It's awfully hard to try and squeeze in all of the things that need to be done in a day, isn't it? We can wear ourselves out trying to keep that neat and tidy order when the events of life don't necessarily fall the same way. I've been trying to be more flexible with my routine these days and yet still get done the things that I need to do. More importantly, I've been trying to take better care of myself too.
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For the last few years I've gotten up between 4:30-5:30 each morning so that I can read, write, study or occasionally catch up tasks before the rest of the house is stirring. That time started as just five or ten minutes earlier and eventually grew along with me.
In the last year, I've also been able to add exercise to my morning routine as well. It was another addition that started with just "ten-minute workouts" because I didn't have the kind of time that allowed for more than that. In the same way, that time allotment grew again as I did. I am proud to say that I run about three miles, in addition to some other exercises, three to five days a week now.
But sometimes rising earlier to squeeze things in, comes at the expense of my energy or my mood. I've occasionally been too tired by the end of the day to still feel like embracing it. So, I've been trying to sleep in on the weekends and even a little later throughout the week. I can't describe how hard this challenge has been for me. In so many ways I feel like [by resting more] I am selling myself short or lowering some standard, but I don't know where that thought comes from.
But later while Sophie was at volleyball practice, Jackson and I went out to the playgrounds behind the school. He played, and I ran circles around each section of the field that he was on, in order to squeeze in a run but frequently stopping to help or answer questions. It was at a much slower pace than I wanted but it allowed all of our needs to get met and still leave time to watch Sophie play.
[This next part will sound a little off topic but hang in there.]
As we approached the third playground, I was appalled and saddened to see that it looked like an entire team or two played a game of basketball, then left the empty bottles of two flats of water and a flat of Gatorade after they drank it. Trash was everywhere! I understand accidentally dropping a bottle or forgetting trash. -But seriously the water bottles and Gatorade were all the same kind, and there was an empty trash can twenty feet away. It was obvious that an entire group just walked away. Other piles of trash we're also left, almost as an "acceptable response" to the main message. How could that many people think that it was okay to just leave their garbage?
So, I stopped running and enlisted Jackson to help me pick it up.
Jackson was eager to do so, and we made many trips back and forth from the court to the trashcan. He was trying so hard to squeeze it all in- in one load. He kept dropping bottles. At one point I look up, and he had a water bottle hanging out of his mouth because he'd grown tired of picking the same one up when it wouldn't cooperate. [Zoom in] Of course, I yelled for him to spit it out. haha. But he was so cute and glad to take part. I had to take his picture first.
To his excitement, he found a dollar, a race car, a baseball, a sweatshirt, and a pair of gloves. While you and I know that there aren't always so many instant rewards of our good deeds, it easily became an opportunity to talk about just that. That sometimes when we are obedient and/or 'do the right thing', we too might be surprised with what we find. Not to mention the good we feel when we take care of something, even when we didn't have to. -or that 'the good' can still be for our own benefit, like a clean place for us to play, even when it's someone else's garbage.
I've been thinking a lot about that day, and I share it not to gloat about what we did or because I think that I do so many awesome things. There is a real tendency in me to be legalistic, and I need the reminder that's coming next. Perhaps you do too. -Which brings me back to my point.
You and I can exhaust ourselves, getting up earlier, trying to do too many things, going too many places, being on too many boards or counting only what other people approve of as a 'qualified' offering of our time. -Sometimes even neglecting the best ministry that we have [our families]. Or like Jackson, growing frustrated because we're trying to carry too much. We can even allow ourselves to feel guilty when our first, second, and even twelfth contribution is all that we have to give.
Sadly, sometimes we never even start something like getting up early to read our Bibles or begin an exercise routine because in our mind we're already comparing ourselves to what we think our ideal version is. We know the dedication that those folks put into it and 'we ain't got time for that' so we tell ourselves that our tiny offering won't make a difference.
But take a look with me at Mark 12:41-44 for a moment. It's a section about the widow's offering and it reads:
Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents.
Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, "Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything- all she had to live on."
You can also read on to see sections where Jesus talks about doing for the least and being trusted with a little, and having the faith of a mustard seed (which is another small thing). You might even recall his miracle about the fish and loaves. It is often the littlest examples that God does the biggest things with- in the Bible and in our lives.
In fact, Jackson probably learned more from me in the fifteen minutes of picking up trash than he would have in a year's worth of me doing something else that he might not get to be a part of. -And I might be too busy or too tired in other scenarios to remember to go back and teach him 'the why' later.
I am a hot mess in so many areas but the most successful changes that I have made in my own habits, have been because of my smallest changes that gradually added up, later on.
Friend, it's okay that you don't have enough time to do what all of your friends do. It's okay that you don't have money to buy as much or the means to provide the same contributions.
Matthew 6 reminds us not to look too far ahead. Do what you need to for today, which might look very different than your preferred routine. Offer your very best in whatever situation you're in. -And do what you need to do to keep YOUR lamp burning.
By being able to renegotiate time to fit in what matters, we're able to change the pace and sometimes see not only more of the details but also find more of the rewards ourselves.
Un-coincidentally, it's the same in our relationship with Jesus and time spent in scripture. It's usually the one nugget we glean that makes the biggest difference, instead of hours spent cramming the lesson.
So my question to you is, if God can accept and make good use of our smallest efforts, why can't we?
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I hope this message speaks to you on some level about an area of your own life. Maybe you need to dial something back in order to embrace more or perhaps jump in, even if it's only a quick dip. I challenge you to go for it and in whichever direction you go, I pray that it becomes a fruitful effort. <3
