Fasting to Move Mountains | Testimony

ARE YOU STRUGGLING WITHOUT BREAKTHROUGH? Consider this.

I don’t typically like to talk about this because it feels self-promotional but I don’t really hear too many people talking about fasting and breakthrough so I’m going to assume that most of you don’t either. The Bible already seems ‘old school’ to many so I am sure it’s methods also seem too outdated to be usable in our present age.

Besides what does food and/or giving up something physically have to do with your emotional or spiritual status, or even an unrelated physical issue? –Well, Tony gives an answer to that question in this sermon but let me give you a little testimony to back it up because what he says here is almost verbatim of what I have experienced in the last year.

But first, here are some other examples where it has helped me.

When my grandfather was dying 7 years ago, there was an issue that we were all unaware of. He was out of state. I was unable to handle it and I almost got the police involved on my behalf. I cannot tell you the turmoil of my own emotional state or the upheaval that I was causing in my family trying to get to the bottom of it. I felt led to fast for 3 days without food. At the end of 3 days, I had peace about leaving the situation alone. Thankfully, the issue resolved itself. But my emotional ‘crazy’ left me as well.

Another time over Lent (in an effort to take better care of the body that God gave me) instead of giving up something, I decided to ADD a 10-minute workout each day because it was all that I could incorporate at the time. Thankfully, it led to a pretty regular routine that grew in length. I exercise more now than I ever have. (That may not sound like giving up anything but sometimes our lives are so busy '10 minutes' feels hard to muster.)

I look forward to a daily devotion mid-day, each day, which is another habit that started the same way during a different season of Lent.

I gave up alcohol completely for almost two years. I am not sure if it really qualifies as fasting because I had many pros/cons documented for giving it up. Many of which were little things in my own heart that may not have made sense to anyone else but me at the time. But I also felt like I needed to do so without a definite reason. It was indeed a crutch in my life and giving it up came in at the beginning of one of the hardest seasons of my life.

I gave up coffee for several months, again without knowing why. -Just feeling like I needed to let it go.

I’ve fasted several other times in several other ways over the years. -Sometimes seeing the benefit of the fast right away. Sometimes never learning the why until a very long time after, if at all.

This last fast was indeed a breakthrough of all breakthroughs for me. Last April, my friend Dawn and I started fasting once a week. Sometimes from coffee, sugar, TV, sleep, or a similar thing. Sometimes from dinner one day to dinner the next.

On 'fast' day, we would call each other on the phone because she lives out of state. We would walk during this time before the kids ever got out of bed. We’d catch up on life, and then we would pray about whatever was going on in our lives.

I can’t explain it but I could feel something shifting spiritually within me. (I didn’t notice this other times in my life, so don’t expect this right away and I was not making the connection to fasting at the time.) By September, I began counseling for an issue. This ultimately led to one of the biggest changes of my life, emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc. I can’t get into all of it now. But I found a root problem with ‘fear of failure’ that influenced many things in my life. I also found understanding (which has led to healing) in a battle with anger that also covered a lot of territory in my life.

When Dawn and I started fasting, I didn’t have any idea that it would affect so many areas of my life or in such a big way. I just knew that it had made a difference every time that I had tried before and I wanted to really incorporate its power, more often. We prayed for the ‘thing of the week’, or ‘thing of the month’, or that one thing we couldn’t seem to let go of. But my life was radically changed by the end of the year and it really hasn’t stopped moving since. (Even though I tapered off fasting this year but I am trying to incorporate it again.)

Over, and over, and over again, throughout this transition, I have been reminded of the passage in Matthew 17:21 that says ‘This kind only comes out with Prayer and Fasting’. I even felt like something ‘left me’ this past July that I can only explain as ‘spiritual torment’ even if that sounds a little ‘hinky’.

While she and I thought we were praying for regular old stuff, there was something inside of me that was getting dealt with on a whole other level. –And in the end, it impacted many of those little things that she and I were praying for. Whether or not you see it yet, I can tell you that I am not the same person that I was last year and I know, that I know, that I KNOW, it was because of the power of fasting in my life. She too was recently able to attest of breakthroughs and healing in some areas of her own life which she attributes to our season together.

I am sharing this with you today because one of the things that I have struggled with has been a ‘mountain’ to me for several years. I shared a post one time on Instagram about how when God moves your mountain, it might rock your world, and knock you off your feet, and he might answer in a way that you never expected. –Let me tell you, I thought I was encouraging someone else with that post but that was a premonition for me an EXACT YEAR TO THE DAY of my ‘break’ even though it did NOT feel like a ‘through’.

In this sermon by Tony Evans, he hits on so many personal things that I can attest to. The power of fasting. The power of giving up something of the flesh for something spiritual. The faith of a mustard seed that moves mountains. And how planting that tiny mustard seed of faith might seem small but when it breaks open, it becomes something evident to everyone.

He talks about how the weight of that external mountain is what holds our light in. Your ‘mountain’ is the shell to your faith. When the external breaks, the internal expresses itself. Oh, how I could go on and on.

I’m not a doctor. Consult one if you have concerns. But fasting doesn’t always have to be from food. It could be from an activity or adding an activity. If you don’t feel led to do it, it might not be time for you do so and so there is no reason for shame or guilt. It may be a seed for later. But fasting doesn’t have to be ‘radical’ either. I implore you that if you have been battling something to no avail, PRAYERFULLY, consider how you might be able to incorporate fasting for healing in this area of your life and then do it until it’s done or until you get an answer.

If you try it, then during your fast, every time you get that hunger pang or the urge for the thing, remind yourself that it’s a prompt to pray instead. I will be praying over anyone who accepts this challenge.

If you have EVER fasted and experienced breakthrough, no matter how great or small. Not only do I give you permission to feel awkward, piggybacking, and self-promotional by sharing it in the comments below, but I encourage you and INVITE YOU TO SHARE YOUR TESTIMONY FOR GOD about how you’ve experienced breakthrough in hopes that you may encourage someone, who is silently struggling, to do the same. Now go!

Now here’s the sermon ‘Fasting for Deliverance’ by ‘Tony Evans’.

https://tonyevans.org/tony-evans-sermons/fasting-for-deliverance/

The Language of Emotions | Book Review

I wish that we taught more about emotions and spiritual health in schools and churches. A podcast that I recently listened to said that only about 8% of people are really ‘self-aware’ even though many of us think that we are more aware than what we are. Understanding our emotions is a part of that. Emotions are also a key gateway to our spiritual self. In fact, spiritual healing involves feeling strong emotions and breaking down our ‘disassociation’ with them.

Personally speaking, I have been unable to understand or describe many of my emotions mostly because I didn’t know how to work through them. I thought that I was working through them but instead I was trying to ‘treat’ my emotions instead of letting them treat me. (Deciding what was good or bad and then trying to correct it. Instead of letting them communicate my needs, boundaries, etc.)

I just completed this book 'The Language of Emotions' last month and it has helped (and is helping) me so much! I can see so many of her explanations in my own life. In this book, Karla McLaren says that we don’t choose feelings. They come to us to speak and that we can learn a lot if we just asked them questions. Here are some of the things that she’s has said that I have found proven to be true from my own history. But I wasn’t able to make these connections until her book.

--

Suicidal thoughts aren’t because you want to die. It’s actually because your soul is trying to alert you that you’ve had enough of something in your life and if you’ll just ask these questions, you’ll get immediate answers:

• What needs to end now?
• What can no longer be tolerated in my soul?
• What needs to be killed in my life?

I have been suicidal once in my life. I knew that it was because there was something that I couldn’t get away from. I didn’t want to die but suicide felt like that was the ONLY way out. It took a while before I could change the situation but once I was able to remove myself, the suicidal urges completely stopped! If you’re here, PLEASE ask yourself these questions, then seek help how to change whatever surfaces in your reply. You won’t get locked up just for having thoughts and it’s not anything to be embarrassed about. Please let someone help you navigate this.

-- Anger is a call for better boundaries and a catalyst for change.

-- Shame and anger both are intertwined with many other emotions and are often queues that there are deeper feelings that need to be examined.

-- Sadness brings fluidity to your life, revealing your authentic self and desires. It grounds you to, and helps you move through, other emotions and helps you relax.

-- ‘Stuck sadness’ occurs when anger wasn’t available to help you move through it. (Usually, because we’re taught that anger is bad and so we suppress it.) Sadness supports change and vulnerability. While anger offers stability and protection.

-- Sadness brings water forward to move and soften us.

-- Despair traps water in an unmoving pool. We don’t mourn but instead wallow.

-- Grief is different than both. Instead of bringing the water to us, grief brings us to the water and asks us to plunge under the surface and in doing so be changed forever. Grief is the utterly necessary river of the soul.

-- Fear is related to your intuition but not all fear is bad. (From a completely different angle, another book I recommend here is ‘The Gift of Fear’ by Gavin De Becker. This one helped me started listening to my gut when I frequently found myself in dangerous situations.)

-- If you dam one feeling, you dam them all. If you don’t honor ALL of your emotions, you won’t move into wholeness. The strongest emotions will pretty much repeat themselves (and intensify) until you deal with them.

-- Suffering stops being suffering as soon as we draw a concise picture of it.

-- Separating from the physical can actually help you feel and see your emotions for what they are, like an ‘Eagle eye’ view of the system instead of judging them as good or bad. Feel them. Watch them. Learn from them without judgment. Then you make decisions once you have what you need to know.

-- But when people ‘throw out’ or try to get rid of judgment altogether (because they think it’s ‘bad’), they often lose their ability to discern or process.

-- In people whose emotional processing centers have been destroyed by disease or trauma, they often left unable to make judgments or decisions.

-- Depression is a stop sign. Ask yourself why you're being stopped. I’ve also seen (elsewhere) recently that depression is a sign that we need ‘deep rest’ aka ‘to be still’ to let our emotions talk to us. Clear off the agenda and go sit with yourself for a while. I can even attest that my own depression often comes because I am simply ‘overstimulated’. If I can carve out downtime to rejuvenate that is often the only thing that I needed to do to re-center.  –Nature expedites this for me!

-- Happiness & joy are signs that you're responding appropriately.

This book has been so useful in helping me understand my emotions that I’ve journaled a lot of it and even listened to parts of it twice. I can see it being a point of reference for a LONG time.

You may feel weird with some of her exercises but try them when you need to. You may be pleasantly surprised at how easy and useful they are.

Another tool that has helped me is a feeling wheel and learning the definitions of feelings even when I think that I know what they mean. 

A Word Picture for Being Still

I used to wonder what exactly being still meant. –Like how many relaxing things that I did qualified or met the ‘being still’ requirements. If I laid on the couch all weekend with a good book, movie, or marathon series, was that enough ‘stillness’. If I spent an hour studying my bible and taking notes, wasn’t that time alone with God, the kind of stillness that he desired. –You know, one where we could hear his voice…

You might laugh about this because being still can only imply one thing and yet those of us who hate being still, try to come up with ways to stretch the meaning to accommodate our addictions, desires, and to do lists.

The definition of ‘stillness’ is exactly as it sounds though: ‘The absence of movement or sound.’

But there is a voice that can strike in our heads telling us that there is too much to do and that others are depending on us, as it rattles off a list of all of the things you could be accomplishing in this wasted time.

Even though that definition is simple, it was a struggle for me. Until a few years ago when I was going through a big transition. I don’t remember the exact catalyst but I ended up buying a lawn chair to keep in the van. Then I started trying to stop 3 days a week on the way home to sit outside where ever I could squeeze it in. Even though it was only about 15 minutes. (And no the gist of this post isn’t about a lawn chair. Hang in there.)

Now I did start this time by reading a quick devotion and occasionally saying a prayer or snapping a picture. But then I started the timer. Little did I know ‘how onto something’ I was. I could literally feel the shifting in my life and within.

Since 2015 I have toyed with this time, occasionally even trying out ‘meditation’ with my eyes closed just like you see in pictures, or parked in my van with my head leaned back. 

It wasn’t until I started recovery that I began to ‘get it’.

We all know the benefits of rest. You’ve likely heard statistics about stillness or mindfulness, and I will let you look that up on your own, but for those of you who need a picture to see what stillness looks like, check this out.

I’ve been making a lot of things from scratch lately. One of which is salad dressing/marinade. Mostly because I am trying to be a little healthier but I also want to utilize what I already have on hand instead of buying everything new and already prepared.

When you start making real dressings with olive oil, vinegar, and your own seasonings you have to stir or shake them well before each use because after sitting for a while, what’s inside separates.

The oil or fat rises to the top so it could be removed if needed. While the actual ingredients fall to the bottom, and the vinegar rests in the middle.

We are much the same way. When we are still (without movement or sound), our subconscious and conscious parts of our bodies get to see, and sit with, each other. The things that weigh us down, can rise to the top so that we can sort them, while other things settle on their own. Like the vinegar, it’s in the stillness, that things inside, get cleared up.

While there is nothing wrong with enjoying a good book or marathon series; and there are indeed benefits of rest alone that you can get during this time. Your mind [our minds] need a space to be clear without the chronic ‘stirring up’ that we like to apply. So, that the information that we pour in all day and night, can sort itself.

Somehow it’s in the setting aside for a time that truly allows the ‘spices’ [of our spirit, feelings, interests] to infuse the rest of the body- the essence of who we are becomes bolder, richer, more flavorful.

Yet at the same time, things on the outside seem to respond to our letting go of the power to control it, and they are free to handle themselves. Kind of like Psalms 46:10 implies in ‘Be still and know that I am God.’

I can’t tell you how many times over the last three years, I have been surprised to see that the things that I let go of, really didn’t need me in the solution. Even my creativity is better when I stop thinking about what I can create.

But unlike the dressing, life won’t always have this kind of stillness ‘prepared’ for you. It’s something that you’ll have to make (time for) on your own. It may even take you quite a few tries before you find that you like it. But its health benefits may far outweigh other variations that you’ve tried. Even your smallest efforts have a tremendous impact.

As for me, I’m ready to learn more about meditation, so if you have any useful links, tips, or local classes that have helped you, holla.

I hope you have enjoyed this visual and that it sticks with you in this ‘oh so busy’ life. May you find time to cultivate and reap from your own stillness. For now, peace be with you.

--

Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; like a weaned child rests against his mother, my soul is like a weaned child within me. –Psalm 131:2

--

Teach me, and I will be silent. Make me understand how I have gone astray. -Job 6:24

--

The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still. –Exodus 14:14

A Hand With Recovery

Bruce Lee is quoted as saying that ‘those who are unaware they are walking in darkness will never seek the light’.

It’s easy to think darkness is all about sin, or crime, or things that other people do to offend our own value system. But what about plain ole’ ‘stressful’ places in our lives, or in our own heart?

If you’ve never experienced peace or felt what it’s like to be healthy, or if you have never seen the fullness of real light, it would be hard to recognize that you’re not even in it. The condition of your life, or thoughts, or soul, may be the only condition that you’ve known. So, even when we’re ‘feeling better’ we may not see that something is still out of line.

Now I’ve been sharing a lot of testimonies about recovery and counseling lately because it’s made such a HUGE impact on me.

But did you know that scripture even says that ‘where there is no guidance the people fall, but in an abundance of counselors there is victory.’ - Proverbs 11:14

Proverbs 15:22 pretty much repeats that verse but various translations say that ‘plans fail’ and that we are even frustrated by a lack of counsel. It is with many advisers that we succeed.

Did you catch that— more than one counselor or confidant?

So not only should you talk to a counselor; you should actually talk to a few people that you respect and trust, and who are in a position to help you.

That doesn’t necessarily mean that we need to consult everyone that we see. But we should be selective and consider people in various positions to get their advice.

If you have an idea about what your issue is, get a book on the subject. Then talk to a counselor or coach who specializes in this sort of thing. Also, talk to a mentor or boss if you’re comfortable. Talk to your pastor, a recovery group, your spouse and/or best friend.

All of these people are human, like you and I. None of them will have all of the answers. Sometimes they will even give bad advice. But, collecting more than one answer or perspective will give you more ingredients so that you can omit and/or blend it all into your own perfect solution.

But it’s not always their advice that you need. Sometimes you need their questions. The things that they make you think about or ask that you wouldn’t have otherwise. 

In fact, it was in one of these conversations that someone picked up on something I said in passing… I was blind to my own ‘plank’ so to speak. My counselor said ‘whoa, repeat what you just said…. Let’s talk about that…’

That conversation was the exact one that I needed to have and it was not the reason that I was going to a counselor in the first place. I thought this area of my life was pretty taken care of.

But make no mistake, no matter how glorious I make this experience sound, recovery can start violently, painfully, and very unattractively. You have to be willing to hear opinions you disagree with and maybe even experience judgment from others. You’re right to want to resist it.

We all have different issues and we each will handle them in completely different ways. Recovery isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ kind of drill. You may have to be fiercely protective of what you’re trying to accomplish.

As for me, this past year has forced me to make a lot of hard decisions. Decisions that broke my own heart and hurt others. Decisions that brought me peace (which I am not really sure that I have ever had before). Decisions that challenged what I believed. As a result, I believe that I had a spiritual awakening.  It brought with it a level of crazy that I didn’t know that I had in me. I also cried from a place that I didn’t know could run that deep.

But another thing surprised me.

In the early weeks of my Celebrate Recovery class, we had to write a letter to ourselves with the things that we hope to accomplish over the next few months. At the end of our class (approximately 9 months later), our letters are mailed to each of us.

I was pretty sure that I remembered what my letter said and for the most part, I did. Except at the very end of it, I wrote: “I am very excited about knowing and becoming friends with me.”

On this side of all of my therapy and at 39 years old, I can finally say that I am. No matter how many things I don’t know, or how messy things are around me, or how much I realize that I don’t have it together and can make some pretty big messes on my own… something has happened and I finally like the girl on this side of the screen.

-The girl that I want to be, and the girl that I know I have been, are now friends.

I could visibly see differences in my classmates (that were doing the work) as well.

But life is sort of funny, ya know.

I don’t really know what happened in 2016 but that’s when I first learned my counselor’s name. A friend had just completed some time with him and spoke of how impactful that time was. But I had just finished a round of counseling myself with a different lady regarding a transition in my job, so I didn’t feel like I needed to start a new relationship or another round just then.

That’s also the first time that a Celebrate Recovery class crossed my path. I knew that I needed to take it but wasn’t sure why. Yet at the exact same time, I opted to lead another 31-week class instead.

(And it’s not really related to this post but on a side note, it’s also the year that I started writing text for greeting cards. I just stored random comments in an excel file until I figured out what was going to happen with it if anything.)

And yet all of these things came to fruition at the same time, two years later.

I know that I was exactly where I was supposed to be and that things happened exactly as they should have, and when they should have. But knowing what I know now, I wish that I had started this journey back then.

At the beginning of this post, I asked ‘why seek it?’ in reference to counseling.

Aside from becoming friends with myself, and learning roots to issues, I can tell you that I have struggled for a while with my memory, depression, insomnia, anger, frustration, anxiety etc… I can see a significant improvement in each of these areas. I also see differences in my relationships with others as well.  But aside from those physical and tangible differences, Proverbs 12:15 also says:

 ‘The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel.’  

I don’t like to call anyone a fool. I believe that we’re all doing the best that we can. But sometimes our best intentions can make us struggle more than necessary. (Like fighting so hard to do something on our own.) Which does seem a little foolish in hindsight. Especially if we know that there is a better or easier way.

I can’t repeat enough the value of what this process has been for me…

This week is the last week that you can sign up for the recovery classes that just started. For those of you who have been considering it, I urge you to start it now. I will pray buckets of blessings over you on your way.

And you might even make a new friend along the way...

Celebrate Recovery Step Study

Taking place at Northside Church

Women’s class – Sunday nights at 5:00pm

Men’s class – Tuesday nights at 6:30pm

1300 George Washington Memorial Highway,

Yorktown, VA 23693

757.595.5890

http://www.crnorthsidecc.org/step-study.html

If you’d like to attend but do not live near me, use this link to find a class near you.

Insight Neurofeedback and Counseling

Terry Troyer

354 McLaws Circle, Suite 3
Williamsburg, VA 23185

757-345-5802

https://www.insightnf.com/

It’s not hard to change. It’s only hard to change if you don’t truly and totally want the change just yet. –Bentinho Massaro

It’s all in what you believe…. Check your filter.

I have been sharing several of my Celebrate Recovery testimonies lately. But before I started this 12-Step program, I went to see a counselor. Now, I have been to counselors before for various reasons. Some of them with great success. Some of them were mediocre experiences, maybe even pointless. This time, it changed my life! I’ll share his contact info at the end of this post for anyone who is interested but first I want to tell you about my experience.

The Experience

Have you ever heard the song Turn, Turn, Turn by the Byrds? The lyrics to the song are actually a good chunk of Ecclesiastes 3.  The verses tell us that there is a time and a season for everything under heaven. Other work that I could have been doing on my own could have led me to this exact junction- where it was the right time for me to finally ‘get it’. Or perhaps this guy had superpowers. I believe that it was a little of both.

Terry, my counselor, happens to be an Anglican priest. (Now don’t check out because there is a religious affiliation or because his affiliation is different than yours.) He will discuss this with you at the very beginning of the session. You can choose how much or how little of this you want in your therapy. I, of course, wanted the whole shebang.

During the sessions, he uses a whiteboard to draw out a table. Then he explains how you and I don’t do anything unless we ‘feel’ like it. Your action is tied to an emotion. That emotion is first tied to a thought. Our thoughts are so ‘fast and furious’ that they happen in NANO seconds. So we don’t even realize that we’re thinking them. The next thing we know we’re down some bunny trail in our head… and getting worked up.

He’ll give you a formula to help you catch yourself. (And it will take a while for you to get in a good practice of using it. I certainly haven’t mastered it.)

THEN he starts working with your beliefs.

Everything that you and I think is first tied to our belief system. For a lot of us (probably all of us), we’re built on a ‘limiting’ belief system. The fear of failure, rejection, punishment, and shame. Then he talks you through the opposite of those beliefs in order of their contrasting partner: justification, reconciliation, propitiation, and redemption.

All of this is in the table too and in each session, you’ll pick back up right where you left off in the last session. He takes good notes and redraws the table every time. (You should take a notebook in case you want to take notes too.)

Now you’re probably like, how the heck is that going to help me? But LET ME TELL YOU…. He will blow your mind. Especially if you come in with some examples of ‘crap gone wrong’ in your day-to-day. He will show you how that’s tied to your faulty belief system.

I can’t remember every example that we worked through. There were big ones. There were little ones. But it got to a point where I couldn’t wait to tell him about some issue that I was having so he could show me what the heck was off in the scenario. And I’m kind of a mess so there is always good content to use. Haha.

Anyway, EVERY single time, it was fear of failure and I never saw it in the ‘heat of the moment’. In fact, one of the few scenarios that I do remember from our sessions involved my daughter, a hockey cleat, and a fit between both of us.

The Scenario/Example

Every time we left hockey practice, I would make Sophie put all of her gear back in her bag. I was kind of crazy about making her put it away before we ever left the field because if she carries it to the car, and drops or forgets something, I won’t notice. My mind will have moved on to the next ‘to do’ before ever leaving the field. So, for my sanity. I need to know that it’s where it’s supposed to be because she’s still trying to get a handle on keeping track of stuff too.

Anyway, so all items SHOULD have been in the bag before the next game day. I watched her put them in there. Then game day comes along. I tell her, Hey Soph, we have to leave in an hour. Please go into your room and get dressed. Double check your bag to make sure it’s all in there. (This sounds neurotic and sometimes it is. But sometimes they also pull everything out and lose it, during play, just for funsies, or to test my sanity. I dunno.)

Sophie disappears for a while. Then returns. She assures me that she has it all together. She’s wearing the uniform. It’s a positive sign. She runs out the door to play with her friends. 30 minutes later she comes in and I notice that she’s not wearing cleats. She assures me that she has them but she doesn’t want to wear them because they are playing on the trampoline. I’m hesitant to accept this but she’s already out the door again before I decide.

Five minutes before walking out the door. I tell Sophie to send her friends home and to go put her cleats on. After the friends leave, she disappears down the hallway to her room. Then hysterically comes back ‘I can’t find one of my cleats! I SWEAR I just had it, momma.’

(See what I mean…?)

Now, I’m still growing in my patience area. I try not to be a control freak and a helicopter mother but dang it I have no idea how to balance this ‘let you do it, but also make sure that it gets done…’ They’re kind of a contradiction. Haha

I’m irritated now. I kind of want her to know it. She did have opportunities to get it together.

We’re just going to gloss over how many opportunities God gives me to do the same.

She completely shuts down in the hallway, crying like the world is ending. Meanwhile, I am swiftly overturning the universe in her room looking for a NEON YELLOW cleat that should be on the surface somewhere if we really ‘just had it’. –And I hate being late.

I find the cleat.

Would you like to know where it was???? I know you do…

It was under her bed.

But not just under her bed. It was all the way back, by a wall, behind a village of trolls and protected by the frontline of clothes and stuffed animals or something. I mean really, I have no idea how the heck it got there. The trolls weren’t there so I couldn’t ask them. I have no idea why they would take her cleat and put it there in the first place. It wasn’t a very nice thing to do. Especially before a game…

But we’re both in an emotional tizzy now because I cannot figure out how to get my kids (or life) together without being responsible for it all…

Next session- I CAN’T WAIT to tell Terry about the scenario. “–What the heck just happened here??? This happens all of the time. Can you please help me???”

He smirks a little and says ‘Sure. That’s fear of failure.’

I’m confused: ‘Wait- ‘What? For me or for her?’

Terry: ‘You.’

Me: How’s that failure for me over her cleat. I could care less about cleats. That was on her. It was hers and she couldn’t find it? Just stating the obvious.

He goes onto say that he would have taken her barefoot to the game. And before I can say it, he adds [paraphrased of course] that we know she wouldn’t be able to play. She’d have to sit on the sidelines. This, of course, would ‘let the team down’ and since I am her mother, I should have her ‘more together’. So her ‘not being ready’, is a reflection of my not doing what I think I ought to be doing right… ahem, failure on my part.

**poof** mind blown.

Then he says that if I let her go without the cleat. We would have been on time. AND she’d either be so embarrassed about not having her cleat, or disappointed about not getting to play, (or both) that she’d be sure to have it next time, or she’d get the hang of it pretty soon.

I am speechless, while slightly relieved AND annoyed.

This happens over and over again in my sessions. (You can trust that we talked about more than hockey.)

Each time, he draws on the board. We track it back to one of those ‘nanosecond thoughts’ that was connected to a belief. –And because that thought, led to a feeling, I reacted…’ grrrr.

But I also learned that some things that I thought were failures on my part, were actually just natural consequences or results of other things that may not have been my responsibility or sole responsibility in the first place.

RELIEF like I have never felt before washes over me.

Then another wave of anger about how much I torture myself over things that may not even be my fault.

Heck, he even told me that I knew more scripture than a lot of the people that he counseled and that we could go deeper than some other sessions but that I didn’t ‘use it right’. **Slap in the face** It turns out that even though I am a pretty spiritual person, I am also a rule follower which makes me a little legalistic in a few areas. Even though, I try so hard not to be…

Now, switching gears for a minute

I shared a post recently about how our beliefs can become masks. And boy are they! They are also like filters. Our belief system colors everything that we see, hear, think, feel and touch.

Everything gets processed through that filter. –The mask of how we see the situation.

Just to be more specific, it filters the way that we interpret conversations and dialogue in relationships like feedback. It filters how we decide what someone means with their actions or intentions. It even translates what we take in and interpret from sermons, scripture, and the internal voices that we listen too.

Our masks/filters can have a lot of blind spots/blockages too.

As a friend recently said, you can’t get away from yourself, and it’s true. Your belief system is with you everywhere you go. So, if your belief system has a problem or glitch in it; then when you’re trying to come up with a solution to something, your original problem [belief system] is going to be in it. It can throw the whole calculation off.  -That kind of ‘equating’ will be in everything that you do, everywhere you go. (Not just hockey cleats.)

Shift again

Now I’ve only been chewing on this next ‘aha’ for about a week. So, hopefully, God can put the same punch behind it when you get to it.

If a faulty belief system can make you doubt yourself, God, or God in you. Then when we face situations, we can allow those events to mold or define us. Then we’re giving other events and people more power to influence our life, instead of us learning from and becoming the influencers ourselves. -You know, using what we’re born with [and honing in on] our heart, our instincts, intuition, and faith.

[The punch is coming, tune in]

This is especially important to note when it comes to a negative event. If we let a negative event define us (or cause us to shrink back); is it possible that we’re shaping ourselves to fit perfectly (or even better) with more of those kinds of events?

Could it be that our vessel becomes an easier device for capturing those kinds of things…Gah!

-          

Um, God didn’t make us for THAT!

-           

Then Romans 12:2 hit me. ‘Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.’

I think it’s fair to say that most of us take ‘conforming to the world’ to mean ‘do not be like the ungodly and/or to let our fleshly desires run our lives’.

But from another angle wouldn’t backing down because we’re afraid of what people think, or because we don’t want to hurt feelings, also be conforming to the world?

Wouldn’t letting insecurity (I can’t do) or even our pride (I deserve this) be letting the ego run our course? And wouldn’t that also be like conforming to the flesh in another way, instead of leading with the divine light within?

The other part of that verse says to renew your mind. Since our beliefs and thoughts happen in nanoseconds, we need to be on point about renewing it as well. So this is not just a daily thing but it could be a minute by minute thing. –And your emotions could be a spectacular queue that you haven’t checked yourself in a little while. –Ahem, or checked that filter and cleaned the goop out. At the end of this post, I will include some things that have really helped me renew my mind in the last few months. They’re pretty stinking amazing when I remember to put them into practice.

For now, let’s wrap this up.

I don’t know what, if any, part of this resonates with you but we all have some sort of issue that we’re working on. We all have something off in our belief system too. (I know that I still do even with this new revelation.) This post isn’t just about personal limiting beliefs. Sure, you may already have a set of beliefs about how much you can handle or what you think the solution is. But it’s also about our limiting beliefs regarding others. You may have beliefs about who God is or is not, or how you expect him to handle things. You probably also have beliefs about what counseling can or can’t do.

It’s also true that Counseling, a 12-step program, or even a savior won’t fix all of your problems in one fair sweep. In fact, many of our issues get a little messier, at least at first. –Because we start unpacking things and have to get a little dirty. But it has to start somewhere….

Maybe like the Byrd song, your time is now.

And getting to the bottom of something…. Despite the help or mess that it took to get there, isn’t that a reason to celebrate?

I’m celebrating with you. You can do it! Here’s information about my counselor and also about a Celebrate Recovery Step Study Program that you can still join for a limited time.

Insight Neurofeedback and Counseling

Terry Troyer

354 McLaws Circle, Suite 3
Williamsburg, VA 23185

757-345-5802

https://www.insightnf.com/

Celebrate Recovery Step Study

Taking place at Northside Church

Women’s class – Sunday nights at 5:00pm

Men’s class – Tuesday nights at 6:30pm

1300 George Washington Memorial Highway,

Yorktown, VA 23693

757.595.5890

http://www.crnorthsidecc.org/step-study.html

As for those ways to renew your mind, print out the following questions or take a picture/screen shot of them in your phone. The next time you’re in the heat of a moment, run through the list. (I am trying to do the same. Remember, it’s a practice.)

1. Ask yourself if it’s true? Do you know for certain that the thing you’re ruminating over is true? A lot of times we make assumptions, even judgments, about the situation, about others, and about ourselves. If it’s not a fact, then it may not be true at all. There is no reason to waste time on something that isn’t even real. If you’re getting wound up, stop and ask yourself if it’s true. (That’s part of that calculation from Terry!)
2. Are you in the now? The following quote comes from the book ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle and it’s a rich one. “All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry – all forms of fear – are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.” The next time you’re all worked up also ask yourself if you’re in the present moment or are you going back to the past or leaping into the future. If you can just focus on and be in the moment of what you’re doing now, that helps a lot. It also makes life more enjoyable.
3. Are you judging it? When something negative does happen, even if it’s a result of your actions, don’t beat yourself up for it. It’s now in the past. Judging yourself, others or an event is a sin but it often takes you down that ruminating path again. Ask what you can learn from it, then figure out how to apply it. (That comes from a different book called ‘Change Your Questions, Change Your Life’ by Marilee Adams)
4. Slow your life down. Part of the problem is that we’re too darn busy. (Kind of like leaving the hockey field with my daughter and I’m ‘in the future’ thinking about the next to do.) Sometimes life offers no spare time. But more times than not it does. We’re the ones creating such busy schedules. It takes just as much effort to clear it. It has been much easier for me to ‘check myself’ when I am not in a rush to something else. Which means that it also helps me not react because there’s time to process or take a break when I need to.
5. Prayer and Meditation. There aren’t enough things that I could say here. Whether it’s meditation on scripture or meditation by stillness, there are benefits to both. –But that’s a whole separate post. Prayer is also one of those things that should never be a last resort. At least for me, it’s the first place to start.