It's funny how the last thing that I wrote was about following God. How in order to do so, we must always get our time in with him and be willing to follow all of the directions.
As I was writing it, I was presented with 3 other writing tasks as well. We're really getting into testimonies at church and I have some notes that I've been compiling for that. I have also been working on an encouragement project and another devotional project. All of these are still with or for God and I felt like it might be OK to take a mini break from this blog to work on those assignments.
So, I left a little note about Staying Tuned here because I wasn't sure that I would have time for all of it.
In the days since, I have felt the Spirit nudge me "what about staying tuned to me?"
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I have a folder of at least 30 starter posts and I add to each here and there. By the end of March or beginning of April, I was really taking a lot of notes. It was funny at the time because I remember thinking, Gosh God, you're going to have to stop saying so much because I almost can't keep up and I've got these other tasks to do. I can't be doing those if I am writing all of these.
So, I stopped blogging and started on the other tasks. -And much like I've been surprised by how close I've felt to God this year; I was suddenly surprised by how absent God felt. There was a week and a half of silence. (Which doesn't really sound like much, when compared to the fact that I used to think that it was normal for God to only speak to us once a year or so.)
I didn't like it.
At first I thought the silence might be OK. So, the first few days, I let it go. Then, I started to get nervous. I repented and prayed and repented and prayed. Repenting for every little thing that I thought might have been sin that would stop God from wanting to talk to me. Praying like crazy for the spirit to start up again and begging God to just reveal why there was a silence.
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We all always struggle with balance and compartmentalizing our lives. Our faith does requires us to provide a certain amount of work that "backs up" what we believe. Don't we all try to; Pray [this much], do [so many] good deeds, read [this much] of the bible? We try to balance our lives and/or our faith as if we're juggling three balls (or more) and hoping that we just don't lose our sequence or rhythm.
The problem is, that's not balance at all. That's juggling.
I keep thinking about tuning a guitar. Twisting the knob on the end of a string until it reaches the perfect pitch. A little more here and a little less there. Then onto the next one. It's "perfect pitch" is based off of the string before it. The desire or goal is for all of those strings, to sound and play harmoniously together.
I looked up the definition of harmony and I love this- One definition says that it is an "internal calm". My prayer life is what produces that internal calm or that harmony. I read the word and study different things and then feel the need to participate in certain projects. It's my prayer life that can help me adjust that focus peacefully.
Prayer is a direct channel with God. It is the main chord that all of the other strings in our life should be tune to. Our personal reference pitch.
The tune that we play is a representation of how our prayer life is working. When the tension is too tight, adjust your prayer life. When your feeling a little flat, adjust your prayer life., etc. Never stop praying. Go back to your main chord until you get that 'C' note (peace of Christ) and then tweak everything else based off of that. (And yes, I really just said "C note". haha)
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If I ever thought that attitudes and thoughts didn't matter, this scenario totally proved me wrong. I realize that my silly little thought [telling God that he was going to have to stop talking] was really an attitude of the heart. It was such a small thought though. It was so small in fact that I had to dig for it because I almost didn't even acknowledge it. I even laughed it off because who tells God to stop talking? And I didn't even mean it. ...or did I?
1st Thessalonians 5:19 says "Do not quench the spirit." That is exactly what I did. I thought that stopping the blog was the problem. However, the blog is just a product or documentation of what's happening in my prayer life. The problem appears to be that when I stopped documenting, I also stopped listening. It was like I had turned my heart away from him and moved right along to something else. I was the one who became absent.
It was OK to drop the blog, it was OK to do other types of work. Staying tuned to him though was the only thing that was going to give it or me harmony. The moment that I felt like any of it was too much, maybe that should have been my indication that I needed to adjust the knob again.
Sacrificing prayer should never have been on the table. It's something that can (and should be) done in all that we do. If I spent a little more time in prayer and something else didn't get done, maybe that undone thing wasn't really all that important to start with.
And then also, if half thoughts and subconscious attitudes have that much power, imagine where we'd be, if we became more aware of them; and managed them at onset.
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-And of course all of this reminds me of the Prayer of St Francis:
Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace. Where there is hatred, [I will tune into you to so that I can] let me sow love; where there is injury, [tune in some more to replenish my] pardon; where there is doubt, [twist that knob until I find] faith; where there is despair, [tune, tune, tune into your] hope; where there is darkness, [tune until I see] light; where there is sadness, [tune in to be filled with] joy.
O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life.
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