My Cross | Part Two

(If you are reading this, please know this this is a 3 part story. It is recommended that you read part one before continuing.)

Many years ago, I had a brief relationship with a man and I became pregnant. While neither of us knew each other well, we intended to embrace this child. It became obvious, at least to me, almost immediately that we were not necessarily a good pairing.

When I called him on a Tuesday night to break it off, he became angry. I do not dispute that he had good reason. However, he began to say some really dark things and one of which was that he was going to wait nine months, kill me and take the baby.

I get that anger is a mask. His probably covered fear. If I had to guess, I'd say fear of what our separation might mean to his role of fatherhood. I had intended to live within walking distance of him our whole lives so that we could share our roles, but he didn't ask me for clarification.

In my most afraid moments, I've never threatened someone's life, even if I didn't mean it. Unfortunately, I didn't ask him for clarification either. I too became afraid and I panicked.

In a moment, I forgot about how I said that I would "never have an abortion." In a moment, I forgot about my pro-life bumper stickers and anything more important that I might need to consider. I thought to myself, if he can kill me, what might he do to my child and I might not be here to protect him or her. I don't want my baby to suffer. Do something now before it's too late.  I called the clinic the next morning and had an abortion the next day.

Don't try to compare how his potential harm could be any worse that what I did. You will never reconcile that. I know, I have tried. Some of you might even be willing to dispute choices, rights or values but if God thought enough of a life to make it, who are you and I to question it's validity or purpose.

We could dispute timing and whether or not or even when a life becomes a life, but Mark 10:9 says "What God has joined together, let no man separate." Is a child not joined together in a mothers womb, even as a fetus or an embryo?

It doesn't matter where you stand on that platform. I've been on both sides and no matter what I thought that I would do, I became capable of something else that I couldn't fathom, in that moment of having to choose.

From the other side of that fence, I will tell you this- It does not matter what age or function you, I, or even science can define, there is a maternal connection from the moment of conception. The SOUL knows about the mysterious and divine purpose of what is growing inside. Science, medicine, the advice of peers, the facts on paper, the environment we're in- NOTHING that aides in the decision for choosing an abortion will ever prepare a woman for the grief and the guilt that follows it.

I share my cross, because if you are pregnant, whether or not you believe in certain rights; if you have found your self considering an abortion. I beg you to petition your heart. Seek more than the mere council at the clinic or your peers. It is not a quick decision or a simple choice. It is a cross road. Once you go down it, there is no undoing it. While some may be shielded from the aftermath, there are many who would say that a part of your soul dies along with that child. Deut 30:19 says "Choose life, so that you may also live!"

My perspective is certainly from the mother's side but there are also fathers that share this burden. Whether it's a man or woman, there is someone reading this that doesn't know that there is still hope "for a sinner like me." They are still trapped in that darkness and it's likely that they would never find their way to healing because they just don't know that they are still worth it or that there is help available. I didn't know that there was a bible study for abortion, but it was life changing. I share my story because I want to help change someones life. And in doing so, I get to also talk about my other child.

I write this for a genuine love for Christ and his people and an appraisal of my faith. I can't know this and then not do something with it. Not everyone is as "personal" as I am. It seems so wasteful to have a gift like that and then not use it for the glory of his kingdom.

This will sound so cliche but it was only Jesus that saved me from the pain of what I'd done. So, this is my cross. I lay it at your feet. Use it as a bridge to cross over if you need to...

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Mathew 11:28)

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If you know me or live near me, please also know that I've spoken with my preacher about leading these classes. You can message me if you want to be notified about the details. If you're not near me, you can check out this link for more information. http://www.nlfs.org/postabortion/. There are also other studies that you can research. Just search post abortion bible study. Most material also has an outreach for men.

The Other Side Of that Dirty Word | Part Three