Faith Unfolding: Making the Leap

Photo by Crimson1d on Deviant Art

When Sophie was about 3 my mother in law got a swimming pool. My own mother had one as well but this new one was now practically in my backyard since our houses are close together. I was adamant the kids had to take swimming lessons for obvious reasons. I found a local class and signed the kids up.

Ethan had been in classes before and was excited about going back. Sophie on the other hand, wanted no parts of water. She’s always been kind of timid and you could tell that she knew the body of water was bigger than she was.

In this particular pool, there was a little ledge on the inside so children could step down into it then either stand or sit in about 3” water while listening to the instructor. I can’t remember the duration of the classes. I think it was 30 minutes every day for 2 weeks. Sophie never got into the classes at all. While the teacher would talk, Sophie would turn away and face me (along with the other parents) and cry. Repeating “mama” over and over.

Sometimes having the parent present makes it harder on children. So, I tried to sit far away and avert eye contact. If I accidentally made it, I would gesture with my finger in a circle, to turn her toward her teacher and then I would look away. She never stopped crying and often never turned back around to face her. It was positively one of the hardest things that I ever had to do.

The mama voices rang in my head “go rescue her” and at the same time “don’t give in, this is an important life lesson”. So I stuck it out. She NEVER got into the class.

In fact, it took the rest of that summer for her to tolerate even being carried through the water. We had to start over the following summer; introducing her to the water again. Although, I didn’t do it with classes that time and thankfully by the end of that second summer, she grew to love it.

***

I’ve been writing a little about Jonah lately and I can’t help but see a similar scene from Chapter 1. When the men on the boat realize who’s having the issue, Jonah says in verse 12, “pick me up and throw me into the sea.” Whether or not going overboard is the right answer, Jonah acknowledges that he needs to get ‘right’ with the Lord but

he can’t even bring himself to do it. Someone else has to play a part in getting him to the resolution. -And should we gloss over the fact that it’s an unbeliever or two? I love that! Also, note that everyone in the picture gets restored. Jonah returns to the Lord and everyone else is awakened. (v16)

Anyway, you know what comes next, right? One of those passages that brings the record to a screeching halt-

…a whale did what?

Before I get into that, think about this for a second.

Psalm 139:7 says “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?”

If the Lord’s presence on Jonah was so intense that he got on a boat and tried to flee and even went to the bottom of the boat without escape; could you imagine what it must feel like inside the whale? Better or worse? What do YOU think are the similarities or contrasts?

While he was on the path of correction in this scene, there were no people to argue with or good scenery to distract him. There was nothing but the Lord to consume him in that place. –Wow, is all that I can say.

Now, I’m going to take you on a detour.

***

All of these Jonah posts have circled around my transition in a job. Wrestling with the promotion until I took it. Then wrestling my way through it. What’s crazy was that there wasn’t any part of the job that was so terrible and I didn’t think that I couldn’t do it. I have no doubt that I would have done [and did do] things well.

It wasn’t about management or even defining the role. Nearly every job I have ever had was either one that I defined or led to a management opportunity. –But there was a restlessness that I could not get away from. No matter how much I prayed or how hard I worked. There was no victory that assuaged the struggle.

Eventually, I would get to my own ledge and finally tell God that IF all of this twisting was the wrong direction, I’d let go and he could have it. I sat in my bed with my Bible and repented in case I was wrong and I asked God to change my heart if it was not what he wanted. Especially, since I was so certain that he brought me there. I didn’t want to be out of his presence.

In that instant, a friend from Helping Hands camp replied to a text that I’d sent 2 weeks before asking her what verse we were using in the devotions. Her reply, “Joshua 1:9”.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

The irony struck me…

Later on, when camp actually rolled around, I had a conversation with a friend that led me to turn in my notice (I wrote about that earlier). After I began conversations with HR. I spoke to two other departments about possible openings; just trying to feel out what this might look like. I started updating my resume and began looking at classifieds.

While I pray every day; eventually, there was another significant moment in a prayer for direction. Am I supposed to stay at the bank but just be open to other opportunities?

Imagine my surprise when I get back to work and a coworker and friend whom I didn’t know too well before this says “While I was on vacation, I saw this and just felt like I had to get it for you.”

Only to open a box revealing a star-shaped plaque with the words “Don’t quit” across the top.

Hmmm. The irony again…

So, I prayed and fasted some more. I practiced taking a break from “me and my ways”. I studied “Discovering God’s Will” and continued “collecting information” and considering opportunities.

But I was tired. Too drained to fully absorb what I was reading in my Bible or to talk and really connect with my family. –And just to be clear, I wasn’t working overtime. The Bank really doesn’t support that and I had been really good about watching how I spent my time. I simply felt consumed by something else instead.

So, I told God I wanted to be able to enjoy him and my family, and ministry and whatever that looked like… I wanted energy again and I wanted those things to be in a place where they got the better parts of me, not just the left overs. It seemed the minute that I said that the marketing opportunity came available.

Not long after that prayer, I was in the branch working on an issue and the Director showed me the job description. I didn’t really think too much of it at first. It didn’t strike me as a fit. But when I got back to my desk, there was another message from a co-worker that needed to talk to me. When I sat down at her desk, she slipped me the same piece of paper. I thought to myself “Okay God, this is weird.” and “If this is what you want for me, don’t let me miss it. Open my eyes.” Later in the week, one more friend called to make sure that I knew about it.

I realize that this might sound like I’m only looking for signs. But I’ve been there done that. When I was looking for signs, I wanted a quick fix, not a relationship and I probably didn’t want to invest a whole lot into reading or praying either.

While it may not always be so blatantly, I believe that the good Lord speaks to us in many ways. Through scripture primarily [like the book of Jonah speaks to me] but also in prayer and through confirmation of others and through restlessness [or affliction] and sometimes even “signs”. –But more importantly, when you’re sincerely and earnestly seeking God, you can begin to see his hand in many things.

-And I do want to point out [and not to fluff myself up but to show the difference in the way we tally answers] that in this junction, I don’t think I have ever prayed so hard and so long in all of my life. I was fasting and going to counseling, doing a study on His will. I wasn’t asking God for any sign like a fleece or a burning bush. I wanted to know HIS will for me. The “signs’ in this case seemed to come from all around me. Everything in me was on him and each “sign” seemed to be lining up with what I was already gathering on my own.

So, I continued through the process and interviewed. Irony struck again when I remembered that I was originally accepted to VCU for Mass Communications. While I never went to school, here I was 20 years later, likely entering into a position into the same field anyway.

I asked the Director for some activities to get a better picture of what this position would look like. Completing them became part of the interview process as well. Having the ‘real paper in hand’ mystified me in another way altogether.

Years earlier I had started trying to schedule play dates with other moms around free things to do in our area, which involved researching different resources and coordinating with others. I also tried to get involved with the Gloucester Resource Council, which is a deeper network of resources for the community. Yet, I couldn’t seem to get connected no matter how I tried to make it work. I even updated some Facebook pages for our church that required keeping a light calendar of future posts. (Just pointing to experience). -Not to mention that I have this blog and have been considering other ways to write.

After several people asked me to consider the play date thing again; I sat on my couch one-night last summer and tried to plan it out. I kept finding cool things worth sharing-

Anyway, have you ever just asked something out loud? -Kind of rhetorical question or just humoring yourself? Well, that night I did just that! “God, why can’t I have a job where I just do this all day.” –At the time, I didn’t see it as a prayer. I didn’t even really think about the words, it just bubbled out. But it felt like a place that I could be really passionate about if I could just figure out how to work it.

What you might not know is that Chesapeake Bank is incredibly involved in their communities. It’s one of the things that I love about them. In this new position (working with social media) there was a need for some more “connections” in the Gloucester area. The person also needed to work closely with I.T. (and that’s where I already was). In this position, I could also learn a lot about better ways to communicate those things (connections & resources).

When given the assignment to come up with a calendar of events, I noticed the similarities to things I did in my personal time. I remembered that prayer from earlier on my couch and simultaneously the verse “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” –Psalm 37:4

**Poof**

I might as well fall over.

Not only was he catching me when I let go, he was B-L-O-W-I-N-G my mind.

Kind of like Jonah jumping into the mouth of a whale I suppose….

[Let that settle]

A whale…

You don’t have to be a bible scholar or a scientist to know that whales are found deep in the ocean.

And

In my last post, we already looked at the fact that water represents God.

And

I don’t know what kind of storm you're facing or if you’re even facing one at all…

You might not need a whale or a job to prove anything. Your biggest test of faith might even be just staying where you are until this season passes. But the Lord wants to reveal something [that we can’t possibly anticipate] to each of us so that we can trust HIM on another level. –For many of us, the only way to see “that big” is to “get that deep” in the Lord. [1Cor 2:10]

That might not have been Jonah’s plan when he first decided to run from the Lord. But in Jonah 2:2 says “In my distress, I called to the Lord and he answered me.”

Jonah continues “From DEEP in the realm of the dead I called for help and you listened to my cry.” So maybe your deep was in self, in the bottom of a boat or in some other kind of struggle not even looking for him. But Psalm 139:8 says “If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.” So, if you invite God into your depths; into those most secret pains and struggles and he can come right in and use it just as surprisingly. It’s almost like he just comes in and swirls things around so that your deep becomes his…

Doesn’t Psalm 34:18 say “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Romans 8:28 say “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

And Isaiah 41:10 says ‘Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

So why are we so surprised when he does it?

***

Faith is hard, isn’t it?

It’s hard in different ways and at different times for each of us. It’s hard getting started in church. It’s hard to act in the present, in response to something in the future. It’s hard waiting on the Lord. You might have had to wait a month for these posts but it took months to years for some of these pieces to make sense to me. There’s a good chance you’ve been waiting even longer for some of your own pieces to come together.

…and you’re still waiting.

It’s also hard learning how to share your testimony or to pray out loud and boy sometimes it’s hard reading your bible, isn’t it? I will be the first to admit that not only did the verse about the whale stop me but I have had a really hard time with understanding how a man dying on the cross saves me from anything. –I don’t mean that disrespectful, prideful or however that comes out in text. My mind just can’t compute it.

Doesn’t our nature beg us to wait until something makes sense before proceeding? Whether it’s in transitions like jobs or houses, calls to ministry or having a baby or even in the steps of faith and moving forward. Real faith brings us to new ledges all the time. Sometimes the ones outside of church are the hardest to leap from. I guess that’s why Henry Blackaby calls it a Crisis of Belief.

It’s no wonder that it is said that some variation of “fear not” and “do not be afraid” is shown more than any other command in the Bible.

But did you know this-

Jesus himself referred to Jonah in Matt 12:40 “For as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of a huge fish, so the Son of Man will be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth.“

In his book “Surprised By Grace”, Pastor Tullian Tchividjian refers to the book of Jonah as a storied presentation of the Gospel. You can find many lists and commentaries from others that also compare the similarities between the two. (This is a cool one.) Not just for the reference to 3 days being hidden away. They were both “messengers” and called to face a people and persecution.

You know what gets me the most about both of those; is the transformation that happens while you are hidden away with God alone. Jesus was resurrected. Jonah was suddenly strong enough to hit the ground running. Although, this time, it wasn’t away from the Lord. He did exactly as the Lord instructed.

NEVER underestimate your time alone with the Lord in prayer!

My favorite part is that Jonah gets a second chance to do what he was called to do and isn’t that why Christ died on the Cross in the first place; to give us second chances? Don’t get stuck on the word “second” as if you need to correct or redo. It’s not always about that! A good synonym for second is next. – You might even call it “new”.

You may never understand what the heck a boat, a storm, and a whale have to do with anything. You may never understand how a man dying on a cross changes everything. I still don’t understand it. But I can assure that if you can take your hands off the deck of your life and be bold enough to make the plunge [however & where ever He’s leading you], there is a grace as certain as the sea and as surprising as a whale that will blow your mind.

***

Even when I look back at the image of Sophie standing on the edge of the pool; it’s hard for me not to see the similarities in our positions and the instructions that we both got from above. Just as I wanted her to be safe, I knew ultimately that it would bring her joy. And THAT is what the Lord promises to each of us, my friend.

If you don't know that you've gotten your answer, wait right where you are until you get it. You're where you're supposed to be. Ask God what you can learn right in this season and ask him to show you someone that you can help along the way. On the other hand, if he's leading you to jump, you can do it. Don't delay!

I noticed after posting this that her bathing suit was covered in peace signs. It's worth pointing out that I too am pretty peaceful these days. The same God that brings the storm can also still it. Seek his hand and follow where He leads. :)

Blessings to you!