If given the option, I'd always hang out with an adult over a child and as I grew older, that didn't really change until I had my own kids. Then I couldn't leave mine alone. But it didn't change my interaction with other kids. Until I started feeling conviction to serve.
I shared a testimony a couple of weeks ago about working with children. Begging God to not make me have to work with the kids at church when I signed up for something and "ironically" it was the only thing available. haha. So, I worked in the toddler room for Sunday school with my first child.
A few years later women's ministry came into play. The very first class that I led was actually a bible study for healing on sexual abuse. Mostly because I wanted take the class and I was willing to offer it while going through it.
Immediately following that the lady that was leading our women's bible study at church asked if I would lead the classes while she was on maternity leave. I agreed and then simply stayed there for 2 years. But then I became SO uncomfortable there. I wanted to continue. My heart wanted to do it. But when I would speak, I just felt like I had something on me. I wish I could explain that better. I do believe it was God making me want to leave that spot.
So, I signed up to work in the nursery with my youngest son. It truly ended up being a gift to me that I almost passed up. In that time, God's done a lot of work in me; changing my ego, my habits, my mouth... It's 3 years later and now I feel like he's bringing me back full circle.
In the last two weeks I was asked to fill in for 2 Sunday's leading Children's Church while the usual leader was away on a mission trip. That's not to gloat about me. It was an invitation but also a test. It is so clear to me to see that God is working. After the second session, I was at work in a time management class and a co-worker slips me a note asking me to lead bible study once a month over lunch breaks.
What a timeliness! Immediately, it was the recognition that 3 years ago I wouldn't have stood before a church with a microphone talking to children if my life depended on it. Mostly because I didn't think working with kids was a gift that God had given me. But because he has been chipping away at this ego and I've been allowing myself to get more and more uncomfortable; I was able to see that it was really an area of pride for me. Just because I didn't know how; I assumed that God wouldn't want me to do something. So, I allowed myself to just not go there.
I think of the verse Matthew 25:40 "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'
It sounds crazy, but didn't I somehow adopt that same attitude of children are seen and not heard. I didn't realize that I had done it. But somehow it was an attitude that maybe they were "less" than....
Yet if I hadn't allowed God to humble me enough to work there, he may not have given me the opportunity to work with the adults...
Oddly enough, I've never done so much standing and speaking all at one time. In the same month, I was also preparing a presentation for a class at work. Each of the students were critiqued on their speaking style. I was going to go into my work place and share a little of my faith and talk about why faith inspires me. It really might not sound like much on that side of the screen but I'm still de-compartmentalizing and this was a big box to unpack.
In fact I just realized it but also about 3 years ago, a co-worker and I had a conversation and she said "I didn't know you had the faith. You just didn't strike me as the type". Later she told me that it was because most of her Christian experiences are with the judgy types. So, it was an incredible compliment from her perspective. She and I didn't work in the same office and so we didn't see each other much. But God allowed that to be such a wakeup call for me. If she didn't know that I was a believer... what does that say about me? Ouch.
I realized that I had too many boxes. My church friends, my work friends, my party friends. Or My job. My family life. My social life. My church life. If I wanted to do something, I had to pick which group I was doing things with because I didn't know how to mesh them. So, God often didn't come out of the box except when I was in that applicable group of friends or events. To be honest my friends and my family didn't always mesh either. I chose one group or the other.
I am so thankful for that conversation with friend. It really propelled me to look at my life a little deeper. Which eventually led to me starting this this blog thing as a dumping ground to collect and rearrange my perspective. Here I am three years later and a co-worker introduces me in a presentation class as a girl that "loves her some Jesus". Confirming that this is part of my life that is becoming visible. Then I stand in my class of co-workers to talk about my love for God.
If I hadn't humbled myself to work with kids, I might not have ever made it back to that place that I thought I wanted to be.... I mean after all, if I want to be like Jesus or to share a glimpse of him. I really shouldn't be "above" doing anything now should I? Trust that he is still working in me in this area and I am certain that in the years to come, he will have to humble me in many more places. Just think about that statement again though-
"If I want to be like Jesus or to share a glimpse of him. I really shouldn't be "above" doing anything for his good, now should I?"
One of my biggest struggles these days is still trying to figure out how to squeeze everything in. I'm not into dividing my time with the kids every night to do something. And here God gives me an opportunity right now to still lead classes over my lunch break at my job, so that I don't have to sacrifice that time.
I don't know where you are in your walk but if you're struggling in a place that you want to be, maybe God's trying to get you to do it in a different way or format. Maybe that's not his plan for you right now. Do you think that there is something else that you've been resisting that he needs you to settle first? It might feel like it's the complete opposite direction than the one you would have chosen but he can bring you back full circle and you might just be surprised!
Many Blessings-
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