The Talent

I heard a story about a friend the other day. It was quick and over the top and just the type of story that I would expect to hear about this person. In fact if you knew the person at all, you'd know that this person is a "grab life by the horns" kind of guy. Fearless.

The story was interrupted before I got all of the details but on my way home I couldn't stop thinking of the bits I knew. In fact when I retreated to my car, to my surprise, I cried simply because it touched me so deeply. I was in awe.

I let out a prayer to God. One of mixed emotions; maybe with shame, relief, confusion and to question- It had been a few years since I've seen or heard from this person and so why is this affecting me so much now...

Fast Forward

I started a new study last week with my Sunday School class called "Created To Be God's Friend" by Henry Blackaby. Day two starts with a sentence "Only one life to live, and it will soon be past, and only what is done with God will last. This can, if one believes this truth, bring to all of life an urgency to live meaningfully and to live well."

I continue on in the chapter and then answer the first question. "How would your family and friends know that you live life with intentional focus and certainty to the point that you do not waste life or live life carelessly?" To which I replied: I'm told that I am sensitive and think too much and/or take things too seriously but also that I make things magical (in a sense). I think that is definitely because of my relationship with God and because I consider "MORE" than just what I see!

Moving on in the chapter the summary asks us to "Write a statement here that God has used most in your life today." And my pen spilled over...

"[Repeating my response to the last question] I guess I feel like God is trying or has been trying for a while now; to help me celebrate and want to cultivate what makes me different. I used to let the devil isolate me with my differences or make me feel like something was wrong with me. [Like over explaining and thinking too much]. But when I start thinking about the good that God could do with my differences; I start looking for those special ways that I can serve. Then I look for how I can do just a teensy bit more to give God GLORY. -To provoke thought, to inspire or to endear.

When I slow down to think about those things- When I remove the distractions in my life so that I am free to take my time- If I put my heart in it- I am really proud of the woman that God thought I could be. What other way can I give Glory to God than by doing my best to be that person?!"

Ooh my heart was stirred and my eyes filled with tears. I thought of my friend again then continued to write. "There was a period in my life where I compared everything because the devil was still using my differences to make me feel like I didn't have it right. So, I tried to hide that part of me away. In hiding myself and in keeping God in a quiet corner, I allowed the devil to twist my longings with things that I felt were worth comparing."

Back up

Back in December I started the study "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things" by Beth Moore. It's a study about the ways that you can become "had" by the Devil. This was also right around the time I started allowing God to really get into the meat of my identity. Around page 40 a class mate said the material made him consider the Parable of the hidden talent and then he read it to us.

You might be familiar with this chapter because it's usually tied to the subject of money or tithes or giving. Yet somehow it became so literal to me. The parable of our hidden talent. I'd never considered hiding things of me [good or bad] as a sin against God, especially when those things were related to insecurity. I came home and started a post but could never find the words to fill it.

Meanwhile (Another side trail)

For a while now I've started letting God pull me back from other activities so that I could spend more time with him. (I know that sounds strange but I will elaborate more on another day.) I also started doing random little things, like writing letters to people that touch me. Stopping to do something (that often seemed silly or pointless) for someone else. Praying with people, even if I didn't know them. I've even started giving some personal things or time away but with a scripture and personal story that tied it all together but for God's name instead of mine.... (That's not to toot my own horn, please keep reading.)

But suddenly-

All at once this morning it came together in my heart. My friend inspired me to be deeper and more meaningful and to want to unearth greatness. His unique contribution in my own life simply reminded me or magnified my own desires for those very same purposes.

Thankfully, God led me to realize [back then] that I was drawing too close to my friend. I confessed to God and even to my friend. Almost immediately my mountain moved and our ties were severed.

In that time since I have seen my him; I have really re-evaluated my life. I've scaled back on a lot of things and I've poured my heart into my own faith, myself and my family. In each one of those moments that I explained where I have given something personal of myself -God has moved me. In such a way that words and testimony just can't explain. I found that same awe inspiring greatness. In me. Not of me. Not because of me but in what the holy spirit does inside my heart and mind that causes me to want to move.

Let me restate: When I allowed God to come into all of the parts of my life, he became able to move me. Every time that he does, I find that thing that I have been longing for. It is almost always by the thing that he asks me to do. And yet, it's only when I do it in a way that only I can do, do I feel that he gets the glory.

One of my favorite quotes is by Theodore Roosevelt. "Comparison is the greatest thief of joy". Joy is a promise and a gift of the holy spirit. It's not based on circumstance or talent. It is a reward of obedience and a satisfaction that comes from being true to God. While comparison on the other hand, keeps us from looking at who and or what we are to obey.

Comparison might have allowed me to draw too close to someone else and potentially away from others. But aren't those desires that we feel that we need to compare, the very same ones that God wants to cultivate inside each of us or our lives? He calls to us in our heart and reaches into the depths of our souls. Wanting to pull out this "talent" we've hidden away. So that HE can make us radiate and shine for his Glory!

If we allow ourselves to watch anyone other than God, it becomes an invitation for the Devil to.... just confuse us.

So why the tears?

Of course I missed my friend and my heart spilled over for what he has been able to accomplish and the places his life has taken him. The latest news made my heart glad to see that he was still as I remember him.

It was also a moment of rejoicing. I mean just looking at where the Lord has taken me and how listening but also guarding my heart truly saves... -No matter what our circumstances are, or what our minds, or even our feelings might lead us to believe otherwise. My life is pretty incredible these days and in that very same token this occurrence just reminded me of how close I could've been had by the devil.

Also, I think the tears were a sign that healing was coming. Once I sat down and really calculated these thoughts, it seemed to finally heal a sensitive place.

Lastly, my friend might actually be afraid of many things but he never let fear stop him. Perhaps that alone is all it really takes to make a difference in someone else's life. -Even your own.

Always guard your heart. For all that you do flows from it. Proverbs 23:7 

Greater is he that is IN me than he that is in the world. 1 John 4:4


To the reader: 

Isn't it longings that send people after money and chasing dreams, leaving spouses and sadly even sometimes leaving this life voluntarily? We seem to spending most of our lives looking for accountability partners, advice, etc. but God is calling, reaching, and waiting to fill those desires and we simply go the other way.

Spend some time this week (and longer) really considering what makes you different. What is it that you wish you could do differently? Then consider what it is that people compliment you on. How are they connected? Ask yourself what it is that you've been longing for?  Are you connecting a longing with a specific person or thing?  Take a moment to ask God if it's really that which you are after or if perhaps it's him.... Ask him to fill it and redirect it instead.

Don't want what someone else has. Want what God wants to give you. Often we already have all of the pieces. Sometimes we just need to rearrange our view.

Beyond words (Job 32:18) ... HE satisfies. (Psalm 63:2-5)