Into the water | Devotion

A co-worker took this picture and had the image on his phone. At first glance, it pierced my heart. My eyes began to sting as so much was being said. Yet there were no audible words.  Days have gone by and I continue staring at this picture. Still consoled and still stirred.

Background details

This picture was taken after church one Sunday. The little girl and her family had become separated. She was on a long sand bar and was not supposed to get wet. Her family adamantly began calling for her to come back to them. She chose the path that seemed, to her, the shortest distance.

My observation(s)

1. She is not concerned with what may be the best route or what she is wearing or how deep she is getting. What risks might be involved.
2. Nor is she looking back. The destination is more important than where she has been.
3. She has a mission and a plan to get there. She is serious about where she is going.
4. She is not stopping to consider the opinions of others that are watching or what they might be saying.
5. The only view is of her and the movement of her getting to where she is going.
6. “Farther away” or “Closer to” depends on who you might ask.
7. This is an ordinary thing but the Holy Spirit used it anyway.  

He calls

But now, thus says the Lord, your Creator, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel,“
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!
 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.
-Isaiah 43:1-2

Our response

"Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. - Mathews 18:3

Application Questions

God is calling. Do I jump in and go? Am I delaying by considering the options, consulting with others, calculating distance? Or am I somewhere in the middle stagnant or still on dry land…?

Is there anyone else that I hear calling aside from him? How does that affect my mission?

Do I accept ownership of the fact that I share his name? (See verse 7). I am a part of him. I should respond and continue moving in his direction.

Do I alienate others with in my own walk or draw others in?

If someone were following me, would it change my response?

Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father, how blessed are we that you never stop calling and at any time we can come to you. You have no unacceptable methods. When our heart decides, we can just move forward. As it says in James 4:8 when we come near to you, you also come near to us. There are times in each of our lives when we must walk alone to find you. No matter where we are in our journey, help us each know and feel your response as you are also drawing closer. There is no greater peace than the one that is provided in your presence. There is no greater love than the one that transcends from the heavens. There is no greater relationship than the one that we can have with you. For thine is the kingdom, power and glory, forever and ever amen.

Who is our testimony for?

The “oh so small” book of Philemon (1 chapter) is actually a letter written from Paul to Philemon. The letter is mostly about a slave and friend name Onesimus. Paul also thanks Philemon for his work in the faith and church. As I read the passage, verses 4-7 stand out to me more than the others.

4 I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, 5 because I hear about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all of the saints. 6 I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing that we have in Christ. 7 Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints. –Philemon 1:4-7

Did you catch that??? Let’s read verse 6 again.  “I pray that YOU may be active in sharing YOUR faith, so that YOU will have a full understanding of every good thing that we have in Christ.” Our testimony isn’t just for the benefit of someone else. Our testimony is for ourselves! Our testimony is for OUR OWN benefit.

As I thought about what to say in this post, I started looking for the picture to go with it. When I found the one below, it wasn’t exactly what I was going for. It’s kind of corny. 

…but then again, I am corny.  So why not??

“A testimony is like a kiss… it has to be shared to be enjoyed.” -Seriously, doesn’t that picture in some ways just go right with that verse?

I can think about kissing my kids, my husband and all of you sweet little friends of mine. I just LOVE to grab both sides of your face, sniff your ear and nuzzle your hair. Then BAM plant a big hard kiss right on you. I might even chew on your face a little. Most of you fellas have missed out on this for the obvious 6’1 reason in my life. However, there are a lot of ladies that know what I am talking about and certainly my kids can confirm it.

I can be a total goofball. I am affectionate and personal. -Sometimes in your space and even a little creepy about it. You might feel awkward about my gushiness but it does MY OWN heart so much good to share my love for you, with you! I might get a chuckle or even some joy just out of the simple thought of doing so, but NOTHING compares to the satisfaction of actually doing it!

Our testimony is so much the same way! The bible repeatedly talks about the power of our words. Not just the power and life within them but Proverbs 16:24 says Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.

HEALTH to the body. Isn’t that like fullness? –Therefore our “Full understanding”? To gain knowledge from his word. To experience the conviction and freedom from it.  To meditate on it. To apply it. Then to appreciate it’s transforming power. Not just to be thankful but to release that appreciation back into his earth!

I started sharing my own testimony last year.  The more that I have done so, the more that it just makes my heart burst open to God. Like a kiss, our testimony is personal. It comes in different forms and lengths. Sometimes it's awkward and it's not always received as sweetly by everyone. With practice, the words will become easier to share.

Concentration on all that he has done and is doing, makes the desire grow within. Not only to speak on the Lord's behalf but to also look for more reasons to do so. A testimony is an expression of love and one of gratitude. One that will satisfy your own heart, more than any other, to give. What a kiss to give unto the Lord!

To Radiate

Having a blog has been a great mixture of experiences for me.  It represents my testimony, study, prayer and my thoughts about where God is working in my life. For everything that you might see on the surface, there are so many other layers that run beneath.  I see how God is using it as a platform to change me, not just by what’s written but also by the process of having a blog.

Like a prayer journal, I write about what I read and where I struggle. It helps me to distinguish what’s him, what’s not, and how the pieces fit. I am learning to wait and by documenting the details in a journal form; it serves as a reminder that he is always with me. It reinforces my confidence in him, while sharing it publicly, changes my esteem.  I also notice that in ways I can’t connect, he’s changing my relationships and other things around me. Maybe it’s only my perspective that has become different. Regardless, there is a powerful change.

There are a lot of reasons that I probably shouldn’t put all of this out there so publicly. My grammar is the first and most obvious queue.  I am also terribly short on time and trying to get this together around a family and a job is a lot more work than it might seem.

Also, I do not have a deep background in doctrine and so I might post things incorrectly at times. In fact, I already have. Thankfully, most of those issues have a resolution and can be changed.  I also serve a God that promises to perfect his work in me in time (Psalm 138:8). …Seeing that makes me wonder why we ever fear anything else that is so temporary.

The Devil also knows all of my weakness though and how God is using this as such an incredible tool for me to be close to him and to change me. In so many ways, he (the Devil) tries to plant just as much death as God gives life. I can’t tell you how much I have struggled with whether or not I am even doing any good for the Kingdom when; if I am not talking about my flaws, I am presenting it in such a flawed way. 

This morning I am reminded of the verse in 2 Corinthians 4:7. It says “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.” I’ve read that verse for the last two weeks writing something entirely different. Today it strikes me, Jars of clay. His treasure is inside each one of us. When I flip back to the chapter, it simply ministers to my soul. The verse just before that says:  “For God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.”

Don’t we try to cover up the brokenness in our lives? We pretend that we are perfect or a solid vessel. In doing so, we cover up his light; whether it’s in not being able to confess our sins to God, or in trying to keep a false appearance with others or in just being legalistic and working to be something better.

We are all broken… And at different phases in our life new cracks and blemishes may appear while others fade. His light is already inside of us and those cracks are opportunities to expose his light from different angles. There is heat and intensity that radiates through us and it then reaches others in a way that you and I could not do alone.

If I skip down to verse 12 it says that there is death and life at work in each of us.  There will always be something trying to snuff out our light.  If we allow that to be what moves us, we become swallowed up by darkness. No one may be able to see our weakness there but that protection is only bondage. Without his light, we are just vessels. We are never more beautiful or usable than we let his light shine from within, revealing all of our frailness.

When I let go and reveal who I am, God is able to work. He does it “THROUGH” us in a way that probably outshines any of our flaws. Allowing and admiring the light more than all that it might expose, is the life changing power of Glory! AMEN!

*****************************************

Note to the reader: Not everyone needs to ‘blog’ but I do recommend a prayer journal. Just write letters to God or practice writing about your relationship in different ways. Also, I encourage you to read verses yourself and test what you hear or see. Definitely on this site but also with your preachers, friends, articles, etc.  There is nothing more accurate than the bible and nothing more authentic than your own relationship. The other methods are all just secondary.

Prayer: Thank you Father for your word. It IS always timely and personal and good. Open me up so much deeper so that YOU are the movement that is seen within me. Blind each of us with your Glory so that your power cannot be denied. Forgive us for the ways that we doubt the use of our brokenness. Forgive us for doubting that you are all powerful. You can do anything that you want to do when we simply hand over the pieces.  I am thankful that we do not have to have a blog or a process or a platform or even a phone or pen in order to have a relationship with you.  Prayer is available to each of us without other means. You desire to speak and we desire to hear.  Help us change the direction of our lives so that we are in the best position to listen and then be a witness to your glory.

To read more: Here’s the link to read the full chapter of today’s passage:  2 Corinthians 4. I also recommend reading the book of Galatians. Relax; it’s only a few chapters. 

A Quiver Of Arrows | Part 2

I sit in a hospital waiting room while my mother is having shoulder surgery. I watch a woman take a picture of herself eating a sub so that she can send it to her brother. They usually eat subs together while their parents are having surgery. Today it is her husband that is having a procedure. Her heart wishes her brother was there.

I see a father come in the room bringing a birthday gift for his daughter, an OR nurse. I am caught more by the way that he beams than I am by his thought or gift. What a blessing it is to be loved. To have someone to love. ... and to miss.

I laugh about the morning. I sat by my mother's bed after she had received a nerve block. She could not feel her entire arm. I take advantage of the situation and use her arm to wave at people in the hallway, then to scratch herself maybe even to flick me off and pick her nose. For a combination of reasons, she is defenseless and can't jerk away from my attacks. I am tickled. She is too, even if she is annoyed. I do the little piggies on her fingers.  I repeat another version that I've heard from my husband's great aunt. I know that this is becoming another story that will be retold.

...heritage.

I think of my last post about arrows. -About children. I've edited it a dozen times since it's been published. At first because I only spoke of wrongs I do as a mother. You may not know that I laughed as I wrote about the early years of parenting. I should have included my usual "haha" at the end of each paragraph. Then you'd know I wasn't taking myself too seriously. I've practically been obsessed with what I might need to do to fix the story. Something just felt off. ...it had such potential to be beautiful.

This morning I realize that it's not what I need to go back and correct. Mistakes are part of parenthood. It's the addition that still awaits us. There is more to say.

The first two lines of my verse (Psalm 127:3-5) are: Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.

The generations of lives, I've watched touch each other in the hospital just this morning, reflect family, lineage, ...heritage. Coming from somewhere and belonging to someone. A knowing that no matter what two are better than one. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

How much my children make my heart burst open to the realization that I can love MORE. It outgrows my heart and becomes a giving of the soul and spirit. Not just at birth. Not just in a sleepy-eyed snuggle in the morning. Not just in witnessing them in their rarest and purest form(s). I love them more than I ever thought that I could love anyone or anything. But not just that-

Charles Dickens said “It is no small thing, when they, who are so fresh from God, love us. ”

Because they are fresh from God, they are not yet polluted with smut of the world, or stale words or false intentions. It's always sincere. Pure. Unconditional. Hopeful. Not waiting for an answer. Seeing their love reminds me of how much we (adults) confuse and misshape the gifts that we give others.  Their simplicity makes me realize that I can love others more and differently as well. Not only in my future path but those I am alongside or have left behind.

They a curious about life. Honest about what they see and still able to dream without hindrance. They forgive easily because they desire us more than the grudge or any thing.

They truly are a reward. Not because we deserve it, earned it or won it. Not even because we are (what you and I might deem) "worth it". They each are a blessing and a gift. ...because he first loved us. (1 John 4:19)

Click here to read Part 1

A Quiver Of Arrows | Part 1

My sister in law is expecting her first child soon. At her shower there was a neat activity using round gift tags (the kind with ribbons attached). Each person at the party would write a message on a tag (string side down). Then you arrange and mount each to the same piece of paper so that it looks like a bouquet of balloons. Of course, I wrote several of them. What kind of aunt would I be to only write one???  On one, I referenced the scripture Psalm 127: 3-5.

³ Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,

    the fruit of the womb a reward.

⁴ Like arrows in the hand of a warrior

    are the children of one’s youth.

⁵ Blessed is the man

who fills his quiver with them!

He shall not be put to shame

when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

When I was asked about the verse, I read it. I wish that I could’ve been able to explain what that verse has come to mean to me on such a tiny little card.  Even when prompted, I couldn’t seem to muster up the words.

I will never forget coming home from the hospital with Ethan. I would just hold him and stare at him and cry. I was so moved just by looking at such a tiny and perfect incredible little being. I had never felt anything else in my life that could compare to that “gush of wonderfulness”.

Before birth, I was the one who wanted a child although I was afraid that I would have no idea what to do with a baby once ‘it’ got here. How much my position changed after his arrival! It wasn’t about me ‘getting’ a child. It was the humble and honorable experience of being ‘given’ a child. How or why would God give me such and incredible gift? How could he know that I would be so trustworthy? What had I ever done with my life to deserve that? …Tears and tears for this sweet, sweet little blessing.

Of course I felt that way again, when his sister and brother were born. –But as the first, he has been such a pioneer in his role as a child. Bless his heart for how much work he has to do and how much Ethan has had to suffer while shaping me into a parent. 

Like with the fact that he had acid reflux for the first year of his life and I simply didn’t know until his sister arrived and received her own diagnosis.  Of course, he was over it by then but he just had to tough the whole thing out. Then he had to wait for me to learn things like; which diaper rash creams burn the worst, when not to make a child ‘cry it out’ at bedtime and that after a long day with someone else, even an infant sometimes needs an hour to unwind when arriving home.

Hopefully, his role as a child hasn’t just made me a better parent but also a better woman. It wasn’t until he arrived that I committed to church because I didn’t know how I could help him love God and church, if we weren’t in it together.

It’s wasn’t until he was much older when some of his worst flares of temper and displays of attitude, reflected what he had seen from me. How quickly, I was convicted of my own behavior. How they speak so many layers to us when we open up our hearts to God and allow children to teach us.

It amazes me how much each of them reflect so many different things about me. Not just in temperament but in goofiness, in love, in sense of humor, etc. What a gauge to have in your presence every day! Yet, they are so much their own person and because of their differences, they have taught me different perspectives that I might not have ever considered without them. Oh, how I marvel at what they continue to add to my life!

This weekend I was with a sweet friend and in discussion about them, I had two little revelations about myself. One is that I have discovered since children that I am much more sensitive than I thought that I was.  I just didn't know how to navigate that very well and so I usually avoided it.  However, because they are so sensitive, I have found myself practicing sensitivity more often.

The other is that 3 kids equal a lot of chaos. There is a lot of dirt and there is always 3 different skill levels, 3 different pitch levels, 3 different directions, etc.  Having them together sometimes completely overwhelms my senses. For a while, I felt like there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t master having them all together. Maybe it was my guilt for working and being away from them so much, but in trying to make the most of our time together, I think that I was trying to make something else happen instead.

I do "one on one" really well though. Now, instead of just making plans for the regular one on one time, I’m trying to create the habit of making the most of every opportunity when it presents itself. Whereas before when we were all free, I tried to squish us altogether.

Now, when Ethan runs to a friend’s house, I throw down the dishes and go find Sophie. If I head out to the store, I try to only take one child. When everyone except Ethan is asleep on Friday night, I go find him and we stay up late and snuggle. Jackson, being a baby, gets his time in. There have become many other little examples of this togetherness. Somehow those successes and making so many more of them, make any group defeat not quite so discouraging and even seeming to happen less often.

Of course that second bit was worded a little differently to my friend but as I said it that same verse that I’ve been thinking about all year, seemed to finally come together in my heart. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior. Children really are like arrows...

Many of you might not know that my husband likes to hunt.  Bow hunting has become a particular area of interest to him. So many times, I have watched him shave and mount the feathers on each arrow to adjust the way that they fly.  Then when he is finished, he spends time not only learning how to hold the arrow but also how to hold himself and the instruments that he is using between the two. You could imagine the success of him or the arrow, if he tried to shoot the whole quiver at one time. Instead, he picks up each arrow one by one.

Just like I said earlier that each child reflects characteristics and direction of myself; each arrow reflects the influence of the Archer. It’s not having a quiver of arrows that makes him a warrior. It’s the practice and the skill that is learned from being with each one, over and over again.

In haste we can send them in the wrong direction. With misuse we can make them dull or waste their strength. With neglect, they can become damaged or endanger someone else. Yet, for as small and fragile as they may be, it only takes one (that is properly released) to take the prize or defeat an army. I’m sure that the similarities go on and on…

Allowing God to use them to convict me, shapes me into someone that I was not before them. Parenting is not only about who we get to send off into the world, it’s also about who we can learn to become. …Warriors.

With each child, there is a new perspective, a new challenge, a new relationship, a new lesson and new love. I think to myself how “blessed” would I be had I allowed God to fill my quiver full of children, instead of trying to limit that number to only 3. That isn’t said to make anyone uncomfortable. It is just a thought that floats through me occasionally and this verse carries it back to the surface. Learning how to embrace each one has shaped (and is shaping) me so much. How much more would God be able to teach me, so that I could teach them.

Maybe it’s my Indian heritage or my simple love for the culture but when I think of the word “warrior” I always imagine a Chief with the full head dress. -The Leader. The Fighter. –Not only the wisdom, and vigor and courage that the position represents but the respect that it commands. If you are a warrior, even your enemies will respect and/or admire what you represent, even when you disagree. When something is done well, people will come out to see how it is that you do what you do. If we take time with our children, "He shall not be put to shame..."

For the first time ever, I almost feel glory in the scattered dishes and laundry and dirt that am letting linger longer than I used to. As I am starting to spend more time with them in the moment, the other things just fall aside. The once "messy house" represents my new "battlefield". The clutter and debris just represent that a more important action is taking place somewhere else. Hopefully, it's an action that involves a feather being mounted. -Not only to an arrow but also to the crown of a warrior.... 

Please continue on for part two.

*******************************************************************

Note to the reader: I might have read that scripture at the beginning of the year. I might have thought about it enough times for it to touch me so that I could include it in a note at a baby shower. It wasn’t until I made a comment this weekend with my friend that it really convicted or solidified a personal meaning to me. 

So many times, when we sit to read the bible, we are looking for something that speaks to us right then. While that does happen, there are many passages that do not "bring a personal message" until much later. Do not be discouraged if you don't find something immediately. Keep reading. When something strikes you, even if you can't explain why, pray about it, think about it, and allow time to take as long as it needs to do it's work. Something might be taking shape in your life so that the meaning can unfold itself to you slowly. 

Take Only What You Need

Sophie has a movie called 'Barbie and the Magic Pegasus'. Princess Annika has to break the spell of Wenlock, an evil wizard who had turned has turned her family to stone. In order to do this, she must acquire pieces to create a wand of light. The 3 pieces needed are a measure of courage, a gem of ice lit by Hope's eternal flame and a ring of love.

At first, it was the last day of her journey that stuck out to me more than the others. Annika and her friends find Hopes Eternal Flame. It is a giant mountain of ice that seems to capture a perfect beam of the sun. Inside the mountain lies the gem. The entrance reads "Beware take only what you need but never from greed." When the sign is read, stairs appear from within the wall of mountain. Inside is a sparking cavern of ice. That perfect beam of the sun, shines through the mountain and Annika must "follow the light" in order to locate the treasure.

The words "Take only what you need" have been a soft echo in my thoughts lately. I hear them as I try to manage time, overwhelmed with things that I should be doing; I find myself only planning what is needed for that day instead. Yet, somehow also establishing boundaries to protect what I need from the day as well.

"Take only what you need" as I try to fill a grocery cart and then to stretch the contents once I am home. Trying not to cry at the register when I realize that my best effort to calculate still came up short and the money that I hoped would be left over for a bill, is now filling up a bag instead. Learning that just because I am out of something, doesn't mean that I need it. -Then trying to apply that lesson in other areas, outside of the store.

"Take only what you need" as I cling to hope in prayer; trying to figure out how to only hang onto God, as so many other things that I thought that I needed fail me. This has been one of the hardest times that have experienced as an adult. Not just financially but spiritually, and even physically.  -Although not in a 'health' sense of that word. Tests have hammered away and successfully chiseled off what I thought was part of my identity. The list of "need" is considerably slimming down.

Just as I think that I am "getting the message" I stumble across "A Mother's Emptiness" by Tony Evans. This sermon was based of 2 Kings 4:1-7 "The Widows Oil".  The meaning of "Take only what you need" is redefined. Take only (from someone else) what you need (someone to take from you).

While I let that new version take its shape in my mind, I switch back to the Barbie movie. The whole purpose of Annika's mission was to free a people. Their freedom was all that she needed. I took a second look at what she needed to complete this mission and was struck by the irony.

A measure of courage - The courage to have faith in something/someone that we cannot see. The courage to face ourselves and try a new way to live. - Verse: So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. Hebrews 4:16 - Your strength.

A gem of ice lit by Hope's eternal flame - It is the Hope in our Eternal Flame that drives our purpose to endure and fulfill...  When you scale back life, to only what is needed, doesn't it change the things that you treasure and what you fight for? - Verse: This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God's inner sanctuary.  Hebrews 6:19 - Your anchor or your compass.

A ring of love - A commitment to love everything/one. - Verse: Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death... Solomon 8:6 - Your weapon.

I know it seems crazy to think so much about a Barbie movie. -Especially when the author probably wasn't writing around the same theme. Don't we spend our time though, pining away for fairy tales and riches? Yet, even when we have "it all", we still desire something... until we have faith.  When we need to move, it's only hope that gets you or your circumstance beyond the curtain. -And Love... Love is as strong as death...  I just can't think of anything that needs to be added to that statement.  

We are never satisfied until we have those three. It's the combination the three of them that radiate the power of his light and transform not only our heart of stone but the hearts of those around us.

***below is what was added later****

It might seem like those three things aren’t really weapons for battles in the real world. –But I assure you that they are.  If you’re struggling with time, be sure to make time first to cultivate your faith. Reading the word and praying sound too simple and so we often skip them. Our father really will give you strength if you just come to him. Get to know him. Call out when you need it. This world will exhaust you with things to do.  You will have to fight for physical rest. Fight for time to do the things that you enjoy and for your time with him. Fight the good fight of faith! (1 Timothy 6:12)

Whether it’s a financial matter, your health, a relationship or a job, whatever your battle is, cling to hope in prayer. Our circumstances can change in a blink but God never changes. Romans 15:4 says that whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. 

The more that you know about God and his promises, the more that you can use them to keep you focused when things go awry. When you fail, refocus on him. Don’t venture off with should’ve, could’ve or more self-defeat.  Reclaim his word and try again or simply stand against the current. Hope in him will let us know when it’s time to wait or time to move. But God is your anchor. He will keep you from getting lost in the sea.

Love sometimes seems the least likely to be realistic weapon in many battles. Don’t let that little pink heart shaped word mislead you. I’ve prayed to God to make me love the bible when I couldn’t understand it. (He answered) –To love prayer when I felt like I had no idea how to reach out. (He answered)  –To love a coworker that I sincerely felt like I hated (don’t worry, no one at my present organization. BUT he answered and we became friends). -To love better when I felt like someone else was mistreating me in a relationship. (He answered). I’ve even prayed to love my circumstances no matter what is happening around me. The more that we look for things to love, the more that we find things that are loveable. Then the darkness gets dimmer and dimmer.

Sometimes it is really hard in each scenario but remember that he’s faithful and he answers.  Then get back up and try again and let the spirit tell you how to act in love. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:8)

Whatever mission you are in right now, take only what you need...

********************************************

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

Reliance | Branch 36

I read an article a couple of weeks ago that called out some well-known preachers as false prophets. One of which happened to play a large role in cultivating my own faith. While I couldn't dispute some of the points that were noted, I believe that the author’s approach was also out of line. The sheer tone of the article made me grieve as it seemed to carry one of hopelessness. I didn’t fully support either side of what was presented. I was taken aback and stutter struck. 

It made me question so many things. What I was taught as a child. What we teach now at church. What beliefs others might share. Not just at church, but in family, friends, and in authors of books that line my shelves. Most importantly, the article made me question my reliance on others to provide a version of the word; instead of my going straight to the source. How well do any of us know how well another knows the word of God?

Is our only message about God what we hear from our Pastor on Sunday, or is it third hand news from a coworker that goes instead? How much of what we know is truly what we know or only what we’ve been told? At what point do we think that we’d recognize a misinterpretation? Who exactly are we following?

What about me…?  Am I at times a false prophet? The whole purpose of this blog was a commitment to develop my own relationship with God.  To cause me to commit to that quiet time alone with him for study, thought and reflection. I am human though, just like our preachers, our parents, our friends, our praise teams, etc. None of us are too strong or too smart to be misguided.

This type of situation is a pivotal moment for many in their own faith. Many would feel that same frustration and just throw in the towel. “I don’t know what to believe.” “I can’t trust anyone.” While, I may not have all of the facts straight, I have experienced enough evidence in my life to know that God is real and his answers are worth seeking out. My questions in this situation were geared more toward direction and not him.

There is a piece of commentary in my bible that I think of a lot when it comes to doubt.  It’s based on verses John 20:25-28. Thomas (one of the disciples) doubted Jesus’s return. He said “unless I see nail marks and unless I can put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.”

The commentary says “Some people need to doubt before they believe. If doubt leads to questions, questions lead to answers, and the answers are accepted, then doubt has done good work. It is when doubt becomes a lifestyle that doubt harms faith. When you doubt, don’t stop there. Let your doubt deepen your faith as you continue to search for the answer.”

In verse 27 Jesus and Thomas were standing face to face. Jesus told Thomas to reach out and touch his hands and to place his fingers into Jesus’s side. Verse 28 ends with Thomas proclaiming “My Lord and My God!” because he was able to confirm it for himself.

Whether it is doubt, confusion or simple curiosity, often the only answer that will satisfy is the one that we get for ourselves. Firsthand information or even identification is so much more powerful than what we have heard others testify to. Thomas would never have been satisfied without touching Jesus for himself.

There are many, many different methods and approaches for sharing the word of God. Being exposed to a variety of styles and interpretations will help us maintain balance, so that we aren't hung on one method alone. Even methods that we don’t necessarily like or agree with can still hold a valuable purpose. -Particularly, when they activate thoughts and fire motivation for each of us to start digging into the word.

The result may or may not be different than what we set out to find but everything is a teachable moment. -Especially when we take it back to the ultimate teacher. If you find yourself doubting something, ask God what he would like to show you.  Then don’t stop digging and praying and listening until you find peace (the answer that satisfies). For me, this moment has spawned a lot of possible changes in how I study the word, maybe even in how I “blog” and perhaps even more changes in other areas.

I always thought that there was a verse that said “even his correction is good.”  I found several others verses instead that simply state that we are wise if we love his word and his discipline. Either way, it’s very timely. Why, just in my last post, I said something about how I might not like when he first brings something to light but if I just hang on and ask him to show me something with it, I have always wound up thankful for it in the end. 

With his correction, I know he’s there. If another corrects me and I don’t like it, I can take it to him and he will tell me what I need to know. I have learned so many valuable things about myself in that light.

Earlier this year I said that I needed to be somewhere different with my faith by the end of 2013. As the months have unfolded, I have consistently felt like he was realigning me. The deeper I go, the more I feel his hand working in my life.  This moment, revealed another root for him to realign. It hurt when he pulled it up but I know that where he’s redirected me is such a better place.

And because I love a good testimony, let me also add that the Sunday before I read that article, I read the verse “CAUSE me to hear thy loving kindness in the morning; For in thee do I trust: CAUSE me to know the way wherein I should walk; For I lift up my soul unto thee.” (Psalm 143:8 ASV). 

Tears welled up in my eyes and I prayed it in our Sunday School class. The following morning, I read that article.  Does he not answer our prayers?  Has he not caused me to look yet another layer deeper at the person that he has called me to be and what he wants me to know about him?

The day after that article as I rode to work, I passed a church sign that read “Prayer does not change God’s mind, it changes you.” Isn’t that the truth?!  I asked for a cause and it brought me to my knees. I will be the one making the changes because of it. For it is Jesus Christ that is the same yesterday and today and forever (Hebrews 13:8).



*************
The word "branch" was used in the title because it relates to one of the tree characteristics from an earlier post.