Bruce Lee is quoted as saying that ‘those who are unaware they are walking in darkness will never seek the light’.
It’s easy to think darkness is all about sin, or crime, or things that other people do to offend our own value system. But what about plain ole’ ‘stressful’ places in our lives, or in our own heart?
If you’ve never experienced peace or felt what it’s like to be healthy, or if you have never seen the fullness of real light, it would be hard to recognize that you’re not even in it. The condition of your life, or thoughts, or soul, may be the only condition that you’ve known. So, even when we’re ‘feeling better’ we may not see that something is still out of line.
Now I’ve been sharing a lot of testimonies about recovery and counseling lately because it’s made such a HUGE impact on me.
But did you know that scripture even says that ‘where there is no guidance the people fall, but in an abundance of counselors there is victory.’ - Proverbs 11:14
Proverbs 15:22 pretty much repeats that verse but various translations say that ‘plans fail’ and that we are even frustrated by a lack of counsel. It is with many advisers that we succeed.
Did you catch that— more than one counselor or confidant?
So not only should you talk to a counselor; you should actually talk to a few people that you respect and trust, and who are in a position to help you.
That doesn’t necessarily mean that we need to consult everyone that we see. But we should be selective and consider people in various positions to get their advice.
If you have an idea about what your issue is, get a book on the subject. Then talk to a counselor or coach who specializes in this sort of thing. Also, talk to a mentor or boss if you’re comfortable. Talk to your pastor, a recovery group, your spouse and/or best friend.
All of these people are human, like you and I. None of them will have all of the answers. Sometimes they will even give bad advice. But, collecting more than one answer or perspective will give you more ingredients so that you can omit and/or blend it all into your own perfect solution.
But it’s not always their advice that you need. Sometimes you need their questions. The things that they make you think about or ask that you wouldn’t have otherwise.
In fact, it was in one of these conversations that someone picked up on something I said in passing… I was blind to my own ‘plank’ so to speak. My counselor said ‘whoa, repeat what you just said…. Let’s talk about that…’
That conversation was the exact one that I needed to have and it was not the reason that I was going to a counselor in the first place. I thought this area of my life was pretty taken care of.
But make no mistake, no matter how glorious I make this experience sound, recovery can start violently, painfully, and very unattractively. You have to be willing to hear opinions you disagree with and maybe even experience judgment from others. You’re right to want to resist it.
We all have different issues and we each will handle them in completely different ways. Recovery isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ kind of drill. You may have to be fiercely protective of what you’re trying to accomplish.
As for me, this past year has forced me to make a lot of hard decisions. Decisions that broke my own heart and hurt others. Decisions that brought me peace (which I am not really sure that I have ever had before). Decisions that challenged what I believed. As a result, I believe that I had a spiritual awakening. It brought with it a level of crazy that I didn’t know that I had in me. I also cried from a place that I didn’t know could run that deep.
But another thing surprised me.
In the early weeks of my Celebrate Recovery class, we had to write a letter to ourselves with the things that we hope to accomplish over the next few months. At the end of our class (approximately 9 months later), our letters are mailed to each of us.
I was pretty sure that I remembered what my letter said and for the most part, I did. Except at the very end of it, I wrote: “I am very excited about knowing and becoming friends with me.”
On this side of all of my therapy and at 39 years old, I can finally say that I am. No matter how many things I don’t know, or how messy things are around me, or how much I realize that I don’t have it together and can make some pretty big messes on my own… something has happened and I finally like the girl on this side of the screen.
-The girl that I want to be, and the girl that I know I have been, are now friends.
I could visibly see differences in my classmates (that were doing the work) as well.
But life is sort of funny, ya know.
I don’t really know what happened in 2016 but that’s when I first learned my counselor’s name. A friend had just completed some time with him and spoke of how impactful that time was. But I had just finished a round of counseling myself with a different lady regarding a transition in my job, so I didn’t feel like I needed to start a new relationship or another round just then.
That’s also the first time that a Celebrate Recovery class crossed my path. I knew that I needed to take it but wasn’t sure why. Yet at the exact same time, I opted to lead another 31-week class instead.
(And it’s not really related to this post but on a side note, it’s also the year that I started writing text for greeting cards. I just stored random comments in an excel file until I figured out what was going to happen with it if anything.)
And yet all of these things came to fruition at the same time, two years later.
I know that I was exactly where I was supposed to be and that things happened exactly as they should have, and when they should have. But knowing what I know now, I wish that I had started this journey back then.
At the beginning of this post, I asked ‘why seek it?’ in reference to counseling.
Aside from becoming friends with myself, and learning roots to issues, I can tell you that I have struggled for a while with my memory, depression, insomnia, anger, frustration, anxiety etc… I can see a significant improvement in each of these areas. I also see differences in my relationships with others as well. But aside from those physical and tangible differences, Proverbs 12:15 also says:
‘The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel.’
I don’t like to call anyone a fool. I believe that we’re all doing the best that we can. But sometimes our best intentions can make us struggle more than necessary. (Like fighting so hard to do something on our own.) Which does seem a little foolish in hindsight. Especially if we know that there is a better or easier way.
I can’t repeat enough the value of what this process has been for me…
This week is the last week that you can sign up for the recovery classes that just started. For those of you who have been considering it, I urge you to start it now. I will pray buckets of blessings over you on your way.
And you might even make a new friend along the way...
Celebrate Recovery Step Study
Taking place at Northside Church
Women’s class – Sunday nights at 5:00pm
Men’s class – Tuesday nights at 6:30pm
1300 George Washington Memorial Highway,
Yorktown, VA 23693
757.595.5890
If you’d like to attend but do not live near me, use this link to find a class near you.
Insight Neurofeedback and Counseling
Terry Troyer
354 McLaws Circle, Suite 3
Williamsburg, VA 23185
Williamsburg, VA 23185
757-345-5802
It’s not hard to change. It’s only hard to change if you don’t truly and totally want the change just yet. –Bentinho Massaro
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