

In all of this sudden shifting, there was an unexplainable ache to become 'whole'. Although I wasn't entirely sure what that meant.

Fast Forward...

Last week a co-worker and I were talking about legalism and limiting beliefs and I shared some of my situation. He ended up telling me a story about a rocking chair. One he'd heard from Kim B. Clark, a former President of Brigham Young University, where my friend previously attended.

He first referenced the verse in Matthew 5:48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

This next part is completely paraphrased because I don't remember his exact words. But I know the gist will have a lasting impact.

He said it is easy to think that being 'perfect like Christ', means that we are to be without sin or error. In a sense that is true. It is also noble and something we should mindful of, but it is also unattainable by us. We are human. This part we know.

Then he said, let's say that you had a rocking chair. In western culture, we seem to think 'perfect' means to add on. So 'to perfect it', would mean that we slip an arm cover over the side of the rocker so that it can hold a remote. Maybe you also add a cup holder, a footstool, or a pillow; constantly trying to make it do or become something more than what it is.

But really, if you look up another definition of 'perfect' (and I even think he said that the Hebrew versions translate to this instead)- you will find that perfect also means 'complete'. So, to be 'therefore complete' would mean that a simple rocker that was well-oiled, rocking smoothly, as it was created to be, and nothing more than that, would, in fact, be perfect.

I got a little teary-eyed, especially knowing that I had just moved this chair into my main living space, while I am also coming into a place of rest with myself. The timeliness...

My rocker has incredibly frayed trim. Parts of it are broken off, missing, or hanging free. There are a few upholstery tacks missing. The corners of the rockers were either slightly gnawed on by a puppy or rocked too close to something that damaged it. But it is well oiled. It's comfortable and rocks smoothly. It's beautiful and loved by me, just as it is.

Similarly, the word 'whole' is coming to mean quite the same- That I too am perfectly imperfect. Maybe it's a matter of forgiveness but it's somehow being able to see and love the less than glorious parts of myself, whether it's in my 'hard lessons learned' and hurts, or in my needs and vulnerabilities (my humanness), with the same affection that I do my strengths and talents (my Godliness). -Seeing and loving all of me, completely.

What is even stranger, is that I almost think we need those 'less than glorious' parts of ourselves in order to help us fully see our worth. Just as a rocker is to rock, our own needs and desires were purposed for each of us with the intent of being filled.

-And like the marks and mars on my chair give it character, our own mars (be they perceived by ourselves or others), are also necessary ingredients to our own personality and calling. There is a history. A story. It's one of living... being chosen... exercised to the point of dings... and still being usable.

My willingness to somehow stop and embrace those soft places is giving me a glimpse of God's grace that was somehow unattainable when I was still 'covering up' and striving for 'perfection'.

After all, there is no grace in striving.

His grace, is free.

Perhaps being 'Christ-like' also means that our grace should be too.

Since the very crux of the gospel is grace, wouldn't it also make us more 'complete'?