And then I wonder what to wear...

Background

Let me start by saying that this blog post started from a Facebook thread in my church group. I wanted to circle back and comment on the thread but my post was really just too long. So, for the sake of the reader and another post that may be related (coming soon), I've shared it here. The question was: 

Little did I know it at the time but I had misread the question. I thought she asked if women should wear dresses. She said shouldn’t. I can’t help but laugh about how sometimes we are so used to hearing or seeing something one way that even when there is a subtle change, we fail to notice. **sigh**

And even better when I contacted her to apologize, she was actually just being silly. I absolutely love that about her. -But man talk about double whammy. ...seek first to understand before being understood.... haha. Thankfully, Jennifer and I both have a sense of humor. Whew!

But before I realized either of the last two paragraphs, I had really started thinking about this question and wondering whether or not women should wear dresses. The string of thoughts that followed touched my heart and made me think a little bit deeper about some things I usually don't give much consideration to. Because I said that I would get back to the group, I wanted to be sure to do so. 

Let's start with the verse: The KJV version of Deuteronomy 22:5 is “The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.”

Not knowing really how to answer the question and not wanting to lead anyone astray but also not wanting to ignore them; I referenced commentary that referred to people changing their appearance in order to worship idols or to obtain another status. –Indicating that your motives might be the first place that you need to question. 

Fast Forward There are two bunny trails that I have for this so bear with me...

Bunny Trail 1

After I left that post, I couldn’t stop thinking about what other motives would cause me or other men and women to dress in a way that was misleading or improper. While I know that there are many, I just kept thinking about women trying to cover up their appearance. Dressing in men’s clothing or baggy clothes because they feel awkward in their skin or “not pretty”.  

I’ve had plenty of issues with my own image. In high school I went through a period where I wore men’s clothing. –Even down to the "tighty whities".  (You can laugh, I am doing so). You would never believe that they were the most comfortable underwear that I have ever worn. If they were prettier, I might still be wearing them. Haha.

I wore men's pants, huge shirts, and usually dressed in layers, etc. Some of the clothes may have been Colin’s. I loved him and liked having him around.  But in retrospect something else was happening in my personal life and I think that it was my desperate way of not necessarily trying to bring attention, but instead trying more to fade and cover up who I was.

A relative was asking me to take naked pictures. Thankfully, I never complied but I was frequently prompted with questions and comments that still violated boundaries that I hadn't learned to create. I never told my parents but they held their own awkwardness about sex. For that and maybe a few other reasons, I felt like there was a basic unavailability to them that left me to handle this alone. 

Coming into womanhood is already awkward enough. Couple that with the challenges of confused love and inappropriate sex; I just couldn't seem to find a safe zone. Both of which left me somewhere between trying to cover up (on the outside) and then give too much (of something I didn't understand). They both are out of balance. 

And shame is still an improper motive, now isn’t it? It doesn’t really matter how we come about it…

All of this reminds me of that wonderful post left earlier this year by Christina (another member in our church group). She posted (2/25/14):

“I was thinking this morning about how frustrating it is when you have spent time and effort creating something for someone and the person is overly critical of it. Then it made me think how insulting it is to God every time we complain about his creation, which was made with so much love and detail, ourselves. So many things we don't like. The color or texture of our hair, my bluish greyish eyes, wide hips, short thumbs, crooked teeth, skin complexion, the sound of our voice, the talents we lack, the skills we don't possess; we all know I could go on and on. We pick ourselves apart which is not only hurtful to our own image and little eyes that are watching, but most importantly it is picking apart God's creation. Telling him he messed up, he didn't do good enough. So be kind when you judge yourself so harshly- you are judging him, too.”

Then I think of that verse, 1 Peter 1:15 “I’m holy so you be holy”. How much holier can you be than by HIS design?  Celebrating who and what we are as women and men. -Learning how to love the body that we are in and wanting his way even when it feels so desperately uncomfortable.  Learning ‘how’ to protect and care for it in the most “holy” way when a misalignment comes to light. Wanting the desire in our heart to change so that we can 'right' it within. 

Bunny Trail 2

I have been writing a little post about being in love. It started with how I met Colin and converted to what we offer God in love. It’s funny because there is a comment about me wearing one of Colin’s T-shirts. When I wrote it, and as silly as it sounds, I just kept thinking about wearing a Jesus T-shirt but that didn't feel like the right comparison…

Then I saw Jen’s post and some of the other comments…

Anyway, I have an aunt that is Pentecostal. She and her daughters have only worn dresses and long hair. -No make up and limited jewelry.  I haven’t really spoken to her in years. I thought his was a great opportunity to talk to her and I asked her about her faith and this verse.

She replied, “I made this decision before I chose a church. In Deuteronomy (same passage) it says these things are abominable to the Lord. In Revelations 21:8 it says that any abomination will be thrown into a lake of fire. Why would I take that chance? I want to please him.” Then she went on further to explain and she referenced some other passages “Let your yay be yay and your nay be nay” and some others. We spoke for 48 minutes about this and nothing else.

She read to me notes from a sermon about Abraham, Sarah & Hagar that was used for a similar subject. Listening to her made my eyes sting and my heart pang. I think that she said that there were modifications to women’s dress in the new testament but the gist of it was that she simply loved him and wanted to do everything as good as she could. I gushed with so much conviction.

I left that comment on the post about motives... We think that we have the best intentions and so because they are what we know as our best; we never look deeper. Yet how many times are even our motives flawed. The only rightness that comes in our actions, are the ones that start with love. The right love. HIS love. Listening to her speak made me want to go yank everything out of my closet and ditch it too! Maybe in time, I will actually replace it all. I will pray about that but it gave me such a deeper consideration about  “clothing” and what we “wear”.

Then this morning I sit down and offer up a prayer wondering how I will ever accumulate these thoughts in such a short read and yet still convey the ache in my heart.

I flip open my bible and clear my head and no lie- the first thing I read is my commentary on Romans 13:14. “How do we clothe ourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ?” My commentary goes on with more details but really what more needs to be said?  Daily when we look at our closets, and in the mirror, and to others and at the tasks ahead- We need to consider not what material and worldy things we can put on or design ourselves with- But instead how can we stand naked first before God and dress our hearts in the blood of Christ and the very nature of our savior. In time, he will cover what needs to be covered and reveal what needs to be revealed. 

And Finally

Circling all the way back the beginning of this post where I noted that sometimes we don't see what we think that we do. An old me would've condemned me for replying incorrectly -especially in a public forum.But I felt such a nudging to answer... I believe there might have been a reason that I saw it wrong in the first place. I think of the verse, "for we live by faith and not by sight". Maybe someone else needed to see this as much as I needed to be reminded.

I hope you all have a thought filled weekend!