O' to be in love...

I will never forget the day that I saw Colin for the first time.  I was 14 and I was in my freshman year of High School. After school, many of our friends would go to various locations to play football. I would ride along. While they played, I sat on the sidelines and held keys, wallets, hats, etc. -Occasionally cheering, but mostly yelling smart comments and talking to the other girls that might be sitting with me.

Then one January day at Peasley Middle School, I noticed someone that I hadn't seen before. He caught my breath and I remember watching him walk, almost in slow motion, back to position for the next play. I leaned over and asked my friend Vicky who he was. She told me his name was Colin, to which I replied "I'm going to marry that boy some day!"

Over the next few months, no matter how hard I tried, I never ran into him at school. I attended many games and occasionally caught a glimpse of mister aloof. Eventually, I did run in to him again at one. I talked him into letting me hold his glasses. At some point I hijacked a necklace and it just went on from there. By April I was completely, obnoxiously, squealy-school-girlishly, in love.

Don't you remember young love? Oh, how it makes me embarrassed and glad all over again, to think of it. I'd doodle his name over and over. Then change it to variations of mine and his together. I memorized his birthday and favorite colors, favorite bands and past times. I schooled myself in "the ways of Colin" and even tried to be more like him myself. It was easy to learn about his interests and even adopt some of them because of how much I loved and enjoyed being with him.

It didn't matter what I was supposed to be doing, if he called, I was hurting myself to get to the phone. It didn't matter if I'd get in trouble over not doing my chores instead. It never occurred to me to care what my friends or other people thought because I knew in my heart that ... HE was it.

We've been married 13 years now. The places that I grew confidence in him, were not in the things that I memorized; but in things that became known by spending time with him. I've come to trust him in ways where I didn't even know that I was SO untrusting. It is those revelations that have convicted and stirred something deeper inside of me. Not only in my own heart as I challenge myself to offer more, but also in what I expect to receive as we allow our lives to further intertwine.

The NIV translation of Isaiah 62:3-5 says:

You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord’s hand,

a royal diadem in the hand of your God.

No longer will they call you Deserted,

or name your land Desolate.

But you will be called Hephzibah,

and your land Beulah;

for the Lord will take delight in you,

and your land will be married.

As a young man marries a young woman,

so will your Builder marry you;

as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,

so will your God rejoice over you.

"So will your builder marry you..." I think about that verse and I find so many convictions. Not only in how much my relationship with Colin shows me what I still withhold when I profess that same "love" to God. Do I offer even a fraction of the same consideration or attention?

Wasn't I committed to finding Colin when I chased that boy around? How much effort have I spent chasing God? Even in my dress and what people see- Are they things that I am willing to change in order to draw closer? Do I desire to know as much about God because HE IS IT? Does he have my heart? Likewise, the more I learn about God, the more I discover the flaws in my own offerings to my husband and to others. Does my love, really match up to his definition?

While some of those questions might seem absurd, particularly referring to an "eye in the sky" God- I think of that one line again. So will your builder marry you... How much more intimately can someone be known than as the builder would know his creation? -The hidden secrets or thoughts. Understanding my hows and whys... And what more personal relationship can you have, than marriage?

I have discovered that God is far more personal than I was ever interested in being. Keeping him at a distance, made it easier to not know what might be revealed ...or expected or even what I was capable of through him.

No matter how many times I thought about moving closer, I just somehow kept dancing around it. -Getting deeper was such a mysterious, intriguing... o b s t a c l e. It's funny how even that sounds like the first few years of my marriage to Colin... But "No longer will they call you Deserted".  You will no longer be an island to yourself. You will be married and become one. -To know and be known.

Just like those revelations and my untrusting bit; faith is also a confidence. In fact the very definition of trust says that it's a "reliance on the strength, ability, surety, etc. of person or thing; confidence." But in order to trust, you must give something of yourself first. Only then will you find out if something is worthy of that trust.

When we finally allow ourselves to go beyond our fear, our anger, our way or only what we know to be true; do we change... It is in reaching beyond our comfort zone, that we finally move closer. The growth comes in the defeat and conquer of ourselves as we learn to give up control. It is in offering our weakness and not only our strength that we become one.  In fact, I'd say it's in the very weakness, where the joint lies that we connect.

Isn't it work sloughing off all of that hard exterior in order to get to the center of our hearts? You have to develop new skills in order to learn what does and doesn't work. But if we hang in there, in time we will gain knowledge. Isn't it easier to rely on something when you know what it is and what it does? And when you have that knowledge it is so much easier to appreciate what it is before you. 

Agape... -Growing from immaturity to maturity with our beloved...

Just as verse 1 John 3:18 says that we are NOT to love with words but with actions;  Romans 12:9 says that love must be sincere. Isn't it so much easier to do anything when you have a real love for it?  When you want the 'it' more than you want things to stay the same. It is our commitment that will bond or break us. Our commitment is what will prove just how deep our love for 'it' is.

If we are not committed in the beginning, we never get past the superficial "fluff" of love. Somewhere in the middle, if we don't remind ourselves again of our commitment and the prize, we often don't have the encouragement we need to go into the next level.  But man if you can make it to the other side... there are no words for what you will find.

Challenge yourself today to be in love! -To go deeper! -Even past the point of being uncomfortable. Are you really in love enough with someone else to see beyond... and maybe even move?

Love --> Commit --> Skills --> Knowledge --> Trust --> Connect --> Appreciate --> Love
--> Repeat the above and go deeper!

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Mark 12:30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. 

John 13:34-35 Love one another as I have loved you.