Faith Unfolding: An Anniversary Present

Monday was our 13th wedding anniversary. I am thankful that I can honestly say that our marriage is better than it's ever been. I look back sometimes when we were younger and I think "Gosh, how did I think that I was in love then?" This [place that we are now] is really love and I am so glad that we have fought so hard to get here! I'm glad that we waited time out and kept trying to make us better! -Not to say that marriage is so hard but there are definitely hard things about marriage and you must go through them in order to get here.

I am thankful and undeserving and inspired...

Now changing directions but only for a moment.

I'm not sure how it happened but a couple of years ago, I started thinking about words or phrases for the year. Like when I started really challenging my faith, "New thing" and "Own it" just kept circulating.

This year some of my words are "Bold", "The Body", "Such a time as this" (from a study on Esther), and "Matriarch". I do believe that the words represent where I am going spiritually and that the Lord uses them to align me when I am unsure. When I start to chicken out about something or if I wonder what the Lord wants me to do, many of those words come back to the surface. I find my answer.

I think that Matriarch is a funny one. It's kind of a strange word but it's deep in my heart. It started as a prayer from a young girl wanting to have many descendants and a huge family over for dinner after church on Sunday, every Sunday.

It's kind of like "Big Mama" but I didn't want to pray for that "Big" part. Colin and I used to joke that I would be "Skinny Mama" instead. I added it to, what is kind of like, a list of affirmations or mini prayers. I would many times say them while going through my morning routine; between scriptures and brushing teeth, between the to do list and "Get your shoes on..."

Then one day I heard Sophie trying to repeat her own version and "Skinny Mama" was one of two that she remembered from my list. Her emphasis on "Skinny" suddenly sounded like a threat and so I dropped the line altogether. Simply trusting that he knows my heart.

Somehow, [in that Godly coincidental kind of way] I was studying the body and thinking about my roles at church, at work, in my family and on our compound (what we lovingly call of our families houses that butt up together)... Matriarch just started circling.

It helps me remember that my decisions need to not be about me but about the group of us -in any of those groups. It's a role that represents a knowing and an ability to hold everyone together because of that knowing. Sometimes it's a hard title to work toward because of the responsibility. What a wonderful "position" to be proud or worthy of. ...If God could somehow ever make me, a matriarch.

Then one day in an unexpected text from your husband on your anniversary you see it. (And because it's so personal, I hope he doesn't kill me for sharing it. He and I are the King and Queen of sloppy texting, so excuse that too.)

"My life becomes Moore incredible by the day watching u grow from my fifteen year old girlfriend to a woman and now into a family matriark don't think i spelled that rite but hopefully u understand. I thank God all the time for his blessings."

There are too many glimmers in this one text that surpass any kind of trinket that could ever come in a box with a bow.

It's not just the boy that I fell in love with but the man that God has given me- The history of who we've been and the promise of who we are becoming. Glimmer.

Even his use of the word matriarch, a word that I have never told anyone, not even him. Glimmer.

To see that he, this man that I love, is on the other side of us praying to the same incredible God that I also love so very much. Glimmer.

But is God telling him my secrets?? Even the ones that I don't think to tell? Weaving glimmers into us, even when I don't know the words?

Even the timing of this message during such a "bad girl" week for me in regards to my attitude and weaknesses. I see the significance and the promise. What a glimmer it is to be able to see.

He shows me that we are not only the things that we are in this moment. We are more than a bad day or private struggle. We are growing, building and ever changing into... The same sentiment resurfaces for us each but this time individually; We are more than the history of who we are but the promise of who we become. Another glimmer or two.

For it is God that reminds me of what love is. It is God that really does know the desires of my heart and pools them together and folds them back into and out of my heart again. Glimmer.

And he does so again and again in the shape and by the offering of this man. Glimmer.

And not only the gift that he offers, but also by my acceptance of the gift of this man; he further shapes me and what I offer back in return. Glimmer.

Yes, this is far more than an anniversary present. It is a TRUE reminder of promises and evidence to me, that God is working.

For I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine. -Solomon 6:3