A Reflection on Humility

Humility... I don’t know what that word means to you but gosh it has been such a struggle for me to understand. I think it’s safe to admit that we all want to be more humble or at least seen as such. But when the definition of it and insecurity have similar words, it can gray the lines between one and the other especially in ‘lack’ versus ‘doubt.’

To explain what I mean, I want to look at a few definitions and some pictures of what humility ‘is not’ and then we’ll look at what it might actually be instead.

For example:

According to Google one definition of humble is ‘a modest or low view of one's own importance’.

While a definition of insecurity means to be - deficient in assurance (which is confidence or certainty in one's own abilities).

A synonym to humility is meekness which means submissiveness. –But if you’re not confident in yourself or abilities, that too will cause you to submit to others but for different reasons.

Another synonym to humility is diffidence meaning modesty or shyness resulting from a lack of self-confidence.

Diffidence also happens to be a synonym for insecurity…

Well, heck, no wonder we’re confused…

The space in between the two can leave so much room for self-deprecation, or an excuse to live in a way that skips or cheats you out of your full potential. -Living less than what God made you to be.

Meaning that we may assume that we’re either not as good as someone else or if we have never done something, we assume that it’s proof that we don’t have a special talent, gift, or skill… So we never challenge ourselves to find out otherwise.

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A more popular ‘explanation’ of humility is the phrase ‘Not to think less of self but to think of self-less.”

Hmmm. At first, it seemed like an ‘aha’ but something about that twist has never really set right with me either or satisfied what my heart wanted to know. We were just getting warmer.

I may not be speaking for the majority here but as a Christian, it’s a place that has tripped me up. Because we’re taught according to Philippians 2:3 to put others above ourselves. Please know that as I try to unravel this, I do NOT want to dispute that message. It’s one that I believe and take to heart.

But if you have ever struggled with insecurity, self-doubt, codependency, various traumas or wounds (like we all have) and if the way that you view yourself isn’t the same as what God sees, then in thinking of yourself less, it’s easy to push ‘you’ down.

You may not be critically (or verbally) putting you down anymore with this new expression but it can still be easy to dismiss your dreams, your interests, your needs, your voice, your power, your potential, your calling, and so on because of your lack of self-worth; or even because your wounds have taught you to ‘let others…..’ So we become comfortable hiding without even realizing that we’re doing so. In that case, we may never discover our gifts.

Or we can give more permission to others, and never learn to put our foot down, or even learn where those boundary lines are when it comes to the difference between you and others, or what is mine and what is yours.

But if God has given each of us a unique purpose, then exploring and cultivating that area of our life will need to be a priority at some point. If you and I aren’t the ones to uncover it, no one else will. Then we become like the man in the parable of the hidden talent. I find that interesting because half of the time, I think we hold back because we don’t want to appear to be greedy ‘chasing ours’ in front of others;  yet holding ourselves so tightly, has us instead turning out stingy before God with what he gave us and desired for us. **gulp**

But even if we do uncover some of our abilities, we may not ‘let them be’ a primary focus in our life. Instead, they can be secondary, last, or ‘whenever we have time for it’.  –I am not suggesting that ‘our thing’ comes before our families or everyone else, but I am saying that it’s okay to make regular time for it. –For your ‘it’ to be important too.

I mean think about that for a minute- Noah built an arc when there was no obvious reason to do so. Nehemiah REFUSED to come down from the wall. And since I am primarily speaking to women, please note that Esther fasted, consulted, planned, and put her life on a line, to confront a king and save her people; Ruth left everything that she ever had to start over; the woman with the bleeding disorder reached out and touched the hem of Jesus to heal herself despite the crowd and what they might have to say about it.

Because they (and what they were doing) had value too.

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Sometimes it’s all about a visual of something, isn’t it? I need pictures to help me see what I need to know.

So, let me twist the lens a little more because I think I’m finally onto something…

 

Another synonym to humility is a ‘lack of vanity’.

I don’t know about you but when I think about egos and pride, I think of anything in between feeling superior to feeling worthless or like a total screw up.

-Which would totally feed the misunderstandings that I mentioned above.

But when I think about vanity, which means inflated pride in oneself or appearance; I think about checking the mirror, constantly wondering ‘what do I look like’. Probably for most of us, it’s wondering what we look like in the eyes of our peers, or what others are thinking about what we’re doing.

As long as you are seeking validation or staying preoccupied with our image and with what people think, your eyes will be on your self—over analyzing, over explaining, second-guessing, comparing, judging, and so on…

True humility is when you are free to be yourself. It’s when you accept yourself and allow your own authenticity to show up. Because then you are suddenly freed up to be MORE present and helpful to others. You are a more active participant in the game and the world around you.

Of service.

Useable.

God Glorifying.

That may be a big leap but I think that’s exactly what the Psalmist meant in Psalms 119:37 when he wrote:

Turn away my eyes from looking at vanity, and revive me in your ways. NASB 💕 

I love that because ‘God’s way’ says that we can do ALL things with him (even without proof or previous history).

God’s way says that you and I are made in HIS image and that everything available to the Father is available to us. –HERE on earth as it is in heaven.

God’s way says that there are things in the unseen realm that we can believe in and trust in, without proof. We only have to have faith and live as though it is already done.

Humor me on this tangent but if you and I really live in Gods ways then we can trust that we are forgiven for ALL of our sins and that his grace is sufficient for each of us too.

Or that he can really use all things for good if we are willing to obey him and learn something from the lesson.

Like our verse in Psalms 119 says if we are ‘revived’ then life is restored our strength has returned.

And if we took a chance, pushed through our fear, and lived like I just mentioned above in ‘God’s way’, then we would certainly be revived because second guessing and double checking everything is exhausting! 

Friends, humility isn’t permission to hide behind a curtain because we are not important. Maybe humility is understanding that your purpose, your value, and your gift is more important than your fear or reputation. –And that BEING the purest version of yourself is the best offering that you can give God and those around you.

Allowing the space for you to create something with your life, isn’t selfish. We can still be of value with sober judgement like it says in Romans 12:3. (Knowing who we are and who we have been.) While still recognizing that the God who comes to saves sinners, is still able to do some pretty big things through you and me. –JUST LIKE HE DID with every single character in the bible- who by the way, were each, also flawed.

If we’re turning from vanity- then sure we can reflect on the thing, the moment, or the day, so that you can get the lesson. But then you TURN FROM IT and go on. You don’t live there, in your own reflection.

Perhaps it is then, that we bare his image.