Another Look At Abortion

This post is just going to be a random collection of thoughts. I will start with my own story and then share some statistics and other resources.  I recognize that not everyone feels the same as I do or even has the same experience(s). 

However, I have been stopped by several people that wanted to tell me that they learned something (from a view that I didn’t expect) after hearing my testimony.  In all of my sharing, I was really only thinking about a post-abortive mother. Yet, the Lord used my story to touch others on the same subject outside of that position.

My hope is that this view can open your eyes to something new in your own thought process about it, no matter where you stand.

Before my abortion

• I thought it would never happen to me. 
• I was Pro-Life.
• I believed in God and had some sort of church background. I was ‘saved’.
• I wanted this baby.
• I was on birth control.

Deciding abortion

• It was more the flip of the switch. SUDDENLY, I was terrified.
• "DO IT NOW BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE" was really all that I could hear.
• I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone. I mean, who do you tell that you are considering an abortion? Is it illegal? Would I get arrested even mentioning it?  I knew it was the unthinkable, so how could I verbalize it?  Who do you tell???  …You tell the abortion clinic. 
• I was afraid to be counseled and the clinic didn’t really try to counsel me.
• I didn't feel like adoption was the solution because I couldn't guarantee that anyone else could be trusted either.
• Once the “switch flipped” I secretly hoped that God would give me a miscarriage, so that I didn't have to be the one to make the decision.
• Although, I could not (would not) cry for help, I secretly hoped that someone else had radar on me and would fight my ambivalence and rescue/support me. Not just by telling me not to do it. They didn’t know what I was facing. I needed someone to support me and show me HOW I could keep a baby in these circumstances.
• Within 48 hours I went from being Pro-Life to being one of those women.

After the abortion

• I felt like God would never forgive someone like me.  He might forgive everyone else’s sin but he couldn’t forgive this one.
• I thought life could return to normal. I would just put this part of my life over in a corner.
• I thought about it more than I expected.
• I felt that I wasn’t worthy of being helped because I deserved every bit of my suffering.
• I couldn’t begin to look at God because I couldn’t even face myself. So I also put my faith over in another compartment too.
• For a long part of my life, I felt unlovable or like something was ‘wrong’ with me.  Having an abortion, gave me a truth to attach to that feeling. It validated why I was unlovable.
• I was afraid that I would never get pregnant again and that I would be a terrible mother.  I was also afraid that any future children might be taken as punishment for my past sin or that I was still awaiting my fate in another sense….
• Later on when I got married, (although it was not his child) my abortion affected my marriage because it still affected me.
• After meeting my living children, I became more aware of how much I miss the child that is not with me.

General Statistics

• 1-3 women will have had an abortion by the age of 45. Shocking, isn't it?
• A woman that has had an abortion is 6-7 times more likely to commit suicide.
• There is a significant increase in depression, substance abuse, and self-destructive behavior (which may include subsequent abortions) for a woman after the first abortion. 
• Teens that have had an abortion face even more alarming statistics for depression and substance abuse.
• There can be physical conditions left from the procedure, even sterilization for some.
• 50% of all women that have had an abortion live in fear of a retributive God.
• There are studies that indicate that more lives are lost to abortion than any other cause of death.
• Only 1% of aborted babies die to save the life of the mother.
• Men aren’t unscathed by the damage of abortion.
• Statistics for right here in Hampton Roads.
• There is even a "Post Abortion Syndrome"

(I should’ve cited those statistics but I originally took them for a verbal testimony. I might go back and note them later. You can do your own research though and come up with similar numbers.)

Everything about abortion is controversial; the statistics, the methods, the consequences. It is hard to read the above statistics though and then think that abortion is safe or a simple choice. No matter what I post or what you find or whether or not it's even legal, the abortion itself is a tragedy. Sometimes that tragedy leads to another later.

Take Aways

• Never say "Never".
• Don't be afraid to show you can help a pregnant woman. Don't wait to do it either. She might now know how to voice her fear.
• By not speaking up, she might take your silence as rejection of her or the child.
• If you recommend abortion, not only is it a sin but you might also be inviting that man or woman to a burden that they can't handle.
• When you become pregnant, your life will never be the same. Abortion doesn't change that fact.  Whether or not, you have the baby, your life may never be the same.
• If you are pregnant or if you want to help someone who is, here are some places that you can start:
• See my "resources page" for our area. If you don't live near me, you most likely have many of the same or similar programs. Most of these links are for government benefits and local connections to food, shelter, medical resources. The ones below will be more specific to pregnancy. If something speaks to you, then I recommend that you initiate getting as much of the information as you can. If you hand her a list like this, it might overwhelm her even more.
• Government Benefits for Virginia 
• Your local Social Services office can help with the above programs in addition to childcare. They might also have additional information about local non-government services in your area.
• The Cooperative Extension also has additional resources but they also have a ton of free classes on topics like cooking, building budgets, etc. 
• Research grants and financial assistance for pregnant women in your state for a variety of needs.
• Education Assistance for Pregnant Women (there are probably more than these.)
• Virginia Department of Health Pregnancy Assistance Fund
• Additional Nationwide Scholarship Programs
• These facilities offer parenting classes.  You can also show you support her by going with her to the class(es).
• Rural Virginia United Coalition
• The Northern Neck Connection
• Classes by Sentara
• Classes by Riverside
• Health Department
• Look for Job Opportunities.
• Take up a collection of infant clothing and needs.
• Pray. Even if you don't know what to say, pray together and open your hearts to God for direction. 
• Provide Emotional support and just be a friend.
• Here are a list of Crisis Pregnancy and Post Abortion resources:
• Crisis Pregnancy Center of Tidewater
• Pregnancy Resource Clinic of Hampton Roads
• Another list of Crisis Pregnancy Centers in VA
• National office for Post Abortion Reconciliation and Healing
• Hope after an Abortion
• New Life Family Services – Materials that I use in my class come from this site. 
• List of resources for Men
• Memorial For The Unborn 
• If you would like information about the Conquerors Bible Study for Post Abortion Healing, please contact me.

And Finally

From the very beginning of all of this, I was afraid. For whatever reason(s), I didn't feel as though I had a voice or a choice.  I absolutely resisted asking for help or even considering what I wanted the outcome to be. I deliberately turned away from God, in an effort to harden my heart, in order to get through this situation. It might not have seemed that way in the moment but in hindsight, I would say that was an accurate description.

After the abortion, I was afraid of speaking out because I did it to myself. I don't know that I knew quite what to think of the situation. I didn't want to be the depressing friend. I think that I was afraid to face what had become my truth. I was afraid to look back at God because I deliberately turned away.

When I took the Conquerors classes, I knew it was what I needed. I knew by the end of it there was an opportunity for me to also lead those classes when the time was right. As it has drawn closer, I still found myself afraid of some sort of rejection or negative consequence. Speaking out for the first time, writing about it here, going public in my church and even in waiting to begin my first class; I was nervous and maybe even afraid.

Yet, I can tell you that when I have considered God and moved forward in what I believe to be his will; he has met me where I was, every step of the way. -And the result has surprised me every single time.

I'd like to encourage you to read Romans 8:18-39. Verse 26 says that the Spirit helps us in our weakness. No matter who you are, the holy spirit can help you. Whether you're helping a friend or if you're the parent trying to make the initial decision. Maybe you need help acknowledging the decision(s) you've already made. Maybe it's in finding forgiveness or owning your truth or helping someone else face their own truth. Wherever you are in your journey, the Spirit will help you in your weakness. 

v37 says that we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. Do not let a temporary spirit of fear result in a permanent sentence. No matter what you've done or where you've been or what you're facing, there is NOTHING that can separate you from the love of God. v39