Seeing God's Hand | Log

8/17/14 - I can't seem to find the words to say it eloquently but a lot of things have been on my mind lately around the subject of suicide. We've recently had our family affected by two different losses. A co-worker also lost a member of her family and then of course the recent loss of Robin Williams. It drives me crazy hearing people talk about how selfish it is. While in so many ways that it may be so, there is an agony or torment on the other side that most would never be able to understand. That doesn't make it okay but it is the truth.

When I was in high school, I struggled with my own thoughts about suicide. Contrary to what most people think, I didn't want to die. I actually wanted to live. Just not in the circumstances that I was in and I was unable to change any of them. You don't want to talk to your friends because you want to be strong and to cope and well, you don't want to bring anyone else down... When I started day dreaming about how I might take my own life, I sought help. While I can't remember quite how everything played out then, ultimately it was only Jesus Christ that saved me from that area of my life and then from so many other places.

Either way, this morning, I sat looking at the computer screen, reading about Robin Williams. Two other people were heavy on my heart. When I started researching symptoms, I was alarmed at how many symptoms they both shared. A medication that they were both on was also noted for causing some of them.

Sadly at least one of them was on more than one medication that had been linked to suicide. It's hard enough trying to fathom being suicidal in the first place. Then having a medication, help drive the car just...  It made my heart twist to think about it.

Later in the morning, I sat in church service, and listened to the preacher talk also about suicide and loneliness. It dug up an assortment of things in me and while I tried not to be angry, I just couldn't seem to hold it in. I'm not even sure what I was angry about but the whole day just seemed to rub me wrong. I regressed in some areas that I feel I've grown in. The harder I tried, the worse I seemed to respond... That's really the only summary that I have for this day.

8/18/14 - My unrest above ended up continuing on for the remainder of the week.  I thought about my own experiences with depression and other issues. It reconfirmed that my desire to try to help, if at all possible with my own experiences.

8/19/14 - Praying to be someone worth following when most of you doesn't want to be followed. It produces some Jeckyll/Hyde affect in me. I think about motherhood and how I never really wanted children. I grew up saying I get married and have kids. If I had kids, I'd have a lot. When it came down to being married though, I suddenly realized that I was perfectly okay with never having them. I'd adopt puppies and learn about various hobbies and do whatever I pleased.

When I got pregnant I became terrified that I might not like the baby when it was born or what if I totally stunk at motherhood?? When the second child came a long, I was afraid that I'd never be able to love it as much as the first. By baby number three, I had the same fears but I knew better. We'd all make mistakes but we'd all be okay and we'd all love each other as we should.

I think about how much parenting has made me go beyond myself. Not in ways that I give because sometimes I just don't give enough. -But in how much it's made me grow beyond what I thought I could be or wanted to be, etc.  How much my children make me want to be a better example. -Someone worth following. Someone they are proud of. Not because I am "awesome" but because they learned something that served them well, from me.

And here I am again with my job, I struggle with that same conflict. Man, I struggled years ago when it was offered. I feel so whiny as I begin this transition. I have such an incredible opportunity and yet I find myself having to think so differently and my flesh just seems to fight me.  I think about the chapter of Romans 7 verses 7-25. When it talks about the old nature and new nature, the spirit and the law. How they all wrestle inside. My commentary on 7:1 says that "The sinner is condemned by the law. The law keeper cannot live up to it and the person with the new nature finds his or her obedience to the law sabotaged by the effects of the old nature." I feel relief for my behavior on Sunday, today, everyday... The battle with in...

I am thankful to work with such an incredible group of people. I am thankful to be entrusted to have such an opportunity. Like becoming a new mother, I am thankful for the things that I will learn from this new path. I am thankful for another opportunity that can/will grow me so profoundly. I pray the same prayer that I started with... to help me be someone worth following. To have the concrete broken around my feet when I cannot move. Let me always be reminded of the victory that comes on the other side when I listen to my heart when God speaks and when I keep turned toward the love of others. It saves me every time...

8/20/14 - I ran out of coffee at the house. I dug through a bowl of change to get money for a treasured latte. (I lost my debit card and I never carry cash.) As I sat in the drive through I remembered that my sitter loves Starbucks. I asked God to let me find five more dollars if he wanted to bless her too. I slipped my hand in my purse and the very first thing my hand landed on in that boat of a purse was a five dollar bill. And let me remind you that I am so certain that I didn't have cash in there that I was digging through the change bowl...

8/21/14 - I met a retired nun today and we traded numbers and the curiosity of what she could tell me was almost too much. I love that when I meet people, sometimes I feel (as ridiculous as this sounds) like our souls click or have some other conversation that the rest of our physical bodies aren't privy to. I can't explain it and I could almost miss it if I didn't stop to it happen but... it happened today and even if she and I don't develop a friendship, I am thankful that we met.

Another post (unrelated to the above) called "not of this earth" may come soon.If only I have time to write it.

8/22/14 - Redeemed

8/23/14 - I spoke to one of the people that had been on my heart since Sunday. I didn't really ask any questions. When I had a small window, I explained the article, how it affects me and what I saw that connected all of that with this person. I found some comfort in this conversation and of course relief having at least expressed my heart.

***

I hate that I posted this late. Most of it was drafted by Saturday. I really wanted to rework the whole thing. -Whatever started on Sunday, continued on throughout the rest of the week though. I found myself flooded with words and no time to write them and burdened with a heaviness that I didn't understand. A lot of people told me I seemed off but I could've told them that too. I know the answer will come in time.... I just will just have to pray my way through it and hope for discernment. I think of that song "Lord move or move me..." That about sums up this week.

This post is in a log format. For more information about what this is, read the top of this post.

Redeemed

This morning on my way to work, I just started thinking about how much my life has changed in the last couple of years. -How much motherhood has changed me. -How much faith has changed me.

Sometimes on a blog it might seem like I think too much about myself or my things but there's verse that says to remove your own plank before looking at another. That verse has really meant something to me. How can I get closer to God? Isn't that plank the wedge in between? How can I remove as much sin as I can from my life? Obviously there are still places where I still have lots of sin but don't we all...

Then a song comes on the radio that says "complete me because I'm yours completely..." It just seemed to embody EVERYTHING that I've been learning. Shifting into. It's like YES, that ONE line is the key. Just look at how much God has bridged all of these gaps in my life and filled all of these voids and is still filling.

I think of the post that I wrote about my husband, and a marriage between a man and woman or Christ and the church; how I didn't know that I was so untrusting. The closer I get to God, the more I realize just how far away that I was.  ...somewhere else.

We turn into my mother's neighborhood and Jackson is fascinated, pointing and yelling from the backseat "Whuts-dat mama? Whuts-dat?" I look out my window and notice the fog and it is so thick that it looks like a blanket hovering above the field. In just the way that the light was shining, it was so thick and so pretty.

Sophie and I roll the windows down and I pull over to take a picture with my cell phone. There is this tree and it's really not even a pretty tree. Infact a good part of this tree is dead but the way that it's in this light, it just stands out so separately and it looks so different to me. I know what it is but I see something else instead.

And gosh that's what faith is [doing] to me!

I can't put that more into words. I've tried to answer that question for such a long time. What is faith? While I have no stinking clue about so many other things, I am so thankful to be at this place now! The tears form in my eyes and then they spill over and run down my cheek.

Another song comes on by Big Daddy Weave, called "Redeemed".  Sophie turns to me and asks me why I'm crying. All I can muster up the words to say is, because I love God that much.  -And the look on her face... I wish that I could have frozen it right there. It was a look of  total satisfaction. As if she was glad that I knew that answer.

I continue on that one of my sincerest prayers is that she and each of her brothers and her Daddy love God that much too.

Then we continue to listen to the song. Then she asks me what the word redeemed means. It was such an emotional discussion. Don't you remember waiting as a child to be just a little bit older or even an adult. Waiting to make decisions and waiting to be big. Then you get there. Somehow it's not every where you thought you would be; you're still waiting for another place.  -Waiting to find something.

But just like that tree, when you get into the light, SUDDENLY, you've been found. Loved in spite of your flaws. Right where you are, gaps overflowing. Wanted. Saved. Bought with his blood. Cherished. Forgiven. Healed. Delighted in. Chosen.

Redeemed...

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. -1 Peter 4:8

It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings. -Proverbs25:2

Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever;

wisdom and power are his.

He changes times and seasons; he deposes kings and raises up others.

He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning.

He reveals deep and hidden things;

he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him.

I thank and praise you, God of my ancestors:

You have given me wisdom and power,

you have made known to me what we asked of you,

you have made known to us the dream of the king.

-Daniel 2:20-23

Seeing God's Hand | Log

8/10 - We're doing "Created to be God's Friend" in my Sunday School Class and in Day 2 work, I started answering a question. I continued to write a long response in detail. It made me think about my friend's story (from day 8/7) and I decided to write a little about that too. I suddenly realized why I reacted the way that I did and it summarized a response to a bit of other questions that I had. I think it would be an awesome blog post. Mostly because of how much it means to me. But I am just not sure that I will have time. This little log might just be the only reminder. I will link back if get to write it.

I also struggle with talking about the Good things about me because I don't want to come across haughty or boastful.  Yet the "aha" above also seemed to include this area and I think I will have to read it a lot! -but carefully.

cont - My SS class takes a long time to complete a study because we talk about each section until we run out of time and then pick up where we left off. I stopped to consider the Wednesday night class for our Women's ministry. I think Jeni needed a break and she's considering doing the Creative Correction class for the preschool moms. We've talked about me leading something for a while. I am not sure that I could handle an additional study on top of everything. I've been thinking about the extra books that we have for this study and I realize that I could lead this on Wednesday nights if anyone was interested. It wouldn't be in addition because I am already doing the study and I'd already be there. I will just need to work out help for the nursery!  I think a plan is unfolding... :)

8/11 - A similar Epiphany to the one 8/5. Again I was thinking about the Bone Garden sermon in reference to chapter Ezekiel 37. My cousin's step-daughter is having a lot of issues right now. She is in elementary school and hasn't seen her biological mother in months. It's a bit a hard story. I thought about how hard I've been on her and how hard I am on other children. I think sometimes that it's because I didn't feel like I was able to be a child. So, maybe now that I am older, trying to connect is just awkward. Either way, I also think about fostering or becoming a Big Sister later on. -When I'm more patient or tolerant. Yet, it's another area of practice, isn't it?  Sometimes, we just need to start where we are and just like that verse (say to the bones that we see everyday-LIVE).  We don't have to go overseas or to register in an organization. Look in your back yard. Where is your bone garden? Maybe it's your neighbor or your relative or a friend.  I called my cousin to see about making a date with her daughter. It might "look good" on a blog but that's a big step for me even if it isn't that hard. It's funny (not so funny) and sad  how we sometimes just don't want to be bothered with kindness but want others to show it to us.

cont - We completed the Creative Correction study. I shared a testimony that I've never shared. I hope that God really blesses each mother in that group and that continues to work in their lives. I hope they (and their families) each continue to press on.  When we were leaving a friend in the group talked about a study that she was doing with her family and friends. It echoed the same reminder before this one.  In fact, she was with me when I heard that sermon. We did Experiencing God together and our spiritual lives often seem to be moving at the same pace. Either way, she is beginning a study with some of her closest friends that don't go to church with her. You really don't have to go anywhere or do anything necessarily radical. You are right where you are supposed to be.  Look up for direction.

8/12 - I did something a little bit different with my tithes this year. When I started out, I had it right but somehow I got away from the original plan. I kind of feel silly getting off track but I'm glad I am aware of it now so that I can correct it and move on. Thanks God.

8/13 - Thoughts for a friend. A message of encouragement to her. Sending letters to the shut-ins at church.... I can't remember anything specific... Still working on some other posts.

8/14 - Day 4 of the Friend study is titled "Missed Opportunities". It talks about how when people feel like God is leading them, they also feel this sense of urgency. If we don't respond right away that opportunity may become lost and the urgency dies with it.  In thinking about that message, I felt led to write to two people this week. I haven't done it yet. They were really on my heart. I know that there is still time but there were days that I felt really stirred by God to write something. Now I feel as though I might not have the words...  It seemed like a good example worth noting. I felt an urgency in each of those situations. Not 911 urgency but a "God is with me and is equipping me right now" kind of urgency.

Cont - Day 5 talks about when God takes the initiative in someones life, it is often NOT in the things that the person wants to do. For example, I would love to have a retired animal farm when I am older. Maybe open it up to troubled kids in some way. I've also always wanted to take sign classes. While I don't have property or animals or anything like that, I do have an opportunity to take sign classes for free with the kids. In my mind, I can tell myself that it's a God opportunity. I mean we are meeting in a church so why shouldn't I be doing it. BUT really, that is something that I want to do. God has never told me that I would have a farm or needed sign. It seems good to me but I might not really be a good fit for something like that. On the other hand, I have STRONGLY felt like he has told me NOT to do anything this fall. I would still go to church but I wouldn't lead classes or attend anything extra that was a regular commitment. I feel a stronger initiative from God to rest than I do about him wanting me to to do sign.  If that makes sense...

8/15 - A friend from high-school called and needed a number for my parents. It was so good to hear not only from but also to hear how good he sounded. He has had a hard life and there had been some years I was simply crushed for him. It was a gift to hear him sound like he was being restored. We laughed about parenthood. We talked about the way that it surprised us both. We each have a child that seems more "enlightened" than we can comprehend. You could tell that deeper thoughts for both of us were developing from this conversation. We encouraged each other and parted ways but it set the tone for the day. I felt like God was with us in the conversation.

8/16 - Sophie, Jackson and I painted more rocks today. We fished each out of a river or off of the shore while on a trip in July. We brought them all home and dressed some of them up today. Most of them include fingerprints of the kids. Some of them are for specific people. Others were not. Each rock has a verse on it. There were some I hadn't heard before. They all touched me in some way but it was neat considering them in an 'exercise" like that not really knowing who would get them. Not long after we had finished, a friend sent a text asking what I was doing, so I sent her a picture. She was leaving to head out of town the next day for her brother's funeral. She wanted to take a rock with her to leave on his grave. It touched me having something so small to contribute. I wasn't surprised with the one that she chose and Sophie had painted it all by herself. (It's the red and black heart rock on the left). The verse is John 14:1 Do not let your hearts be troubled.You believe in God; believe also in me.  It seemed so timely. For the rock, the day and the summary of this week...

This post is in a log format. For more information about what this is, read the top of this post.

Seeing God's Hand | Log

Intro: I recently wrote a post about looking for God's hand. It made me consider how I might be more intentional about looking for it. I decided to commit a month to trying to log something every day. (This log would reflect times that I felt near to him each day.) However, it IS a practice. So, I forgot to document for a week or two and then skipped a few days here and there.

Don't be discouraged when you start tracking and can't come up with anything. Especially if you haven't practiced any type of journaling or prayer regularly. Getting yourself in the habit of listening/looking is the first step, which might take longer than you'd think. Some of the notes might not be clear to you. Bear with me. It's a new practice...
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8/1 - 

8/2 - 

8/3 - 

8/4 - Feeling stirred about giving. Thinking about sharing a testimony also about giving. Discovering a hidden blessing in being home with sick kids.

8/5 –  I've been thinking of taking the kids to a nursing home or looking for grandparents to adopt. I remembered a sermon that I once heard on Ezekiel 37. It spoke of ways that you can restore life in your own yard or immediate surroundings. You don't have to go BIG in order to help someone. Then I thought of a neighbor that is an elderly lady that could probably using companionship. I might not have to go anywhere else to help someone. I reflected on how much my life has changed in the years since that sermon. How I've intentionally had to make some decisions about the family that I live closest to. It was hard to change my ways at first but in doing so, it has restored life to my own bone garden.

8/6 – I realized why I felt so stirred about giving. God was asking me to give something to Marie, the neighbor. I did and told her that I’d like spend more time with her. It sometimes still seem strange to consider some things but then seeing the way that it affected her, felt like an honor and such a small thing (for me) to do for her.

8/7 – I heard a story about a friend and my response really surprised me. I was more touched than I thought I would be. I'm not sure if I can share it here. I will link it later if I do. I really didn't know why I had such a reaction. I prayed over my friend, myself, and both of our families.

cont - I was watching a Leadercast Now video with co-workers. I had been thinking for a while about the subject of core beliefs and one line job descriptions. In a discussion about things that we can do different in the department, I realized how important that one line and/or belief really is. I had been drawing my one line around customer service but it made me less available to the help desk staff. I was given an example from one of my co-workers of something that I needed to change that I was doing. It really made me back up and readjust my focus. I've changed my one line to the focus of help desk and I think that it will help me be a better manager. I'm still praying for help on how to help them come up with their line.

8/8 - Jackson found a rock in the river a few weeks ago and wanted to send it to my mother. I thought we should dress it up. So, I put his thumb print on it and made it a frog. Then his index finger and made it a fly. I stuck the fly's tongue out in playful response to not being caught... I'm probably more amused than I should be... haha. Big surprise. ;)

A friend's daughter gave me a rock a few months ago. So, I decided to paint a picture on the front of it and return it to her as well. With a shortened verse on the back. (The earth is full of the lovingkindness of the LORD.) I've had some ideas about painting other rocks. Not sure why... Maybe there is something to it....

8/9 - I'm wrapping up the Creative Correction study and on pg 135 I had a lot of conviction about parenting. I would love to blog the whole thing. However, as a log I need to keep it short. Basically as a mother I am often feeling like I have to reprimand all of the time. By this point in the study, the author is suggesting that we teach more why or how and even include our own previous examples.  It's also suggesting that we teach our children to pray when they are acting up or struggling in an area. I really stopped to consider some of my own stories that I'd share with my kids. I quickly came up with about 4. However, none of them were sin. They were simply mistakes because I was a child and simply had NO idea that there was a consequence. Tears filled my eyes and I thought about how much I blame myself now as an adult for simply "not knowing" the answer to something or how something should work. I think it's a result of being corrected for not knowing something... Although, it's perfectly acceptable to just not know... I took a minute to let that really sink in and it made me stop to consider how I might encourage my children when the make mistakes. Instead of correcting them for everything that they get wrong.  To make the moment teachable instead of just about correction.

cont - Praying over my department and realizing that I needed to apologize to a co-worker, which I will have to follow up with later. Also, one of the ladies that I work with has a daughter a year younger than Sophie. Before my promotion we made plans to get the girls together. Then there was the promotion. Which wasn't a reason necessarily to change anything so we kept the date. Ethan was crushed because he loves horses and so I told him I'd take him back out some time. We made a date for 8/9 and today was that day. It was very peaceful. I felt the Lord tell me to have a day full of yes's with the kids. So, we picked apples in our own front yard to take to Amy's horses and picked an extra bag for another friend to make a pie. We had slurpees, fed the apples to Amy's horses and then rode one of them. Amy's mama emptied our bucket to fill with garden veggies. I gave Braylin our special rock. It just felt like a day that fully represented the verse on the back of it. How many times does God use us to show his kindness when we take our time and then go out of our way to stop and notice. I saw a former co-worker on the way home and gave her the other apples. Then when we were heading back, I was praying again over our department. I thought about how I might be able to spend time with the others that I work with. I am thankful for this consideration early on. I spoke about it with the kids. The whole day just felt like a good teachable moment. (Again it reminds me of another verse that I've been thinking about for the last few weeks, Colossians 4:2 "Devote yourselves to being prayerful and watchful and thankful!"  If you pray about it and wait and watch for it, you won't be able to help but be thankful.)

I'll consider this my first week and try to start posting weekly until the end of the challenge. Stay tuned.

Journal | Excercise w/example

So this is my first attempt to share one of the ways that I journal. The post is big. However, it is intended to be thought about and written over the period of a week. Tonight in our women's ministry class, I will read most of this and help members get started writing. Hopefully, anything that's left will be taken home and continued. Please feel free to follow along.  You may also want to copy/paste this in a MS Word document so that you can save your entry on a computer and complete the example on your own. 

1. Open in Prayer: If you're not used to hearing from God, you may want to check out this link first. Offer a sincere prayer asking him to speak into your life.

2. Selecting a verse: If you've ever had a verse that keeps crossing your path, that's a great one to start with. If not, search for a verse by topic or even select your favorite. For this exercise, I will select one that has been on my mind lately.

Example: Psalm 139:2 - You know when I sit and when I rise. You perceive my thoughts from afar.

3. Read the whole chapter: Highlight or underline words that strike you or provoke thought.

4. Read Commentary: If you have a study bible, read the commentary on the chapter. If you do not, search for other commentary online.

5. Use your imagination: Imagine parts of the verse that stand out to you. You'll need quiet for this and no other distractions. There are no wrong answers, even if they feel corny.  Give yourself time to get into it and know that you might have to give yourself a few tries. Do not censor, correct or worry about spelling errors.

Example: This verse says that he knows when you sit and when you rise. So imagine sitting with him. Which one of you would be the first to speak? What would be said? How might your conversation be different than your regular prayers? Would you be able to look him in the eye?  What would you feel in his presence?

Continue on through the whole chapter. The bold line is the verse. The italics is a question or statement that I have placed in order to provoke more thought. Feel free to write a response and/or write your own questions. There is no right or wrong way. My comments simply offer a place to start. 

¹ You have searched me, Lord,  and you know me.

Imagine being in his presence and having him search through you and bring things to light. -What would he find?

² You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.

What would you be thinking as he did this? Would you be open to it or would you be ashamed of what he'd find?

³ You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.

He knows what you want to hide and what you want to reveal. How does that expose you? Would you even try to speak?

⁴ Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.

Even if you tried, he might already be answering or hushing or agreeing....

⁵ You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.

But a fear slips out or perhaps you turn, there is something he has found... But he rests his hand on you to reassure you. His other arm guides you so that you can't turn away.

⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Imagine what secrets he's pulled out that even you weren't aware of. You didn't even know you were capable of something so brave, so tender, so unique... What did he find?

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?

He is everywhere around you. Even when you feel that you must turn, his presence is with you. This moment has left you unchanged. You will be aware of his nearness.

⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

Imagine a small child that has just woke up and runs up the stairs to see his mother and father. -Throughout the day clinging and at bedtime still waiting for just a moment longer. Would you be searching for him like this? -He is there.

⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,

Where will this faith take you?

¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

Would it even matter knowing where he was going to take you, since he is guiding you? 

¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”

Would you trust him to take you anywhere? Are you hoping that he hides you away? Is he sending you to a corner so that your shame might swallow you up. Or is he protecting you or taking you to his secret place? 

¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

Except that he is light. There cannot be darkness in his presence. He chases it away.

¹³ For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Fiber by fiber, strand by strand, picking and choosing which pieces will become my very being. Hiding your works and time spent making me, in a secret place like my mother's womb. -Making me to be a surprise. A gift. -The giving of your treasure.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

If I agree that all of your works are wonderful- If I know that I know that I know your purposes are always right and noble and true, who am I to question your purpose in me?

¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

You know every ounce of my weakness and chose those tender places in me.

¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book  before one of them came to be.

You laid out how long I would live and how I would do it. All of my sin was already before you and not only did you choose me but you made me anyway.

¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!

What I wouldn't give to ask you -why- about some of the aspects of me.  (Which ones?) 

What other things could you reveal to me that I never even considered?


¹⁸ Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand when I awake, I am still with you.

I might enjoy the idea of being with you and having a conversation and knowing your thoughts. It might even seem like a dream but when I wake up I can have this relationship. I can discover you. -New things, every day.

¹⁹ If only you, God, would slay the wicked! Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!

How my flesh wants to ask you to remove every obstacle, hindrance, fear or threat. -But it is those things that usually draw me closer. 

Where are you struggling now?

²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.

But who am I God? How do I misuse your name? Is it in my actions? -Or with my words? -Or disobedience? 

Enemies may speak their evil but what else do I do that is evil against you? 

²¹ Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,  and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?

It may be easy for me to find fault in another but we are all full of rebellion. What do you abhor in me? What has become altered or magnified that you can trim down?

²² I have nothing but hatred for them;  I count them my enemies.

Humble me God. For all the judgment that I might easily find to place on others, there are places just as equal in my own inequity. Just as I trust you will vindicate me of my enemies, I can trust that you will also make my paths straight.

²³ Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

 Heal me. Refine me. Shape me. Smooth out the rough edges and dig deep to remove roots. Restore and reveal what you originally created in me that will give YOU the Glory.

²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Prepare and set my heart for your eternity on earth as it is (and will be) in Heaven. 

Summary

1. How can you apply this? What Questions came to your own heart about your character and/or behavior?
2. Did you go back and answer those questions? Make sure that you do.
3. What Questions do you have about the actual context of this passage (Characters, dates, timeline, location)? 
4. Throughout the week read this verse and/or chapter again. Continue to think about any of the items that have significance to you on this page or in this verse. You may want to carry a note pad or recorder to jot down quick thoughts because you will be interrupted by life. No detail is too corny or too small. Every moment that you can, remind yourself to come back to this and listen for more.
5. Before the next class, compile all of those notes with the ones you have started here.
6. Read all of your notes together. What did this exercise reveal to you?
7. Do you have any additional summary?
8. Do you feel like there is anything that you need to do?

Going Deeper

1. What Questions do you have about Characters, context, dates, timeline, location? See if you can't find time to answer some of them.
2. You might not have noticed but the second line (in italics) is the way I pray. Next week, we may practice praying some of this verse and/or comments that came in response. Feel free to practice doing this before the next class. You can also write your prayer out and read it when it's your turn. (I read all of my prayers out loud before I started getting comfortable.) You might fear what others will think but you're not doing it for others. You're doing it for God. 

P.S. Don't be surprised to find that you will need to work on this for less or more than one week. The goal is not to "finish" in time but to dig deeper. Do the homework as you feel led but write down every drop that is related. Continue this until you have peace that it is complete.

I am glad to email you this page, if you’d rather type your journal entries. Request a copy here. 

Photo Credit: www.dolcepics.com

The Armor of God | To Be a Soldier In God’s Army, Day 5

These five devotions were written earlier in the year to include in a booklet for a local youth camp that is held in July. Now that camp is over, I thought I'd share the devotions. Helping Hands Camp is a faith based youth camp that allows campers to provide services and to fulfill clean up and construction projects for those in the community that are unable to do so. 

Theme: Ephesians 6:11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 

Our anchor verse is based of the entire passage from Ephesians 6:10-17. Each daily devotion is based off of that verse.

[NIV Translation, Ephesians 6:10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.]

To Be a Soldier In God’s Army

[Review week’s passage]

We’ve spent a lot of time this week talking about armor. Any of us could agree that if you only show up with only one part of the armor on, there might be some confusion about what your stance is or what you were trying to accomplish. We could also agree that it would be easy for the enemy to see the best place to strike you and take you down.

Yet even the most ‘together’ Christian still has a crack somewhere in their armor. Others might be able to see who you represent and what you stand for.  And in your best defense you might even be prepared for every possible encounter. You might think your bases are covered and that you are “untouchable”.

But imagine that as you sit in camp on with your artillery and on full alert, it suddenly begins to rain. -A heavy, frigid, blinding rain.  Is water trickling down from the top and getting in your eyes? Is it seeping in from the bottom and dampening you, your belongings or your spirit? In all of your ‘togetherness’, were you prepared for something such as that?

We might’ve been prepared for the battle but often it is the ordinary things that take us down. Were not the Midanites DEFEATED because they “thought” Gideon’s army was bigger? Sampson DEFEATED because he let love of another weaken his defenses? Goliath DEFEATED because maybe he assumed his power, and strength were sufficient? Or even worse, what about the invalid in John 5 who simply wasn’t attaining victory because he was too lazy to move for his own good. In every one of those scenarios, the enemy wasn’t who was being faced, it was what lied within.

The truth is each of us are called to be a part of God’s army, but are you calling God to prepare you for all situations and to make you a soldier?

Think About It!

1. What does that rain represent in your life? Where do you allow yourself to go? What thoughts do you allow to stay?  What is getting inside of your armor?

2. There is no part of a battle that is easy. Having a good strategy for a battle, for your life, or for the day, is often half of what it takes to win. The other half is waiting on and being obedient to the Lord.

Do you have a strategy? Are you willing to wait? Are you willing to move?

3. Today is enlistment day. What does that mean to you?

The Armor of God | Shield of Faith and Sword of the Spirit, Day 4

These five devotions were written earlier in the year to include in a booklet for a local youth camp that is held in July. Now that camp is over, I thought I'd share the devotions. Helping Hands Camp is a faith based youth camp that allows campers to provide services and to fulfill clean up and construction projects for those in the community that are unable to do so. 

Theme: Ephesians 6:11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 

Our anchor verse is based of the entire passage from Ephesians 6:10-17. Each daily devotion is based off of that verse.

[NIV Translation, Ephesians 6:10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.]

Shield of Faith and Sword of the Spirit

[16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.]

Psalm 28:7 says “The Lord is my strength and my shield;” Begin practicing a prayerful life now and trying to keep your mind on Christ. The sheer focus alone will prevent you from becoming occupied with worry and fear of daily circumstances. Not only will God’s word and the holy-spirit give you power, strength and encouragement. You will not waste energy trying to resolve the other things that cause you concern.

Hebrews 4:12 says “¹² For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword”. Earlier in the week we identified areas that the devil might attack us in our mind and thoughts. Knowing and using scripture in the moment provides a powerful relief. Even Jesus used scripture against the devil. (See Matthew 4 for an example).

If you keep your shield up, you won’t be caught off guard by the regular blows of life. When attacks strike, swing your sword in response and repeat scripture back at the enemy. It is not having tools or weapons with you that makes you powerful. It’s using them. You need to pick these up daily and use them as they were designed.

Think About It

1. Do you spend time sharpening your sword and polishing your shield or would you say that you need to go home and find them?

2. Do you have examples in your own life where you have used scripture to help you against an attack? Can you share it with the group or a friend during camp? How or when do you know to apply it?

3. Sometimes opportunities are like cross roads.  A series of events will happen if you turn left and a different set will happen if you turn right.  It is important to consider the consequences and opportunities from both directions and to think about what Christ might decide if he were in your shoes. Thinking about what he would do often eliminates some of the options. Trying to mirror his response also shields us from the consequences of choosing poorly.