One | An Easter Story

The night before last the kids and I lie in bed. They still curl up with me on weekends, holidays... here and there. We lie in the dark and Jackson says "I want to pray". He also says that we need to hold hands. We form a circle, in hands, in the dark but still lying side by side. He talks about Mary & Joseph and the Passover. When he stopped talking, we each continued to hold the moment; absorbing the stillness of one body.

We wake up early to attend sunrise service. It's something I've never done before. I know better than to attempt a structure when none of us know this routine. I tell the kids to get their warmest pants & shirts, knowing that they are jammies. I make hot cocoa to go and don't even attempt to fix my bed head. We bolt out the door to find the location of the service.

Then my sister-in-law and I snuggle with the kids, on a hill, wrapped in blankets, overlooking the water, while listening to the service. Luke 24:5 Why do you look for the living among the dead? Several local churches have come together, just to celebrate God as one. One God. One Body. One church. I can't think of a better way to start a morning. The verse finds a place to rest on my heart.

I can't help but notice the birds bathing, dipping and flying. For some strange reason groups of 5 keep flying into view. I am mesmerized by their closeness. 2 of them are so close that they only look like 4 birds flying. Each time that they pass by. I am reminded that we are 5 and even though my husband isn't here. We are one in spirit. He is with us on this hill.

We get up to leave and some of my friends come over to talk. -Friends that have just returned from a mission trip to Cuba. Two of them are married. They teasingly said that they were tapping into my vibe while they were there. They were so overcome with tears that they couldn't speak. One time in particular they were both crying and looked at each other and said my name, shaking heads and laughing. I can't help but wonder if it was during a time that I might've been praying for them. Although I know it was the same Holy Spirit flowing and nothing to do with me. But there is a oneness nonetheless, like a current. We get it!

I think of the verse again. Why do we look for the living among the dead? A spark that will ignite in an argument. A sign from God in our dead ends. Something that moves us in the bottom of a wine glass or a song or a purchase. I don't really have a particular personal analogy from today to represent this but each of us have a similar dead thing. Sometimes it changes daily. -A something that either God has never been a part of or has moved on from and yet we cling to. -Demanding that he come be a part of our thing instead of us going to be a part of his. We still want to prove our rightness. Yet the one who rights us has moved on. Follow me.

Later in the evening, I answer some questions about my own past to a friend who is struggling. I feel almost as if I have betrayed what's been overcome by bringing it into the light again. I feel like I've defeated all of the hard work that was put into leaving it behind. Mostly because others were involved. I don't want to betray who, they too, have become. I am thankful to have left a dead place. To have been able to lay down my anger while it may have been justifiable and to lay down my questions even though they were unanswered. So, I could follow the way, the truth and the life. It is our choice to turn away and he will show you the next step, uncover the next truth and show us true life. As one, he can do all three.

We don't learn a new routine until you follow something different, like planning for sunrise service. Then do it again, still without rules, and learn a new familiar. I can't help but find the ironies in the things that we want most, like our rightness, which is only found in him yet we resist so stubbornly. Also how there are so many facets of him that we think we'll recognize although we can't afford the time to learn what he might look like. But when God when? Sometimes we are the deadest/deadliest thing in our lot and we carry us [our motives and desires and our rules] everywhere. When he doesn't fit, he must not apply. Then we hold us up against others.

But we can study, like watching the movement of 4 birds. Wondering why one might look a little different. Only to discover that there is more. Somehow the practice of looking at something else helps us not look at ourselves. If we're not careful, we might forget. A little more each time. A current seals up gaps in space, in time, in memory. A new helps settle the old. A knowing that the current that works in me, works also in those I am connected to simply by letting it flow through. Eventually we learn to hold something intangible like stillness or a light in the dark.


I thank you Father for all that you have overcome and that we get to be a part of it!